Quotes

Dialogue

[voiceover] You look at them and see the defenders of the world. All I see is my dad. Wearing tights.

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I know every kid thinks his dad is invincible – and I nearly am. But who knows? Maybe next time I punch a meteor hurtling toward the earth, I'll be the one that shatters into a million pieces.

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Layla: I noticed you had some recyclables in the trash. I took the liberty of moving them for you. Josie Stonghold: Thank you, Layla. You hungry? I've got plenty of eggs, bacon… Layla: No, thanks. You know how my mom can communicate with animals? Apparently, they don't like being eaten. [a brief but awkward paused] Josie: How about some juice?

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It seems evil has struck our morning commute…

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Layla: Now, I know it's just our first day, but I already can't wait to graduate and start saving mankind. And womankind. And animalkind. Will: And the rainforest. Layla: Of course!

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Layla: What is humiliating him in front of the entire class going to prove? This is so unfair. Will: Yeah, well, if life were to suddenly get fair, I doubt it would happen in high school.

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[on school public address system] The cafeteria staff would like to remind sidekicks to stop ordering hero sandwiches. [the kids exchange "You've gotta be kidding me" looks]

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[on school public address system] A reminder that there is no smoking on the campus. Or freezing, or bursting into flames.

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The kids who get, uh, bitten by radioactive insects or fall into a vat of toxic waste, their powers usually show up the next day. Or… they die.

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Layla: When life gives you lemons... [creates a tree and grabs an apple] Will: ...make apple juice? Layla: [laughs exasperatedly] I can't make lemons! I don't know what it is.

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Steve: All I ever wanted for him was to save the world. To just... feel that, once. Josie: That's an awful lot to put on a 14-year-old's shoulders. Steve: Oh, come on, Josie. When I was his age I could put a truck on my shoulders.

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Josie: We can't change who he is. Not without dropping him in a vat of toxic waste. Josie: Steve. Steve: Now where would we even find a vat of... Josie: [understandably alarmed] Steve!

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Will: Look, whatever happened with our dads, it has nothing to do with us. [extends a hand for shaking] What do you say? Warren: I say, if you ever cross me again, I'll roast you alive.

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Rays! From the silliness of the shrink ray to the devastation of the death ray, these are the very foundations of Mad Science!

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Warren Peace: You want me to heat that up for you? Layla: [in urgent whisper] You're not supposed to use your powers outside of school! Warren Peace: I was just gonna stick it in the microwave.

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Gwen: I'm a technopath. I can control technology with my mind. Will: Wow. All I can do is... punch stuff. Mr. Medulla: [passing them] And yet he'll be the one on cereal boxes. Show me the justice in that.

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Dreadful technique. You've confused rays with beams! D! Minus! I'd give you an F, but that would only mean having to see you in summer school.

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Layla: So then there was this time in the first grade. You know how you grow lima beans in school? Well, Will could not figure out why mine were growing so quickly. It was driving him crazy. So finally I took mercy on him and told him about my powers. And we've been best friends ever since. Warren Peace: Hmm. And falling for him, was that before or after the lima beans? Layla: WHAT? I am not in love with Will Strong… is it that obvious? Warren Peace: Yeah. Layla: Great.

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Warren Peace: You know what I think? To let true love remain unspoken is the quickest route to a heavy heart. Layla: Wow. That is really deep. Warren Peace: Yeah. [holds up slip of paper from a fortune cookie] And your lucky numbers are four, sixteen, five, and forty-nine.

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Mr. Grayson: You're not that boy with the six arms, are you? Will: No, sir. J-just two. Mr.Grayson: Well… keep them to yourself.

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Coach Boomer: What if I told you she's not just a twin, she's an evil twin? Mr. Medulla: This Friday, you say? Coach Boomer: [chuckles] Medulla, you dog!

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Layla: Please? I promise I'll make this as painless as possible. Warren Peace: So, you're not doing this just 'cause you like me or anything. You're doing this to get to Stronghold. Layla: Yeah. Warren: [grins] Then I'm in! [grin vanishes] But I'm not renting a tux.

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Speed: Why don't we settle this in P.E.? Will Stronghold: Settle what? Ethan: You're on! If Will beats you in "Save the Citizen", you lay off the sidekicks for the rest of the year. Zach: Yeah! And if he loses, you can dunk Ethan's head in the toilet every day till graduation. Ethan: Yeah. Huh?! Lash: You got yourself a deal. Will: Guys, are you crazy? No freshman ever won "Save the Citizen", and those guys are undefeated! Layla: And you barely know how to use your powers! [the others glare at her] Sorry. Not helping. Zach: Will, you have no choice. You can't let them dunk Ethan's head in the toilet. Not again. The dunking… must end.

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Royal Pain: Homecoming – the greatest collection of super-teens ever gathered to dance under one roof! And then, we shall have our revenge! There's only one thing we're missing. Stitches: King Kamehamayhem's surfboard? Royal Pain: [moves the lever] Darn this joystick! Stitches: Ah! Right, right. The Pacifier. Hey, smooth moves on the joystick. [Royal Pain reaches to choke him, but Stitches blocks it] Aah! [Laughs, but then Royal Pain chokes Stitches with the other hand] Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!

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Twin: You really said that? Mr. Medulla: True story. Evil Twin: You're so funny! Mr. Medulla: I love life!

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Warren Peace: Dude, you're so stupid. She's totally into you. Will: Not anymore. Not after tonight. I wouldn't be surprised if Layla or any of the other guys ever want to speak to me again. Warren: Yeah. You must've been a real jerk. 'Cause no matter what I do, I can't get them to stop talking to me.

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Josie: People make mistakes, Will. That's what high school's about. Heck, that's what life's about! The key is to learn from them. Will: I hope my friends see it that way. Josie: If someone is a true friend, you'd be surprised how understanding they can be.

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There's only one person authorized to transport superheroes: Ron Wilson, Bus Driver. [punches Stitches out of the bus] And I'm Ron Wilson, Bus Driver.

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Steve: Royal Pain is a girl. Royal Pain: Yes, I'm a girl, you idiot! How I ever lost to a fool like you I'll never know, now prepare to be pacified. Steve: Do you honestly think you can kill me with that toy gun of yours? Royal Pain: My dear Commander, who said anything about killing you?

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Gwen: That's right. Royal Pain wasn't my mother. Royal Pain is ME! Will: Oh my God I made out with an old lady.

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What a waste. I can't do anything more to help you. I'm not Wonder Woman, you know.

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I went through puberty twice… for this?!

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Layla, in case my Homecoming date ends up killin' me tonight, I just want you to know... [pulls Layla into a deep kiss]

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[voiceover] So in the end, my girlfriend became my arch-enemy, my arch-enemy became my best friend, and my best friend became my girlfriend. But, hey – that's high school.

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Gwen: Well, you've got new friends now, and I think that you need to figure out whether you hang out with us – or with those losers. Come on, let's go. Will: [pulls away, disgusted] No, forget it. I'm not going anywhere with you. Not now, or not to homecoming. Might as well just find yourself a new date, Gwen. Gwen: You're dumping me? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's just get something straight, okay? You DO NOT DUMP ME! Not the night before the dance! Will: Sorry, Gwen, I, ah, just did. You're dumped!