Quotes

Dialogue

Chinese Doctor 1: [After Johnny flicks cigarette ash into Chev's open chest] Get your cigarette out of here asshole! We're operating! Johnny Vang: So sorry. Chinese Doctor 1: Fuck your mother! I let boss know you shit in Superman's stomach. Dumb ass! Johnny Vang: I said I was sorry. [He laughs and then spits into Chev's chest, with the doctor flying into a rage slamming the instrument tray against Johnny]

Dialogue

Chinese Doctor 1: [Conversing in either Mandarin/Cantonese] How long can we keep him alive? Chinese Doctor 2: Maybe long time. He die hard with a vengeance. Chinese Doctor 1: Big Boss need to harvest his cornucopia of organs for later. Lungs, pancreas, bladder... Chinese Doctor 2: What comes out next? Chinese Doctor 1: Boss gave specific order. [Doctor points to a diagram and circles the reproductive organ with Chev fully aware of the intentions] Nurse: [Lifts up medical blanket] Oh, you big cock English. Strong like horse. Chev Chelios: Fuck that. [He proceeds to brutally assault the two doctors before escaping]

Dialogue

Long Beach Nose Punch Triad: [Taps on Chev's shoulder pointing a two tone Springfield XD pistol at Chev] You Lost? Chev Chelios: Nope. [Parries the gun out of the gunman's hand and slams his forearm in his face knocking him out]

Dialogue

Chev Chelios: Alright, Chow Mein. Who do you work for?! Shot Gun Triad: Fuck you, Chelios! [Chev whacks him with the butt of the shotgun] Chev Chelios: Fucking grunt! [Dips shotgun barrel in oil, pulls down the thug's pants, makes a face like; I-can't-believe-I'm-going-to-enjoy-doing-this and then brutally rams the shotgun up his anus] You found me in quite an unpleasant mood this morning, mate. Now I'm going to ask you this question one time. Who's got my fucking strawberry tart?! [Thug looks at him confused and Chev points to his heart while an on-screen subtitle says "strawberry tart=heart"] Capische?! [The thug starts stuttering] J- j- j- j- just spit the fucking name out! [Starts further ramming the shotgun in the thug's ass and starts wiggling it] Shot Gun Triad: Johnny Vang! Chev Chelios: Johnny fucking Vang?! JOHNNY FUCKING VANG?! Good boy! Where?! Shot Gun Triad: Cypress Social Club! Chev Chelios: Cypress-Cypress Social Club? Now you're sure about that, ain't ya?! [Thug nods h

Dialogue

Doc Miles: [Answers phone] Hello, Doc Miles. Chev Chelios: Yeah, Doc. It's Chev. Doc Miles: [Doc Miles spews his drink and ice shaking his head rapidly] Jesus H. Chelios! You've gotta be kidding me! Chev Chelios: Listen, I'm deadly fuckin' serious, Doc. These Triad motherfuckers cut out my fuckin' heart and put in one of those plastic artificial jobs. Doc Miles: You got an artificial heart? Chev Chelios: Do you think I'm having a fuckin' laugh?! Doc Miles: No-No-No, but you got to admit, it's a little out there, dude. Chev Chelios: Yeah, you take your fuckin' time, Doc. Doc Miles: You don't have any time, if you've got an artificial heart. They're not designed to keep you alive more than a couple days while you're waitin' on a transplant. And don't do anything strenuous. Chev Chelios: Yeah, sure, Doc. No problem. So what's my next fuckin' move? Doc Miles: Well, we got to get a real heart put back in you preferably your own. Chev Chelios: I'm on it. Doc Miles: Okay, you're on it. Chev C

