Quotes

Pilot

[Voiceover] September 23rd. Journal entry one. I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. After that, things got really weird.

Pilot

Liz: So, help me out here, Max. I mean, what are you? Max: Well, I'm not from around here. Liz: You're not an ... an alien ... are you? Max: Well, I prefer the term "not-of-this-earth." Sorry, it's not a good time to joke.

Pilot

Roswell's not our home. It's not even our solar system.

Pilot

[Voiceover] I could feel everything he was feeling. I could feel his loneliness. For the first time I was really seeing Max Evans. I saw me as he saw me, and the amazing thing was, in his eyes I was beautiful.

Pilot

[Voiceover] It's September 24th, I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. But then the really amazing thing happened. I came to life.

Pilot

Deputy: What did they look like? Maria: Well, one was like a muscular Beavis and the other was like a beefy Butthead. Deputy: I assume they weren't actual cartoon characters?

The Morning After

Maria: I mean, what do we even know about these people? Nothing. How do we know that they're not three feet tall, green and slimy? Liz: I guess we don't. Maria: And you know what else doesn't, like, particularly please me? The powers. How do we know they can't just, like, wiggle their noses and, like, poof us into an oblivion? Liz: I guess we don't. Maria: Okay, you're being, like, so casual about this. I want to choke you.

The Morning After

The thing is, we don't know anything about these Czechoslovakians. Are they good Czechoslovakians? Are they bad Czechoslovakians? We don't know. They're just random Czechoslovakians. For all we know, they don't have their passport.

The Morning After

Michael: I didn't just wander in. I had a cover story. Max: And what was your cover story. Michael: I was selling candy for charity. Peanut cluster? Max: And they bought it? Michael: No, they all seemed to be on a diet. Isabel: Not the candy, Einstein, the story.

The Morning After

Maria: It's not just kissing that goes on in the eraser room, Liz. Female Student: She's got that right. Maria: All right, the eraser room does two things; cleans erasers and takes our innocence. Do you know what I mean by "takes our innocence," Liz? The eraser room has taken some of the best of us.

The Morning After

Liz: Sometimes I just wish I could be invisible. Max: Sometimes I wish I didn't have to be so invisible.

Monsters

Isabel: The way to deal with [Maria] DeLuca is to make her sweat, keep her on her toes. Make her afraid of my shadow, your shadow, her shadow, Michael's shadow. Right, Michael? Michael: Or we could just kill her. [pause] Kidding.

Monsters

We're always being so cautious, you know? Always watching behind our backs, never getting too involved. But we're never moving forward either. We're just kinda stuck, Isabel. I'm not sure I want to be stuck any more.

Leaving Normal

Liz: But what if were, like, complicated... like, incredibly, incredibly complicated? Grandma Claudia: Well, one thing I can tell you... if it isn't complicated, he probably isn't a soulmate.

Leaving Normal

Liz: No... Max... he's so not possible. He's just like this whole different... Maria: Life form? Liz: Type. Grandma Claudia: How intriguing. A dangerous man? Maria: Spacey man. Grandma Claudia: A mystery man. Liz: Okay, you two... you're out of control.

Leaving Normal

Michael: [after Max busts open a bathroom stall] Gandhi feeling frustrated? Michael: Let me guess. You're in love with a girl and she's with another guy? Max: You realize you can be really annoying, right?

Leaving Normal

Liz: Is there anything you can do for my grandmother? You know, "do"? Max: Liz, when I saved you, it was because you were shot. There was a bullet in you. Something was happening to you that wasn't supposed to happen. It was before your time. But I can't just heal people. I'm not... God. Liz: I know.

Leaving Normal

[Voiceover] The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldn't be, places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring, and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending. And that's not even the difficult part. The difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal, you go into the unknown. And once you do, you can never go back.

Missing

[Voiceover] It's funny how the world changes sometimes, how the streets you walked your entire life seem darker, colder. How the silence isn't so quiet any more. How eyes you've barely even noticed now look at nothing but you. How the walk home every night is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder. Maybe it's not the world that's changed. Maybe it's just you.

Missing

Max: You said you'd be nicer to her. Michael: And you said you'd stay away from her. Let's call it even.

Missing

Okay, you know what? The next time you and Liz feel the urge to share with me, you know, feel the impulse to really open up... do me a favor, okay? Let it pass.

Missing

Someone should tell the sheriff that deadbolts don't work as well when you leave your door open.

Missing

[Voiceover] October 28th. I've missed a few days. But in my absence I've been thinking about some things, about life before Max Evans saved me, of how I used to pray for something to happen, something to just break the routine, you know, of school and work. Something that would make a small town feel bigger, that would make a small town girl feel bigger, too. And ever since I got my wish and Max Evans patched a bullet hole two inches below my ribs, I realized one thing: that the bigger your world gets, the bigger your problems get, too.

South 285

Kyle: What's the best thing that's ever happened to you? Max: Getting adopted, I guess. Kyle: I'm gonna shed a tear.

South 285

I just... I knew you had criminal tendencies. You even drive erratically.

South 285

If there's ever a time to have secret powers, now is the time.

South 285

Maria: When I was a kid, I used to stay up at night and, um, make up stories about my father... you know, and who he was and... what he was doing. And they all ended exactly the same way. He would come in a limo and pick me and my mom up and take us off to some exotic place where we'd live like royalty. Because, you know... I thought to myself, there's got to be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico. Michael: Substitute a spaceship for a limo, and you know what i mean.

