Mike & Molly

[High after smoking a joint] Has it been a long time since I've talked?

Mike & Molly, CC BY-SA 4.0

Molly: Wait a second, you're dating my mother? Vince: Hey, old soup is still good if you heat it up.

Mike & Molly, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mike: [at a restaurant] How's your snapper? Molly: [loopy on cold medicine] Fine. How's your penis?

Mike & Molly, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mike: I'm alright, Nana. How are you? Grandma: Oh, I'm right with my savior and tight with my bookie!

Mike & Molly, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mike: She was showing off and speaking in different languages. Grandma: You mean in tongues like the Pentecostals? Mike: No, like French and German and Shakespeare. Grandma: Oh good, 'cuz I've been to a tent revival and that mess will put you off Jesus!

Mike & Molly, CC BY-SA 4.0

Molly: Look, I have no interest in pouring hot wax on my lady business and ripping all the hair out. Victoria: Eighteen months, four days, five hours, sweetie. I can have that wax heated up lickity split. Joyce: And then he can get at it lickity split. Molly: All right, maybe a little off the sides. But we should probably have a safe word. Joyce: Well, I always just scream 'Ouch, my hoo ha!'

Mike & Molly, CC BY-SA 4.0