Quotes

Surprise!

Tucker: So you’re actually okay with your brother and Riley being together? Danny: Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be? It was kinda my idea. Tucker: Look, I’m really sorry about you and Amy. Danny: Yeah. Me too. I just wish she would have broken up with me before I got this. (He shows Tucker another tattoo saying Amy on it)

Bonnie’s Unreal Estate

Bonnie: Holy crap! It’s. Beautiful. I will be able to rent this place in no time. Ben: How about we say Monday? It’s always good to have a goal. Bonnie: Two bedrooms, eat-in kitchen. (opening a curtain and seeing the church) Oh. (gasps) And a view of the cutest little church in the world. I won’t need any help with this one. Bonnie: Oh my God! What the f…?!

Life’s a Beach

Riley: Congratulations, Wheeler. You saved tar beach. And you know, if you squint, the helicopters kind of look like fireflies. Ben: So…turns out that politics really is about compromise. (to Sondra) Marshmallow, madam president? Sondra: Oh my God. How much fun is this? I love it! I cannot believe I was gonna try to shut this down. Oh my God, it reminds me of when I used to go to camp. I swear, I have a million stories from camp. A million! So here’s the first one. One day, when I was 7 years old… Ben: I’ll give you five bucks to hug Sondra. Danny: For the first time, she died of natural causes!

I See Crazy People

Letty: Hmm. Did you move recently? Bonnie: Yes. Yes, I did. Letty: I don’t know your new surroundings are good for you. In fact, I’d say you’re living under a black cloud. Bonnie: Oh my God, thank you. All right, I’ve got to figure out a way to get my place back. You are amazing. Do you need a roommate? Okay, never mind. Tucker: (sighs) “Black cloud.” (chuckles) Nice touch.

House of Cards

Sondra: Oh my God, I was just gonna text you when you texted me. It’s like we’re on the same wavelength, which is weird, ‘cause we are not at all. Tucker: (laughing nervously) Yeah, about that… Sondra: Tucker, we need to talk. Tucker: Hey, that’s my line. Sondra: It’s not you, it’s me. Tucker: Hey, that’s also my line. Sondra: Tucker, can you pay attention? I’m breaking up with you! (calming down) Oh my God, that wasn’t as hard as I thought it was gonna be. So, see you around the building.

Home Is Where the Wheeler Is

Riley: Ben. Oh my God. Ben, what are you doing here? I’m not allowed to have boys over. Ben: Riley, you can’t run away from home. Well, run away to home… from your home. Whatever. Riley, you can’t run away from me. Riley: Ben, haven’t I done enough damage? Ben: Oh! Riley: Oh, Ben! Ben: You have now! (groaning) Riley: You okay?

Ring Around the Party

Bonnie: Tucker! Tucker: I’m not doing anything! Sorry. It’s just my gut reaction when a mom walks into my room. Bonnie: Look, I need that ring back. Tucker: You said “under no circumstances.” Tucker: Okay. These are pretty good circumstances. It’s in my pocket. Bonnie: Okay. Tucker: At least I thought it was in my pocket. Wait, wait. I know where it is. Bonnie: Okay. Bonnie: Where are you going?! Tucker: (grunts) No!

It’s a Nice Day for a Wheeler Wedding

Riley: You, you kicked a hole in my door? Oh my God! What is wrong with you? Danny: I’m trying to show you that I’m still your hero! Excuse me for trying! They gave me a boot. Riley: I’m sorry, a hero? A hero would’ve saved me five minutes before I landed on a fire escape… And the neighbor’s yorkie. Ben: It apparently takes him a little longer to get into his tights than it used to. Danny: Well, don’t worry. This is never happening again. I don’t care anymore! I’m done! Riley: You’re done? You don’t get to be done, because I already said that I was done and… I’m gonna say it again. I’m done. Ben: I don’t know how you guys do it. I hate helping people. Tucker: Charlotte’s evil and can’t be trusted!