Quotes

Dialogue

Vincenzo: Miss Kensington says "fashionably late" was an hour ago. What seems to be the problem? Carlo: I'm a hairdresser. Not a zookeeper.

Dialogue

Roger: You think maybe my daughter's asking for a little attention? Vincenzo: I'd say she's demandin' it. Roger: Hmm.

Dialogue

[to the main office of child services on the phone] Let me just run this by you one more time, okay? Please, just hear me out, one more time. Okay. I know I don't make that much money, and I know that I'm a little bit single, but I want to adopt Amanda. No, I... Are you laughing at me? [to Patty] He's laughing at me! [to phone] You... You stupid JERK! [hangs up in fury]

Dialogue

Roger: Excuse me, ma'am. Did you just snort? Roger: I suppose you think this is funny? [picks up a butterknife w/a bit of butter on it] Well, maybe you'll get a little chuckle outta this. Diane: You wouldn't dare. Diane: FOOD FIGHT!!!

Dialogue

Diane: You were supposed to protect her! You should've done something. Y-Y-You could've slit their tires or something! Anything! Jerry: They had the paperwork! Diane: What paperwork?! Patty: [hands Diane the paperwork] We couldn't find you! Miss Van Dyke was here. What did you want us to do, lie in front of the van, for God's sake?! Diane: I would have! [drops the paperwork] I'm takin' the Jeep! [takes the keys to the Jeep] Jerry: Hey, that's the camp's! Diane: [furiously] Oh, don't you even...! [storms off]

Dialogue

Clarice: Where the hell is everybody? Vincenzo! Vincenzo: I sure hope you got a plan.

Dialogue

Harry Jr.: We've been looking for you, Your Highness. Alyssa: [annoyed] Leave me alone. Brenda: But, Your Majesty, we brought you something. Billy: Yeah. Something to make you feel more at home.

Dialogue

Billy: Hail Betty, Queen of the scrap heap! All Butkis Kids: Hail Betty! Alyssa: But my name's Alyssa Callaway! Harry: Yeah, right. And I'm Princess Di.

Dialogue

Alyssa: We'll never make it! We only have 10 minutes! Diane: So, Lou! Lou: Yeah? Diane: How close can you land this thing to the church? Lou: Central Park close enough? Diane: Central Park? The Central Park? That'll do.

Dialogue

Diane: Oh, no. NOT another horse! Alyssa: Diane, come on! Diane: All right. Diane: Where is the driver? Diane: Oh! Hey, Buddy! Listen, you gotta take us to St. Bart's right away! It's an emergency! Driver: [mouthful] We're closed, Miss. I'm on my break! Diane: I wanna thank you for all your help, Bud! Alyssa: [whips the reins] HYAH! Driver: [still mouthful] Hey. Hey, lady! Hey, that's... Driver: [screams clearly] THAT'S MY HORSE!!!!!

Dialogue

Alyssa: Aren't you coming?! Diane: [stammers] Uh, no, I think I'm just gonna wait for Amanda out here. Alyssa: Diane Barrows! Get your butt up here this... instant! Diane: Okay. Okay. Maybe I'll just stand in the back and take a little look-see.

Dialogue

Clarice: This is all YOUR fault! Vincenzo: [furiously] Lady, if you touch that child, I'll POP you one, so help me God! Clarice: Oh, my God! There's two of them! It's a conspiracy! [laughs and smiles] Well, at least I'll get to hit one of you. Diane: HEY! Back off, "Barbie". And by the way, you have a little, tiny bit of something right here on your teeth. Clarice: I have never been more humiliated in my LIFE! Alyssa: Wanna bet? Clarice: Oh, my God! [shrieks] Daddy! [runs out in humiliation] Oh, my God!

Dialogue

Alyssa: [to Amanda] Told ya, third time's the charm. Roger: W-wait a minute. All of this? This was your doing? Diane: Oh, it WAS, was it? Roger: Well, ladies, what do you have to say for yourselves? Amanda and Alyssa: So kiss already!