Quotes

Big Time Audition

Kendall: Opportunities like this come once in a lifetime, and when they do you gotta grab it and turn that thing big time! Logan: Turn it and I predict that 90 percent chance of bodily harm, and I'm talking about us, not them! Carlos: Wimp! (Puts on his helmet and runs towards the T-bar and tries to turn it.) It's stuck! James: I had my pop star dream again last night and this time, I was wearing my lucky white V-neck and I was singing a Smokey Robinson song Tracks of my tears, yeah, yeah! What are we doing? Kendall: Uh, the janitor left the T-bar sprinkler valve and do you want to help us soak the girls field hockey team? James: Yeah! (They both run toward it and before they turn it they look back to Logan) Logan: I gotta get new friends. (Walks over and they all turn it. They hear the girls scream as they laugh nervously) Kendall: And now we run! (They get chased by the girls) James: (While running away) This is what it's gonna be like when I'm famous! Only the girls won't be trying

Big Time Audition

Kendall: [With the police holding him, his friends, and the old lady] Mom! Remember that time I saved you from choking? Wow! That was close! And I love you. Mrs. Majecowsky: I feel so alive!

Big Time Audition

Carlos: Dude, how did you know those songs? Kendall: They play Boyquake on the 90's channel all day at work, and I made up the giant turd song. Logan: It was catchy. Mrs. Knight: What happened? The truth, now! Logan: Mrs. Majecowsky helped us try to make James famous. Carlos: But this producer guy was super mean to everyone. Kendall: So I sang him the Giant Turd Song and there was a tiny fight, but NOBODY GOT HURT! James: And now I'm really sad. Mrs. Knight: Okay! Who wants sandwiches? The Guys: Ooh Me! Katie: Whoa! Wait! That's it? That's your interrogation? You didn't put the screws to 'em or slap 'em with the hard cheese! Mrs. Knight: I don't know what you're talking about, but you aren't allowed to watch FOX anymore! Katie: Well can I at least hear the Giant Turd song? Kendall, Logan, Carlos, James: Oh you're such a turd, Oh yeah, a giant turd. And you look like turd, and smell like a turd... (door bell rings so they go open it but they are still singing) Oh your such a turd oh yea

Big Time Audition

Logan: So I uh, did the math last night on this whole singing thing...and, Katie was right: you're an idiot. (takes a shopping cart and pushes it, but it hits a car and its beeper goes off) It's breaking right. Kendall: Guys. I don't want to go to LA with that jerk. I want to be here with YOU jerks! And play hockey for our TEAM... Carlos: But this is just LIKE hockey! Only instead of crashing the boards and rushing the net, you're singing and dancing! Logan: What have you got to lose?! Carlos: (walks right in front of Kendall) Dude...CALIFORNIA! The girls, the beach, the stars! The...GIRLS! Kendall: Yeah. But none of that matters if it's minus my best friends! Add those numbers up, professor. Logan: (pulls out a calculator) Kay, carry the two, ahhhh...nope! Still an idiot. Kendall: (to James) What about you? You haven't said anything to me all day. James: I'm not talking to you. Carlos and Logan: You just did. James: You know what?! (to Kendall) Dude, part of me hates you right now. No

Big Time Audition

Gustavo: I'm Gustavo Rocque! I'm amazing! I'M AMAZING. And if you think for one second that i'm so desperate because i've toured 22 cities and haven't been able to find anybody, you can think again! Because there is no way-NO...WAY-GUSTAVO ROCQUE...is taking the four dogs from Minnesota to Los Angeles to make them stars! It's never gonna happen! NEVER!!!!! Kendall: ...So, we have a deal. Gustavo: Yep.

Big Time Audition

Kendall: Okay reality check! We have to promise ourselves NOW, that we won't let this singing thing or this town change us! We are four hockey players from Minnesota and we can never forget that! Do we all agree? The guys: Yes! Kendall: Once you've sipped from a real coconut, there's no going back! The guys: So true!

Big Time Audition

Kendall: Do any of your songs not have the word "girl" in them? Gustavo: Well, let's find out, Mr. Question Everything I Do! Let's take a look at my WALL of PLATINUM RECORDS! (walks up to his wall) Let's see, there's uh... "Girl Like You". "Girl, You Are My Girl". "Hot Girl". "Cold Girl". (Carlos and Logan watch in dissentment) "Girl 2 My Heart". "Yard Squirrel Christmas". I forgot that one was there. Uh, "Girl Zone", "Girl Zone Remix", "Girl Cake", and "Girl Girl Girl", which sold THREE MILLION COPIES, and was NUMBER ONE...FOR FIVE...WEEKS! (walks up to Kendall) Any other questions...DOG? (slaps his cheek) Kendall: Are any of those songs from this Girllenium?

