Quotes

Dialogue

We come in peace, for cats and mice everywhere. [getting stabbed numerous times by Itchy with the flagpole]

Dialogue

Homer: Boring! Lisa: Dad, we can't see the movie! Homer: I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free! If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker... [turns to face the camera and points straight forward, referring to the viewer] Especially you!

Dialogue

[crowd surfing] Excuse me! My heinie is dipping.

Dialogue

Gentleman, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.

Dialogue

Marge: I hate being late. Homer: Well, I hate going. Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, like praying like hell on my deathbed? Marge: Homer, they can hear you inside! Homer: Relax, thousand pious morons are too busy talking to their phony baloney God. [opens door to see everybody looking at him. As he walks down the aisle] How ya doin'? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus!

Dialogue

Reverend Lovejoy: [shouting] Let it out! Grampa: [suddenly he had a visions] Horrible! Horrible things are going to happen! [starts pointing at villagers] And I had a vision, And they're gonna happen to you! And you! And you! [Points at Marge Simpson] And you! Whoa, Nelly. [Grampa gasping, grunting, Comic Book Guy records Grampa Simpson on his phone] [to villagers] People of Springfield, HEED THIS WARNING!!! Twisted TAIL!!! A THOUSAND EYES, TRAPPED FOREVER!!!!!! Lisa: Dad, do something! Homer: [flipping through the Bible But this book doesn't have any answers! Grampa: BEWARE, BEWARE!!! THE TIME HAS GOME AND SHORT, EPA, EPA, EEEEEPA!!! BELIEVE ME!!! BELIEVE MEEEEEE!!! [Speaks gibberish as Homer rolls him up in the carpet at church, continues to speak gibberish as Homer pulls him out church] Thanks for listening. [The Simpsons leave church]

Dialogue

Homer: Steady. Steady. [gets the hammer in the eye, he screams and Bart laughs, then turns red in anger] Why you little! [strangles Bart] I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny! [stops strangling Bart, turns his face normal] Bart: You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun. Homer: What kind of fun? Bart: How about a dare contest? Homer: That sounds fun. I dare you to...climb the TV antenna! Bart: [climbs up to the antenna] Piece of cake. Homer: Earthquake! [shakes the TV antenna so Bart falls down and hangs on the drainpipe] Aftershock! [shakes again] Ned: Homer, I don't mean to be a Nervous Pervis but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a paraplege-arino? Homer: Shut up, Flanders. Bart: Yeah, shut up, Flanders. Homer: Well said, boy. [they high five; prepares to hammer Bart's fingers] Steady. Steady. Steady... [falls through the roof. Bart laughs in amusement. In the room under the newly-created hole, Grampa can be seen reading an 'Oatmeal Enthusiast' magazin

Dialogue

Lisa: Milhouse, you don't care about the environment. Milhouse: Hey, I am VERY passionate about the Planet! Nelson Muntz: [threatening to beat up Milhouse] Say Global Warming is a myth! Milhouse: It's a myth, further study is needed! Nelson Muntz: That's for selling out your beliefs. [runs off]

Dialogue

Grampa: [on video] Twisted tail, a thousand eyes, TRAPPED FOREVER! EPA, EPA! Marge: EPA, what could that be? Comic Book Guy: I believe it's the sound the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid. Ee-pa! Marge: Yeah. Well, thanks for coming over. Comic Book Guy: Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. I've never known comfort like this [snaps the waistband]

Dialogue

Homer: Okay, boy. Time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to the Krusty Burger and back...naked. Bart: How naked? Homer: Fourth base. Bart: But the girls might see my doodles. Homer: [sarcastically] Oh, I see! Then I'll declare you chicken for life! Every morning, you'll wake up "Good morning, chicken"! And at your wedding, I'll sing... [sings a wedding song with chicken voice] Bwak bwak bwak bwak! Bwak bwak bwak- [Bart skateboards away, naked; shocked] Bwak?! Ralph: [to himself] I like men now. Agnes Skinner: Don't look where I'm pointing! [covers Bart's penis with her finger] Clancy Wiggum: [through the megaphone] Stop in the name of American squeamishness! Ned: Boys, before we eat, don't forget to thank the Lord for this bountiful... [A unclothed Bart lands and slams on the window in front of them naked near Ned's French Fry] Penis! Rod and Todd: [together] Bountiful penis. Todd: Amen. Lou: Listen, kid, nobody likes to wear clothes in public, but you know, it's the law.

