Quotes

Others

All I told him was that if you want me to do that, then don't eat the asparagus.

Others

It's not my nose that grows.

Dialogue

Holland March: Jesus Christ! One at a time! Janet: You took the Lord's name in vain. Holland March: No I didn't, Janet. I found it very useful actually. Ok, Janet?

Dialogue

Holly March: [Healy is waiting outside] Why don't we invite him in? Holland March: No animals in the house, sweetheart.

Dialogue

1 Protestor: We can't talk to you. We're dead. March: No I— Yeah I get it. You know. I think it's very clever. I'm hip. But this is actually a really serious matter. 1 Protestor: So is this! We've all been killed! March: No you haven't. 2 Protestor: Fuck you man, we're dead! Healy: [to bystander] What's the protest about, do you know? Bystander: [to protesters] Any of you know why you're protesting? 2 Protestor: The air! Bystander: [to Healy] Air. March: You are protesting the air? 2 Protestor: The pollution! The birds can't breathe! Healy: So all of you died 'cause of the pollution? 2 Protestor: [nodding] Right. Healy: What about the gas masks? They didn't... save you? March: [when the guy can't answer Healy's question] This is fucking... Alright! 3 Protestor: [screams in pain and pulls her hand] Fucker! March: Sorry. I thought you were dead.

Dialogue

Kid on Bike: You guys wanna see my dick? March: Nobody wants to see your dick, dude. Kid on Bike: 20 bucks? March: We already paid you 20... what am I saying?

Dialogue

Healy: So, you know the old lady, right? Did you believe her? March: What about? Healy: When she said she saw Misty alive that night, did you believe her? March: God, no. She's blind as a bat. Healy: Uh-huh. March: She has actual coke bottles for glasses. You paint a mustache on a Volkswagen, she says, "Boy, that Omar Sharif sure runs fast."

Dialogue

Holly March: Dad, there's like whores here and stuff. Holland March: Sweetheart, how many times have I told you? Don't say "and stuff". Just say "dad, there are whores here".

Dialogue

Healy: The place reeks of marijuana. They're smoking it. March: I can't smell. Healy: What? March: I got hit in the head a while back. I lost my sense of smell. Healy: You can't smell? March: Yeah. Healy: You're a detective, and you can't smell? March: Yeah. Healy: Aw, this just keeps getting better and better. March: Wow, that's really insensitive.

Dialogue

Healy: You didn't fall down the fucking hill, did you? Did you fall down the hill? March: I had, like, two, three drinks, tops. Healy: Yeah, that's why you can't walk straight. March: Oh, excuse me. I'm carrying a dead body and I have his schwantz in my face. So, I'm sorry I'm not Bakishnarov. Healy: You can't even say Baryshnikov.

Dialogue

March: I was in the pool. Healy: You were in the pool? March: Yeah. Healy: Why? March: I had to question the mermaids. What were you doing while I was working?

Dialogue

Kuttner: My name is Judith Kuttner. I work for the Department of Justice. March: Okay. Well, that explains basically nothing.

Dialogue

Healy: Hey, that's where I know you from, right? The TV. You're prosecuting that car company thing. Kuttner: The lawsuit for the catalytic converter. Yes. That's half my day. The other half I spend on pornography. Healy: Hmm. March: What kind? Like which films? What's your favorite? Healy: No, no. Uh, anti. Anti-porn. March: Right. Healy: Like a crusader.

Dialogue

Holly March: You're the world's worst detective. Holland March: I'm the worst? Holly March: Yeah! Holland March: The world's worst?

Dialogue

Bartender: Guys, listen. You don't go up there, all right? Trust me. These New York guys are up there. Uh, business guys. They got fucking bodyguards. Kind of had their balls removed. What's that called? Huh? Healy: Marriage?

Dialogue

Healy: John Boy. Oh, just something that Blueface mentioned, yeah. March: What do you mean, he mentioned? Mentioned how? Healy: Oh, you know, he... "There's a guy coming to kill you." That kind of crap. Yeah. March: We should probably just stay here. Healy: Smart move. Healy: [pauses] Unless, of course, he's up there killing her right now. March: Nobody's getting killed at the Burbank Airport Hotel. Healy: Because? March: That would be national news. Healy: Yeah, so? March: Oh, so when's the last time you were on national news? Healy: February. March: Really? Healy: Yeah. March: For what? Healy: I got shot, in a diner. March: Where? Healy: In my arm. I told you this last night. March: We should call the cops. Healy: No. It'll take too long. March: You just said it was the right move to stay down here. Healy: No, I said smart move. Different.

Dialogue

Holland March: [to Holly] You're supposed to be at Jessica's. Jessica: Yeah, sorry, Mr. March. My sister kicked us out. She's having a guy over. Holland March: Your sister's such a slut. Jessica: Yeah, I know.

Dialogue

March: You seen Chet, the projectionist? Buddy: Yeah, he just left like 10 minutes ago, went for a drink. And you are? March: In a hurry. Thanks, buddy. Buddy: How'd you know my name was Buddy?

Dialogue

March: Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt. Healy: People got hurt. March: I'm saying, I think they died quickly. So I don't think they got hurt.

Dialogue

March: To the birds? Healy: Hallelujah!