Quotes

Dialogue

Padre: [from trailer] Padre: It's not safe for you to be here. Machete: I'm not looking for "safe". Padre: No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here!

Dialogue

[from trailer] I absolve you of all your sins. Now, get the fuck out!

Dialogue

Machete don't text.

Dialogue

We didn't cross the border. The border crossed us.

Dialogue

Sartana: I thought Machete don't text. Machete: Machete improvise.

Dialogue

Padre: [offers Machete a cigar] Cuban? Machete: Mexican.

Dialogue

I'd rather see that Mexican dance the Bolero at the end of a rope.

Dialogue

Booth: Machete sent me a text. Osiris: What did it say? Booth: "You just fucked with the wrong Mexican."

Dialogue

Well, there's a law and there's what's right. I'm going to do what's right.

Dialogue

[after shooting a Mexican trying to cross a border] Welcome to America.

Dialogue

Torrez: You're Machete's girl. I know, because you're his type. Sartana: What type is that? Torrez: Dead.

Dialogue

Henchman: Please, father. Have mercy. Padre: God has mercy, I don't!

Dialogue

Helter Skelter's here.

Dialogue

Booth's Bodyguard #1: [seeing Machete walking towards Booth's doorsteps carrying a pickaxe and a motor scythe] Hey, hey-heh, boss. Who are you? Machete: The new gardener. Booth's Bodyguard #1: The gardener. Booth's Bodyguard #1: Just fucking with you, chief. It's Hungarian for I going to kill you, you little monkey. You know what, there's a big pile of shit in the back. You can go and clean that up, all right? Make sure you do a good job. Booth's Bodyguard #1: Make sure to wipe those boots off. Carrying shit in the house. Booth's Bodyguard #1: You ever noticed how you let a Mexican into your house just because he's got gardening tools? No questions asked, you just let him right in. Could have a chainsaw. You know, a machete...

Dialogue

Well, I wanna thank y'all for coming out today, and I wanna thank my supporters from the bottom of my heart. Because we have been tested -- tested by fire. Our border has been put to the test, and let me tell you: we have failed that test. The aliens, the infiltrators, the outsiders, they come right across by light of day or dark of night. They'll bleed us, they're parasites. They'll bleed us until we as a city, a county, a state, a nation are all bled out. Make no mistake: we are at war. Every time an illegal dances across our border it is an act of aggression against this sovereign state, an overt act of terrorism. Everywhere I go in this state people are talking about change. I say "why change"? This is a great state founded on the principles of liberty, I don't wanna change that. Our rightful citizens are hardworking Americans who earn their paychecks by the grit of their guts and the sweat of their brow! I don't wanna change that! "Change," that's what they want, change. Change th

Dialogue

Doctor: How's the eye? Shé: [Wearing an eyepatch] What eye?

Dialogue

April: [dressed as a nun, points a gun at McLaughlin] In the name of my father... McLaughlin: "My father"? April? April: [Shoots McLaughlin in the chest three times] I forgot the rest.