Dialogue

Chev Chelios: Hey, Menudo, where's the fuckin' Social Club? [They are silent] Uh, dondé esta La Social Club? [One points to house] Cholo: Buénos nachos, white boy. Chev: [To obese man] You Johnny Vang? [Obese man shakes head and Chev slaps him, knocking him out and Chev walks into house, wreaking mayhem, throwing people out windows and prostitutes run out with Johnny Vang running into a vehicle] Johnny: Go! Ria: [She climbs up to obese man] No sucky fucky for your asshole! [Grabs broken bicycle] Cock suck face! Fag whore! Shrimp dick! BB balls! [Rams bicycle repeatedly on man's crotch] Chicken fat! [Two Triad thugs pull up] What you two faggots looking at?! Cypress Triad Hood #1: Get lost bitch. Ria: Fuck you! [To Triad, about Chev] This dude my Kevin Costner! He going to beat you off! Cypress Triad Hood #1: What?! Chev: Where's Johnny Vang? Cypress Triad Hood #1: You looking to get your ass killed dog?! Ria: You ask for it, he's gonna tap your ass! Chev: Wrong expression. Cypress Tria

Dialogue

Chico: Motherfucker! Woman: Baby. Chico: [Starts chopping a chair with a machete] Motherfucking Chelios! Johnny Vang: [In Chinese] Suck me beaner. Chelios is Triad property. Chico: You like sushi, Chinese man? Johnny Vang: [Laughs maniacally] That's Japanese, El Torito. Chinese don't eat that shit! Chico: How the fuck am I supposed to know what kind of "-ese" you is you slanty-eyed fuck?! Check it out, sushi! [Chico's cohorts hold down Johnny's cohort rolling up sleeve] Johnny Vang: [In Chinese] This is new and exciting. Chico: [Chico slices off the tip of an elbow of Johnny's cohort] Johnny Vang: [In Chinese] We can make a deal. [In English] Hey Chico, we can make a deal huh? [Laughs sheepishly]

Dialogue

Chev Chelios: Eve? Eve. Here, baby. Eve! [Takes her hand] Eve: Chev. Randy: Hey. I need you to take your fuckin' hands off Lemon now, man. Chev Chelios: Who the fuck are you? Randy: Who the fuck am I? Who the fuck are you? Do you know this guy, Lemon? Chev Chelios: Lemon? Eve: You were dead. Uh... I'm...uh, I'm so confused right now. What's that ticking sound? Randy: Yeah, what is that sound? You're kinda weird, tick-man. It's time for you to go! Chev Chelios: Randy? Randy? Come here. Eve: [Ria attacks her out of jealousy] Fuck! Chev Chelios: Not you. Babe, it's not-- Eve: Who the fuck is that? Chev Chelios: Ah, some whore. Fuck, no. That was a mistake. Oh, fuck. Look she's helpin' me find my heart. Eve: Yeah. What?! Chev Chelios: Go away! Come on, let's go. What? Oh, you dozy cunt. Chico: [To posse] No. We need his ass alive. [To Chev] Chev Chelios. Let's save some bullets, dude. Chev Chelios: I'm up for that, when we've all had a drink. Eve: Should I duck? Chev Chelios: Yeah. [A gun

Dialogue

Eve: Why didn't you call me? Chev Chelios: Like fuck I didn't. Didn't you get my message? [Scene of answering machine playing distorted blowing wind as Chev was free falling from helicopter] Eve: No! Where have you been for the last three months? I thought you were dead. Chev Chelios: I fell a mile out of a helicopter. It's a long story. Eve: No way! You know what? That's totally possible. I saw this video on YouTube where this guy's parachute doesn't open and he falls like fourteen thousand feet and he lives. Chev Chelios: Yes baby, I know it's possible because I fuckin' did it! Eve: [Refusing Pepper's lesbian advances] Quit it. Chev Chelios: Since when were you on the Internet? Eve: You know, a lot of things have changed since you died. Chev Chelios: I didn't fuckin' die. Eve: Well, that's besides the point, isn't it? [To Pepper] Get off! Pepper: Ooh! Eve: Where are we going, Chev? Chev Chelios: I don't know. I need to find that slant from the club, the one with the red cooler. Peppe