Big Time Audition

Gustavo: (to Carlos) YOU...can't sing! (to Logan) YOU...can't sing, OR dance! Logan: But I can backflip. Gustavo: Stop it! Logan: Okay. Gustavo: Forever. Logan: Hm. Gustavo: (Looks at James, but skips to Kendall) Worst of all. You don't even seem to WANT this!! Kendall: (Coughes feathers) James: What about me? I sing, dance and I want this. Gustavo: YOU...remind me A LOT of Matthew McConaughey. James: Awesome. Gustavo: I CAN'T STAND MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY!!

Big Time Audition

Kendall: But I've realized three things since we got here. One, I love singing. Two, I love singing with you guys! And opportunities like this come once in a lifetime! Logan: What's the third thing? Kendall: It's -8 in Minnesota right now....and I'm in love with this pool.

Big Time Audition

Gustavo: Carlos still can't sing. Logan still can't dance. And I still can't stand James! Kendall: We'll work on it! Gustavo: ... Okay, now you can celebrate.

Big Time School of Rocque

James: Tyler why are you so happy? Tyler: Today the class takes lessons outside! The guys: Lesson at the Palm Woods...The guys imagine the lesson out the Palm Woods School Kendall: My dream had a pool. Carlos: Mine had a pool and pie. Logan: And mine had a low student-teacher ratio. James: But the problem is Mr. Masterpiece Kendall: Don't worry guys, my mom packed us corn chowder for lunch today, right? (The guys look at Kendall) Kelly: Just let them go to the Palm Woods! Gustavo: The day I let them beat me IS THE DAY I-is that a goat? Kendall: You know the rules with sport at the school level right?! Gustavo: WHAT?!?! Logan: And you like our goat? The name of goat is Gus -Short for Gustavo!

Big Time Crib

James: Let's do this! (holds up three bandanas) Kendall, Carlos and Logan: We're not wearing bandanas. James: BANDANAS ARE COOL!

Big Time Crib

James: I love being a part of the RCM/CBT Global Net/Sanyoid Family... but I hate their hair dryers. Gustavo: CUT! Just say what's on the card! James: And what? They've completely ignored ionized technology. Gustavo: You have said NOTHING I can use for the last 2 hours! James: (Stalling Gustavo and talking extremely slow)) and in no way am I purposely stalling you. Gustavo: Where did you get that banana? James: Waffle? No thanks, I already ate!

Big Time Crib

Why are the Jennifers dripping KETCHUP all over MY PALMWOODS?

Big Time Crib

I realized today, sort of, that if you really want to train dogs properly, you need to throw them a treat now and then. So...enjoy your treat. You're not getting anymore.

Big Time Crib

Logan: You locked him in the supply closet?! James: No...banana man did. (holds up a banana) Bitters: This is a total lease violation! (sees the swirly slide) ...Man. Nice swirly slide. (to the boys) I want all of you out of here...TOMORROW! Kelly: How 'bout I add another grand to your "making it happen" fee? (takes a check and gives it to Bitters) Bitters: Have a Palm Woods day!

Big Time Bad Boy

Gustavo: The bad boy is a rock and roll tradition. Gustavo: Notice: The back turned to the rest of the band. Bad boy. Gustavo: Notice: the back turned, the dark clothing, and the scowl. Bad boy. Kelly: But there can only be one bad boy per group, as learned from the bad boys experiment of '95. Gustavo: Didn't sell a single CD. James: Yo, WayneWayne. I'm -- WayneWayne: Wasting your time-time. Logan: WayneWayne is a total fraud. James: He wants to kick Kendall out of the band. (Kendall raises his arms) Gustavo: Really? I bet on Logan. Logan: (laughs) Well you would have LOST. WayneWayne: [During the Bad Boy off] My name is WayneWayne on the mic-mic and i'm badder than bad I said the City is Ours we're gonna take it like we're mad! Kendall: [During the Bad Boy off] Your rhymes are weak mine fit like a glove Gustavo's gotta face only a mother could love! (Gustavo looks shocked) Griffin: So you got rid of Kendall (pressed the speaker) My money was on Logan. Logan: (irritated) WHY DOES EVERY

Big Time Love Song

Camille: (Slaps Kendall): How could you?! With my Mom in the hospital and my huge fight with my best friend and my zit?! Kendall, James, Carlos, & Logan: Degrassi audition? Camille: Wish me luck. (Slaps Kendall)

Big Time Love Song

Gustavo: [playing on the piano] Any kind of guy you want, that's the guy i'll be...this song, is terrible. IT'S TER-RI-BLE!!!!! Katie: Don't you have to be in love to write a love song? I mean, you're not wearing a wedding ring, and don't you hate EVERY LIVING THING?

Big Time Love Song

Kelly: You told me to get him to stop sneezing, and I did. Gustavo: But he can't sing! And we have to sing this love song, because the record company wants a love song, AND I STILL HATE THIS SONG!!!!! Kelly: Well, he refuses to take an allergy shot, (waves her arms around) AND I'M NOT A NURSE!!!!! Gustavo: Your yelling has improved. But more like this: GET HIM AN ALLERGY SHOT!!!!!!!

