Quotes

System [1.01]

Gary "Sweeps" Woods: So, how are you going to pass the family test? Delicious or impressive? Sydney Adamu: Delicious is impressive. Sweeps: Word.

Hands [1.02]

Chef David: Why are you serving broken sauces? Why? I get it. You have a short man's complex. You can barely reach over this fucking table, right? Is this why you have the tattoos and your cool little scars, and you go out and take your smoke breaks? It's fun, isn't it? But here's the thing: you're terrible at this. You're no good at it. Go faster, motherfucker, keep going faster. Why are you so slow? Why are you so fucking slow? Why? You think you're so tough. Yeah. Why don't you say this? Say "Yes, chef, I'm so tough." Carmy Berzatto: Yes, chef. I'm so tough. Chef David: Say fucking "Yes, chef, I'm so tough"! Carmy Berzatto: Yes, chef. I'm so tough. Chef David: You are not tough. You are bullshit. You are talentless. Say fucking hands. Carmy Berzatto: Hands! Chef David: [whispering] You should be dead.

Hands [1.02]

Sugar: Oh, shut the fuck up. Pete: You want me to shut the fuck up? Sugar: Not you, sweetie, you didn't say anything.

Dogs [1.04]

Richie Jerimovich: It wasn't my phone! Uncle Jimmy: You call an electrician or a plumber, that's it! Richie Jerimovich: I've been saying this shit for fucking years! It wasn't my fucking phone! Uncle Jimmy: [mocking Richie] Oh, Cicero! I'm your guy! I got a kid now, Cicero! I need a fucking real job! Richie Jerimovich: You think I don't know how to pick up a goddamn phone? Uncle Jimmy: [still mocking Richie] Oh, Cicero, can I have tickets to The Lion King? Richie Jerimovich: Pick up a goddamn phone, and we don't even know... how she fell down those stairs. Carmy Berzatto: You want us to get this stuff out back or how do you, uh... Uncle Jimmy: Yeah, take it around the side for me, will you? Carmy Berzatto: Around the side, sure. Uncle Jimmy: Yeah, thanks, Rick. Richie Jerimovich: I fucking hate it when you call me Rick... Uncle Jimmy: I fucking hate it when you don't answer your phone!

Dogs [1.04]

Hey, uh, you guys wanna see something disgusting? I don't understand it. It's so mysterious to me. He's sitting there, sleeping like a baby. I wanna beat the living fucking crap out of him. [looking over a sleeping Pete]

Sheridan [1.05]

Marcus Brooks: I won't make a mistake again. Carmy Berzatto: Yeah, you will. But not 'cause you're you, just 'cause shit happens. I started a fryer fire the night after I won Food & Wine 's Best New Chef; nearly burned the place down. Marcus Brooks: For real? Carmy Berzatto: For real. This weird thing happens too; you have this minute where you're watching the fire and you're thinking, "If I don't do anything, this place will burn down and all of my anxiety will go away with it." Marcus Brooks: And then you put the fire out. Carmy Berzatto: Then you put the fire out.

Sheridan [1.05]

Neil Fak: And this one time, when I was a kid, I thought I saw a dragon. Richie Jerimovich: Just pay attention! Don't strip the thread. Neil Fak: I'm not stripping the thread. Stop trying to fuck me! Richie Jerimovich: I'm not trying to fuck you, bro. Neil Fak: Dude, it's a human resources offense, dude. Richie Jerimovich: Oh yeah? Guess what. You're looking at Human Resources. Neil Fak: Really?

Ceres [1.06]

Carmy Berzatto: Is there a name for that thing where you're afraid of something good happening 'cause you think something bad's gonna happen? Richie Jerimovich: I don't know. Life?

Review [1.07]

Carmy Berzatto: Ebra, make sandwiches! Don't stop making fucking sandwiches. Ebraheim: Yes, chef. Carmy Berzatto: I'm going to make three sections, OK? They're going to be Wet, Hot, and Sweet, alright? I'm going to take green tape, make those sections. Louie, I want you to get the sandwiches put into the corresponding sections. Louie Marrero: OK, yeah. Carmy Berzatto: Yo, bag, Sharpie, label that shit. Sweeps Woods: Yes, chef. Sydney Adamu: Tina, fire every single chicken we have, please. OK? Richie, do you even know how to do fries? Richie Jerimovich: Yes. And I know we need them now. Sydney Adamu: OK. Marcus, where are we on cakes? Marcus Brooks: Uh, getting there. Sydney Adamu: Getting there? What the fuck do you - Marcus, what the fuck are you doing still working on this shit? Marcus Brooks: Yo, come on. What are you tripping for? The cakes are in the oven. Sydney Adamu: What the fuck am I tripping for? Are you here right now? Marcus Brooks: It doesn't make a difference. There's fo

Review [1.07]

You are an excellent chef. You are also a piece of shit. This isn't on me. Good luck.

