Office Space

Female Temp: [handing out letters; reads the name on one] Michael...Bolton? Michael Bolton: [leans over to take the letter] Yeah, that's me. Female Temp: Wow! Is that your real name? Michael Bolton: [takes the letter, goes back to his computer; answering as if he's heard the question so many times in his life, which he no doubt has had to do] Yeah. Female Temp: So are you related to that singer guy? Michael Bolton: [politely] No. It's just a coincidence. [he smiles at her] Female Temp: [visibly disappointed] Oh. [she leaves] Samir Nagheenanajar: No-one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It..it's not that hard. Na-ghee-na-na-jar...Nagheenanajar. Michael Bolton: Well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton. Samir Nagheenanajar: You know, there is nothing wrong with that name. Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it, until I was about 12 years old and that no talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys. Samir Nagheenanajar: Why don't you just go by M

Office Space, CC BY-SA 4.0

Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work. And invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. So if you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic. Samir Nagheenanajar: So what did you say? Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech. Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech 'cause that question is bullshit to begin with. If everybody listened to her, there would be no janitors, because no one will clean shit up if they had a million dollars. Samir Nagheenanajar: (smiling) You know what I would do if I had million dollars? I would invest half of it in low-risk mutual funds, and then take the other half over to my friend Sadulach who works in Securities... Michael Bolton: Samir, Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you're supposed to figure out what you would (the printer makes

Office Space, CC BY-SA 4.0

Tom Smykowski: I've been looking all over for you guys. Have you seen this? [gives Peter a printout of an email] I knew it. I knew it! Michael Bolton: What, it's a staff meeting. So what? Tom Smykowski: So, what? We're all screwed, that's what! They're gonna downsize Initech! Samir Nagheenanajar: What're you talking about, Tom? Now, how do you know that? Tom Smykowski: How do I know? They're bringing in a consultant, that's how I know! That's what this staff meeting's all about! It happened at Intitrode last year. You have to interview with this consultant; they call them "efficiency experts", but what you're really doing is interviewing for your own job! Michael Bolton: Tom, every week you say you're gonna lose your job, and you're still here. Tom Smykowski: Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. Just the thought of having to go to the state unemployment office and stand in line with those SCUMBAGS!

Office Space, CC BY-SA 4.0

Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?" Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.

Office Space, CC BY-SA 4.0

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars? Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man. Peter Gibbons: [laughs, then realises Lawrence is being serious] That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time? Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, 'cause chicks dig a dude with money. Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks. Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do. Peter Gibbons: Good point. Lawrence: Well, what about you now? What would you do? Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time? Lawrence: Well, yeah. Peter Gibbons: Nothing. Lawrence: Nothing, huh? Peter Gibbons: I'd relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing. Lawrence: Well you don't only need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't even do shit.

Office Space, CC BY-SA 4.0

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life. Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life? Peter Gibbons: Yeah. Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up. [Anne shoots him a dirty look] I'm sorry. Go on. Peter Gibbons: Is there any way that you could...sort of...just zonk me out, so that, like, I don't know that I'm at work, in here? Could I come home and think that I'd been fishing all day, or...something? [Anne looks at him in disgust] Dr. Swanson: That's...really not what I do, Peter. [He chuckles to himself; Peter sighs] However, the good news is I think I can help you. [He gets up and dims the lights of the therapy room]

Office Space, CC BY-SA 4.0