Me, Myself & Irene

Charlie Baileygates: Do you people take checks? Limo Driver: Say that again. Do we people take checks? You mean a black man? Charlie Baileygates: No, no, no, no, God, no! Your company. Limo Driver: Don't give me that backtracking bullshit, that was a racist slur!

Me, Myself & Irene, CC BY-SA 4.0

[In the roadside eatery, a kid with glasses is facing backwards in his chair, slurping his drink and annoyingly staring at Charlie/Hank, and then Charlie transforms into Hank] What are you staring at, fucker? You wanna start me up? Just open the choke and pull the cord, pal. I'm due for a seismic event and you're dancing on the fault line.

Me, Myself & Irene, CC BY-SA 4.0

Shonte Jr.: Damn. I can't figure out the atomic mass of this motherfuckin' deuteron! Jamaal: Shit, man, that shit's simple! Okay. Tell me this. Tell me this. Shonte Jr.: What? What? Jamaal: What's a deuteron made up of? Shonte Jr.: Duh, a proton and a neutron. Jamaal: Then what's this motherfuckin' electron doing right there? Shonte Jr.: Shit, I don't know! Jamaal: Well, get it outta there then! Shonte Jr.: Okay, so, you're sayin' I add up the atomic masses of the proton and the neutron, right, I see's that, but what do I do with the goddamn electron? Can I bring it over here? Jamaal: Enrico Fermi'd roll over in his motherfucking grave if he heard that stupid shit. I mean, he'd just turn over ass up in your face. He wouldn't give a fuck! Lee Harvey: Hey, Jamaal, man, just cut my man some slack, dog. Jamaal: Look here, man, I'm just tryin' to help him save face, all right? I mean, you know, he keep askin' questions like that, motherfuckers gonna think he's stupid! Shonte Jr.: I ain't st

Me, Myself & Irene, CC BY-SA 4.0

Hank Evans: Hey, ringworm. [Softball Player looks around] Yeah, I'm talking to you, you toxic waste of life. You gonna pick up that butt, or do I have to glue it to the end of my shoe and stick it in your big fat pimply a-hole? Softball Player: Hey, man, take it easy. It's just a cigarette. Hank Evans: Oh yeah? Well, this is just a fist. But when I start throwing it around, it can leave one hell of a mess.

Me, Myself & Irene, CC BY-SA 4.0

Irene P. Waters: Stay away from me, Hank! I know what you have planned, okay? [Referring to body disposal paraphenalia] I saw your so-called "supplies." Hank Evans: Oh... that! I wasn't gonna just... ram it home, you know. I was gonna... lube it up and ease it in there, inch by inch, like a gentleman. Irene P. Waters: I was talking about the shovel and the lime.

Me, Myself & Irene, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mrs. Bittman: [Charlie grabs a newspaper and prepares to checkout then a housewife then proceeds to cut in front of him] Excuse me. Charlie. Hey. Mind if I get ahead of you? I'm in a wicked rush. Is that okay? Charlie Baileygates: Oh. Yeah sure. Go ahead. Mrs. Bittman: Thanks. You're a doll. Hey kids! Over here, now! [Her two kids then show up with 2 full grocery carts and Charlie then snaps in an existential crisis and then morphs into "Hank"] Mrs. Bittman: Excuse me? Hank Evans: No, excuse me. There's no tag on this. [Grabs cashier microphone and broadcasts to whole store] Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough.

Me, Myself & Irene, CC BY-SA 4.0