Dialogue

Chev Chelios: I got to get a hold... I've got to call Doc. I need a cell phone. Pepper: Why didn't you just say it? I have a cell phone. Here. Chev Chelios: You got a cell phone. I got you. Okay? Doc Miles: You've got to work for the things that... Chevy? Chev Chelios: I lost the belt battery, Doc. Doc Miles: How long ago? Chev Chelios: Over an hour Doc Miles: Jesus Christ, that's not fuckin' possible, Chevy. You should be dea... Fuck, never mind. Look... it's a wireless system, so any kind of low-level electrical shock to your skin should juice it. At least temporarily. Hey, Chev I'm a certified heart surgeon. Well, I... I was. I lost my license after I fucked up my ex-wife's vaginal rejuvenation procedure in our basement. That's irrelevant right now. The point is if you can get hold of your heart, I'm reasonably sure I can put it back in for you. Chev Chelios: Okay, Doc. I'll be in touch when I find that Chinese cocksucker that's got me pump. That you even had to choose between Phyll

Dialogue

Venus: You're Chev Chelios, right? The sickest, most wicked-ist motherfucker that ever vaporized motherfuckers in cold-blood, right? Chev Chelios: Yeah, that's me.

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Chev Chelios: Fucking useless! Venus: Yeah? Well, you ain't no Ralph Macchio yourself, Chev!

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Chev Chelios: [Holding Ricky's head] Why do we keep going on like this, Ricky? Hurting each other? Ricky Verona: [Weakly] Water... Chev Chelios: H20? Coming right up! [Kicks Ricky's head into the nearby pool]

Dialogue

Don Kim: Get in. Chev Chelios. Chev: Don motherfucking Kim. So you pull my lily-white ass out of the hot grease again. Don Kim: Please, don't thank me. Chev: I don't think I shall. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, Jeeves... but your slant-eyed associates have taken something... of extreme value to me. And I intend to get it back. Don Kim: You know what you are, Chev Chelios? Chev: Tell me. Don Kim: You... are a shit magnet. [Venus starts experiencing an episode of FBT and is expelled from the vehicle] Your friend has the gay condition. [Laughs] And now, where were we? Chev: You were about to tell me exactly who's got what I need and why. Don Kim: You may have heard of the name Poon Dong. Chev: Only in dirty limericks. Don Kim: The patriarch of our organization. Said to be 100 years old. Considered to be more god than man by the Triad gangs. But several months ago, word had spread out... that Poon Dong had taken gravely ill. And without a heart transplant, he only had a few days le

Dialogue

Chev Chelios: [After being told by Doc Miles about finding someone to rub against, he starts rubbing a spectator's arm and the spectator pushes him off] Terrific race. [Points to the horse he picked] That's a great horse, mate. [Continues rubbing his arm] Hollywood Park Guy: What the fuck, man? What the fuck? Chev Chelios: You did it! Mate, that was all you.

Dialogue

Fish: Fish Halman here, bringing you breaking on-the-scenes coverage of an explosion of mayhem, and lewd behavior that has swept the Long Beach area. Our viewers may remember a similar series of incidents which took place three months back involving this unidentified man. Police are now confirming that today's events are the work of that very same psychotic deviant. Ted Garcia is standing by in Hollywood Park with a live report. Take it away, Ted. Ted: Thanks, Fish. I'm standing here with a group of people. Families, seniors, and degenerate gamblers that are shocked and traumatized by what they've witnessed here today when what started as a sunny, Southern California afternoon at the races turned, without warning, into a public, open-air porno. Fish: Did you say porno, Ted? Ted: Straight up, Fish. I'd like you to meet Glenda Lansing of Hawaiian Gardens. Glenda says she had an all-too up-close-and-personal encounter with the suspect just moments before the shocking incident occurred. Gl

