Quotes

Episode 1.Crazy 10 Minutes Sale

Justin: Edgebonoutoosis! [He clones the rabbit] Jerry: Good! Thank you Justin! That is how you execute the duplication spell properly. Real rabbit, duplica... duplicate rabbit real rab.. It's... ANYWAYS, there's two now! Max: What's the big deal? They're rabbits. Wait 5 minutes and they'll duplicate by themselves. Gigi: Bonjour Alex. Bonjour Alex's friend. Harper: Nice shoes!

Episode 2.First Kiss

Alex: You know a lot of stuff about stuff people don't care about, which is great. But I know relationships. I know how girls think! Justin: So do I! They're right brained dominant and they have a slightly larger hyper-tholimus! Alex: There you go again, knowing stuff people don't care about. Justin: You may find this hard to believe, but...I've never kissed a girl before. Alex: [smugly] I find it hard to believe that you think I'd find that hard to believe. Alex: Alright, this is what we're gonna do. First of all, take out five dollars.

Episode 2.First Kiss

Alex: I need $5 dollars. Alex: Second, tomorrow when you walk her to school, take her to by that old scary abandon house on the corner. Justin: Right, cause she'll think I'm brave. Alex: No, you'll get scared and she'll comfort you, and that's when you plant one on her. Justin: Ok, that's a great idea. Alex: Thanks, you have five ones for this five? Justin: Umm... [takes out another 5 dollars] Alex: Great, cause my five was lonely Max: What's Deja Vu? Jerry: It's when you feel like something happened before. Alex: For example, dad you have five dollars? Jerry: umm.. Why? Alex: Cause I need five dollars.. Deja Vu, huh Justin? Justin: So Alex, what was <i>your</i> first kiss like? Alex: You know, it was in this place...with this guy...and it was very romantic. Over Christmas Vacation. Max: We went to Grandma's over Christmas Vacation. Justin: Wait a minute! You haven't kissed a guy yet! [smugly] I <i>so</i> have this over you now! Alex: No you don't! Justin: I know so when I go to school

Episode 3.I Almost Drowned in a Chocolate Fountain

Oh! Some chocolate! Oh wait, that's not a straw!

Episode 3.I Almost Drowned in a Chocolate Fountain

Max: We didn't play paintball! Justin: ...What are pigeons eating now a'days?

Episode 4.New Employee

[takes picture of Harper] [monotone voice] I know you've only been working here four hours, but congratulations. You're Employee of the Month. I almost won it 4 times, but I lost cause I take too many breaks. That reminds me. It's time for my break.

Episode 4.New Employee

[Singing the Funky Hat Song] What's that? A hat? Crazy, funky, junky hat! Overslept? Hair unsightly? Trying to look like Keira Knightley? We've been there, we've done that! We see right through your funky hat!

Episode 4.New Employee

AAAHH! He's after me!!!

Episode 5.Disenchanted Evening

Justin: You don't know our dad. He'll throw a tantrum. And you'll know because it sounds like this. Wadigibadee hobadee ha! HA! ALEX!" Jerry: Ooh! A catwalk! [Walks on it like a model] T.J.: I'll show you a lair! Max: [To Alex] Wow, you weren't kidding He really does do that. Jerry: [Throwing a tantrum, the spell broken] It's! Gah! Mars! Who- !? ALEX!!? Alex: Maybe it's not so ridiculous! Max: Not to mention she left me on Mars. Alex: H-He's right, it's completely my fault. Jerry: You are in SO MUCH trouble, young lady! Alex: ...I know. (she hugs him, and he points his finger up speechlessly) Alex: That's not magic. Justin: How do you know I didn't forget my locker combination and then used magic to remember it? Alex: Because you made up a locker combination song. Justin: Mom and Dad are charmed? WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?! WHO?! Alex: Mom and Dad. Justin: WHAT?! HOW?! WHEN?! Alex: At Dinner. Justin: WHAT?! HOW?! Alex: It was in the Kugel. Justin: WHAT?! Alex: Justin, I think you know what!

Episode 7.Alex's Choice

Alex: No I got a D on the test. I'm pretty sure I'm right. Alex: What happened to your faces? Applied your makeup with a hammer? Gigi: [Laughs with her friends] Harper: You didn't come for the tea. You came to protect me. Alex: I'll always be there to protect you. Alex: [Searches her spellbook] Truth spell. Truth spell. [Reads and casts the spell] Some are evil, some are kind, now all must speak their mind. Alex: Oh, this is going better than I thought. Hey everybody! I'm a wizard! Everyone: Huh!? Alex: Just kidding!

Episode 8.Curb Your Dragon

Justin: C'mon guys, hurry! We've got to go check on Dragon! Max: Why? If anyone messes with him, he'll just breathe fire. Alex: (Annoyed) That's what we're worried about. Max: What? I thought we just didn't want him to take leaks in the house. Justin: Hey guys. Gotta go check on dragon. Theresa: Wait, Justin. Alex: What's going on? Theresa: Those flyers you put up worked. Dragon's rightful owner came and picked him up. Alex: His owner? Theresa: I'm sorry, honey.