Big Time Love Song

Camille: Uh, you told me you didn't have a boyfriend. Jo: Uh, I don't, but I can't deal with that (looks over the balcony to see Logan, Carlos and Kendall fighting over her) every day. Camille: Oh, boys are stupid. (laughs) Remember Logan's mine. Jo: Got it.

Big Time Love Song

Griffin: I tell you I want a slow love song, and instead you ignore me, and give me...a hit. Gustavo: YES! (the others cheer) Griffin: But I still want a slow love song. And put the word "baby" in it.

Big Time Love Song

Kendall: And we're not gonna fight over girls anymore, right? Carlos, James and Logan: Right! Kendall: We're gonna be CIVILIZED, and only go after girls we meet ALONE and not together. Agreed? Carlos, James and Logan: Agreed! [Rachel shows up in front of them] Rachel: Hey, I just arrived at the Palmwoods. Can you tell me where the gym is? Katie: (sighs) It's past the pool and to the right. Rachel: Great. Thanks. [as she walks off, the boys stare at her walking off] Kendall: She's mine! [they all fight trying to reach her]

Big Time Photo Shoot

Mrs. Knight: Look, she just wants an autograph! And look into these eyes and try to say no! (Katie looks at the security guards while looking extremely innocent) Security Guards: No. Katie: Man, you guys are good. Security: The best. Now, beat it! (Mrs. Knight and Katie leave) Katie: ...We're getting that autograph, right? Mrs. Knight: Oh Yeah.

Big Time Break

Jo: ...You set me up. Kendall: Well, you lied to me. Jo: I didn't want a boyfriend. Kendall: Who says I wanted to be your boyfriend?! Because frankly, I don't like dating girls who lie. Jo: Well, I don't like dating boys who catch me in my lies and make me hire idiot actors who can't remember their names! Kendall: Well then, I guess we're done here! Jo: I guess we are! Kendall: Humph! (they walk off, but quickly walk back to eachother) ...So, do you want to go to the movies sometime? Jo: Yeah, i'd like that. (Kendall walks to a table with Katie) Katie: I don't think I completely get the whole "teenage dating" thing. Kendall: I'm not sure if I do, either, baby sister.

Big Time Demos

Kendall: Hey, hey hey. We are NOT toast! What's the one thing we've learned since we got in L.A.? James: That black is the new black. Logan: If you drink cold milk on a hot day, you DIIIIIIIE. Carlos: That every time you leave your house, your toys come alive.

Big Time Demos

Mercedes: Look, I know we haven't all dated that long, but I just wanted to come back to say... (sighs) I'm sorry. James: Yeah, you should be sorry! How could you pick THEM over ME? Mercedes: Because, I never date anyone prettier than me. James: (turns to the boys) I'm better now.

Big Time Demos

Mercedes: ...It's my fault, Daddy. I lied to them, and I made them be my boyfriends, and then I ate terrible cookies, and then I cried, and then I helped them chimpnap Lolo, and...I love you! Griffin: Is that true? Because she lies. A lot.

Big Time Demos

Griffin: So what do you say, Lolo? Do you like Big Time Rush? [everyone looks at Lolo, who, after about ten seconds, makes a fart noise.] Ooooooh, the fart noise. Sorry boys, Vampirah wins. Mercedes: Lolo's wrong, daddy! The vampire fad has one, two years left, max. These guys' songs have infectious melodies, classic pop hooks, and Big Time Rush will crush the 6- to 16-year-old demographic, which is your core music-buying base. Griffin: Wow. Lolo, I'm transferring you to missile defense. Mercedes, you're my new hit-predicting adviser, and this way, we'll get to spend more time together. Big Time Rush wins! [everyone cheers, and Lolo somersaults while being held] Anything else for my princess? Mercedes: Well, I never really got a chance to date Logan. [Logan panics] Griffin: Logan, you're Mercedes' new boyfriend. [Logan pushes James in front of him]

Big Time Jobs

Kendall: Okay, so we do put a little wear and tear on things from time to time. James: But that's showbiz! Right? Gustavo: WRONG. And it's time you take responsibility for your actions. By paying me back...my TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!!!!!

Big Time Jobs

Kendall: James, you don't come? James: No, I'd rather get a job that doesnt involve work. Logan: (turns to Kendall) Go!

Big Time Jobs

James: "Are you the new face of Cuda?" James' reflection in the mirror: You bet you are. Look at yourself. Who's handsomer than you? James: No one. Reflection: Who's got more style than you? James: No one! Reflection: Who's smarter than you? James: Well, lots of people. But that has nothing to do with being a model! Katie: Sounds like somebody needs a manager, and I only charge 40% for all your earnings. Reflection: Tell her it's 50/50 or we walk. Katie: Deal. Now, we need new headshots, new clothes, a personal stylist, and...you have got to stop talking to a mirror!

