Quotes

"God U." [1.01]

Emma Meyer: You want a White Claw? Marie Moreau: It's 9:00 in the morning. Emma Meyer: It's 10:01 somewhere

"God U." [1.01]

Uh, dude, I am not sweating The Incredible Steve. Or anyone that has "the" in their name.

"God U." [1.01]

Marie Moreau: So what were you doing? Emma Meyer: Uh, my YouTube show. Fun Sized with Little Cricket? You haven't seen it? Oh. Well, I'm kind of like PewDiePie without the Nazi stuff.

"First Day" [1.02]

Bob: Did you know supes have a wider range of hearing than us? Like dogs. [He turns up the sound as Andre groans in pain; a female guard appears behind him] Intruder #5: Hey, Bob. Turn it off. Bob: Or what? Intruder #5: I said, turn it off, Bob. Right fucking now. [She switches it off and holds up her flashlight] Bob: What are you doing? Intruder #5: I'll tell you what I'm doing, Bob. First, you're gonna get this flashlight nice and wet with your slutty fucking mouth. Bob: What the fuck is wrong with you? Intruder #5: Then I'm gonna stuff it right up your tight little chocolate starfish until you see God. [Cate suddenly appears behind Bob and touches him, pushing him with her mind] Cate Dunlap: Do it. You know you want to. Andre Anderson: [Bewildered] The fuck...? Bob: Gimme that fucking flashlight! [Gets down on his knees and starts sucking enthusiastically]

"First Day" [1.02]

Indira Shetty: Vought hired me because I'm a problem solver. When 400 kids learnt they weren't gifts from God but their parents drugged them with Compound V as infants, I barely had any suicides, did I? Ashley Barrett: Well, you had one tonight.

"#ThinkBrink" [1.03]

Sam: What's the name... of my all-time favorite movie? Emma Meyer: Well, you're a white guy, so... Uh, Godfather, Star Wars or Shawshank.

"#ThinkBrink" [1.03]

Tiffany: What do I always say? Emma Meyer: Oh. "Pee after sex"?

"#ThinkBrink" [1.03]

[To Golden Boy] Should we talk about our intercourse situation?

"#ThinkBrink" [1.03]

Kayla: Are you surprised? Jordan Li: "Surprised" is a word that I'd use, yeah.

"#ThinkBrink" [1.03]

I think, in the real world, everybody uses everyone.

"#ThinkBrink" [1.03]

Sam: I have a... beanbag (chair). Emma Meyer: Okay, a beanbag is not a compelling reason to stay captive, Sam.

"The Whole Truth" [1.04]

Indira Shetty: What the hell happened? Dr. Edison Cardosa: I mean, maybe Sam penetrated the ear canal with, um... his member? Indira Shetty: That's the sum total of your searing insight, that Sam skull-fucked Bob here?

"The Whole Truth" [1.04]

Indira Shetty: I want the whole security team on this. Dr. Edison Cardosa: Well, half of them are dead. Indira Shetty: Then use the other half.

"The Whole Truth" [1.04]

You have a... a...... piece of eardrum on your shoulder.

"The Whole Truth" [1.04]

Emma Meyer: I killed that guy. Sam: Well, uh, he--he was a sadistic asshole. Does that make you feel any better?

"The Whole Truth" [1.04]

Emma Meyer: You are sick. Sam: I know. Multiple mental hospitals.

"The Whole Truth" [1.04]

Cate Dunlap: What did I do? Andre Anderson: Nothing. That's all I want right now. Just nothing. Cate Dunlap: Well... in that case, you're welcome.

"Welcome to the Monster Club" [1.05]

Sam: Emma? Are you alone? Emma Meyer: I mean, technically, I'm with you, so...

"Welcome to the Monster Club" [1.05]

Do you like Jordan? Do you want to hang out with them? Do you want to talk to them? Do you want to put your mouth on their mouth and other fucking body parts? I mean, come on. This isn't quantum physics.

