Quotes
The Golden Girls, season 1
Back to The Golden Girls, season 1Quotes
The Engagement [1.01]
Dorothy: I taught a class today. The finest school in Dade County. Two girls had shaved heads, and three boys had green hair.
Coco: They're expressing themselves.
Dorothy: Well, I expressed myself. I told them they had…
Read the full quoteThe Engagement [1.01]
Oh, it is wonderful dating in Miami. All the single men under eighty are cocaine smugglers.
Read the full quoteDorothy The Engagement [1.01]
Dorothy: Tell me, how is Blanche?
Rose: She didn't go to work again today. It's been three weeks and she just sits in her room. The museum's gonna fire her.
Dorothy: Well, we've tried everything. Golf, the movies…
Read the full quoteGuess Who's Coming to the Wedding? [1.02]
Dorothy: You walked out on me and you didn't even have the decency to tell me you were leaving. I heard it from some lawyer over the telephone. A stranger, Stanley, a total stranger told me that my marriage was over.…
Read the full quoteRose the Prude [1.03]
Dorothy: Honey, are you alright?
Rose: I'll be fine.
Blanche: Is this about Arnie?
Dorothy: No, Blanche. She's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke.
Read the full quoteRose the Prude [1.03]
Blanche: I'm going to have to meet men lying down.
Sophia: I thought you did.
Read the full quoteTransplant [1.04]
Blanche: You've never heard about anyone hating their sister?
Rose: Never. Maybe it's Southern.
Blanche: Sleeping with your brothers is Southern!
Read the full quoteTransplant [1.04]
Rose: [about Blanche] Wherever she goes, she finds a man!
Sophia: So do hookers.
Read the full quoteThe Triangle [1.05]
Rose: What kind of a friend would you be if you let Elliot ruin her life? She could marry that man. They could have a child! [Blanche looks at her strangely] ...They could adopt a child! And then one night at the country…
Read the full quoteThe Triangle [1.05]
Blanche: Nobody ever believes me when I'm telling the truth. I guess it's the curse of being a devastatingly beautiful woman.
Dorothy: Oh, please!
Blanche: The only other woman who could possibly understand what I've…
Read the full quoteOn Golden Girls [1.06]
Dorothy: I do not snore.
Sophia: Please, I'll bet less disgusting noises come out of Ernest Borgnine!
Dorothy: Ma, I do not snore.
Sophia: Please! I had to turn you away from the windows so you wouldn't inhale the…
Read the full quoteOn Golden Girls [1.06]
Blanche: [after Sophia slaps David for mouthing off] Is that all you Italians know how to do? Scream and hit?
Sophia: No. We also know how to make love and sing opera!
Read the full quoteThe Competition [1.07]
Rose: I wonder why Italian men are so romantic.
Dorothy: It’s the tight pants, Rose.
Read the full quoteThe Competition [1.07]
Blanche: Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!
Sophia: That's right! But unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.
Read the full quoteBreak-In [1.08]
Rose: The name Madonna doesn't really fit her.
Sophia: "Slut" would be better!
Rose: Sophia!
Dorothy: Oh, please, please! She did things on that stage I never did with my husband!
Read the full quoteBreak-In [1.08]
Rose: [The robbers] were probably looking for drugs.
Dorothy: We have Maalox and estrogen. How many junkies have gas and hot flashes?
Read the full quoteBlanche and the Younger Man [1.09]
Blanche: [about Dirk] This is strictly off the record, but Dirk's nearly five years younger than I am.
Dorothy: In what, Blanche? Dog years?
Read the full quoteBlanche and the Younger Man [1.09]
Blanche: He was looking for a mother, not a lover. It was humiliating.
Rose: I think it's sweet.
Blanche: You would, Betty Crocker.
Read the full quoteHeart Attack [1.10]
Dorothy: You know, Ma, you don't look good.
Sophia: I'm short and I'm old. What are you expecting - Princess Di?
Read the full quoteHeart Attack [1.10]
Rose: Is there anything else we can get you, Sophia? A little tea, perhaps?
Sophia: I'm not in England, I'm having a heart attack!
Read the full quoteThe Return of Dorothy's Ex (a.k.a.) Stan's Return [1.11]
Dorothy: Please, please Stan. No hugging, no kissing. Let’s just do it and get it over with.
Stan: Sounds like the last few years of our marriage.
Dorothy: I wish it was that good.
Read the full quoteThe Return of Dorothy's Ex (a.k.a.) Stan's Return [1.11]
Stan: [sobbing] Chrissy left me for a younger man!
Dorothy: Younger than Chrissy? Where did she meet him, Camp Snoopy?
Read the full quoteThe Custody Battle [1.12]
Rose: Who’s going to keep after us, and make us linguine and tell us stories about Sicily?
Dorothy: I don’t know, Rose. Maybe Mary Poppins has an Italian cousin.
Read the full quoteThe Custody Battle [1.12]
Sophia: Oh, Dorothy. Can I make a little suggestion when you go for your makeover?
Dorothy: Sure. What is it?
Sophia: Don't expect a miracle.
Read the full quoteA Little Romance [1.13]
Dorothy: [in Rose's dream, about the wedding] You can't disappoint your guests.
Rose: The guests? But I have to think about what's best for me!
Dorothy: That's only in real life, Rose. In a dream, you do what's best for…
Read the full quoteA Little Romance [1.13]
Blanche: He analyzed my dream.
Dorothy: What dream?
Blanche: Oh, that recurring dream I have where I'm running naked through a train that keeps going through tunnel after tunnel while a sweaty bodybuilder chases me. He…
Read the full quoteThat Was No Lady [1.14]
Dorothy: I am going out with a new man tonight and he is not Italian.