Big Time Jobs

Freight Train: You didn't really book him a job, did you? Katie: No, and here's a bunch of modeling agencies. (shows him a paper) Help me out and start calling...HE NEEDS A JOB!

Big Time Jobs

Carlos: We have to destroy it! Kelly: No! Gustavo said you can't break anything else. C.A.L.: Kelly is dumb, women are weak. Kelly: Oh, WHAT did he just say?!?! C.A.L.: You heard me, cupcake. Carlos and Kelly: OH, IT'S ON! [they take beating devices and run into the foam] C.A.L.: [as Carlos and Kelly are destroying it] I was just-ow!-kidding! Can't you-ow!-take a joke? Ow! Tell the blender I love herrrrrr- [dies]

Big Time Jobs

James' reflection in the mirror: Hey! What are you doing? Take the job. James: And model an ELBOW?! Reflection: Not just an elbow. THE elbow. They could have chosen any elbow in the world, but they chose the best. And I want to go back to the pool! James: ...It is pretty good. Reflection: You bet it is. Now, let's rock this joint!

Big Time Jobs

Griffin: Gustavo, what did I tell you about breaking things? Gustavo: I didn't break anything. Griffin: You have a bat in your hand. Gustavo: (throws the bat away) Okay, so we might put a little wear and tear on things from time to time. Kelly: But, that's showbiz! Right? Griffin: No. And it's time you take responsibility for your actions, by paying me back $14,089.

Big Time Jobs

Griffin: Be sure to buff out the rims. I want them to shine like a pirate's boot. Kendall: (while he and the boys are washing a car) Not the pool, but...it's wet. James: (throws a wet rag at Kendall furiously) Kendall: (freezes and looks at James) Griffin: (reading a magazine and on the back is a photo from James' job) The guys: (in the tone of the theme song but lower) Oh, uh, oh ah, oh...

Big Time Jobs

James: (skips into the recording room) OH! It's a fruit smoothie and it's mine, all mine! (smiles) Kendall: (smiles, than knocks the smoothie onto the recording equipment on accident)

Big Time Blogger

James: My lucky comb. (buzz) Carlos: Yes! (buzz) No. (buzz) Maybe... (buzz) Logan: Anti-disestablishmen-terianism. (buzz) Kendall: Apatosaurus?! (buzz) James: Golden shoes. (buzz) Logan: Cheese sticks. (buzz) James: (shouts) I'M GETTING A LITTLE FRUSTRATED HERE! (buzz) Logan: (crying, with Carlos holding him) I was seven, I didn't know what I was doing! (buzz) (after two more buzzes) Would you stop it?! Carlos: (after four more buzzes) Violence! (buzz) Male chief: Carlos! Violence is NEVER the answer! The correct answer is seven. (Carlos gets irritated and punches his legs) Female chief: Okay, according to those answers, we predict Deke will think you're slightly more advanced than cavemen who like corn dogs. Carlos: Hey! We like hot dogs too!

Big Time Blogger

Bitters: And now for a true test of skill: double or nothing. Katie: (typing on her computer) It was a friendly bet. It already is nothing, and i'm trying to think up a blog here. Bitters: (has a table with three cups) Follow the ball, follow the ball. Where it goes, nobody knows. (he keeps moving the cups around and soon stops) Katie: Middle. Bitters: Wrong! (he takes the middle cup, which the ball is under) What?!

Big Time Blogger

Deke: Okay, done. Carlos: Wait, what? That's it? Deke: [reading his blog] "Big Time Rush is just another band force-fed upon us by the music industry. From the blogger that only writes the truth, it's clear they're full of rehearsed sound bites, choreographed body language and no real substance." (James yelps) "I suspect their words, hair, wardrobe and singing is done for them. Don't buy their album." Bye.

Big Time Blogger

Carlos: Life's funny, you know? One day, you're hockey players...then you're a pop band. Logan: Then...blognappers. James: Why does he think we're phonies, hm? HE SHOULD LIKE US! Kendall: Why WOULD he like us?! 'Cause I gotta be honest: I don't like us right now! Worse than that, since when did we start caring about what people think about us? It's what we think about ourselves that matters.

Big Time Terror

Katie: [yelling at the boys] What is going on? It's 3:30 in the morning! Mrs. Knight: Katie, let me handle this. [louder] WHAT IS GOING ON, IT'S 3:30 IN THE MORNING!!!

Big Time Terror

Kendall: I cannot believe we can't get rid of Gustavo. Logan: Yeah, well, I can't believe we can't get rid of a ghost. Kendall and James: You believe in ghosts? Logan: I believe in the doo-doos in my pants. (Kendall and James make disgusted faces) Bitters: [running by yelling] GHOOOST!!!