Dialogue

Randy: Lemon. Hey, hey, hey! Eve: Randy?! Randy: Hi. Eve: What are you doing here? Randy: It's about the dude. Eve: What dude? Randy: The asshole. Eve: What about him? Randy: He's on every channel. The guy's a fucking psycho killer, baby. Every cop in this city's looking for him, not to mention the fucking beaners. [Whispers] The fucking Orientals. Eve: So?! Randy: So?! So?! So the heat's on the street... and that dude's playing for keeps, baby. Eve: I have no idea what the hell you just said. Randy: Look. Lemon. Lemon, look. Eve: What?! Randy: I know we've all been down our dark roads in the past, okay, babe? Ex-girlfriend: I need my hair did, my nails did. You ain't gave me no money. Where you been at, Randy? If I ever catch you with another bitch... Well, you do got a big-ass dick for a white boy. Randy: Anyway, look, the point is, you're my lady now, all right? I don't think it's safe for you to be out there with that, that sick fucko running wild right now. Eve: You can say that a

Dialogue

Orlando: Don't leave no skid marks, nigga. Work that ass, baby. Ride that shit, big sexy! Put your arm up, son. Eight seconds, nigga! Yeah. Oh, my God. [Answers phone] Hello. Venus: Orlando? Orlando: Venus! What is up, my man? Where you been, man? I ain't seen your ass since We was all of us broken up about what happened to your brother. You okay? Venus: Orlando, I need your help. Orlando: Venus, come on. You my nigga. Can't get no bigger. L.A. Underground, we're like a family, man. We a freak-ass family, but we family, all right? We look out for our own. What? Venus: I'm looking for a man called The Ferret. El Huron. Orlando: Shit. Ferret?! Police officer: [Pointing guns at Eve] Freeze! Hey! Now, spread it. All right, let's go. Against the car.

Dialogue

EMT: [Chev breaks into an ambulance] This is an ambulance, you fuckhead! Keep hydrating those organs! Hold it in! Jesus. What are you doing? :EMT:This is an ambulance! Chev: Right, motherfucker. I'm aware of that. I'm in need of emergency services. Chev: That's one of Don Kim's blokes. EMT: This man is in critical condition. Get out of here. Chev: I'm aware of that. I'm the fucker that put him there. [Pulls out gun and points it at EMT's head] EMT: Now... Okay, he's got a gun! Chev: You're my physician. Okay. I'm in need of an external lithium battery belt for an Avicor Total Artificial Heart. Might you have such a thing? :EMT:We're gonna lose it, Bronc. Please, look, this guy is fucking dying. Chev: Don't worry about him. He's not gonna make it. Now, about my battery. EMT: Yeah, you said the Avicor TAH. Yeah, we got it. But why? Holy shit. Chev: Chop, chop. Okay. Chev: You ready for this shit? Do it then. Turn the fucking thing on. Feels like crack. Yeah, but better. Chev: Tell me abo

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Venus: Hey. You okay? Wake up. Wake up. Ria, baby. What happened to you? What are you doing out here? What you out here for? I'm looking for the man that killed my brother. Yeah. I have to go. I might not come back. Give the girls kisses and hugs from me. Ria: I kiss and hug all the pussy. You go kill cocksucker.

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Detective: Some boyfriend you got there, Ms. Lydon. He lied to you for six months regarding his work? Which I guess wouldn't be such a big deal if he wasn't a hired killer. He made you a target for the South American mob... for kidnapping, torture, or worse. He sexually humiliated you in front of what... I don't know, half of Los Angeles? Twice. Twice. And then left you there to take the rap? And now you can add an arrest and a police record... to a list of wonderful things Mr. Chelios has brought to your life. Help me out here, sweetheart, okay? Because Because I'm a little bit confused. Why the fuck do you continue to protect this asshole? Eve: That's a dicky question. Besides, I don't know who you're talking about. I mean, I'd like to see you fall out of a helicopter and live. Detective: What? [Colleague whispers to detective, then to Eve] It looks like you made bail. Eve: Great. Can I have my stuff back? Yeah. Detective: Yeah. Just a Just one little piece of advice. Wake the fuck u

