Quotes

Other

We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the book.

Dialogue

Kurt: Hey, Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags policy? J.D.: Well, they, uh, seem to have an open door policy on assholes, though, don't they?

Dialogue

J.D.: Is your life perfect? Veronica: I'm on my way to a party at Remington University... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends. J.D.: I...I don't really like your friends either. Veronica: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit. J.D.: Maybe it's time to take a vacation.

Dialogue

Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck! Veronica: You goddamn bitch! Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me! You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn! You were a bluebird! You were a brownie! You were a Girl Scout cookie! I got you into a Remington party! What's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke! Veronica: LICK IT UP, BABY! Lick! It! Up! Heather Chandler: Monday morning, you're history. I'll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. Nobody at Westerburg's gonna let you play their reindeer games!

Dialogue

Veronica: Oh my God! I just killed my best friend! J.D.: And your worst enemy! Veronica: Same difference! J.D.: What are we gonna tell the cops? "Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge"?! Veronica: Oh, the cops! I can't believe this is my life! Oh my God! I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford! J.D.: Ah, right. Just a little freaked here. Well, at least you got what ya wanted, ya know? Veronica: Got what I wanted?! It is one thing to want somebody out of your life! It is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer!

Dialogue

Heather McNamara: [praying over Heather Chandler's casket] Oh God, this is a tragic thing, and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with it and stuff. Please send Heather to Heaven and all that. Peter Dawson: Dear God, please make sure this never happens to me, cause I don't think I can handle suicide. Plus, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen. Ram Sweeney: Jesus, God in Heaven, why did you have to kill such hot snatch? It's a joke, man. Jeez, people are so serious. Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, pray for all us sinners so we don't get caught. —Another joke, man. Heather Duke: I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times, and I felt bad every time I did it, but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. [smiles] Praise Jesus! Hallelujah! Veronica Sawyer: Hi, I'm sorry. Technically I did not kill Heather Chandler, but hey, who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nice place. Amen. Did that s

Dialogue

Kurt's Dad: [at Kurt and Ram's funeral] My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son. J.D.: Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.

Dialogue

Veronica: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits. Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits! Veronica's Mom: Treated like human beings? Is that what you just said, Little Miss Voice of a Generation? Just how do you think adults act with other adults? You think it's all just a game of doubles tennis? When teenagers complain about wanting to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they're being treated like human beings.

Dialogue

Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing. Veronica: Heather, you're throwing your life away to become a statistic in the US-fucking-A Today! That's about the least private thing I can think of!

Dialogue

Veronica: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you? Heather McNamara: Probably.

Dialogue

Veronica: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a megabitch?! Heather Duke: Because I can be.

Dialogue

J.D.: Do you think that just because you started this thing you can end it?! Veronica: I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you! I swear to God! How do I turn off the Goddamn bomb, asshole?! J.D.: [flips the bird at Veronica] FUCK YOU! [Veronica shoots his middle finger] Shit! Veronica: It's all over, J.D.! Help me stop it! J.D.: You wanna clean the slate as much as I do! All right, so maybe I am killing everyone in the school, because nobody loves me! Let's face it, all right? The only place where different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven! Veronica: Which button do I press to turn it off?! J.D.: [sarcastic] Try the red one, all right?! [gestures towards the bomb, which has three red buttons] Seriously, people are gonna look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there is a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society!" That's pretty deep, huh? Veronica: WHICH red button?! J.D.: Press the one in the mid

Dialogue

Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell. Veronica: Yeah? I just got back. Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town.