South 285

Not if you were the last alien on Earth.

Riverdog

[Voice Over] All logic is gone. Here were my plans last night: finish my shift, dinner with the parents, half-hour of talking to Maria on the phone, then dive into this issue I've been having with geometry and hopefully finish in time to watch this A&E biography on Madame Curie. Instead, I took off in an open-air vehicle that probably shouldn't be allowed on the road to begin with, broke into a house, essentially stole things from it, and engaged in general bonding with aliens. Welcome to my world.

Riverdog

I mean, it can never be. There's a number of obstacles. His hair, his personality, the fact that he was hatched.

Riverdog

Liz: Oh, I have to go talk to Kyle. Maria: Oh, the stalker. Good luck with that, Lizzy.

Riverdog

Liz: Can I help you? Eddie: I think I'll try the redskin basket. Liz: Oh, yeah, I've been trying to get that off the menu for months. Eddie: Thanks for the effort. My people are indebted. My name's Eddie.

Blood Brother

[Voiceover]: Have you ever had a moment when you're with the one person in the world you want to be with and the wind is blowing through your hair and the song that just describes your entire soul happens to come on, and then the person that you want to be with happens to love the same song and suddenly you realize you're listening to it together? And that no matter how crazy your life has gotten there's this one moment, this perfect moment, where you could just say that no matter what happens, nothing can take this moment away from me... [Voiceover]: And then, something does.

Blood Brother

Alex: See, I mean, my point is... is that there's no garage band scene here at Roswell, you know? Which makes for a potential genius situation. I mean, we could start an entire music scene, you know? Lester: I think I'm tone-deaf. Alex: You are tone-deaf, Lester. That's why I was thinking the drums for you.

Blood Brother

Liz: Alex, I need you to do me a huge favor. Alex: Of course. Anything. Liz: I need your blood.

Blood Brother

Maria: Relax. God, you guys act like I've never tailed someone before. [drives in reverse] Isabel: Subtle. He'll never notice us going backwards.

Blood Brother

Maria: This is the second time you've dragged me to some cheap motel. Michael: Yeah, well, don't spread it around. You'll ruin my reputation.

Heatwave

Alex: It's amazing. You wanna know what? A couple weeks ago, if someone were to ask me who I would trust with my life other than my parents, I would have said you without skipping a beat. And now... now I feel like I don't even know who you are. Liz: Alex, I want to tell you, I do, but... it's not my secret to tell. Alex, I need to know what you told Sheriff Valenti. Alex: I want to tell ya, Liz... but it's not my secret to tell.

Heatwave

Liz, I think that what I'm afraid of isn't that we try this and it works out really badly. What I'm afraid of is we try it and it works out really well. I'm afraid of feeling everything that I know I would feel. Because I know it's not meant to be. And somewhere down the line, we're gonna get hurt. I can live with that. I just couldn't bear to hurt you.

Heatwave

Sheriff: You were breaking the law. You were stopping honest, hard-working people from doing their jobs. Amy: Those honest hard-working people were destroying a 200-year-old piece of Native American architecture, raping our town of its history. Sheriff: Amy, the Native Americans wanted that thing torn down more than anybody. Amy: That's not the point. Sheriff: Well, it is kinda the point.

Heatwave

[about Alex] Well, he's a complex individual with... a lot of complexities.

Heatwave

Max: So... Liz: So... let's hope nothing explodes.

Heatwave

Amy: I was 18. Naive, clueless. Why did you pick on me? Sheriff: Because you were cute.

The Balance

Well, I guess when Liz was shot and Max dissolved the bullet into nothingness and then repaired the damages inside of her that would have otherwise left her dead, I guess that kind of changed my thinking.

Toy House

Michael: Well, I hope so, because dealing with frick and frack over there is one thing, but we can't bring adults into this and expect them to handle it. Adults are the enemy, Max. Remember that. Max: Michael, you say everyone is the enemy. Michael: They are.

Toy House

It's cheating. You can't just wave your hand over a problem and make it go away. Why don't you figure out what's really going on with you, Michael...why you can't just piece together an apology like any normal human being. Oops. Maybe that's the problem

Toy House

Michael: I have something to say to you. If anything like that happens to me again, like when I got sick, don't help me. I can't get indebted to anyone, and I can't get entangled. I got to be a stone wall. And when I'm around you sometimes, I don't feel like a stone wall anymore. Maria: Well, what do you feel like? Michael: I don't know. Like confused. Maria: Like human? Michael: Yeah, and I don't want to feel that way.

Toy House

Max, you know what your problem is? You put everything on yourself...on your own shoulders. Maybe you should have some faith in the people around you.

The Convention

Yeah, you know what, I do. I'm here trying to figure out the meaning of my existence, and I'm tired of having to wade through the kooks like you and the freak shows like this in order to do it.

The Convention

What did you tell him? Why did he come after me? You're the Sheriff. You're supposed to protect me. But all you've done is go after me! You believe all these crazy things. You're just like Hubble. You want me? Well, here I am! Take me.

