Quotes

Dialogue

Helen Kingsleigh: [feeling Alice's stomach] Where is your corset? [checking Alice's legs] And no stockings. Alice: I'm against them. Helen Kingsleigh: But you are not properly dressed. Alice: Who's to say what's proper? What if it were agreed that "proper" meant wearing a codfish on your head? Would you wear it? Helen Kingsleigh: [sternly] Alice. Alice: To me a corset is like a codfish.

Dialogue

Lady Ascot: Do you know what I've always dreaded? Alice: [casually] The decline of the aristocracy? Lady Ascot: Ugly grandchildren. But you're lovely. You're bound to produce little...Imbeciles! [notices that the gardeners have planted the wrong color roses] The gardeners have planted white roses when I specifically asked for red. Alice: You could always paint the roses red. Lady Ascot: What an odd thing to say.

Dialogue

Absolem: Who are you? Alice: Absolem? Absolem: You're not Absolem, I'm Absolem. The question is, who are you?

Dialogue

Iracebeth: [crouches down to a frog servant's height; whispering] Did you steal my tarts? Frog Servant: No, Your Majesty. Iracebeth: [wipes a splotch of juice from the corner of his mouth with her finger and tastes it; whispers] Squimberry juice. Frog Servant: I was so hungry! I didn't mean to! Iracebeth: OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Dialogue

Chessur: It looks like you ran afoul of something with wicked claws. [purrs] Alice: But I'm still dreaming. Chessur: What did that to you? Alice: Bander who...the bander... Chessur: The Bandersnatch? Well, I'd better have a look. Alice: What are you doing? Chessur: It needs to be purified by someone with evaporating skills or it will fester and putrefy. Alice: I'd rather you didn't. I'll be fine as soon as I wake up. Chessur: At least let me bind it for you. [wraps up her wounds] What do you call yourself? Alice: Alice. Chessur: The Alice? Alice: There's been some debate about that. Chessur: I never get involved in politics.

Dialogue

Chessur: What's happened to you, Tarrant? You used to be the life of the party. You used to do the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend. Alice: Futter what? Thackery: Futterwacken! Mally: It's a dance. Hatter: On the Frabjous Day, when the White Queen once again wears the crown, on that day, I shall Futterwacken...victoriously.

Dialogue

Stayne: [has his arm around Hatter's throat] If you're hiding her, you will lose your heads. Hatter: [strained] Already lost them.

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Stayne: You're all mad! Thackery: Thanks very much. [belches loudly]

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Alice: [to Bayard] You were supposed to lead them away, the Hatter trusted you! Bayard: They have my wife and pups. Alice: What is your name? Bayard: Bayard. Alice: Sit! Bayard: [sits] Would your name be...Alice? By any chance? Alice: Yes, but I'm not the one everyone's talking about. Bayard: The Hatter would not have given himself up just for any Alice. Alice: Where did they take him? Bayard: To the Red Queen's castle in Salazen Grum. Alice: We're going to rescue him. Bayard: That is not foretold. Alice: I don't care! He wouldn't be there if it weren't for me! Bayard: The Frabjous Day is almost upon us. You must prepare to meet the Jabberwocky. Alice: From the moment I fell down that rabbit hole I've been told what I must do and who I must be. I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched, and stuffed into a teapot. I've been accused of being Alice and of not being Alice but this is my dream. I'll decide where it goes from here. Bayard: If you diverge from the path... Alice: I make the path!

Dialogue

Iracebeth: [referring to Alice, who's just grown to a large size and naked] And what is this? McTwisp: It's a who, majesty. This is...um... Iracebeth: "Um"? Alice: [thinking quickly] From Umbridge. Iracebeth: What happened to your clothes? Alice: I outgrew them. I've been growing an awful lot lately. I tower over everyone in Umbridge. They laugh at me. So, I've come to you hoping you might understand what it's like. Iracebeth: My dear girl, anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court. [to her subjects] Someone find her some clothes, use the curtains if you must, but clothe this enormous girl!

Dialogue

Stayne: [sees Alice] And who is this lovely creature? Iracebeth: Um, my new favorite. Stayne: What is her name? Iracebeth: Um. Stayne: [to Alice] I believe your name has slipped the queen's mind. Iracebeth: Her name...is...Um, IDIOT! Alice: From Umbridge.

Dialogue

Hatter: [to Iracebeth] What a regrettably large head you have. I should very much like to hat it. Iracebeth: Hat it? Hatter: I used to hat The White Queen, you know. Poor dear, her head was so small. Iracebeth: It's tiny. It's a pimple of a head.

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Hatter: Have I gone mad? Alice: [checking Hatter's temperature] I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

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Um forced herself on me. I told her, "My heart belongs to you." But she's obsessed...with me.

Dialogue

Stayne: [enters Iracebeth's throne room] Majesty, Alice has escaped… [Iracebeth angrily slaps him in the face] …on the Bandersnatch… [Iracebeth slaps him again but in the opposite direction] …with the Vorpal sword. Iracebeth: [slaps him again] HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?! Stayne: I may have underestimated her. But...we have her conspirators. The Hatter and a dormouse. Iracebeth: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

Dialogue

Hatter: Hello, Chess. Chessur: I've always admired that hat. I was wondering...since you won't be needing it anymore...perhaps you would consider bequeathing it to me? Hatter: How dare you?! I'll have you know it is a formal execution and I would like to look my best, you know. Chessur: It's a shame about all this. I was looking forward to seeing you Futterwacken. Hatter: I was rather good at it, was I not? Chessur: I really do love that hat. [smiles slyly] I would wear it to all the finest occasions. [evaporates]

Dialogue

Alice: I couldn't kill the Jabberwocky if my life depended on it. Absolem: It will.

Dialogue

Alice: This is impossible. Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

Dialogue

Alice: [to herself before facing the Jabberwocky] Six impossible things. Count them, Alice. One, there's a potion that can make you shrink. Two, and a cake that can make you grow. Jabberwocky: So, my old foe, we meet on the battlefield once again. Alice: We've never met. Jabberwocky: Not you, insignificant bearer. My ancient enemy, the Vorpal one. Alice: That's enough chatter. [cuts his tongue off. Mirana looks like she's about to vomit] Three, animals can talk. Four, Alice, cats can disappear. Five, there's a place called Wonderland. Six, I can slay the Jabberwocky. [begins fighting the Jabberwocky]

Dialogue

Alice: I'm sorry, Hamish. I can't marry you. You're not the right man for me. And there's that trouble with your digestion. [walks over to her sister] I love you, Margaret, but this is my life. I'll decide what to do with it. [turns to Lowell, meeting his sour look with a stern glare] You're lucky to have my sister for your wife, Lowell, and be good to her. I'll be watching very closely. [then goes up to Imogene and takes her hands] There is no prince, Aunt Imogene. You need to talk to someone about these delusions. [walks past Lady Ascot, looking sternly at her] I happen to love rabbits, especially white ones. [goes up to her mother] Don't worry, Mother. I'll find something useful to do with my life. [turns to the Chattaway sisters] You two remind me of some funny boys I met in a dream. Lord Ascot: You've left me out. Alice: No, I haven't, sir. You and I have business to discuss. Lord Ascot: Shall we speak in the study? Alice: [smiles and starts to head to the house, when suddenly she

Dialogue

[last words] Hello, Absolem.