Quotes

Dialogue

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I was just gonna, you know, grade my lunch, eat a few tests and hope for the best. Martha George: [about the excitement of getting married] How do you hold in it? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [thinking she meant waste] Well, like everybody else, Martha. I just cross my legs real tight. Martha George: [gets a little tickled by that answer] I was talking about your excitement.

Dialogue

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I'm up! Weebo: Phillip, it's 6:00. Are you awake? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Up and ready for a new day. Weebo: Oh, what a beautiful morning. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Oh, what a beautiful day. I can't find my socks. Weebo: They're in your shoes. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Where are my shoes? Weebo: They're on your feet. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Thank you.

Dialogue

Sara: Phillip, please, be careful. Phillip: Don't worry. There's no chance that anything could go wrong!

Dialogue

Weebo: Maybe you should just go without me. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Why? Weebo: Because I get car sick. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Oh, come on. You're not gonna blow chips. Weebo: No! Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: You don't have a stomach. Weebo: I have a queasy gyro.

Dialogue

Wilson Croft: What happened between us, Phil? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I just got tired of you stealing my ideas, Wilson.

Dialogue

Wilson Croft: I won't deny that I hate you for your brilliance. I'm petty, corrupt. I probably would have gone mad trying to compete with you in pure thought. But, uh, I'm not an innovator like you, Phil. I'm an adapter. And to that end, I have profited from your ideas. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Why are you here? Wilson Croft: Well, to be honest, I'm here this weekend to steal your fiancée. And make her my wife. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I think you'll be sadly disappointed.

Dialogue

[to Sara, before he attempts to fall out the window with the flubber springing him back up] Ta-ta, my love.

Dialogue

I believe that a woman should love a man for what he is, not for what she wants him to be.

Dialogue

Chester Hoenicker: All right. One more time, what happened? Wesson: He took a golf ball. He rubbed this cream on it and then the golf ball took and... Wesson: ...popped Smith in the head. Smith: Several times. Chester Hoenicker: Mm-hmm. Wesson: I got hit with a bowling ball. Smith: Repeatedly. Chester Hoenicker: Were you drinking? Wesson: No. Smith: Two beers at dinner. Wesson had a white wine. Wesson: With dinner. Chester Hoenicker: Right. Wesson: It's this stuff he's got, sir. It's... I don't know what it is. I don't know where it come from, but... Wesson: ...It will give you one heck of a headache. Chester Hoenicker: Oh... goodness.

Dialogue

[high-pitched voice] This definitely has applications in the field of sports. Ho, ho, ho! Yes!

Dialogue

Rutland: Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there. Refree: Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down!

Dialogue

There's not a darn thing to be afraid of, pal. How can anything get in your window? It's closed, okay?

Dialogue

Chester Hoenicker: You came to repay your loan? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: No. Chester Hoenicker: I know you didn't. I was just having a little fun. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I'm here to sell you the Flubber. Chester Hoenicker: You been to your house recently? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Yes. Chester Hoenicker: Do I really need to buy it? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Flubber's a very quixotic substance. It's very difficult to handle. Have you tried to do anything with it? Chester Hoenicker: My man are working on it. It won't be a problem. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I could make it a lot easier for you. If you give us a 30 day extension on the loan, I'll tell you everything I know... and make you a great deal on Flubber. Chester Hoenicker: I'll give you the 30 days, and after that you give me two years. Whatever you come up with over the next two years is mine. Sara Reynolds: That's not fair. Chester Hoenicker: Shop somewhere else, lady. Professor

Dialogue

Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Weebo--I've solved all our problems! Weebo: [showing an image of Dumbo on her display screen] I'm all ears. Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Flubber is going to the basketball game.

Dialogue

Weebo: Um, Professor? Why the long face? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I think you know why. Weebo: [Showing a picture of Sara] Maybe a Sara issue? Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Wish I understood human beings. Wish I understood women. Wish I understood emotions and passions. Wish I understood any of that. If I did, I woudn't have had to spend my entire life in a laboratory trying to figure out how the world works. I would've been out in the world trying to figure out why it works. [Weebo records Phillip Brainard on her display screen] I know I love her, Weebo. Every neuron in my limbic system is saturated with phenylethylamine. That triggers euphoria, elation, exhilaration. Truth is, Weebo, I'm not absent-minded because I'm selfish, crazy, or inconsiderate. I'm absent-minded because I'm in love with Sara. Weebo: Oh, Professor.

Dialogue

Chester Hoenicker: Brainard had something to do with this. Wesson: I-It's the same stuff we saw the other night, over at his house. Chester Hoenicker: (sarcastically) Right.

Dialogue

[to Sara] Mom. Mom. Flubber's gone. [to Flubber] Get back here! When we get to the hotel, I don't care what you say. I'm not sharing a room with him. Look at him. He's gross. He bounces all the time. He squeaks. He phase-shifts. I mean, he's a quasi-plasmoid. If it's hot in Hawaii, I hope he melts.