Shallow Hal

Reverend Larson: First, I want you to promise that no matter what you do in life, you will never ever settle for average. Young Hal: Yes, sir. Reverend Larson: Second, don't be satisfied with routine poontang. Young Hal: [confused] Huh? Reverend Larson: Don't do what I did. I married for love, and your mother Betty, has been a nightmare. Young Hal: But, Dad, Mom's name is Marian. Reverend Larson: Listen to me, I'm giving you pearls here. And third, find yourself a classic beauty. With a perfect can, and great totties. That will put you in good stead with the Lord. Its all in here. Yes, sir. Hot young tail's what its all about.

Shallow Hal, CC BY-SA 4.0

Tony: Haven't you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Mauricio: Have you heard the song Who Let The Dogs Out?

Shallow Hal, CC BY-SA 4.0

You had me at "Get lost".

Shallow Hal, CC BY-SA 4.0

Hal: [noticing Rosemary across the field] Oh my God, there she is. There's Rosemary. Mauricio: [trying to see where she is] Where? Hal: Right there. Mauricio: Right where? Hal: Straight ahead, across the field. Mauricio: Is she behind the Rhino?

Shallow Hal, CC BY-SA 4.0

Hal: [after introducing his overweight girlfriend to Mauricio] Does she take the cake, or what? Mauricio: She takes the whole bakery, Hal.

Shallow Hal, CC BY-SA 4.0

She's got CANKLES!

Shallow Hal, CC BY-SA 4.0