Blackadder the Third

Blackadder: Well, Mrs. Miggins, at last we can return to sanity. The hustings are over, the bunting is down, the mad hysteria is at an end. After the chaos of a general election, we can return to normal. Mrs. Miggins: Has there been a general election, Mr. Blackadder? Blackadder: Indeed there has, Mrs. Miggins. Mrs. Miggins: I didn't hear of it. Blackadder: Of course you didn't. You're not eligible to vote. Mrs. Miggins: Why not? Blackadder: Because virtually no one is - women...peasants... [gestures to Baldrick] Chimpanzees...lunatics...lords. Baldrick: That's not true - Lord Nelson's got a vote. Blackadder: He's got a boat, Baldrick. Marvelous thing, democracy. Look at Manchester - population: sixty-thousand, electoral roll: three. Mrs. Miggins: I may have a brain the size of a sultana... Blackadder: Correct. Mrs. Miggins: ...But it hardly seems fair to me. Blackadder: Of course it's not fair, and a damn good thing too - give the like of Baldrick the vote and we'll be back to cavorti

Blackadder the Third (series 3), CC BY-SA 4.0

Blackadder: Your Highness, if I may make so bold, a major crisis has arisen in your affairs. Prince George: Yes, I know, Blackadder, I've been pondering it all morning. Blackadder: You have, sir? Prince George: Yes. Socks - run out again! Why is it that no matter how many millions of pairs of socks I buy, I never seem to have any? Blackadder: Sir, with your forgiveness, there is another, even weightier problem. Prince George: They just disappear! Honestly, you'd think someone was coming in here, stealing the damn things and then selling them off! Blackadder: [chuckles] Impossible, sir - only you and I have access to your socks. Prince George: Yes, that's true. Still, for me, socks are like sex - tons of it about, but I never seem to get any. Blackadder: If we could return to the business at hand, I read fearful news in this morning's paper. Prince George: Oh no. Not another little cat caught up in a tree? Blackadder: No, sir, there is a vote afoot in the new parliament to strike you fr

Blackadder the Third (series 3), CC BY-SA 4.0

Blackadder: Right. Now all we have to do is fill in this MP application form. "Name"? Blackadder and Baldrick: Baldrick. Blackadder: First name? Baldrick: I'm not sure. Blackadder: You must have some idea. Baldrick: Well, it might be Sodoff. Blackadder: What? Baldrick: Well, when I used to play in the gutter, I used to say to the other snipes "Hello, my name's Baldrick", and they'd say "Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick". Blackadder: ...All right, right, right, right. "Mr. S. Baldrick". Now then, "Distinguishing features"...None. Baldrick: Well, I've got this big growth in the middle of my face. Blackadder: That's your nose, Baldrick. "Any history of insanity in the family?" I'll cross out the "in". [does this act] "Any history of sanity in the family?" ...None whatsoever. "Criminal record?" Baldrick: Absolutely not. Blackadder: Oh, come on, Baldrick, you're going to be an MP, for God's sake! I'll just put "Fraud and sexual deviancy". Now, "Minimum bribe level?" Baldrick: One turnip. Oh,

Blackadder the Third (series 3), CC BY-SA 4.0

Blackadder: [enters, accompanied by Pitt the Younger] Your Highness, Pitt the Younger. Prince George: Why, hello there, young shaver m'lad! Say, I have a shiny sixpence for the clever fellow who can tell which hand it's in. [Pitt doesn't respond] Oh, school, school. On half hols, is it? I bet you can't wait to get that bat back in your hand and give those balls a good walloping, eh? Blackadder: Mister Pitt is the Prime Minister, sir. Prince George: Oh, go on! Is he? What, young Snotty here? Pitt the Younger: I'd rather have a runny nose than a runny brain. Prince George: Eh? Blackadder: Excuse me, Mister Prime Minister, but we have some lovely jelly in the pantry - I don't know if you'd be interested at all. Pitt the Younger: Don't patronize me, you lower middle class yobbo. What flavour is it? Blackadder: Blackcurrant. Pitt the Younger: EURGH! Prince George: I say, Blackadder, are you sure this is the PM? Seems like a bit of an oily tick to me. When I was at school, we used to line up

Blackadder the Third (series 3), CC BY-SA 4.0

Blackadder: We are reprieved. It is a triumph for stupidity over common sense. Baldrick: Thank you very much. Blackadder: As a reward, Baldrick, take a short holiday. Did you enjoy it? Right. Back to work.

Blackadder the Third (series 3), CC BY-SA 4.0

Prince George: [waking suddenly] Oh, Blackadder! BLACKADDER! [Blackadder walks in] Blackadder: [enters with the tray] Your Highness? Prince George: What time is it?! Blackadder: Three o'clock in the afternoon, sire. Prince George: [relieved] Oh thank God for that, I thought I'd overslept! Blackadder: I trust you had a pleasant evening, sir? Prince George: Well, no, actually. The most extraordinary thing happened. Last night I was having a bit of a snack at the Naughty Hellfire Club, and some fellow said that I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey! Blackadder: An absurd suggestion, sir. Prince George: You're right, it is absurd. Blackadder: Unless, of course, it was a particularly stupid donkey. Prince George: See, if only I'd thought of that. Blackadder: It is all too often, sir, that one thinks of what one should have said long after he might have said it. Sir Thomas More, for instance, beheaded for refusing to recant his Catholicism, must have been kicking himself as the axe ca

Blackadder the Third (series 3), CC BY-SA 4.0