Blind Date

Liz: Max! Max, please. We have to stop. Please, we have to stop. Max: Let's just keep running, you and me, away from here, away from everything. I see everything so clearly now. We'll go someplace where no one knows us. As long as we're together, nothing else Matters. Liz: You're drunk. Nothing that you're saying is true. Max: It's all true, Liz. It's how I really feel. It's all just magic when I think about you. Liz: Max, turn it off. Anyone can see. Max: And when I'm not with you... I go crazy. Liz: Max. Max: When you're here... Liz: Oh, Max. Please. Max: You're my dream girl, Liz. Liz: And what if I believe you tonight? Max: Then we live happily ever after. Liz: And then what about tomorrow... when you go back to realizing who you really are, and all of your fantasies go away. Max: I'll still have you. Liz: This can never be normal, Max. Max: What's so great about normal?

Independence Day

Isabel: Hey. Something's up with Michael. He's acting weird. Max: Weirder than usual?

Independence Day

He can't make up for in one night what he's never had in a lifetime.

Independence Day

Ain't no aliens in that town. Let me ask you something. If you were an alien, you can go anywhere in the world, would you pick Roswell?

Sexual Healing

Maria: I have never seen her like this. Alex: So this was like the kiss of the millennium? Maria: Alex, if they actually do it, she'll probably explode. Alex: Or maybe she'll explode if they don't do it.

Sexual Healing

Nancy Parker: What exactly is an eraser room? Principal: It's a small room that we use to clean the erasers so that chalk dust doesn't fly all over the school. Diane Evans: Wait. I'm a little lost. You mean Liz and Max were cleaning erasers when they created this disturbance? Principal: No. They were what we used to call "making out." We're talking sexual activity here, not erasers.

Sexual Healing

Maria: I'm worried for you. Liz: Why? Maria: Because this isn't you. Liz: Yes, Maria, see... this is, this is me. I'm sitting right next to you. Maria: I just don't want you to go too far. Liz: I think I want to. Maria: Are you crazy? This is dangerous. This isn't like a game! We don't even know what could happen! Liz: Look who's talking! You were the first one to take the plunge, Maria! Maria: Michael and I just kissed. Okay, fine. We did a little more than kissing. But, look, I wasn't getting visions, and I didn't have glowing hickeys and rashes and... look, Liz, the bottom line is that we don't know what this is about, all right? Female spiders can, you know, bite off the males' heads after they mate. What if they need someone to mate with to get certain information, you know? And then... Blttt! You know? Liz: What're you been trying to say? That Max is just gonna bite my head off? Maria: Uh, no. What I'm saying is, how do you know that he's not like using you? Liz: Maria, because i

Sexual Healing

Maria: I want you to know that what I said about you being all shut down and that's why I had to fake the flashes, that was... wrong and very unfair. If something went wrong, it was because of me. I'm the one who's scared. I mean, I fake all kinds of things all the time with everybody. It's just you were the first person I actually ever admitted it to. Michael: Well... thanks for sayin' that, but it's not really true. Maria: What do you mean? Michael: It's not true about you being shut down all the time. I happen to know that for a fact. Maria: Really? How? Michael: Because you let me see you. The red sneakers, Maria. One had a Kermit patch on it, and the shoelaces were blue, and you had your dalmatian dog with you there, licking off your tears.

Sexual Healing

Liz: Okay. Fine. If you know so much, then tell me, Max...what's my destiny? Max: I only know the part I'm hoping for.

Crazy

Liz: Do you mind missing the movie? Max: I heard it got bad reviews.

Crazy

Max: All right... romantic. When you're with her, act like she's like the only girl in the room. Michael: She's usually the only other person in the room.

Tess, Lies and Videotape

Liz, about what Michael said before, about Tess, I just...I want you to know that I don't feel anything for her. I look at you, and I know you're the person I'm supposed to be with. I've always known it. What happened here that day, when you got shot, and how that brought us together...it's fate. Look at me. You're the one, Liz...the only one. I could never be with anyone else.

The White Room

Max: You’ve made a mistake. Agent Pierce: I don’t think so. I know what you are, and now, you’re going to tell me everything. Max: I’m Max Evans. I live at sixty-twenty-five Murray Lane. You can call my parents. Agent Pierce: We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. What is the name of your home planet? Max: Earth.

The White Room

Nasedo: It’s inside you. Your program. Michael: Hey, I didn’t get the manual, ok?

The White Room

Michael: You’re not who I thought you’d be. Nasedo: Neither are you.

The White Room

Michael, if you wanna survive, if you wanna go back home, you have to be willing to fight for it. Do you understand?

Destiny

Sheriff Valenti: We'll be safe here for a while. Michael: There is no safe anymore.

Destiny

Michael: It's not safe. Maria: It's never been safe. What difference does it make now? Michael: No, I'm not safe. All right, I mean, I can do these things that I can't control. Look at what I did to Pierce. I'm not going to take that chance with you. I don't want you to be around for what's going to happen. Maria: Wait. Don't do this to me Michael, please. You need me now, more than you have before, alright? Michael: No, I don't need anyone. Maria: Well, maybe I do. Did you ever think of that? I mean, look at Max and Liz. They can't bear to be separated. But you, you can just throw me away. Just like that. Why is that, Michael? Why? Michael: Maybe because I love you too much.

Skin and Bones

Maria: who is that? She looks familiar? Alex: Vanessa Whitaker. She's our congresswoman. Maria: I gotta start reading the newspaper.

Skin and Bones

Girlfriend, I know we bonded over the summer. But I'm not ready to show you the bod just yet.