Big Time Terror

James: We haven't failed this bad since we lost to Duluth East in hockey eight-one. Carlos: Right, that was the game Kendall and I got ejected from for unsportsmanlike mooning. Kendall: Wait a minute, that's it! James: We should moon Gustavo and the ghost? Kendall: No, we beat Duluth East in the finals later because we were all back on the ice--together. Carlos, James and Logan: As a team. Carlos: Right! We're gonna team moon them! Kendall: Close we're gonna team up

Big Time Terror

Bitters: We have to get rid of that ghost. Carlos: Don't worry, we'll catch it (pulls out green fishing net) tonight. Logan: With a fishing net? Carlos: An ecto net. Logan: Fishing net. Carlos: Ecto net! Logan: It's a fishing net. Carlos: Ec-to net! Logan: Fishing net. Carlos: ECTO NET!

Big Time Terror

Carlos: [to his camera] Okay. Logan, Bitters and I are gonna sleep out here in the lobby to try to catch the ghost. Logan: There are no ghosts. Logan: Dude! Mr. Bitters: Hear that? It was the ghost. Carlos: [turns back around to the camera] Bitters just ripped one.

Big Time Terror

James: So how 'bout this one. Kendall and James: (singing) Please don't stay another moment. We don't wanna hear more words spoken. Walk out through the door, OH LOOK, IT'S OPEN! And you snore in the dark and it's freakin' us out. (Gustavo shuts off the game) James: Bad right? Kendall: Terrible. (to Gustavo) You know you should probily go back to the mansion and write a new song. James: A better song for the album. (James picks up some fish sticks and Kendall picks up a suitcase). Gustavo: Nah, let's go with yours. (James and Kendall lower their things. Gustavo starts the game) I'm skiing down the Alps.

Big Time Dance

Camille: (after she throws her shoe at James) Logan, you may not believe this, but... I've never been asked out before. Logan: No, I believe it. Camille: This is my first dance, and I'd like to be asked in a way that I can remember. Not by cue cards! Logan: Cue cards, what are you talking about? (she points to James holding the sign) Are you gonna hit me with a shoe? Camille: No. And I'm not looking for a prince to ride up on a horse, but how about something with a little flair? Logan: Flair. (James is dizzy from being hit, and holds up his "Will you go to the dance with me?" sign while walking) Girl: (happily) Sure, James.

Big Time Dance

James: Except...I spent so much time helping Logan...I never got a chance to ask anybody to the dance. Rachel: Uh, no...you asked me. Girl #1: Uh no, he asked me. Girl #2: No, he hit me with a flying dance disk! Three other girls: NO, HE ASKED ME! James: Oh...maybe I did ask a few girls out. (they all glare at him angrily) Ladies! I'm a, i'm a go get some punch, you want- (they get riled and chase him out of the room while yelling) UAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Carlos and Logan: ...He'll be fine!

Big Time Sparks

Carlos: We've been in L.A. for six months. When are we going to meet some totally hot and cool celebrity like Jordin Sparks? Jordin: Excuse me? I'm looking for Mr. Bitters? The Boys: [start getting up and look at the magazine cover then at Jordin Sparks]

Big Time Sparks

Kendall: Freight Train is squeezing us! James: This is our big present?

Big Time Sparks

Kendall: We knocked Jordin Sparks down a well! Carlos: Nobody panic! I'm sure that Jordin is fine. [takes a coin out] I wish that Jordin is okay. [throws the coin down the well] Jordin: OW!

Big Time Sparks

[from the well] It's not what it looks like!

Big Time Sparks

Gustavo: In light of recent skunky events, I have decided...NOT to kill you. (the boys sigh) HOWEVER! You blatantly disregarded my orders to stay away from Jordin Sparks. And proved, once again, you are BAD...LUCK...RUSH!!! Jordin: Gustavo...they're not bad luck. They're good luck. Kelly: Um, they knocked you down a well. Jordin: Yeah, but if I hadn't fallen down the well, I would have never figured out the song. Gustavo: They helped you figure out the song? Jordin: Yeah! It's not a solo...it's a duet. Gustavo: (laughs) Duet? Duet...with Big Time Rush. That is the most-greatest idea I've ever had.

Big Time Fever

Kendall: It's 95 degrees out, WHY is Bitters the only one in the pool? [Bitters waves to them] Tyler: Hey guys! Check out the sign. Carlos: [reading the sign near the pool] Adult swim? No kids allowed?!?! Logan: That's just plain rude! Kendall: No, no no no no. You guys are reading it wrong! [he pulls out a marker] It says, "Adult swim? No, kids allowed!" [he uses the marker to change it to that. Everyone else jumps into the pool]

Big Time Fever

Gustavo: CUT, cut! Will somebody please tell me why James is ORANGE?!?!?!?! James: Actually, I'm...mangerine.

Big Time Fever

Kelly: How come all your friends got Hollywood fever, and you didn't? Gustavo: Because HE has a normal brain, and his friends have the brain of a cricket.