Blanche: Oh, who is he, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Oh, his name is Glenn O'Brien.
Rose: Where did you meet him?…
Read the full quoteThat Was No Lady [1.14]
Rose: [talking to Dorothy after Dorothy returns from a date with Glenn] Oh, so you spent the evening at dinner!
Dorothy: No, we spent dinner at dinner. We spent the evening at a motel.
Rose: A motel?!! Dorothy! A cheap…
Read the full quoteIn A Bed of Rose's [1.15]
Sophia: [to Rose] There's a man in your bed.
Rose: Sophia, there's not!
Blanche: [to Rose] Why, you devil, you!
Dorothy: So that was what we heard! Rose!…
Read the full quoteIn A Bed of Rose's [1.15]
Rose: I can't tell her her husband died in my bed.
Sophia: Tell her you went to turn on the sprinklers, and you found him on the lawn.
Rose: That's not bad...
Dorothy: Oh, Rose.…
Read the full quoteThe Truth Will Out (a.k.a.) The Will [1.16]
Blanche: My whole life is an open book.
Sophia: Your whole life is an open blouse!
Read the full quoteThe Truth Will Out (a.k.a.) The Will [1.16]
Blanche: Well, who hasn't told a lie?
Sophia: Me! I never lie.
Dorothy: Ma, how much did you lose at the dog track last week?
Sophia: None of your business and that's the truth!
Read the full quoteNice and Easy [1.17]
Blanche: Let me get a look at you, girl! Terrific little figure, gorgeous hair, perfect skin! Just like looking in the mirror.
Sophia: Get some Windex!
Read the full quoteNice and Easy [1.17]
Lucy: I hope I wasn’t too much trouble.
Rose: Don't be silly.
Dorothy: We enjoyed having you.
Sophia: So did half of Miami.
Read the full quoteThe Operation [1.18]
Dorothy: [watching her roommate stretch] Why are you doing those exercises?
Bonnie: No reason. I just like to stay healthy.
Dorothy: I hate to break it to you, Bonnie, but you're in a hospital. The exercises aren't…
Read the full quoteThe Operation [1.18]
Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing here?
Sophia: You were operated on. You're my daughter! Where else would I be?
Read the full quoteSecond Motherhood [1.19]
Rose: Dorothy, if the Egyptians built the pyramids, now we can move this toilet.
Dorothy: Fine. Get me 20,000 Hebrews and I'll have it out of here in no time.
Read the full quoteSecond Motherhood [1.19]
Dorothy: Honey, do you know what's behind that wall that you're banging on?
Rose: A lateral fusion pipe.
Dorothy: And do you know what's on the other side of that lateral fusion pipe?
Rose: No...…
Read the full quoteAdult Education [1.20]
Blanche: Oh girls, I am devastated, just devastated.
Dorothy: What happened?
Blanche: I asked my teacher for help like you all told me to. He said the only way I would get an A on his final is if I sleep with him.
Rose…
Read the full quoteAdult Education [1.20]
Rose: I'm a very patient person. I once waited two whole weeks for a stye to go away. Every night I'd close my eyes and I'd picture it getting smaller and smaller, and one morning I woke up and it was gone!
Dorothy: Ma…
Read the full quoteFlu Attack (a.k.a.) The Flu [1.21]
Blanche: Dorothy, where's my heating pad?
Dorothy: How should I know?
Blanche: Well, if this isn't it, I'd like to know what <i>other</i> electrical appliance you're using under that blanket.
Read the full quoteFlu Attack (a.k.a.) The Flu [1.21]
Blanche: Oh, you don't have to worry about me, honey. I never get sick. I take very good care of myself. I treat my body like a temple.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.
Read the full quoteJob Hunting [1.22]
[to Rose] Sure you're five years older. So am I, so is Blanche. [Blanche gives Dorothy a dirty look] Alright, so you have a few more wrinkles. So do I, so does Blanche. [Blanche gives a dirtier look] Alright, you're a…
Read the full quoteDorothy Job Hunting [1.22]
Rose: It's terrible, just terrible! I am so upset.
Dorothy: Rose, Rose, honey, sit down sweetheart, tell us all about it. Ma, would you get Rose some water?
Sophia: What is she going to do with water? Has water ever made…
Read the full quoteBlind Ambitions [1.23]
Blanche: You still watch television?
Lily: Well, I don't exactly watch it. I just pretend it's radio.
Sophia: We don't exactly watch it either, with our crummy TV. We get two channels at once. For a while there I thought…
Read the full quoteBlind Ambitions [1.23]
Lily: Girls, I'm feeling a little chilly. I think I'll go and get my sweater.
Rose: Oh, no, I'll get that, I'll get that for you.
Lily: Oh, Rose, for heaven sakes, I can find my own way. [the girls frantically move all…
Read the full quoteBig Daddy [1.24]
Cowboy #2: Howdy, ladies. My name's Rusty. I don't recollect seeing you two fillies 'round these parts. Mind if a lonesome cowboy puts his saddlebags 'round your campf...
Dorothy: Give us a break, would you mac!
Read the full quoteBig Daddy [1.24]
Rose: Oh, Sophia. I want to explain about last night. When I was a little girl one summer we had a terrible thunderstorm...
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, have I given any indication at all that I care?
Read the full quoteThe Way We Met [1.25]
Blanche: It was at that moment I realized that my bosoms had the power to make music!
Dorothy: Didn't Bette Midler win a special Grammy for that?
Read the full quoteThe Way We Met [1.25]
Dorothy: Oh girls, let's face facts. The three of us just can't agree on anything. I mean, it is obvious we were not meant to live together.
Blanche: I hate to agree with you, but I think you're right.
Rose: I think so…
Read the full quote