Skin and Bones

Michael: I thought we agreed that it was over between us. Maria: You agreed, and then you avoided me the entire summer. Michael: Well, it is. Maria: Why? 'Cause you're destined to be with Isabel? Michael: No. I don't buy that. Because I'm destined to be the soldier, and a soldier can't have some chick at home waiting for him. Maria: Michael, half the movies ever made are about soldiers with chicks waiting at home for them. Michael: Well, be that as it may... Maria: I miss you, Michael. Michael: I know, but don't.

Ask Not

Yeah. I just... I'm just not looking forward to dealing with all the little green men again.

Ask Not

Kyle: Hey! This is my room & that's my jersey! Kyle: No. Alright. Wear it. Tess: kinda uptight about nudity for a guy who reads jugs. Kyle: gimme that! Tess: oh the post-its? Nice touch. Kyle: Ok, listen. I don't know how they do things on Planet Vulcan, or whatever. But here on Earth we have this primitive human concept called, privacy. Tess: Keep talking to me like that & I'll slag you with my death ray eyes. Kyle: *stares* Tess: Kidding. You Buddhists have like no sense of humor. Kyle: How do you know about that? Tess: Buddhism for Beginners is also under your bed. How do you think the Buddha would feel about being sandwiched between Hustler & Busty Biker Babes? Kyle: Look, you can't tell anyone about that. Tess: why? Kyle: because I have a certain reputation. Tess: which the less said the better? Kyle: I'm serious Tess: Kyle Valenti, Buddhist. Kyle: look, I got into it over the summer Tess: Oh! Football camp! Guys are crazy about- Kyle: Listen! This... this whole aliens-are-among-u

Ask Not

Michael: And if he kills you? Max: Then you can be fearless leader.

Ask Not

Exactly. Do you know what this means, Max? Aliens. I mean, not like they're walking among us or anything stupid like that, but they're actually making contact with people right here in Roswell.

Ask Not

Max: This isn't about Tess. It's about you and me. You think I'm gonna forget about you or get over it or something, but... but I'm not. I don't... I don't care about my destiny or my planet or anything else. All I care about is you. So just know this... I'm coming for you, Liz. Maria: Now that is a great man.

Surprise

You know I can't believe you talked me into that. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. No one told me her parents were gonna be here. I did a striptease in front of her Mother. Are you listening to me?

Summer of '47

Hal: They looked like human fetuses. There was 4 to a sac. 8 total. That night, I packed my things and never came back. The base was on full alert. There was no way anybody or anything else could have escaped...and that's the story of Hal Carver. The only time I ever stuck my neck out to save anything...and it all went to hell. Michael: You saved me.

The End of the World

Max: You tried to get Tess and me together? Liz: Look, I know that you must hate me right now. I, um... Max: I felt that... and I know you did, too, and I know you think that... that I need to let you go... for the sake of Michael, and Isabel, and my race... so you went to Tess. But she can't be you. Tess can never be you.

The End of the World

Liz: Do you know how hard it was for me to tell him that I didn't want to die for him? He's the only reason that I'm alive right now. You...you've...you gotta come up with another plan. Please go to someone else. I...I just...I can't do this anymore. Future Max: Just 25 minutes before I came here, I held Michael in my arms...dead. Isabel died 2 weeks before that. Now you have to do this. You have to find a way. All of our lives depend on it. Liz: How? What can I do that's gonna make you turn away from me? Future Max: I don't know.

The End of the World

Alex: Do you have any idea what you've done to Maria? Michael: Dude, it was a misunderstanding. Alex: Look. I don't care that you've got 30 pounds on me or...or that you can kill me with some...some twisted alien power. I will not let you treat her like that. I...I don't care that Isabel treats me like crap, but no one does that to Maria, all right? She's not just some girl!

The End of the World

Max: I can't help it. I love her. What can I say? Maria: You're hopeless.

The End of the World

Future Max: I've fought a thousand battles...but watching you do that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Liz: The look on his face...on your face. Future Max: Maybe it's for the best. For you, too. Liz: What are you talking about? Future Max: I saw you with Kyle. He's turning out to be a...a great guy. Maybe it would be better for you to be with a human. Liz: Don't you realize what you are to me...and you're always gonna be? You're the love of my life. Everyone else is gonna be second best. There'll never be another you.

Harvest

Tess: so you & Kyle? Liz: yeah. Oh, Kyle told me you two were getting involved. Tess: its ok, don't worry about it. Liz: I'm sorry. Tess: About what? All you did was sleep with him. How was he anyway?

Harvest

You look like you got your heart stomped out. No, wait...that would be me. Well, if it's possible, you look worse.

Harvest

Michael: That's the shirt I lost at work. What the hell is this? Maria: It's Graceland...and you're Elvis.

Wipeout!

Maria: So how does electricity work? Kyle: Why are you lookin' at me? We were both in the same remedial science class for 3 years. Maria: Ok, we've got ginko, bee pollen, echinacea, C, D, E, calcium, St.John's wort , and pamprin... What? I was dating Michael Guerin.

Max in the City

I know my brother, and I know that if there is one voice he will hear no matter where he is, no matter what he's doing, it's yours. Take my hand, Liz.

A Roswell Christmas Carol

Isabel: Actually I think Maria would find it in her heart to forgive you for exceeding the price limit, though there would be hell to pay if you gave the girl you love an electric toothbrush for Christmas. You're better off getting her no gift at all. Michael: No. I tried the "no present" idea last year. It didn't work.