Episode 9.Movies

Theresa: Oh Maxy, promise you'll never grow up and leave me! Max: But I'm supposed to be taking out the trash. Theresa: Oh, no. Your daddy will take out the trash. Max: Thank you, daddy. Jerry: Save it. Jerry: Alex, lets give it a try. Now, lets say you havent eaten for days and You're in desperate need for a sandwich. What do you do? Alex: I walk over to the sandwich shop and have Mom make me a sandwich. Jerry: Okay, yes, but Mom's not here. Justin: Where's Mom? Jerry: It's not important where she is, umm, she's gone, she left the country. Justin: She left the country? Why, is she ok? Jerry: Yes, she's fine. Alex: Well if she's fine, I don't see why she can't make me a sandwich. Jerry: Here, I've already written one down for you, just read that and concentrate. Max: Satisfy my empty belly, make me a peanut butter and jelly. [Max turns into a PBJ sandwich] Jerry: You see what I just did there? I just illustrated the dangers of "Spell Improv". [Justin is about to eat Max] Ha-di-di-da! Y

Episode 11.Potion Commotion

Jerry: Ok Max, now that your full powers are here. its time for the hat. Alex: Oh not the hat! Max: What hat? Alex: Dad that hats so ugly! Max: What hat?!?! Theresa: I cant believe my mijito is ready for the hat! Max: Somebody tell me about the hat already!

Episode 12.Justin's Little Sister

Justin: Oh, so it's like giving a burgler your money so he doesn't steal it! Max: I know a Jeannie. Jeannie Kowalski. Jeannie's dont like it when you flick them in the ear. That's lesson number one. Jerry: No, lesson number one is leave that girl alone. She's bigger than you. Alex: I fell asleep on table 5 one night, its pretty comfortable. Justin: What did you do!? Alex: Max, how would you get a genie to come back to her lamp? Max: I know, orange soda. Alex: What? Max: If someone poured orange soda in my room I'd be really mad. Theresa: You spilled orange soda in your room again didn't you? What did we say about taking it up there? Max: See she's really mad and she's going to my room. Alex: Please believe me. You have to believe me. You can't let him be invisible forever; I grew up with him. You know he may dorky, and annoying, but he's fun, and gullible to pull pranks. He's my brother I need him back.

Episode 13.Wizard School, Part 1

Alex: (sees Justin in wizard's clothing) You know, you remind me of someone…Terry something? Umm…Barry something? Larry something? Oh, never mind. Jerry: WOULD IT HURT TO GET US A LITTLE TURKEY JERKY?!? Jerry: (Alex admits she used the portal key, stammering) AHH! THE...PORTAL...G...G...[SCREAMS] Theresa: Okay, and on the way we can pick up your new wizard's robes! Justin: Oh, no, Mom. They do just black bathrobes now. Wizard's robes are too formal for these casual times. Door: [SINGSONGING] DUN-DUN-DUN...

Episode 14.Wizard School, Part 2

Justin: I'll see you in the finals, jerk. Hugh Normous: [during 12 ball semi-finals] He did it! He hit the tattler! Jerko Phoenix: Looks like it's just you, me and destiny. Jerry: Oh, I love porcini mushrooms. Salad Girl: That's what the hot dog guy in Washington Square Park said. Max: Get your Bronxstrami. Central Park sandwich. Right here at the Sub station! Jerry: Hey, it's working. Salad Girl: Salads make you perky. Sandwiches make you sleepy. Max: Salads are un-American!! Dr Evilini: Did my messenger fish just tell you my evil plan? Alex: No. Messenger Fish: All right, this time pay attention, 'Dear Mamma, you'd be proud to know that after the twelve ball tournament reveals the best young wizard I will drain [Alex puts hand over the messenger fish's mouth] Alex: Ok, maybe he did tell me.

Episode 15.The Supernatural

Alex: Oh, come on, she isn't that cute!</p> Justin: Yes, she is!</p> Alex: No, she isn't!</p> Justin: Uh huh.</p>

Episode 16.Alex in the Middle

Alex: Wow. Dad is mad inside and out. Kelbo: Okay, let's talk about it. (disappears with the kids)

Episode 17.Report Card

Jerry: Very good, Justin. Alex, you're up. Alex: Oh, okay. This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill its slot. [a brick appears] Oh! It's a pretty dove! Jerry: No. Oh! It's a pretty brick. You weren't concentrating. Max, you're up. Max: This guinea pig is now not, a dove with wings shall fill with snot. [dove sneezes] I said snot, didn't I? Justin: Got it. Alex: Does he have to say, "Got it" after every question? It's throwing me off on my exam. Max: [surprised] We're taking an exam? Max: Why doesn't Dad just grade our papers? Professor Crumbs: So that no one will get better grades just by batting their eyes and trying to look cute. Alex: [batting her eyes and looking cute] Are you talking about me? Justin: [mocking Alex's expression] Alex, you're doing it right now. Jerry: Hey, what's that? Alex: [hastily] Uh... Alex: These parents are now not... Jerry: What're you doing? Alex: ...two guinea pigs should fill their slot. Alex: What did I just do? I panicked! I needed to

Episode 18.Credit Check

I quit. [Grabs Harper's arm] And we're going to the kitchen...[Everyone gasps] to eat...[more gasps] And we don't care who watches!

Episode 19.Alex's Spring Fling

Justin: [On the phone talking to his Mom] So you and Dad crossed over into New Jersary right, Then It's official I'm in charge? What if there was a tidal wave, If their was THEN can I be in charge? YES!! [Hangs up phone and blows a whistle] Okay, I'm in charge. Alex: [Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, a tidal wave, now you're in charge! Justin: Alex, you just ruined my new clothes. Alex: Justin, when you wear something for a week, it's not new anymore. It just needs a wash. Max: [Throws a water balloon at Justin] Hey, look, I just washed it. You're welcome!