Coupling

Jeff: So, you're really going to do it? Steve: Oh, yeah. This time. Jeff: Do you think she knows you're going to dump her? Steve: She ought to know by now. I've dumped her the last four times I've seen her. Jeff: So what goes wrong? Steve: We have sex. Jeff: You have sex? Steve: She makes me. Jeff: How? Steve: She suggests it. Jeff: She suggests it? Steve: Exactly. Jeff: Evil. Steve: The last time I dumped her, we had amazing, fantastic, borderline-illegal sex. Now she thinks we're back on. Jeff: Well, that's ridiculous. Steve: I know, one swallow does not make her my girlfriend. Jeff: So, you dump her, then she does this suggesting thing? Steve: Yeah, I'll just be about to leave, I'll be thinking that I am finally out, she just leans over and looks me in the eyes, and goes; I am wearing stockings. Jeff: No! Steve: She's never worn them before! Not once in the entire relationship! I begged. Jeff: But Steve, you're entitled to her stockings! Steve: Am I?! Jeff: Yes, you're still in the

Coupling (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Sally: Did he say what he wanted? Susan: Not a word. Sally: Maybe he's going to propose. You said you had a fantastic time last weekend. Maybe he's thinking, you know... Susan: One swallow doesn't make a summer. Sally: Maybe you should marry him. Susan: It's not like that. It's very casual. It's really just sex with a fringe of conversation. Sally: But what if he's your last ever man? What if you've used up your go's? Remember: every morning your face has slipped a little bit more. Since (age) 30, I have had to put a daily limit on facial expressions. I only ever smile at single men, so I can justify the loss of elasticity. Susan: Is this how your mind works all the time? Sally: The only reason I work is so I stop worrying about my hair. Susan: And this from my beautician. Which reminds me; facial, Wednesday morning. Just don't count every time you find a wrinkle. Sally: Do I do that out loud? Susan: You've got a running total in my file. Sally, did it ever occur to you that age brings

Coupling (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Jane: And, my sister said; no, so then I said yes, then she said; no, again, so I just said; yes. But then she said; no. So I said yes, yes, yes. Steve: How does this story end exactly? Jane: She said; I had an answer for everything. Steve: Right. Jane: And I just said; yes! Steve: Jane! Ok, listen to me ok? I know I've tried to say this before, and I know I never seem to get anywhere, but this time Jane, I'm going to put it very, very simply. It's over between us. Jane: You want us to split up? Steve: Yes! Oh yes, I do! Jane: I don't accept. Steve: What?! Jane: I don't accept it. Steve: No, no, you can't not accept it. I'm breaking up with you. Jane: Don't I get a say in it? Steve: Of course, you don't. Jane: If I don't get a say, then I don't accept it. Anyway, then my sister just looked at me. And she said; no, no, no... And then my sister said; absolutely not. So I said, absolutely yes. Steve: It doesn't matter whether you accept it or not. It's over. You're dumped. Look, um, it's

Coupling (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Sally: Mary Kelly does not fancy you! Patrick: I can tell from the way she acts around me. She finds me attractive. Sally: Is there any form of female behavior you don't interpret as finding you attractive? Patrick: It's never really come up. Susan: If you two are finished. I thought you wanted to speak to me. Patrick: Yeah, yeah, I do. [To Sally] Could you give us a minute? [Sally gets up to leave and then turns around] Sally: Mary Kelly thinks you're a complete idiot. Patrick: Then why does she keep looking at my arse when we're talking? Sally: She's lip-reading. [She leaves] Patrick: We need to talk. Susan: Sure. Patrick: About out relationship. I'm just starting to think it's getting a bit hot and heavy. And we both need to back off and cool down. You know, maybe we should just both think about where everything's going and whether we're starting to commit more than we intend to or want to. Susan: What relationship? Patrick: I can't believe you! Susan: Well, I didn't mean to hurt yo

Coupling (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Susan: Um, isn't this the ladies? Steve: Sorry. Just, um, washing my hands. Susan: Hmm-mm, and the money's for? Steve: You get these free in the Ladies? Susan: Apparently. Steve: Yeah, um. Well, in terms of humiliating myself in front of a complete stranger, this couldn't get more embarrassing, could it? Susan: So, how are you these days, Steve? Steve: Great. Susan: We met at my office party. Jeff invited you, I think. And you spent the whole evening arguing with some women about Crippen. Yeah, I was rather insulted. I seem to remember trying to chat you up at the time. Steve: Oh. Susan: So have you seen that women recently? Steve: Define "recently". Susan: Ok, look- I'd better- Steve: No, no, hang on. Maybe we could, you know, meet up sometime. Susan: Well, yeah. You know where I work. Jeff's got my number. Nothing to stop you from calling me. Steve: Great. Susan: Great. [She walks over to the stall Jane is in] Steve: Where are you going? Susan: In there. Steve: Why? What are you goin

Coupling (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Susan: Your friend Steve, is he alright? Steve: Yeah, yeah, he's having a bit of trouble at the moment. He's got an unflushable. Susan: Oh, I see. You mean, he can't- Steve: No, no, not so much can't. He won't. Susan: "He won't"? Steve: At the last minute, he gets all sentimental

Coupling (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0