Quotes

Dialogue

It's Mark.

Dialogue

Jessica: Nora's blind to his evil. We have no choice but to intervene. Sarah: We've got 48 hours. Let's work up a plan.

Dialogue

Jessica: Nora! Nora, we didn't want you to go. Nora: Look, let's just get something clear. Even though you guys live near me now, I have my own life. It's mine. Not ours... mine. Hank: Nora! Would you please get in the LeBaron? I beg of you! Nora: My loyalty is to Hank now, and that's the way it's gonna be. Tom: In the living room, now! Let's go! Hank: Your neighborhood canines have completely ruined the LeBaron's paint job. Nora: I'm sure my family will pay to repaint it. Hank: Good, 'cause I'm sure paying for your family. Nora: What's that supposed to mean? Hank: I think you know what it means. Tom: You soaked his underwear in meat. That is so wrong. Funny, but wrong. Now, who was the mastermind in the meat-soaking plot against Hank? You were the masterminds? Step back, please. You have a dark gift, Sarah Baker. But it's going to cost everyone a month's allowance. Do you wanna make it two? Now, when your mother leaves tomorrow, I'm gonna need everyone to pull their own weight. Now, g

Dialogue

Tom: Kids, on the carpet! Now! Lorraine: Dad! College guys? Jake: What's going on here? Tom: Where's Charlie? Sarah: He went to Midland for the day. Tom: Midland? It's a school day. Henry: He hates school. Sarah: Course you couldn't know that 'cause you're never home. Tom: Well, that is about to change, Sarah Baker. Because since I can't go to work without you guys getting in trouble, and since I can't stay home without Shake bugging me, I have brought my work home with me. Guys, meet the family. Family, meet the team. Jake: What's up, boys? Football Players: What's up? Tom: Okay, we will be in the living room. We got a lot of work to do. I don't want any interruptions unless it's an emergency. Clear? Okay, now go do your homework. Let's go, guys.

Dialogue

Nigel: Come on, Dad, don't hide in the closet! Kyle: TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!

Dialogue

Charlie: Knock much? Tom: You got kicked off the football team! Charlie: Well, then look who decided to be a parent! Tom: Let's check that attitude, Charlie! Charlie: I don't fit in this town, Dad. I'm going back to Midland. Tom: You are not dropping out of school, and you are not walking out on this family! Charlie: What family? [scoffs] Since we've moved here, everybody's been looking out for number one, especially you and Mom. Tom: Your mother and I are doing what we think is best for everyone! Charlie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You did not take this coaching job for us! You took it because you were a loser in college while Shake was out there being a superstar! If you want your shot at glory, Dad, if you wanna have it all, you do what you gotta do! But quit feeding us this line about being a happier and stronger family! This move was about you! And you know what? I don't have to sit here and pay the price of your life choices! I'm leaving! Tom: You're staying. Charlie: Are you gonna

Dialogue

Lorraine: Mom, listen up. Here's the sizzle. Okay, Dad is stressed to the point of a total meltdown. Charlie's like a half a step away from juvie, and Mark's... Kate: Okay, Oprah's coming. We'll talk about it later. Here we go. I just wanna get everything ready. What's the deal with Charlie? Tom: Fine, thanks. How are you? Kate: I'm sorry, hi. Tom: Hi. Charlie got kicked off the football team. Kate: What? Tom: Don't worry, I'm handling it. Tom: Shake. President Gerhard. President Gerhard: Tom. Shake: Tom, we need a minute. Mark: Please don't die, Beans. President Gerhard: The university is prepared to make a huge investment in the program, but we want some assurances. Tom: What does that mean? Shake: We wanna know that you're committed to the football program. President Gerhard: You have to decide who's making the bacon and who's cooking it. Shake: So, what's it gonna be, Tom? Kate: Tom, honey, didn't you pick up my dry-cleaning? Tom: Yes, dear, it's in the front closet. Shake: Well, I

Dialogue

Tom: What's this? Nora: Hank slept over. Do you have a problem with that? Tom: Yes, I have a problem with that! This house is G-rated. Hank: Whoa, chief. Look, Nora's a big girl. Tom: Now would be an excellent time for you to be very, very quiet, chief. Now, get dressed and get downstairs. Hank: Whoa. Kate: I just... I can't believe you let things get this bad around here. I can't believe it. Tom: Well, what can I say? You didn't pick the perfect moment to have a career. Kate: Oh, okay, yeah. I'm not even gonna touch that hypocrisy. You told me to go to New York. Do you remember that? Mr. I Can Handle It. "Everything'll be okay. Go, Kate! Go!" Help me, would you? Tom: So you're telling me you didn't want to go to New York? Kate: No. I want a lot of things. So do you. That's the problem. Tom: This isn't working. Kate: Yeah, that's my point. Tom: I meant the zipper. Kate: Let's just get through the next hour, okay? Tom: Fine. Kate: Fine. Okay, everybody. I know it's been a difficult day,

Dialogue

Charlie: Hey, Dad, what I said before, I was out of line. Tom: Forget it. You were right.