The Fortune Cookie

Charlotte Gingrich: Children! Jeffrey. Ginger. Cut that out. This is a hospital. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Let 'em. If they're gonna break a leg, this is the place to do it.

The Fortune Cookie, CC BY-SA 4.0

Nun: Oh, I . . . I'm terribly sorry. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: All my fault, Sister. I was just trying to, uh, I'm his brother-in-law, Sister. Nun: I see. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: And this is his mother, Sister, and this is my wife, his sister, Sister. Nun: How do you do? William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: We were sort of anxious to find out if, uh . . . Nun: I understand. But it'll be a few more minutes. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Thank you, Sister. [to his sobbing mother-in-law] Shut up, Mother. Harry Hinkle's mother: Poor Harry. He was always so brittle. [to Charlotte Gingrich] Remember when he fell off the garage? Charlotte Gingrich: Oh, Mother, not that old story again. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: What story? Harry Hinkle's mother: When they were kids in Toledo, he and Charlotte were playing paratrooper. She pushed him off the roof. Charlotte Gingrich: I didn't push him, he jumped. And anyway, he had an umbrella. Is it my fault

The Fortune Cookie, CC BY-SA 4.0

Harry Hinkle's mother: Harry? Harry, baby, how do you feel? Harry Hinkle's mother: It's me, Mama. And Charlotte is here and Willie and Ginger and Jeffrey. Harry Hinkle: Hi, sports fans. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: How is he, Doc? Doctor: I think he has a mild concussion. We've put him under sedation. He'll rest comfortably tonight. Harry Hinkle: This is Harry Hinkle on Camera Four. Harry Hinkle's mother: He doesn't know his own mother. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Well, Doc, any ruptures, broken bones, internal bleeding? Doctor: I don't think so. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: You don't think so? How long you been outta medical school? Doctor: Five months. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: That long, huh? Doctor: Sir? Harry Hinkle: Okay, Louie. You pick up the band. I'll pan with the pompom girls. La la-la la-la-la-la-la.

The Fortune Cookie, CC BY-SA 4.0

William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Now, tell me, Mr. Cimoli. Exactly how did you break your hip? Mr. Cimoli: It's my pelvis. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: All right, your pelvis. How did it happen? Mr. Cimoli: I was comin' out this store, and there it was on the sidewalk. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: What? Mr. Cimoli: This. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: I see. And you were coming out of what store? Mr. Cimoli: Well, that was Nat's Delicatessen on Euclid Avenue. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Too bad. Mr Cimoli: Oh, such pain. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: I mean, too bad it didn't happen further down the street in front of the May Company. From them, you can collect. Couldn't you have dragged yourself another 20 feet? William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Hello? Speaking? O'Brien, Thompson, and Kincaid? Yes, what can I do for you? The Hinkle case? Oh, yes. I'm handling that. Well, I can't talk right now. I have an office full of people.

The Fortune Cookie, CC BY-SA 4.0

Thompson: [on William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich] This guy is so full of angles and gimmicks and twists, he starts to describe a doughnut, and it comes out a pretzel. O'Brien: Nevertheless, when he gets here, I suggest we try the friendly approach. Thompson: Okay. But after you shake hands with him, I suggest you count your fingers. Chester Purkey: I'd better get out of here. O'Brien: Purkey, I want you to keep digging away. Chester Purkey: My pleasure. I'd like to dig a nice, deep hole for our friend Gingrich.

The Fortune Cookie, CC BY-SA 4.0

William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Hi there, Purkey, old boy. Chester Purkey: Hello. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: They keeping you busy? Chester Purkey: I'm not complaining. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Attababy! [to the Lawyers' receptionist] To see O'Brien, Thompson, and Kincaid. Lawyers' receptionist: And you are? William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Gingrich, Gingrich, and Gingrich. Chester Purkey: Hey! William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: What's the matter? Chester Purkey: Nothin'. Lawyers' receptionist: Go right in, Mr. Gingrich. William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: Thanks. And take the rest of the afternoon off.

The Fortune Cookie, CC BY-SA 4.0