A Roswell Christmas Carol

You know, is it too much to ask that one day a year, I can be like a normal human being with a normal life and have a merry Christmas?!?

A Roswell Christmas Carol

Michael: Hey, we're here for a reason, Max. So call me a selfish jerk, but I don't think we should risk everything just so you can feel a little bit better about yourself at Christmas. It's 3 against 1. I'm voted down anyway. Max: Michael. Michael: You made your decision before you walked through that door. I know you did. I could hear it in your voice, so why don't you just go do what you're gonna do... and make sure you don't screw up.

A Roswell Christmas Carol

As beautiful as that is, Max... you can't keep doing it. I know it seems like there's no reason for those kids to have cancer or for a father to get killed saving his child or for any of it... but maybe there is. Maybe there is someone or something out there that's planning all of this, and maybe you have to respect it. You're not God, Max. You're the one that told me that.

A Roswell Christmas Carol

Liz: I thought you didn't believe in God. Max: I believe in you. [grabs Liz's hand and squeezes it tightly.]

To Serve and Protect

Maria: Okay, okay, you’re a Max-aholic. I’m here for you. What can I do? Liz: Get me a life.

To Serve and Protect

Kyle: Look we're getting off the point. I really need some help. Tess: what do you want from me? I don't know what's gonna happen to you. Maybe nothing will. Or maybe you could develop super powers & start flying around Roswell in a big cape. *laughs* I don't know!

We Are Family

Max: Everyone we touch gets hurt in some way or another. 5 years from now, I don't want you to open your eyes and realize that...that you missed out. You're part of the group. You always will be. But you need to be allowed to...to grow. Liz: Why can't you come with me? Max: Because I can't. But I'll be watching you, Liz Parker. Wherever you go...and I'll be here when you get back.

Disturbing Behavior

Pretty weird, huh? Michael, have you ever even thought of the possibility that this guy more than just looks like you? Like he is you. Like your donor. Like your human side is him. Which means in some weird and twisted way, that he and his relatives are like your family.

Disturbing Behavior

Maria: Look, you wanna know why you look like Grandpa 1935? She has the key. So, you have two choices, all right? You can let her in on the whole alien conspiracy thing and hope that it shakes something loose from the dusty corners of her brain, or you can... No. You know what? That's not gonna work, so look... You have that one option, all right? Michael: No, no, no. What's my second option? Maria: You're not capable of it, I promise. Michael: Just say it. Maria: Form an emotional bond with Laurie. (Michael shakes his head) All right, fine. You don't like that answer, then go show her the secret alien handshake. Michael: (sighs) Okay, fine. What kind of psychobabble, Oprah crap do I gotta tell her? Maria: I can't put the words in your mouth, Michael. It's gotta come from you. It's gotta come from your-- it's gotta come from whatever organ you have sitting in for your heart. Just go over there and tell her in your own words that she can trust you, and make sure that she feels that you'

Disturbing Behavior

Look, Laurie, I know a lot of people think you're pretty crazy. But the truth is, knowing everything you've been through, you seem pretty normal to me. I just want you to know that whatever you are to me-- a sister, a cousin, whatever-- you're the only family I've ever known, and I just found you. I don't... I don't want to let you go. I know you're scared to death of me, but... if you could find some way to trust me... I mean, I got all kinds of faults. And this one over here, you know (gestures to Maria) she can list them off for you if you want later on, but... the one thing I am is loyal. I will not turn my back on you. That's all I got to say. I don't know.

Disturbing Behavior

Amy DeLuca: Michael, I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. On this glorious, rebellious, lost weekend of yours, you will take care of my daughter. You will protect her and be kind to her, and she will have fun. You will not get matching tattoos, and you will not allow her to pierce any part of her body that cannot be shown in polite company. [Sniffles] And, Michael, if you have sex with my daughter, I will hunt you down and kill you like the mangy dog you are. Okay? Michael: Okay. Amy DeLuca: Call me if you need bail money. Maria: What'd she say? Michael: [Sighs] She wants you to have fun.

How the Other Half Lives

Michael: If it was me, I’d tell us to get screwed and call the cops anyways. Maria: That’s 'cause you don’t have any money Michael. People who do tend to get a little nervous when it’s threatened.

How the Other Half Lives

What do you suppose alien crystals are going for on eBay?

Viva Las Vegas

Nightmares, Maxwell. I can't shake them. I've had them every night for two weeks. I mean my brain needs a vacation, or I swear to God I'm going to lose it on someone or something, and it's not gonna to be pretty.

Viva Las Vegas

Michael: Hey! I've been going through some heavy stuff the last couple of weeks. In case you missed it, I got shot. Max: I know, I healed you. Michael: You put your hand over my shoulder and you did your little trick like a robot. You're a machine, Max. You wouldn't know the first thing about what it takes to heal me. To really heal me.

Viva Las Vegas

So you skipped school. Missing class is excusable if it involves saving a planet-- yours, mine, or any other. It is not acceptable if it is done in the name of under-age gambling. Is that clear?

Heart of Mine

Michael: Just kill me now. I don't do proms. I don't believe in them. Maria: You don't believe in them?! Michael: The whole thing is totally bogus. It's completely unnatural. Maria: You know what? I, I find it to be really unnatural that you're half alien warrior and half Grandpa Dupree! But I make do.

