Drowning Mona

They found him this morning...dead in the water, so to speak.

Drowning Mona, CC BY-SA 4.0

Chief Wyatt Rash: My mother always used to say, "When life hands you potatoes, make potato salad." Mona Dearly: Yeah? Well life handed me a whole pile of shit. What am I supposed to do with that?! Phil Dearly: Make shit salad?

Drowning Mona, CC BY-SA 4.0

Bobby Calzone: [Regarding the cost of boneless chicken for the wedding] All right, uh, listen Murph, what's up with the whole chicken thing? You gonna help us out? Murph Calzone: Bobby, look... if you want somebody to sit there and yank the bones out of a hundred chickens, it's gonna run ya money. Bobby Calzone: All right look, but, you're my--y' know, you're the best man at this wedding, Murph... Murph Calzone: I'm not makin' any money on this weddin' as it is! Bobby Calzone: [High-pitched voice cracks] ... You know, you're my brother. Can't ya jist... do a brotherly deboning, or something?

Drowning Mona, CC BY-SA 4.0

Deputy Tony Carlucci: [to Phil Dearly, after informing him of his wife's death] So, uh...you want to tell Jeff about his mom, or do you think we should do it, or... Phil Dearly: Yeah! Uh... Deputy Jimmy D: I mean, we'd be more than happy to do it, Phil, you know, it's just that, coming from you it may cushion the blow. Deputy Tony Carlucci: Being that, you know, he's your son and all. Phil Dearly: Well, in that case, it might be best if one of you did it.

Drowning Mona, CC BY-SA 4.0

Bobby Calzone: Mona Dearly's dead. Ellen Rash: What? Bobby Calzone: She's dead- It was just a- car accident. Ellen Rash: You gotta be kiddin' me. Well- We gotta celebrate! Bobby Calzone: Jesus, God, Ellie she's a human being. Have a little respect. Ellen Rash: I don't gotta have respect for no one in that family. Think how they treated you. Bobby Calzone: How did they treat me? Ellen Rash: Badly! They're a houseful of freaks.

Drowning Mona, CC BY-SA 4.0

Jeff Dearly: Where's my car? Deputy Jimmy D.: Well Jeff, it's a little bit more serious than your car. Jeff Dearly: Would someone mind tellin me what the hell's goin on? Deputy Tony Carlucci: Your mother drove her car into the lake Jeff, I'm afraid she's dead. Jeff Dearly: What was she doing in my car?

Drowning Mona, CC BY-SA 4.0