Quotes

Others

Jane Smith: Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet. Eddie: I live with my mom because I choose to. She's the only woman I've ever trusted.

Dialogue

John: Ok, I'll go first. let me see... um... We don't really need to be here. See, we've been married for five years. Jane: Six. John: [chastened] Five or six years.

Dialogue

Counselor: How often do you have sex? Jane: I don't understand the question. John: Yeah I'm lost, is this a one to ten thing? Jane: Yeah, is, like, ten nothing or one? 'Cause tech- technically speaking, zero would be nothing. Counselor: How 'bout this week? John: Including the weekends?

Dialogue

Jane: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don't say to each other. What's that called? Marriage Counselor: Marriage.

Dialogue

Jane: If you don't like them we can take them back. John: All right, I don't like them. Jane: [pause] You'll get used to them.

Dialogue

John: Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like. Jane: Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.

Dialogue

Jane: Promise me to leave the town or I will blow it. John: Ok... I give up. Please blow it. Jane: Excuse me. What? John: Go on. Blow it. Jane: You think I won't? John: I think you won't. Jane: OK. Five. Four. Any last words? John: Your new curtains are hideous. Jane: Goodbye John. [Janet hit's the PC keyboard and the bomb detonates. The monitor screen blacks out.] What the hell is this? Janet: You said Goodbye.

Dialogue

John: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before. [Jane slams on the brakes] Ow! Are you insane? What's wrong with you!? Jane: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me! John: It was a drunken Vegas thing. Jane: Oh, that's better! That's much better! [pause] What's her name and social security number? John: No, you're not gonna kill her.

Dialogue

Jane: You deviated from the plan. John: The plan was flawed. Jane: The plan was not flawed. John: Anal. Jane: Organized. John: Jane, 90% of this job is instinct. Jane: Well, your instinct set off every alarm of the building. John: My instinct got the job done. It may not have been Jane Show... Jane: No! It was John Show. It was half-assed. Like Christmas, like our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present. John: Your fake mother's birthday present. Jane: The point is, you are always the first to break team. John: You don't want a team. You want a servant to hire. Jane: I want someone I can count on. John: [sigh] Jane, there is no air around you any more. Janeh: Oh, what is that supposed to mean? John: That means there is no room for mistakes, whatsoever. No mistakes. No spontaneity. Who can answer that? Jane: Well, you don't have to. Because this is not even a real marriage! Danz: Who are you people? Jane: Shut up!!

Dialogue

Counselor: At the scale of one to ten, how happy are you in this marriage? Jane: [quickly] Eight. John: Wait, is ten perfectly happy or...? Counselor: Just respond instinctively. John: [turns to Jane] You ready? Jane: Yeah. Together: Eight.