Heart of Mine

We try to live responsible logical lives, but we can't tell our hearts what to feel. Sometimes our hearts lead us to places we never thought we wanted to go, and sometimes our hearts can be the sweetest gentlest things we have. Sometimes our hearts can make us feel miserable anger, excited and confused all at once. But at least my heart is open, and I'm writing again. I'm feeling. I'm breathing.

Cry Your Name

Max: You can't compare The Matrix to Crouching Tiger. Michael: Crapping Tiger is a chick flick with kung-fu.

Cry Your Name

Diane: Oh, honey. I wish -- I wish I had some kind of special powers or something to make all of this go away for you. Isabel: Special powers don't help.

It's Too Late and It's too Bad

If you're here to trash-talk, I'm gonna have to take a rain check, 'cause that is the only way I'm gonna get through a simple school day without losing it, all right?

It's Too Late and It's too Bad

Tess: You're scared to go home. Max: What is home? Is home really up there? I just feel like this whole idea about where we come from, and I want to believe it. I want to understand it more and more, but it just feels like this dream... this, this dream that I can never really quite touch or see or...feel. And earth just seems so much more... real.

It's Too Late and It's too Bad

Max: Michael. The idea that Alex might have died just because we're here... I can't bear it. All those times you would run off chasing some clue to find out where we come from. Why we're here. Where we belong. I always thought you were chasing something that wasn't out there, because in my heart, I believed that we belonged here, you know? That we were human. Lately, I've been thinking that you might have been right all along. Michael: Lately, I've been thinking I might have been wrong all along.

It's Too Late and It's too Bad

Maria: I can't count on you. Michael: Yes, you can. I'll take care of this. I mean, I'm right here for you. Maria: But you won't always be. Michael: What? Maria: One day you're gonna leave me. You're gonna get on a spaceship and go away, and you being the perfect boyfriend right now is really not helping me. I can't lose anyone else, Michael. My heart can't handle it.

Off the Menu

Liz: That was weird. Michael: What was? Liz: Maria just hung up on me. Michael: Happens to me all the time.

The Departure

Max: I always thought when we graduated I would give you my ring. [handing her the pendant they found at Atherton's] It looks like I won't graduate, so this is something from where I'll be. Liz: I can't believe that this is what I have of you. I can't believe that after everything... Max: Liz, you never slept with Kyle, did you? Max: I wish, I wish this all could have been different. I wish that so much. [kisses her] Liz: I guess that this is our goodbye. Just tell me one thing: do you love her? Max: Not like I love you.

The Departure

Isabel: What if I said I wanted to stay? Max: When we came out of the pods and we lost Michael, it was just the two of us in the desert and I knew that I wasn't alone, that I had my sister. To me, earth isn't home and whatever's out there isn't home, but you're my home.

The Departure

Michael: There's a lot about you, Maria. There's a lot about you, but I think what means the most to me is that you're open. You know I can look into your eyes and I can see you. I can see what you're thinking. I can see what you're feeling. How much I mean to you sometimes, how much I piss you off sometimes. But I can always see you. Maria: I see you, too. Michael: No, no you don't see me. You know when Max and Liz would kiss, and Liz would get the flashes? And when we would kiss, you didn't. I know how much that hurt you. Maria: That doesn't matter to me any more, Michael. Michael: The reason you didn't get the flashes is because I didn't let you get them. I didn't let you see me. I've never let anyone see me before... because there are things inside of me that I don't want people to see. There's things inside of me that I'm not so proud of. But I've thought about it, and I want you to see me.

The Departure

Max... I can't go. Ever since we came out of the pods, I've been on some quest to figure out where I belong. I finally found home. The weird thing is, it's here, it's on earth.

The Departure

[to Liz] I've been really wrong about a lot. But I was right about one thing: To get you into my life, to be around you, to love you.

Busted

Max: Rules? She has rules? Liz: Well, yeah. Yeah, since I told her that you broke my heart, without any of the alien details, of course. She thinks that we should just take things slow. Just dinner, then straight home, no plans for future dates. No making out. Max: So I suppose skinny-dipping would be against the rules, too.

Busted

Michael: Now if I'm to have any chance of graduating this year, I need to get into your Bio 101 class. Mr. Seligman: Why didn't you come to my Bio 101 class when you were in it?

Busted

Michael: Mr. Seligman, I know you hate my guts. Personally, I hate yours, too. Mr. Seligman: This is how you ask a favor? Michael: But if you help me graduate this year, then you won't have to see me next year. Mr. Seligman: Well, you do have a point there.

Busted

Max! You idiot! What are you trying to do to our poor, clueless human parents?

Busted

Liz: I want to do this with you, Max. Together. Max: Why? Liz: Because if I had lost a child, I would want you to help me find him. But that's only part of the reason. The other part is that I don't want you to slip away from me. I know what it's like to be with you, and I know what it's like to be apart from you. And I would rather be with you.

Michael, The Guys and The Great Snapple Caper

Yeah, you left the loving parents, the cushy home, college fund. Smart move.

Michael, The Guys and The Great Snapple Caper

No matter how hard my parents try, nothing can keep us apart. I love you, and even when I can't see you in the day, I see you at night in my dreams.