Big Time Fever

Kendall: We think he might have Hollywood Fever. (Kelly looks worried) Gustavo: (to Kelly) You, don't panic. (to James) You, STOP BEING ORANGE!!! (he tries to take the cans of mangerine spray out of James' hands as he sprays them, which he eventually does. His jacket has mangerine splattered on it) A-HA! Gustavo: Well, that didn't work. Let's try this. (he throws the cans on the floor) Fix your FRIEND, or I will FIRE him, and REPLACE him, with someone...who's not...ORANGE!!!!!!!

Big Time Fever

[chuckles] Looks like you guys beat the heat. [they look at him. He runs]

Big Time Fever

Carlos: Yo, Gustav! I want a solo on the next album or record. Jennifers: And, his new name is Jennifer! Carlos: Okay, maybe not that, but the band's name is now Carlos and the Rush.

Big Time Fever

We must divide and conquer! Kendall, you take Bongo Boy and drum some sense into him. Kelly, you go find Carlos and remind him that he's NOT A JENNIFER!!!!! And I am getting a shrink for James.

Big Time Fever

Why are you looking at each other and saying things twice?

Big Time Fever

James: Knock knock. Everyone: Who's there? James: Orange. Everyone: Orange who? James: Orange you glad I brought enough Mangerine Action Tan Spray for EVERYBODY!!!

Big Time Fever

Everybody chill it out and hop aboad Logan train to MellowVill. (bangs on the bongos) Chillllllllllllllllll. (Gustavo knocks them out of his hands)

Big Time Fever

STOP... BEING... ORANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Time Video

Carlos: (after he tells the Jennifers that they're in the music video, he looks at the other three boys and tries to hypnotize them with his watch) You are not mad at me. You are not mad at me... Logan: Yes we are! (Jo is passing by with a suitcase and looks upset) Kendall: No! Oh, no no no no no no no. (he runs up to her) Jo: Kendall, I need your help. Kendall: You can be in our video! Jo: Really? Kendall: Yep. Jo: I was just going to see if you could fix this squeaky wheel, but...thanks. [she kisses him on the cheek, but the others look at him displeased] Kendall: Okay, so I panicked!

Big Time Video

Gustavo: Boys...as you start to get famous, people will start to ask you for favors. Like a fashion photographer, that wants to direct a ROCK video, even though he has no experience. Marcos: So Marcos get the job?! Gustavo: No. (Marcos looks upset) You see what I did there? Even when Marcos starts crying (which he does), I still say...A NO. (Marcos continues crying) Now, go tell your friend that she's NOT IN THE VIDEO!!! Carlos: (trying to hypnotize Gustavo with his watch) She WILL be in the video...she WILL be in the video... Gustavo: Get OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!!! (Carlos backs up)

Big Time Video

Director: Big Time Rush...all alone. Nobody else! On the tallest building...in the sanseis. Carlos: I'm afraid of heights. Logan: I hate tall buildings. Kendall: Nosebleed! James: I get nauseous when I stand up! (he stands up, then faints) Gustavo: NEXT! Director: They're in a magical underwater city...without girls. Logan: Can't swim. Kendall: Me neither. Carlos: I'm afraid of sharks! (hides) James: I get nauseous just drinking water! (drinks some out of a cup and faints) Gustavo: NEXT!

Big Time Video

Carlos: We are so dead. James: Yep. Kendall: Which is WHY we need to find a crazy, creative Hollywood director who will put Camille, the Jennifers, AND Jo in the video. Logan: Oh, YEAH, like it's just gonna walk RIGHT through the front door. (BUDAH BOB enters with a plunger) James: That could work too...

Big Time Video

Kelly: So do you want me to line up more directors or not? Marcos: (enters the room) So the pretty pretty car goes into the... Gustavo: NOOOOOOOO... Marcos: MARCOS CAN DO THIS! (he leaves. Gustavo turns to Kelly) Gustavo: All directors are idiots. That's why i'm gonna direct the music video myself. Kelly: ...Because you're an idiot. Gustavo: No...because my video is going to be...AWESOME.

Big Time Video

Camille: So..you put on this entire charade to trick all of us and our parents into thinking we had acting jobs?! Logan: Uh, yeah? Camille: (she slaps Logan, but then looks at him happier) ...That is so sweet! Logan: Then why did you just slap me right there?! Camille: 'Cause it seemed like the thing to do.

Big Time Video

Gustavo: ALRIGHT! Are you ready to make the best music video of ALL TIME? EVAH??? Kendall: Oh, Gustavo...Kelly said she wanted to see you outside. Gustavo: Fine! But DO NOT MOVE! (he goes outside and finds Kelly) Hey! Boys said you needed to see me? Kelly: No? (she gasps. They both go back inside to see there is nothing in the room except the green screen) Gustavo: I hate those dogs...

Big Time Video

Camille: Wait...you only have a learner's permit. Jo: Yeah, don't you need an adult in the car? Bitters: (thumping on the trunk of the car) LET ME OUT OF HERE! Kendall, Carlos, James and Logan: WE'RE GOOD!

