Furry Vengeance

Tammy: [comes in] Honey, I'm home, and I am the bearer of some good news. Guess who met a friend today, and guess who's having dinner at... [looks at Dan's face and screams] Oh, honey, what happened to your face, Dan? And why are you wearing my Yum Yum sweats? Dan: I had a really long day. Gonna find you anyway... You shoddy little... Tammy: You're not fooling anyone. Let me guess. The crow? I found your clothes in the garbage, so I put them in the wash. Dan: Thank you. Tammy: You're welcome. I also made an appointment for you with a Dr. Burr. He's a local therapist. Dan: Tammy, I'm fine. All I need is a good night's sleep. Tammy: All right, fine, I'll cancel, but one more episode and you're going. This should help you sleep, however. Okay? Dan: What is it? Tammy: I got it from a fellow teacher at work. Dan: "Mrs. Martin's Mushroom Herbal Sleepy-Bye Tea". Tammy: Mm-hmm. Give it a try. Dan: [sniffs] Mmm. Tammy: Okay.

Furry Vengeance, CC BY-SA 4.0

Dan: Honey, come on, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm telling you, I'm fine. Tammy: Dan, chasing crows onto rooftops is not what I would consider "fine". Dan: What, exactly, are you talking about? Tammy: Tyler, Mommy and Daddy need to talk. Tyler: Right, 'cause the car's got soundproof windows. Tammy: [clears throat] Come here. All I'm saying is that I think you should take a day off and consult with a professional. You're obviously going through something. Dan: [sighs] I can't do that. I can't afford to miss another meeting with Lyman. That guy's flying hundreds of miles out of his way just to see me. Tammy: Mr. Eco-Developer's flying hundreds of miles out of his way in a private jet in order to have a meeting about eco-development? Dan: Right. Hey, [chuckles] that's funny. Look, honey, just 'cause a crow kept me up all night's no reason to throw in the towel. It's gonna take a lot more than that to keep Dan Sanders from building his utopia.

Furry Vengeance, CC BY-SA 4.0

Dan: Morning, honey. Tammy: Morning, sweetie. Dan: So, what's new in the world? Tammy: Well, crime rate's going up in Chicago. Dan: See? That's another thing to be grateful for. No crime here. Nothing but peace and quiet. That is temporary. Tammy: Mm-hmm. Oh, Dan, wild turkeys. Wild turkeys. Dan, stop. Hey. You can't eat that in front of them. Put it down. It could be their mom. Dan: How do they know it's turkey bacon and not bacon-bacon? Tammy: [mimics turkey] They have a sixth sense. Put it down. Hey, honey. How'd you sleep? Tyler: Not good. I had this awful nightmare that my insensitive parents uprooted me from my wonderful home and dumped me in the middle of nowhere. Tammy: He just misses his friends. Dan: How can he miss his friends? He spent the whole summer cooped up in his room talking to them online with his computer. Tammy: He knows the deal, all right? We're here for a year, and then we go back to Chicago. Maybe you should talk to him. Dan: [scoffs] What for? That'll just ir

Furry Vengeance, CC BY-SA 4.0

Dan: So, Tyler, care to join me outside for some fresh mountain air? Come on, Tyler, I bet there's probably some really cute girls at your school. And they really dig your hip city vibe. Tyler: Yeah. I bet you're right. I bet there are some cute girls out there. Dan: There you go. Tyler: You know what else there are? Poisonous rattlesnakes! Yeah, they're all over the forest. I'm gonna end up like this guy. Dan: [sighs] All right, you win. I'll quit my job, we pack up the car and we go back to Chicago. Would that make you happy? Don't answer that question. No, no, no. Don't touch. Tyler: What? Dan: For my boss. Tyler: All of them? Dan: Yeah, all 38 of them. I don't know what kind he likes. Tyler: Seriously? Dan: Hey, are we cool? Tyler: [sarcastically] Yeah, never better. Dan: Great.

Furry Vengeance, CC BY-SA 4.0

Tammy: Dan, we're a family, all right? We make decisions together. Dan: Look, it's not such a bad thing. Think of it as a promotion. Tyler: Yeah, if anybody needs me, I'll be at a friend's house. Oh! Oh, wait, I don't have any friends here. Dan: Look, guys, this is an opportunity to do something good for our family and for the environment, too. Tyler: How is ripping out the forest good for the environment?! Dan: It's not like that. We're Lyman Enterprises, we're the good guys, we're green. Tyler: Yeah, as in the color of money. Dan: And speaking of money, who wants a new Wii, huh? Tyler: [screams]

Furry Vengeance, CC BY-SA 4.0

Lyman: Dan, the Indians will be here in 10 days. We need to show what a truly special place Rocky Springs is. [sings] Thinking caps, thinking caps. Felder: I got it. We could have an Indian-themed barbecue. Lyman: What does that even mean? Felder: Lots of things. It could mean... Oh! Instead of burgers, we have buffalo burger! And we have wigwam, and teepee and squaw. Squaw. You were talking about the Gandhi type of Indians. Lyman: Uh-huh. Dan: Wait, wait, we could sponsor the local Forest Festival. Lyman: Forest Festival? That's a great idea! Dan: Well, you see, my wife is running it. And they're strapped for cash. Lyman: [whispers] You're dead to me. Dan: It's a great way to show the community how much we care. Lyman: Gold star, Dan. I'll call the publicist and the media. Dan: Yes! Excellent, sir. [shouts] Lyman: Why are you shouting at me? Dan: No, sir, I'm not shouting at you. Lyman: Okay, fine, but use your inside voice. Dan: Leave me alone! Lyman: What's his problem? Dan: Hey! Po

Furry Vengeance, CC BY-SA 4.0