Braciole [1.08]

[At an Al-Anon meeting] My name's Carmen. My, um... My brother's an addict. My, um, my brother was an addict. And this morning, I, um... Sorry, uh... I forgot, um... B-before I came to Al-Anon, I was a cook. I mean, I'm-I'm still a cook, I'm just a different kind of cook, I guess. My brother and I, we would cook a lot together, especially when we were kids. You know, that's-that's when we were closest. Food was always our common ground. We wanted to open a restaurant together. Um, we had a name, we had a vibe, all of it. My brother could make you feel confident in yourself. You know, like, when I was a kid, if I was nervous, I was scared, I wouldn't wanna do something, he'd always tell me to just face it. You know, get it over with. He would always say, um... stupid, he would always say, um... "Let it rip". He was loud, and he was hilarious, and he had this amazing ability. He could just, he could walk into a room, and he could take the temperature of it instantly. You know, he could j

Sundae [2.03]

I think when I was a kid, anything that would give me any sort of excitement or amusement or enjoyment, uh, it always got kinda fucked. You know, I-I don't think my family meant to ruin it or anything like that, you know. I-I don't think they did it on purpose. But I-I think they just, they try too hard. You know, or they'd make promises that they weren't able to keep. Have to remind myself to breathe sometimes. I, um, have to remind myself to, uh... to be present, you know. Remind myself that the sky is not falling, that, um, there is no other shoe, which is incredibly difficult because there is always another shoe.

Honeydew [2.04]

Chef Luca: No, I think at a certain stage it becomes less about skill and more about being open. Marcus Brooks: Open? Chef Luca: Yeah, to the world, to yourself, to other people. You know, most of the incredible things I've eaten haven't been because the skill level is exceptionally high or there's loads of mad fancy techniques. It's because it's been really inspired, you know. Marcus Brooks: I like that. Chef Luca: You can spend all the time in the world in here, but if you don't spend enough time out there? Marcus Brooks: Yeah. Chef Luca: You know?

Pop [2.05]

Natalie, I'm not like this 'cause I'm into Van Halen. I am into Van Halen because I'm like this.

Fishes [2.06]

Stevie: Okay. Um... Listen. Everyone's asking what this... What is the seven fishes or why do we do it? Donna Berzatto: Mm-hmm. Stevie: And I think I know what my definition is. Uh, as soon as I think of it. It's a chance to... be together and to take care of each other. And to eat together. And there's seven fishes, which means you have to make seven entirely different dishes. Seven entirely different ways. And that takes a lot of time. And... I think spending that time and using that time on the people that we love is how we show them that we love them. And maybe we eat too much... and we definitely drink too much and we say too much without listening. But... tonight we... we're gonna eat seven fishes... which is absurd. Uh... But we have to take extra time to do it and we have to chew more and we have to listen more. And, uh, we only get to do this tonight one time. So... I, by the way, love it. I love being here. Thank you for having me every year at this. I look... I very much loo

Fishes [2.06]

Michael Berzatto: I threw the fork, Lee. See what I did, I threw the fork! Richie Jerimovich: Cousin, you're scaring the normals. Michael Berzatto: This is fine, this is nothing. This is... it's nothing. Stevie: Hey Mikey, can you hear me right now? Michael Berzatto: Not right now, Stevie. Richie Jerimovich: Cut it out. Uncle Lee: Rich. Michael Berzatto: Here look, here's the thing: you see, I can throw forks, 'cause this is our father's house. My father's house. Cousin Michelle: We have liftoff. Uncle Lee: Okay, you got everyone's attention, so go ahead, tell us a story we've all heard a million times already. Michael Berzatto: That's good, Lee. Uncle Lee: Yeah, tell a story about how you're living with your mom, and you're borrowing money off of her and any other sucker who'll listen to your bullshit. Uncle Jimmy: Lee shut the fuck up. Uncle Lee: You're one of the suckers, Jimmy! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I told him! I told him not to listen to you, I told him not to help. I told him to

Fishes [2.06]

Sugar Berzatto: Mom. Mom. Hey. You okay? Donna Berzatto: Oh my God. Oh, Natalie... Rose Berzatto... do you know how much I fucking hate when you ask me that? Do you know how much I fucking hate... that you ask me that. Do you... do you ask the rest of these people if they're okay? Sugar Berzatto: No. Donna Berzatto: Uh... do I not look okay, Natalie? Cousin Michelle: Not really. Donna Berzatto: Oh, fuck you, Michelle! I do not look okay? Did I not just bust my ass all day for you motherfuckers? Cousin Michelle: I didn't mean it like that. Donna Berzatto: This... is beautiful! Am I okay? Am I okay? Are you motherfuckers okay? Are you okay, Lee? You didn't do shit! This is fucking gorgeous! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Bolognese [2.08]

Richie Jerimovich: [quoting from The Blues Brothers.] A hundred six miles to Chicago. Carmy Berzatto: Full tank of gas. Richie Jerimovich: Half a pack of cigarettes. Carmy Berzatto: It's dark. We're wearing sunglasses. Richie Jerimovich: Hit it.