Big Time Video

Gustavo: [claps slowly] We came here to CHEW YOU GUYS OUT!!! But... (Kelly thumps him) Great video. Kelly: (thumps him again) AND?!?! Gustavo: Great director... Marcos: OH! MARCOS LOVES YOU! (jumps into Gustavo's arms and kisses him)

Big Time Video

Bitters: Guys? How much longer do I have to be in here?! Kendall, Carlos, James and Logan: TWO MORE MONTHS!!!!!

Big Time Concert

Gustavo: ...Should I remind them that preparing for a concert will be the hardest thing they've ever done? And that it's not in Times Square? Kelly: Oh, let them have their fantasy. They look so happy! Gustavo: FINE...i'll give them another minute. Then I'll burst their bubble!

Big Time Concert

Kendall: I'm not good at goodbyes. Jo: Well, then. Here's something to remember me by. (grabs Kendall by the shirt and kisses him on the lips) Camille: Wow...she's really good at goodbyes. Kendall: I never thought that...our first kiss would be our last. Logan: Do I get something to remember you by? Camille: Of course. (leans in for a kiss, but then slaps him to the floor. Kendall and Jo look at her, and she shrugs)

Big Time Concert

Hawk: Give me the rundown. Rebecca: (pointing at a picture of the boys) Logan Mitchell. The smart one. Which means he'll ask questions. (points at Kendall) Kendall Knight. The complete package, but strong headed, hard to control. (points at Carlos) Carlos Garcia. High energy, a good dancer, but wears a helmet for no apparent reason. (points at James) James Diamond. Extra pretty, solid voice, driven beyond belief.

Big Time Concert

Gustavo and Kelly: WHAT?! The boys: WHAT?! The audience: WHAT?! Camille and Jo: WHAT?! Katie: WHAT?! Griffin: WHAT?! ...I mean, yeah. The Big Time Rush...is dead!

Big Time Concert

Kelly: Okay, guys! Time to find new James! Gustavo: Let's do it! Bad singing teen: (singing, off-key) Maaaaake it couuuuunt! Plaaaaayyyyyy it straiiiiight! Don't look dowwwwwwn... Gustavo: NEEEEXT! Break dancer: When you go big time! (break dances) Gustavo: NEEEEXT!! The boys: AYE, CARAMBA! Gustavo: NEEEEXT!!! Monk: [echoing] Oh, oh, oh-oh, ohhhhhh... Gustavo: NEEEEXT!!!! Blonde nerd: Oh, oh, oh-oh... Black rapper: OH! Goth boy: Whoa, oh... Blonde country singer: Oh-oh... Opera singer: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Gustavo: (glasses break) ...Kelly, is there anybody else left in the hallway? Kelly: (sighs) Just some boy named Skippy Hickenlooper. Gustavo: Okay, alright. Skippy: (singing flawlessly) If you want it all, lay it on the line/It's the only life you've got, so you gotta live it big time! Gustavo: Welcome to Big Time Rush! The boys: (cheering) Skippy: I'm so excited! ...I must now tell my dark overlord, Zorblock. Lord Zorblok, The time of prophecy is upon us! Kendall: M

Big Time Concert

Kendall: Don't worry. We'll figure this out. Have we ever let you down? Gustavo: (laughs) Have they ever let me down... (Mrs. Knight and Katie shake their heads, then Kelly does) ...That's not the point. The point is, James...is NOT COMING BACK. Now, I don't care...WHAT you sing. But LOOK LIKE you're enjoying it, or I will destroy... ALL OF YOU!!!!! (brief moment of silence) Kendall: (singing) Oh you're such a turd, oh yeah, a giant turd... Kendall, Carlos and Logan: And you look like a turd, and you smell like a turd! Oh, you're such a turd... Kelly: Well, they do seem to be enjoying it. James: And you sme-ee-e-ee-ell... like a tu-ah-uh-urrrrrrd! (the other boys cheer and walk up to him) Katie: I'm gonna be rich! ...I mean, hurray for friendship!

Big Time Concert

Ted Garcia: Ted Garcia here with the story of a local girl who claims to have been abducted by aliens. Tell us what happened! Camille: They put a circuit in my brain, and they told me...TO GO SEE BIG TIME RUSH TOMORROW AT THE MUSIC BOX!!!!!!!

Big Time Concert

James: (as he is tied up, to Hawk) Um...are you gonna kill us? Hawk: No; don't be stupid. (The boys sigh in relief)

Big Time Concert

Hawk: When you mess with the Hawk, you get all ten talons! Logan: Hawks actually only have, uh, eight talons. Hawk: I don't care! Logan: Okay, just telling you.