Dialogue

Homer: [eats a burger, then talks with mouthful] Hey, what's with you? Bart: You really wanna know? Homer: Of course I do. What kind of a father wouldn't care about...? [happily shouting] A pig wearing a hat! Stage Manager: Action! Krusty: Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty, for my new pork sandwich, the Clogger. If you can buy a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico! [laughs, take a bite of a clogger] Hmm! Stage Manager: And we're clear! Krusty: [splits it clogger out, throws a bin] Perfect! Cut, print, kill the pig. Homer: What?! You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes! [Plopper shakes his costume off and runs up to him; imagines dancing around in the field of flowers with Plopper during the Turtles' song "Happy Together"; back to reality] You're coming home with me. Marge: A thousand eyes… what could that be? Grampa: Hmmm, I'm pretty sure a thousand is a number…

Dialogue

[sings while playing with his pig] Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig.

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Lisa: This lake is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses! [Everyone spits out their drinks in disgust] Moe: This is why we should hate kids!

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Wiggum: Sorry, sorry, no dumping in the lake. Tony: Fine. I will put my [air quotes] "yard trimmings" in a car compactor. [leaves] Lou: Uh, Chief, I think he was a dead body in there. Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said "yard trimmings". Ya gotta learn to listen, Lou.

Dialogue

Marge: You can take Spider-Pig with you! Homer: He's not Spider-Pig any more, he's Harry Plopper.

Dialogue

Cargill: [enters the Oval Office] Mr. President. President Schwarzenegger: Ja, that is me. Cargill: Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels. President Schwarzenegger: Ach! I hate this job. Everything is "crisis this" and "end-of-the-world that"! No one opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito. Cargill: You wanna joke, huh? Stop me if you've heard this one. [holds up cage with the mutant squirrel with many eyes] President Schwarzenegger: [gasp] Look at all those angry eyes and pointy teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound! Cargill: You know, sir, when you made me head of the EPA, you were applauded for appointing one of the most successful of the America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? 'Cause I'm a rich man, and wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here's our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth! President Schwarzenegger: I'm listening. Cargill: [gets out five files] Well, I've narrowed your ch

Dialogue

Oh, I don't know what to do! If I stay, I'm trapped! If I leave, I'm alone! Oh God! In! Out! In! Out! I never saw Venice! I-

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D'oooooooooohhhmmme!

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Sideshow Mel: What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?! Cargill: [over a speaker] The United States government. [appears on a large screen] My name is Russ Cargill, I'm head of the EPA. Moe: The what? Cargill: Environmental Protection Agency. Lenny: Come again? Cargill: Look, I'm a man on a big TV! Just listen! Springfield has become… Man: Whoo! Springfield! Cargill: …the most polluted city in the history of the planet. Krusty: Drama queen!

Dialogue

Mob: Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Homer: [looking at the angry mob] Marge! Look! Those idiots don't even know where we live! Mob: [turns around] Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Homer: D'oh… Mob: We want Homer! We want Homer! Lisa: You monster! You monster! Homer: Did you see the news? Marge: Honey, come on. We have bigger problems. Lisa: But I'm so angry. Marge: You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever. Lisa: Okay. Marge: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob and apologize for what you did. Homer: I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you. Carl: No, we won't. We just want Homer! Homer: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grampa. Grampa Simpson: I'm part of the mob! Krusty: Teeny, take out the baby! Carl: Here, let me get that for you. Homer: Stand back, I got a chainsaw! [He starts making chainsaw noises and then they see him through the holes and Hom

Dialogue

Lisa: [to Colin] I'd never my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this— Bart: [singing] Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again! Lisa: [punched Bart in the face] Perfect.

