Quotes

Dialogue

Penguin: Ah, what have we here?... [takes out a flask, opening it and pouring an eerie green liquid out that dissolves a slab of stone] A batch of toxic waste, from your "clean textile plant". There's a whole lagoon of this crud in the back! [sets aside flask] Max: That could've come from anywhere. Penguin: What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham City? Max: If there were such documents, and that's not an admission, I would have seen to it they were shredded. Penguin: [grins] Good idea... [shows shredded papers stuck back together] A lot of tape and a little patience make all the difference. By the way, how's Fred Adkins, your old partner? Max: Fred? Fred's actually...I believe he's on extended vacation. He's, uh, he's good. Penguin: [chuckles sinisterly] "Good"... [pulls out a severed hand, goes into scary voice] "Hiya, Max! Remember me?! I'm Fred's hand! Yeah, you wanna greet any other body parts?!" [normal] Remember, Max: you flush it, I flaunt it. Ma

Dialogue

Security Guard 1: Who is she? Security Guard 2: What is she? I don't know whether to open fire or fall in love... Catwoman: You poor guys. Always confusing your pistols with your privates. [disarms both guards with her whip] Security Guard 1: Don't hurt us, lady! Our take-home's less than $300! Catwoman: You're overpaid. Hit the road!

Dialogue

Batman: Admiring your handiwork? Penguin: Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff. Batman: You're not the mayor. Penguin: Things change. Batman: What do you want? Penguin: Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask! [laughs, then turns serious] You don't really think you'll win, do you? Batman: Things change. Catwoman: Meow. Penguin: [to Batman] I saw her first. Gotta fly! [activates his helicopter umbrella and rises away, waving cheerfully]

Dialogue

Catwoman: Did somebody say Fish? I haven't been fed this morning. Batman: Eat floor. It'll be good for you; high in fiber.

Dialogue

Penguin: My babies...did you miss me? Red Triangle Thin Clown: Great speech, Oswald! Penguin: [punches him aside with his umbrella] MY NAME IS NOT OSWALD! IT'S PENGUIN!! I AM NOT A HUMAN BEING!!! I AM AN ANIMAL!!! COLD-BLOODED!!! CRANK THE A.C.!!! WHERE ARE MY LISTS?! BRING ME THE NAMES!!! [a henchman passes him some papers, which he gives to everyone] Ah! It's time...These are the names of the firstborn sons of Gotham City, just like I was. And like me, a terrible fate waits for them. Tonight, while their parents party, they'll be dreaming away in their safe cribs, their soft beds - AND WE WILL SNATCH THEM, CARRY THEM INTO THE SEWER, AND TOSS THEM INTO A DEEP, DARK WATERY GRAVE...! Red Triangle Fat Clown: [last words] Erm...Penguin? I mean, killing sleeping children...isn't that a little, uh...? Penguin: [shoots clown with gun umbrella] No! It's a LOT "uh"! [kicks the dead henchman into the sewage river]

Dialogue

Max Shreck: Ingenious costume, let me guess. Trust-fund goody-goody. Bruce Wayne: Feeling good, huh? Yeah, well, you almost made a monster of the Mayor of Gotham City. Shreck: I am the light of this city...and I am its mean, twisted soul. Does it matter who's Mayor? Wayne: It does to me. Shreck: Yawn.

Dialogue

Penguin: You didn't invite me, so I crashed! [laughs] Gotham Mayor: What do you want? Penguin: Right now, my troops are fanning out across town - for your children! [crowd gasps] Yes! For your first-born sons! The ones you left helpless at home, so you could dress up like jerks, get juiced, and dance...BADLY! I've personally come for Gotham's favorite son, Mr. Chip Shreck! You're coming with me, you great white dope! To die, way down in the sewer! Max: Not Chip! If you have an iota of human feeling, take me instead! Penguin: [pretends to think for a moment] I don't. So no! Max: I'm the one you want! Ask yourself. Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you, eh? Isn't it Max, not Chip, who you want to see immersed to his eyeballs in raw sewage? Penguin: [reluctantly agrees] Okay, you've got a point. I'll let the little prince live for now. [hits Chip and gestures to Max] Now, in the duck!

Dialogue

Max: [after being pulled out of the water by Catwoman] I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you, with a minimal fuss. [lashes her whip at him] Money. Jewels. A very big ball of string. [tries to run away] Catwoman: [captures him with her whip and pulls him back to her] Your blood, Max. Max: My blood, I gave at the office. Catwoman: A half-pint. I'm talking gallons. Max: Let's make a deal. Now that I've got my blood, what I can do for you? Catwoman: Sorry, Max. A die for a die. Max: [to Batman] You're not just saving a life, you're saving... Batman: [pushes him away] Shut up. You're going to jail. Catwoman: [to Batman] Don't be naīve! The law doesn't apply to people like him or us! Batman: Wrong on both counts. Why are you doing this? Let's just take him to the police...then, we can go home...together. Selina... [Max is shocked] don't you see? We're the same. We're the same...Split right down the center. [pulls off his mask, revealing his identity as Bruce Wayne] Seli

Dialogue

Alfred Pennyworth: [driving home] Well, come what may. Merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne. Bruce Wayne: [sadly] Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will toward men...and women.