Victor/Victoria

Victoria: In spite of what you think, Monsieur Labisse, there are professions where practice *does* make perfect. [she hits a high note, causing Labisse's wine glass to shatter, and leaves angrily] Labisse: What in hell was that? Toddy: B flat.

Victor/Victoria, CC BY-SA 4.0

Hotel Manager: You promised to pay me on Tuesday, then on Wednesday, then on Thursday... Victoria: [pointing at his bib] What's that? Hotel Manager: What? Victoria: Spaghetti? Hotel Manager: Uh, yes, with meatballs. Victoria: I'll sleep with you for a meatball. Hotel Manager: You would? Victoria: Oh, missed your chance. [faints]

Victor/Victoria, CC BY-SA 4.0

Labisse: If you ever come back, I will have you thrown out. Toddy: Don't make it sound like such a threat. Being thrown out of a place like this is significantly better than being thrown out of a leper colony.

Victor/Victoria, CC BY-SA 4.0

Victoria: The bourguignon was just a little tough. Waiter: Maybe the way you are eating your jaws are getting tired. Toddy: Speaking of overworked jaws, why don't you treat yours to a sabbatical and fetch me a wine list? Victoria: [holding up her wine glass] This is all they have. Toddy: This? The last time I saw a specimen like this, they had to shoot the horse! Waiter: How lucky can you get? In one evening a Rockefeller... and a Groucho Marx. Toddy: Oh, they didn't shoot a real horse... just a costume with two waiters in it. Waiter: I shall think of a sharp retort while I am getting your roast chicken. Toddy: It's a wise man who knows when to throw in the towel. Waiter: And it is a moron who gives advice to a horse's arse.

Victor/Victoria, CC BY-SA 4.0

Toddy: You know it's very strange. At the club I thought you were just about at the end of your rope. Victoria: Oh, I was. I am! This is the first decent meal I've had in almost four days. Toddy: And you can't pay for it? Victoria: Caseé! Toddy: And you want me to have dinner with you? Victoria: I want you to have the best damn dinner you ever had. Have two! I started off with the roast chicken and I segued to boeuf bourguignon, it's anybody's guess what I could end up with. Toddy: Oh, I'd guess about thirty days. Victoria: If all goes well, I expect to leave here poor, but sated. I have a [lowers voice to a whisper] a bug in my purse. At the appropriate moment it goes in my salad. Toddy: It'll never work. Victoria: A bug in my salad? Toddy: In a place like this, it would be an event if there wasn't a bug in your salad. Victoria: What about a... cockroach? Toddy: A cockroach! Victoria: Shhh! Bigger than your thumb! Toddy: Ew, God!

Victor/Victoria, CC BY-SA 4.0

Victoria: Men have Adam's apples. Toddy: So do some women. Victoria: Name one. Toddy: Nana Lanu. Victoria: Nana Lanu, who's she? Toddy: The last woman I slept with. Victoria: When was that? Toddy: The night before the morning I decided to become a homosexual.

Victor/Victoria, CC BY-SA 4.0