Deadpool

Yeah, but this ain't a life worth livin' is it? [wiggles his katana] Now, I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90's. [raises his fist to punch Francis, but is stopped by a loud clang, and feels something metallic, which is Colossus' crotch] [confused] Dad?

Deadpool (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Dopinder: Uh, why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool? Wade Wilson: Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. And I'm after someone on my naughty list. I've been waiting one year, three weeks, six days and, oh... [checking his Adventure Time themed watch] fourteen minutes to make him fix what he did to me. Dopinder: And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool? Wade: This shit. [lifts his mask, showing his scarred face] Boo!

Deadpool (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Wade: Do you happen to know a Meghan "Orflowsky"- gettin' that right? "Orflasky"? "Orlovsy"? [Jeremy nods] Yeah? Good. 'Cause she knows you. Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down. And little Meghan, she's not made of money, but lucky for her, I got a soft spot. Jeremy: [nervously] I'm, uh– Wade: A stalker. [points his knife at Jeremy] Threats hurt, Jer, though not nearly as much as serrated steel. So keep away from Meghan. Cool? Jeremy: Yes– Yes, sir. Wade: Then we're done. [puts the knife away] Jeremy: Wait, we... we are? Wade: Yeah, totally done! [to Merchant, as they both start laughing] You should have seen your face! Merchant: I didn't know what to do. I was so scared! Wade: Soft spot, remember? [suddenly grabs Jeremy by the neck and throws him up against a wall] You even look in her general direction again, and you'll learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots, too. [pauses for a moment] That came out wrong. Or did it? [k

Deadpool (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Wade: I've been traveling to exotic places. Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville, meeting new and exciting people. And then-- Weasel: Killing them, I know. I saw your Instagram. What was special forces doing in Jacksonville anyways? Wade: That's classified. [whispering] They have a wonderful T.G.I. Friday's.

Deadpool (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Vanessa: Hey, hands off the merchandise. Wade: Merchandise, huh? So, you, uh... bump fuzzies for money? Vanessa: Yup. Wade: Rough childhood? Vanessa: Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born. Wade: Daddy left before I was conceived. Vanessa: Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin? Wade: Where else do you put one out? Vanessa: I was molested. Wade: Me too. Uncle. Vanessa: Uncles. They took turns. Wade: I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet, which also happens to be my– Vanessa: Your bedroom. Lucky, I slept in a dishwasher box. Wade: [gasps] You had a dishwasher? I didn't even know sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix, and clown porn. Vanessa: [laughs] Who would do such a thing? Wade: Hopefully you, later tonight? Hey, what can I get for, [looks at his wallet] uh, $275 and a... Yogurtland rewards card? Vanessa: Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want. [takes the rewards card, sticks it in Wade's mouth] And a

Deadpool (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Vanessa: [After playing skee-ball with Wade] Well, I hate to break it to you, but your 48 minutes are up. Wade: Hey, how many more minutes can I get for this? [Hands her the Voltron ring he won] FYI, five mini lion-bots come together to form one super-bot, so... Vanessa: Five mini-lion bots?! [Deadpan] Three minutes. Wade: Deal. What do we do with the remaining two minutes, 37 seconds? Vanessa: ...Cuddle?

Deadpool (film), CC BY-SA 4.0