Dialogue

Psychiatrist: It's completely normal to be freaked out when someone has a gun at your head. I would've shit myself. Ankleson: I still have nightmares. Psychiatrist: Everybody has nightmares. The point is by coming here and talking with me you made a choice to confront your issues and lick 'em. Ankleson: I can't even leave my fucking apartment. I cl... Every time I go up to... leave the door, I-I see the guy with the gun. Psychiatrist: Think about it like this, Ankleson. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You gotta go out and enjoy it. Knock back a couple of beers, hit a titty bar. Ankleson: Excuse me?! Psychiatrist: Have some smelly snatch rubbed in your face. You gotta get out there, man. Ankleson: Yeah, I've gotta do it. Psychiatrist: Tackle a fucking whore, get your dick wet. Dip your wick into life a little bit. Have some fun. Ankleson: Yeah. I'm gonna go out there and floss my teeth with some pubes. Psychiatrist: Oh, now you're on it. Ankleson: I'm done with fear. My

Dialogue

Hey. Hey. I got 5 dollars that says you blow me for 20 bucks. Oh, stop. Stop right here. Stop right here. Hey, baby. Hey. Hey, baby. How you doing? I'm doing okay, baby. Yeah? How you doing? What you need? You know what I need. Come on. Come on, Daddy.

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[Chico's cohorts throws Chelios unconscious body into vehicle trunk] Fuck you, Chelios!

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Fuck you Chelios! Hey fuck you Chelios! Fuck you Chelios! Fucking fuck your balls Chelios! Yo Chelios, fuck you! Fuck off Chelios! Fuck off Cheli-fucking-os!

Dialogue

Luke Cunard: [Referring to Chev, to Karen] Tell me what he's like when he's at home. Karen Chelios: When he's home, he's like a ghost. He plays those video games; all day, all night. Luke Cunard: Video games. Karen Chelios: All day. Luke Cunard: And you let him do that? Well, you did buy the games for him, yeah? Karen Chelios: Of course. Why should I deny my son? Luke Cunard: How are you today, Chev? Young Chev: I'm golden, sir. Luke Cunard: Your mom tells me that you've been getting into quite a bit of trouble. Is that true? Young Chev: Yes, sir. Regretfully, that's true. Luke Cunard: What kind of trouble? Young Chev: Fighting, talking back, pinching. Luke Cunard: Pinching what? Young Chev: Televisions, stereo components, books from the library. That's not all. No, sir. Also a till from a restaurant and one car. Luke Cunard: A toy car? Young Chev: No, sir. A BMW Z1. [Studio audience goes into uproar and Chev displays the the finger'] Luke Cunard: Hey, sit. People, people, all right. I

Dialogue

El Huron: Hola, Chev. Chev Chelios: I take it you're the greasy fucker that's been huntin' me all day. El Huron: The Ferret. Some people know me by this fucking name. And many men have died cursing the name of El Huron... as they choked on their own blood and the blood of their families. Chev Chelios: Colorful geezer. El Huron: I was born with another name... the name of my father. Chev Chelios: Yeah-Yeah-Yeah-Yeah-Yeah, fuckin' hell. El Huron: And my father's father's. Chev Chelios: We're all very sad. El Huron: And the name... that I share... with my two brothers... Alejandro... and Ricardo. Chev Chelios: Verona. El Huron: Well, l-I can tell... by the tick-tick-tick... that you had no idea... that there was a third brother. Chev Chelios: Nope. That fact escaped me... or I assure you, Elvis, I would have made it a fucking hat trick. El Huron: I got a trick-or-treat for you cabrőn. I'm gonna make you wish... that you was never a man. Chev Chelios: If you want to kill what's left of me,