Friends, season 1

Monica: There's nothing to tell. He's just some guy I work with. Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy. There's gotta be something wrong with him. Chandler: So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece? Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk? [The others stare, bemused] It's just that I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl - ohh! Monica: Okay, everybody relax. Relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner, and not having sex. Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

Friends (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Ross: Cut, cut, cut... Everybody: Cut, cut, cut, cut! Rachel: [cuts a card] You know what? I think we can leave it at that. It was kind of a symbolic gesture... Monica: Rachel, that was a library card. Chandler: You know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream. Monica: [to Rachel] Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it.

Friends (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it. Joey: Yeah, right! [the girls just look at him] Serious? Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. Monica: Absolutely. Chandler: I think, for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean, it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out. Ross: Yeah, and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's just that that's... that's not why we bought the ticket. Chandler: You see, the problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again. Y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically, just trying to stay awake. Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone. Joey: Are we still talking about sex?

Friends (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

[watching TV] I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.

Friends (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Phoebe: There's five hundred extra dollars in my account. Chandler: Oh! Satan's minions at work again. Phoebe: Yes, 'cause I have to go down there and deal with them. Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it! Phoebe: It's not mine! I didn't earn it. If I kept it, it would be like stealing! Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!

Friends (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Ross: A thumb?! Joey: Ewwww! Phoebe: I know, I know. I opened it up, and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker. Chandler: Maybe it's a contest, you know, like, "collect all five."

Friends (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0