"Jumanji" [1.06]

Soldier Boy: What are you greasy sack of fuck nuts doing in here? Andre Anderson: What in the fuck? Marie Moreau: Soldier Boy? What are you doing in here? Soldier Boy: I’m Cate’s imaginary friend from when she was a kid. Boyfriend, really. I taught her how to jerk off. Diddle that Skittle. Flick the bean. How to find that man in the canoe. She came like a faucet. She’d crank up the Jonas Brothers and she’d hump a Soldier Boy pillow. She’d raw-dog that pillow till she saw God. Marie Moreau: Gross. Soldier Boy: It was pretty romantic. Jordan Li: [Extends a fist-bump] Hell yeah, brother. Soldier Boy: [Ignores fist-bump extension] Shut the fuck up. Andre Anderson: Fuck you. She... she just didn’t like, she didn’t like Jonas Brothers, was all. Soldier Boy: I know you. Yeah, you’re Cate’s new fuckboy. She really loves you. But whatever. Boys, they come and go. But she always comes back to a little... pillow talk. [Clicks tongue] Andre Anderson: Fuck you. You’re a Russian agent is what you ar

"Jumanji" [1.06]

Prof. Rich Brinkerhoff: Jordan. What do I always say, huh? Being a hero, it’s not about the glory. It’s about... Female Jordan Li: It’s about sacrifice. I know, sir, but what the hell kind of sacrifice was that? Prof. Rich Brinkerhoff: Well, Luke... Luke needs cutting-edge treatments, put him over the edge. That boy could be Homelander strong. But sometimes... sometimes he has a bad reaction. Female Jordan Li: If Luke’s getting cutting-edge treatments, I want ’em, too. Andre Anderson: Always looking out for yourself, huh? Prof. Rich Brinkerhoff: [Chuckles] Kid, you got a strong head. You don’t need ’em. Tell me, do you remember sitting in that chair, a scared-shitless freshman who never wanted to switch? And I promised that I would always take good care of you. Remember? Now... [puts hand on her shoulder] Jordan, people just don’t understand the lows it takes to reach great heights. And so now I want you to promise me, as my new T.A., that you will always protect me. Not a word of this

"Jumanji" [1.06]

Luke Riordan: Hey. I’m Luke. Cate Dunlap: Cate. Luke Riordan: You, uh... you seem pretty smart. [Chuckles] Could I cheat off of you? Cate Dunlap: You’re gonna ride my coattails? Luke Riordan: All the way to the top.

"Jumanji" [1.06]

Indira Shetty: Okay. So she’s the answer. We do this... and there’s no going back. Dr. Edison Cardosa: I- I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to, I was just following orders. We killed a Supe. My God. I- I mean, I thought she’d get the flu. Some vomiting. Maybe diarrhea. Indira Shetty: So the virus worked? Dr. Edison Cardosa: Only five millimeters more, that was all. Indira Shetty: All right. Now can you make it contagious?

"Sick" [1.07]

Sam Riordan: I did rip an entire person in half. Emma Meyer: Yeah. Sam Riordan: I mean, in my defense, he was a puppet at the time,

"Sick" [1.07]

But you're so sweet. I mean, when you're not slaughtering a bunch of dudes.

"Sick" [1.07]

Dr. Edison Cardosa: Compassionate control. Victoria Neuman: That is such a great phrase. Do you mind if I steal that?

"Sick" [1.07]

Try not to breathe.

"Sick" [1.07]

So... so all this because he lasered that Starlighter dude?

"Sick" [1.07]

Indira Shetty: Oh, Cate. [Enters house] Why are you in here with all the lights off? Cate Dunlap: I’ve been trying to call you for hours. Indira Shetty: I’m sorry, my meeting went long. [Chuckles] You look so tired, darling. Why don’t we... get you some rest. We can talk later. Cate Dunlap: This can’t wait. Indira Shetty: You’ve not been taking your medication, Cate. You know what happens when you don’t. I’ve got your prescription here. Cate Dunlap: No. All those pills ever did was make me numb. They weren’t helping me. They were clouding me. You talk, manipulate, control. That’s all you’ve ever done to me. Indira Shetty: That isn’t true. Cate Dunlap: And I’m fucking sick of it. You say I’m doing the right thing. It doesn’t feel right. What if I said you didn’t have to do it anymore? Lies. Indira Shetty: Am I? [Softly chuckles] It’s almost time to leave this place. Cate Dunlap: You’re leaving me? Indira Shetty: [Walks to her] No. We are leaving. Together. After I’ve tied up a few loose

"Sick" [1.07]

Victoria Neuman: [Chuckles pouring coffee] My daughter’s gonna be so jealous that I met the Guardian of Godolkin today. We’re huge fans. Marie Moreau: Thanks. Victoria Neuman: I was hoping you’d come to my town hall today, maybe ask a question. Your, uh, dean didn’t show up either. I think a personal emergency. Marie Moreau: Yeah. I don’t know. It’s okay. It was a shit show anyway. Victoria Neuman: You know what? [Glances at wrist watch] We’ll hide out in the green room until it all blows over out there. Otherwise, I think they might... [clicks tongue] take off my head. Look, there’s something I wanted... your powers are badass. Coolest I’ve ever seen. Marie Moreau: Thanks. Victoria Neuman: Those lassos and blood swords must be fucking exhausting, though. What else can you do? Marie Moreau: Oh, that’s about it. Victoria Neuman: Oh, come on. Tell me something about myself. Marie Moreau: I... I don’t understand. Victoria Neuman: You can sense things in blood. Use that and tell me about m