Michael, The Guys and The Great Snapple Caper

Mr. Parker: Did you have fun? Where you been? I'm asking you man to man where you took my daughter in the middle of the night. Be man enough to answer me. Max: We went to the desert. We didn't do anything wrong. Mr. Parker: It was wrong for you to see her at all. You know that. Max: I'm sorry. I love her. Mr. Parker: I don't give a damn about your love. Because of you, my daughter was arrested for armed robbery. She could've been killed. Did you ever think about that? Tell me you're not dangerous, Max. Tell me that being with you doesn't put my little girl's life in jeopardy. Yeah. That's what I thought. So now this is gonna stop. It's gonna stop right now, and you are never to see Liz again. And if you do... If I find out that you so much as sat next to her in class, she'll be on the next plane to Vermont.

Michael, The Guys and The Great Snapple Caper

Steve: You're a crazy bastard. You know that? Michael: Welcome to my world.

Significant Others

Isabel: Alex, I can't really talk to you about guys. Alex: I'm dead. I'm beyond getting jealous.

Significant Others

Liz: How am i supposed to help you find your child if i can't even be with you? Max: You are with me... All the time. All the time.

Control

Kal: How did you get to Los Angeles? Max: I-10 west, then straight north. Kal: Don't get cute with me, you prick. Max: Do you murder everyone who discovers you're an alien, or do they get a warning first?

Control

So, this is the mighty king of Antar? A low-rent Tom Cruise with a $10 haircut? Buddy boy, you have no idea what you're gettin' yourself into.

Control

Isabel: Michael... I don't want to put my life on hold. This is my one chance to be happy... To love someone and have him love me back without all of this garbage that has made us miserable our whole lives getting in the way. I've put a lot of thought into it, and I don't see any reason why Jesse has to know the truth. Michael: Well, knowing what I know about alien sex, he's gonna have major questions after the honeymoon.

Control

I still can't believe Isabel's getting married. This is, like, a disaster of epic proportions. If you think Michael freaked when he found out, Max is gonna go ballistic.

Control

Max: I failed. And my son... He's up there somewhere. I've just messed everything up. Langley's life. Yours. I'm so sorry, liz. I'm so sorry. Liz: It's ok. It's ok. Max: I'll never leave you, liz.

To Have and To Hold

We've got bad news, Maxwell. Jesse Ramirez is... Ta-da! Human. Yeah, nice red blood cells. Not a green one in the bunch.

To Have and To Hold

Hey, no, sit down. None of us know what happened in that life. All we know for certain is who are in this life. And in this life, you're Isabel, and Isabel isn't the kind of person who's gonna betray her husband.

Interruptus

Isabel, I'm all for denial as a... way of life, but you can't just run away from this one.

Interruptus

Kyle: So what's the deal with this guy? Michael: Son of a bitch killed us. Max: All of us. Kyle: He killed you?

Interruptus

Nothing's ever simple with you people, is it?

Behind the Music

Michael, Michael, Michael. Let me explain something to you. Here on the planet earth we have this thing called jealousy.

Behind the Music

Michael, please don't do anything stupid or alien or both, please?

Behind the Music

Max: What happened? Michael: It's over. Max: What? My Dad found something, what? Michael: No, it's not that. I saw Maria and what's-his name, Billy, together. Max: Together as in together? Michael: Worse. Max: What could be worse? Michael: They were singing together. Max: So you're jealous? Michael: I'm not jealous! [makes a lamp explode] My powers are slightly out of whack. Max: Out of whack? Michael: I've been blowing things up all day.

Behind the Music

We're part human. We're supposed to have feelings. You keep them bottled up like this. They're gonna get out somehow.

Behind the Music

You frighten me, Max. I don't think I know who you are any more. I'm beginning to think I've never known.

Samuel Rising

I'm not gonna starve because I have a weird girlfriend.

Samuel Rising

Isabel: You know, Michael, I, too, was miserable around the holidays until I found my calling. Michael: Making other people miserable.

A Tale of Two Parties

Look, it's been a long time, all right? I used to be a fun guy. I used to have fun, but then the alien invasion happened, and I sorta- my social life started to suck.

A Tale of Two Parties

Maria: So, wait a minute. My New Year's eve isn't being ruined by some life-threatening, hot flash alien disease. It's because Michael's drunk? Max: I think the alcohol affected his senses. Some sort of sensory overload. Everything's too bright, too loud.

A Tale of Two Parties

Maria: Shh. Shh. Shh. Look, his senses are super, super heightened. So if the lights are too bright, or if he hears anything really loud, it really, really hurts. Michael: Like your whispering is doing right now.

A Tale of Two Parties

Maria: You're being way too self-sacrificing. Micheal: I want you to have a night off from all this alien crap.

I Married An Alien

I will not stand here and be lectured by a descendant of an Ape!

Ch-Ch-Changes

What makes me different from everybody else is the fact that I was brought back from the dead by an alien.

Ch-Ch-Changes

Liz: No, he risks so much when he healed me. It's what made me fall in love with him. Kyle: Yeah, me, too. Liz: Kyle!

Ch-Ch-Changes

Michael: You guys are always giving me crap about being impulsive and stupid. Well you know what's stupid? Sneaking around in the desert while your father is watching our every move. Max: Shut up, Michael. Michael: Whose idea was it to bury the alien stuff anyway? What are we? Eight? It's called a safety deposit box. Max: I need the book translation. It might have something on Liz's change. Michael: You read it like 10 times. Max: Well maybe I missed something. Michael: What if there's nothing in there? Max: Well then I'll find somebody who knows something. [pauses] Even if I have to contact the FBI. Michael: Hey Max, I know this is a big deal, but you gotta keep calm. All right? Don't kick up any dust, if we get exposed we can't help her. Max: It's a risk I'm willing to take. Michael: Do I have to smack some sense into you right now?? I got a shovel here, I'll do it! Max: There is something wrong with her Michael, and I don't know how to fix it. Michael: We'll figure it out. Max: And

Ch-Ch-Changes

Michael: Let me get this straight: you dumped me so you can go live your dream, and now you're telling me you're dropping that too? Maria: I'm sorry, I just really need some advice right now. Michael: It's like you said we're not linked anymore. I could invite you inside, tell you to stay in Roswell, because that's what I want, but you know what? I'm not going to be the guy you blame for ruining your life.