The Bear [2.10]

Carmy Berzatto: I wasn’t here. Right? What the fuck was I thinking? Like I was gonna be in a relationship? I’m a fuckin’… I’m a fuckin’ psycho. That’s why. That’s why I’m good at what I do. That’s how I operate. I am the best because I didn’t have any of this fucking bullshit, right? I could, I could focus and I could concentrate and I had a routine and-and I had fuckin’ cell reception and… I don’t need to provide amusement or enjoyment. I don’t need to receive any amusement or enjoyment. I’m completely fine with that. Because no amount of good is worth how terrible this feels. It’s just a complete waste of fuckin’ time. Claire Dunlap: I'm really sorry you feel that way, Carm.

Tomorrow [3.01]

It's a fennel allergy. Sub blood orange.

Next [3.02]

Take us there, Bear.

Next [3.02]

We're going to change everything ... every day?

Doors [3.03]

Carmy Berzatto: No, I hate this. Neil Fak: For a surprise? Carmy Berzatto: No, fuck surprises. Fuck surprises. Neil Fak: Why? I love surprises! You'd love a surprise. Richie Jerimovich: Yes! Fucking surprise! Carmy Berzatto: Richie! No surprise. No fucking surprise! Richie Jerimovich: Stay the fuck out of the dream weave, Carmen! Let's go. Neil Fak: Yes. Richie Jerimovich: One two three... Feliz cumpleanos (Happy birthday)...

Violet [3.04]

I don't know what's flimsier, these walls or the partnership promises.

Children [3.05]

Sugar Berzatto: What's up, Computer? Computer Marshall: Pastry chef? Sugar Berzatto: What about him? Computer Marshall: I mean, he... he makes two things, so that makes him too expensive. Sugar Berzatto: Okay... w-what do you want me to do about it? Computer Marshall: Do you need a pastry chef? Sugar Berzatto: That's Marcus. Computer Marshall: Do you need a Marcus? Sugar Berzatto: Yeah, we need a Marcus. Computer Marshall: Can you get a cheaper Marcus? Sugar Berzatto: Computer. Computer Marshall: Natalie. Sugar Berzatto: I've known you for 35 years. You coached Mikey's Little League team. You're nice to Pete. If you fuck with Marcus, I will murder you. Computer Marshall: Chef. Sugar Berzatto: Chef.

Children [3.05]

You can't put me in a box.

Napkins [3.06]

Michael Berzatto: Listen, you might totally throw that fucking sandwich in my face, and like, have at it, okay? But I'm just gonna say, full disclosure, that this place, like this fucking place, it sucks. Like you go home, and you fucking smell it, you know? And it's like insane, and there's so much fucking yelling here. But, I swear to you, there are days that it is so much fun. Like it is so much fun. And like the pay is shit, right? But there are days we make a rack of fucking tips, and it's like it feels fucking good. So, uh... Tina Marrero: What are you asking me? Michael Berzatto: I need a new line cook. Tina Marrero: Yeah? Michael Berzatto: Yeah. Tina Marrero: I have an actual... I have an actual resume... Michael Berzatto: What the fuck am I gonna do with a resume? I'll go clean the toilet with the fucking resume. I don't need a resume, I talked to you.

Legacy [3.07]

Enabler, hero, scapegoat, mascot, lost child.

Apologies [3.09]

Yeah, I went to a lecture series. How do you think I got to be so erudite?

Forever [3.10]

Carmy Berzatto: Chef! Chef David: Oh hey… Bergatzo? Carmy Berzatto: I always wondered what I would say to you if I ever saw you again. Chef David: Ok let’s hear it. Carmy Berzatto: Honestly after Fuck you, I don’t have much. Chef David: Fuck me? For anything in particular? Carmy Berzatto: Honestly for just being you. Chef David: Right. Well. This has been nice. Carmy Berzatto: I think about you too much. Chef David: I don’t think about you. Carmy Berzatto: Why are you such an asshole? Chef David: How am I an asshole? Carmy Berzatto: Do you have half an hour? Chef David: You're welcome. Carmy Berzatto: You’re welcome? For for for what? Chef David: You were an ok chef when you started with me. But you left an excellent chef. So you’re welcome. Carmy Berzatto: You gave me ulcers. And panic attacks. And and and nightmares. You you know this. Chef David: Ya I gave you confidence and leadership and ability. It fucking worked. So you’re welcome. Carmy Berzatto: I’m I’m I’m fucking stunned rig