"Sick" [1.07]

Marie Moreau: [Enters house with Emma, Male Jordan and Sam] Cate? Are you okay? Your eye... Male Jordan Li: What happened? Cate Dunlap: I’m okay, and now she’ll do whatever we want. Marie Moreau: Maybe you should rest. Cate Dunlap: I feel fine. It wasn’t my powers that were fucking me up. It was the pills she was giving me. I’ve never felt better. Indira Shetty: Cate. Listen to your friends. They care about you. Cate Dunlap: Shut up! You had your chance to talk, and now it’s my turn. Indira Shetty: Please, Cate, you don’t have to do this! I love you! Cate Dunlap: I know you love me! It doesn’t change the fact that you’re a fucking bitch! Male Jordan Li: Cate, what the fuck is going on?! Cate Dunlap: Don’t worry, we’re on the same side. Emma Meyer: Okay, sorry, can I get a quick SparkNotes version? ‘Cause I have no idea what the fuck you guys are talking about. Cate Dunlap: Tell them what you told me. Indira Shetty: This school is a front. Thomas Godolkin was a behavioral scientist. He

"Sick" [1.07]

Dr. Edison Cardosa: [Meeting Victoria in a parking garage with briefcase] The virus isn’t very contagious, thank God. It can survive for a few days at ambient temperature, but, you’ll want to get these test tubes into cold storage sooner than later. NIH will know what to do. Victoria Neuman: Speaking out against Vought takes a lot of courage, Dr. Cardosa. Dr. Edison Cardosa: I was so relieved when you contacted me about my research. I could not stand by any longer while Dean Shetty twisted my work. You and I have the same goals, right? Victoria Neuman: Compassionate control. Dr. Edison Cardosa: That is such a great phrase. Victoria Neuman: Do you mind if I steal that? Dr. Edison Cardosa: Sure. It’s all yours. And you’ll get me and my family out before things take a turn. Witness protection, right? Victoria Neuman: Yeah. Already taken care of. [Hands him business card and he hands her briefcase] Is this all of it? Dr. Edison Cardosa: Yeah. And... you’re the only one who knows how to rep

"Guardians of Godolkin" [1.08]

Marketing rep: Focus tests show him in the lead with the 12 to 18 demo. They think he seems like, quote, “a real one.” Corporate executive: His on-screen skin color tests read a bit dark. Ashley Barrett: Then we’ll get Annie fucking Leibovitz to shoot him, you racist shit.

"Guardians of Godolkin" [1.08]

Assistant: [Attempting to inform Ashley in a meeting] Uh, um... Ashley Barrett: What is it? Assistant: Uh, there’s an issue on campus. Ashley Barrett: What?

"Guardians of Godolkin" [1.08]

[Witness Cate imploding a student's head from a window] Oh, my God! Where the fuck is Shetty?!

"Guardians of Godolkin" [1.08]

Student: [On stage in drama class] This country was founded on a single truth: All men and women were created equal. If this is going to be the dawn of The Seven, we have to first... get through dusk. [Goes to take seat and class begins clapping after Adam] Adam Bourke: No, no, just me! [Does slow solo hand clapping] Now, that right there is how you fucking audition! [Student attempts to bro fist Adam] Don’t touch my knuckles! That’s how you choose a monologue to compliment your director without explicitly saying, “Hey, I love you! I’m a needy little shit. Please give me the job!” No, you do it through the work! You play it on the fucking line! [Sam enters] I’m sorry, can I help you? Kid, we’re having a breakthrough here! [Sam is silent] Look, if you’re here to audit the class, just have a seat! Okay, remember when I talked about stage presence, everybody? That is not it! Josh Hartnett has more stage presence than this man here! And I can say that because we are close personal... [Sam

"Guardians of Godolkin" [1.08]

Marie Moreau: Sir, hi, um... [Homelander shakes his finger and walks closer and closer to Marie] Homelander: What kind of animal are you? Marie Moreau: What? Homelander: Do you like attacking your own kind? Homelander: Stay back!

"Cooking Lessons" [2x06]

Homelander is a gaping abyss of deep need and sociopathy. I wouldn't invite you into my home if you were like him.