Ch-Ch-Changes

Liz: Just stop hurting me. Max: I wasn't trying to. Liz: No, but Max, you do. You always do. Why did you sleep with her? Why?

Panacea

Micheal: I guess the interview went well. Valenti: Piece of cake. Micheal: Drop my name? Valenti: I really didn't have to, Michael. She seemed pretty impressed with my resume, you know, being the sheriff and all. Maria: What do you drink now? Liz: No...a little bit. Liz: Max is dead.

Chant Down Babylon

Michael: [on top of Jesse pinning him down.] No you can't take her to the hospital. You can't! Jesse: Why? Tell me why. Michael: Because your wife isn't human. Okay. Understand that. Your wife isn't human.

Chant Down Babylon

Max Evans. He's still alive. He's in my head. His head.

Chant Down Babylon

Michael: First day of school, third grade. I'm standing by the lunch line arguing with that ass Mr. Trevors. He tells me that the cafeteria won't take my food stamps. I say that they're for food, aren't they? And he looks down on me, and he says with that scraggly mustache and that stupid comb over, he says, I don't take lip from welfare punks. I'm about to kick his balls up into his throat, but then I feel someone watching me. And it feels like a heat lamp turned on in the back on my neck, and I turned around and there you are. You're sitting at a table all by yourself. You're just staring right at me. So I walk over and I sit down. You're still staring at me with those big eyes. And you push your tray of food over to me, and you said that you can have my lunch. Right then, I knew you were different. You know, you were different like I was different like people liked you and wanted you around [trying not to cry], I want you around. I want you around, so please don't go. [he cries and

Who Died and Made You King?

Max: Michael, what the hell is wrong with you?!? Michael: You. You were dead, Max, and now I'm lookin' at you and I don't know. Who are you, are you a ghost? And you're here in my face all day and you're freaking me out.

Who Died and Made You King?

Kyle: Well, maybe. But I realize that I'm part of something bigger than myself. Jesse: No, it's not bigger, it's all-consuming. There's a difference. They've robbed you of your life. Kyle: No, actually they gave me one.

Who Died and Made You King?

Michael: You know what really pisses me off? No one ever listens to me. You didn't not even when we were together. All you tried to do was make me weak. Maria: No, I loved you! Michael: I stayed on this planet for you and you show your appreciation by dumping me? Yeah, you love me.

Who Died and Made You King?

Maria: Okay, Michael's a freak show. Liz: What happened? Maria: He's like a desert-wandering Anne Heche times a thousand, babbling about how Max should've stayed dead because he'd be a better king or something.

Crash

But what I was going to say was maybe Michael can get like "I'm eternally sorry" tattooed there instead and just flash it every half hour, regardless. Saves time, cuts stress.

Crash

Michael: Why am I always apologizing for who I am. Maria: It wasn't you, Michael. Michael: Yes it is me. [points at Max.] Max was dead. [points at himself.] I was king. I did what I had to do.

Crash

Michael: You scared I'm gonna find something? Max: I'm terrified they'll find you.

Crash

Liz: It'll be okay. Connie: Should have gone with them. Maria: You would have been stopped. Connie: They could die. Liz: They have practice. Connie: Dying?

Graduation

Max: Liz... they're taking our home from us. They want to kill us... and they might. But when I look in your eyes, I... I don't feel angry, or deprived. I feel like the luckiest half-human on the planet. You're pure... you're true... and you're real. And right now that seems like the only thing that's important. I want to be with you Liz... forever. Liz: Forever may only be twelve days. Max: Then we'll take those twelve days... [He places a diamond in Liz's palm and closes her hand around it] And we'll live twelve lifetimes. Liz Parker... will you marry me?

Graduation

Maria: I thought you were leaving. Michael: I am... but I just wanted... I dunno. Maria: To say goodbye? Michael: (struggles to form words, then speaks) ...I wanted to say that this thing has been screwed up from the beginning. You and me. Us. Just the whole long, stupid story... Maria: ...Thanks... Michael: But I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's meant so much to me, y'know. From day one, from the moment I kidnapped you and stole your car... I knew you were the girl for me. I never wanted anyone else... Maria: Michael... (takes a step towards him, sad, but touched.) Michael: I still don't. Just... Wherever I'm goin,' whatever I'm doin,' just know I'll always love you.

Graduation

I'm a member of that group of... outsiders. I always knew I was different and for a long, long time, all I wanted was to be another face in the crowd... but in the end, it wasn't possible. I guess it never was. So from now on, I'll just concentrate on being who I really am. Some of you might not like that. Some of you might even... find that frightening. But that's not my problem any more. I have to be who I really am and let fate take care of the rest. So... thank you, Roswell... Thank you for... for letting me live among you. Thank you for giving me a family. Thank you for giving me a home.