Dialogue

EPA Soldier: I'm afraid we lost them, sir. Cargill: Damn it! [throws the binoculars at the dome, but it bounces back and hits him in the face] Ow! Well, then you find 'em, and you get 'em back in the dome! And to make sure nobody else gets out, I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24-7! I want 10,000 tough guys, and I want 10,000 soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher! And here's how I want them arranged: tough, tough, soft, tough, soft, soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft! Soldier: Sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power. Cargill: Of course I have. You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring, no one listens to you. Marge: Bart, are you drinking whiskey? Bart: I'm troubled. Marge: Bart! Bart: I promise, I'll stop tomorrow. Marge: You'll stop right now! You come back here, little man! [Bart drinks a bottle and runs around the room] Bart: I miss Flanders. There, I've said it. Marge: Where's your father? Lisa: He went out. Let's quickly rebuild our liv

Dialogue

Bart: Did you see that? Marge: Yes, they're going to destroy Springfield. But we're going to stop them. Homie, get your clothes on. Homie? Homer: I'm happy here. Screw Springfield! Marge: [gasps] I can't believe you'd say something so selfish. Homer: Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At 4 in the afternoon! Marge: It was 7 at night. Homer: It was during Access Hollywood. Marge: Which is on at 4 and 7? Homer: D'oh! Lisa: Dad, how can you turn your back on everyone who loved us? Bart: Flanders helped us when we were in trouble. Homer: Who cares what Flanders did? He's not your father. Bart: I wish he was. Homer: You don't mean that. You worship me. Bart: Oh, yeah? Look what I did to your picture. Look at it. Howdily-doodily. Howdily-doodily. Howdily-doodily. Homer: [turns red in anger] Why, you little! [strangle Bart] I'll strangle-angle you! Bart: Diddily-diddily. Marge: Bart, stop it! Leave this to me. Homer, in every marriage, you get one chance to say

Dialogue

Grampa: Homer? What the hell are you doing now? Homer: Risking my life to save people I hate for reasons I don't quite understand. Gotta go! [speeds away] First, one stop. [Ned, Rod, Todd, and Bart are praying, Homer brakes his motorcycle in from of the church] Homer: Bart, son, do you think you can find in your heart to give your foolish old man one more chance? Bart: [thinking, groaning] I don't know. Ned: It seems to me, son, your father saying he wants to spend his last minute with you. Bart: No! I can't do it. I want a father that's the same in the morning as he is at night. What's that word? Rod and Todd: Consistency. Bart: Thanks, losers. Sorry, Homer. Homer: I'll let you hold the bomb. Bart: My man knows me. [laughs] Todd: I wish Homer was my father. Ned: And I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair. Martin: I've been taking your crap all my life! [he starts beating up the bullies with a wooden plank] This feels good, no wonder you do it. [He continues to beat up the bulli

Dialogue

Homer: Steady, steady… steady… Bart: Uh, Dad? [Hands Homer some safety googles] Homer: Thanks, boy. Steady… [pounds in a nail] Woo Hoo! [realises where he pounded the nail: onto his ankle] Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! Bart: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Dialogue

Bart: Come on, Dad, let's go. I've holding it since they put the dome over the town. Homer: You can wait. A lot of people worked real hard on this film, and all they ask is for you to memorise their names! Homer: Okay. [crunch] Ooh, floor popcorn. [starts eating] Lisa: [notices Maggie] Wait, wait, wait! I think Maggie has something to say! Marge: Oh my god, her first word! Maggie: [removes her pacifier] Sequel? [puts back her pacifier, the family begin to leave the theater]

Dialogue

Assistant Manager isn't all it's cracked up to be. [continues to clean up his broom] Four years of film school for this?

Teaser Trailer #1

Announcer: In 2007, leaping his way onto the silver screen. The greatest hero in American history. Homer: I forgot what I'm supposed to say. Announcer: The Simpsons Movie, opening worldwide, July 27, 2007. Homer: [off-screen] Uh-oh, we better get started. Mr. Burns: [off-screen] Excellent!

Teaser Trailer #2

Narrator: In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty.... one film dares to be ugly. Moe: The Simpsons Movie, in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'. Homer: Time to save my family! Homer: [weakly] This film is not yet rated.

Teaser Trailer #3

Narrator: In a time when computer animation brings us worlds of unsurpassed beauty... one film dares to be ugly. Moe: The Simpsons Movie, in 2-D! Uh, the bunny's not breathin'. Homer: Steady. Steady. Homer: Steady. Steady... Homer: [weakly] This film is not yet rated.