Big Time Concert

James: HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPP!!!!! Carlos: Don't worry, best friends of mine! This looks like a job for... (starts to hop his chair) Kendall: Carlos, not now! Carlos: Yes, now! 'Cause it's time! Kendall: Carlos! Carlos: I can do this! Logan: (sees the stairs sign) Carlos, you don't understand. Carlos: No, YOU don't understand! Kendall: Carlos, we're trying to help you! Carlos: I'm trying to help YOU! James: You're not looking where you're hopping! Carlos: I can do this! IT'S TIME FOR... (tips himself in his chair down the stairs. The other three watch in disgust as noises are made) Logan: Well...we tried to tell him. (Carlos comes back with his chair broken and the rope undone) James: Ha! You really are a superhero! Carlos: No...i'm a POP STAR. Who wants to rock that concert, get our album released, and get chased by lots of girls. Kendall: Then UNTIE US! (Carlos runs to the other three)

Big Time Concert

Kelly: Don't panic. Bands go on late all the time! It's a rock and roll tradition! Gustavo: Right! We'll just stall them, and leave the curtain DOWN.

Big Time Concert

Griffin: A pre-record deal, a worldwide tour, and immediate release of their album. Gustavo: My mansion back, my studio fully restocked, and the dogs want something called, uh, "Sebastian". Griffin: Done. Kelly: AND, I want you to go straight back to that studio, and write a hundred times, "I WILL NEVER DO THIS TO BIG TIME RUSH AGAIN"! (Griffin flees, and Kelly and Gustavo knuckle clash)

Big Time Concert

Jo: (jealously while watching the boys get chased off stage) Oh, we've got some serious competition. Camille: We can take 'em! MOVE!

Big Time Concert

Logan: What if we have an itch? Gustavo: DON'T! Logan: (frightened) Uh, okay.

Welcome Back, Big Time

Jo: Do you want to come, to make sure that nothing's going on? Kendall: No. I trust you. (she walks away) ...I trust her...right? Mr. Bitters: I wouldn't, 'cause that guy is wayyyyy better looking than you.

Welcome Back, Big Time

Kelly: Whoa, whoa. Nobody informed me of this. Ms. Collins: Yes, I did. (intense music plays) I sent all the information, e-mailed all the assignments, and was told everything was being taken care of. Kelly: Really. By who? (scene cuts to the studio where she is looking at Gustavo) ARE YOU NUTS?!?! Gustavo: I didn't tell the boys about school because I needed them to focus on the tour. And I didn't tell you because you would just yell at me. Like you did just there!

Welcome Back, Big Time

Gustavo: 900 years ago, the pilgrims came to this great land of ours in search of freedom. The freedom...TO ROCK! Logan: The pilgrims came seeking religious freedom. Gustavo: THESE ARE DIFFERENT PILGRIMS! And today, we celebrate the bravery of those headbanging pioneers for one month! ROCKTOBER. Now...are you gonna sit there and GIVE UP? Or are you gonna grab a number two pencil, STRAP ON YOUR THINKING CAP, and SAVE Rocktober?! Logan: (stands up as superhero music plays) I'll need report covers, a glue stick, a protractor, green glitter number three, and 19 high energy sports drinks. Gustavo and Kelly: YES!

Welcome Back, Big Time

Mrs. Knight: (while Kendall is thinking back) Trust is number one. Katie: Nobody is that good an actress. Bitters: That guy is way better looking than you Kendall: (runs into all three of them) What are you guys doing here? Bitters: I...work here. Mrs. Knight: I'm heading to the gym. Katie: Moral support. Kendall: Who was it?

Big Time Fans

James: Well, I was told not to give fans advice...but I like your style. Carlos: She's gonna kill us! Logan: Not if we kill her first! Carlos: Is the bad stuff over? James: PS: "We promise we'll help you!" Kendall: What did we tell you about making promises you can't keep?! Katie: I'm just saying you're 30% ignorant, 30% arrogant, and 40% idiot. So be careful of fans. (walks away) James: ...She so has a giant crush on me.

Big Time Girlfriends

Camille: We mustn't! You're a hair model prince who's spying on my country. And I'm... a robot! James: If it's so wrong, why were you programmed to love? Camille: But what about the bomb? [clock ticking and James threw the bomb] Then the explosion throws us into each other's arms. Boom! Then we, uh... [they throw away the script and kiss twice, second time longer] Both: [scream] Camille: What was that? James: It was the script! Camille: Not that second one! Both: THEN WHY DID YOU KISS ME?! NO, YOU KISSED ME! OHHHHHHHH! YOU- Logan: Hey, guys. James and Camille: [scream]

Big Time Girlfriends

Kelly: That girl you hired breaks sweet Carlos's heart, I'll break EVERY ONE of your music awards. Gustavo: Wouldn't DARE! (Kelly uses a baseball bat and swings at one of Gustavo's awards)

Big Time Girlfriends

Camille: So are you mad about what James told you? Logan: We're cool. I mean, I was a little upset at first, but he was honest with me. Camille: You were only a little upset? Logan: Hey, if he wants to put his mouth on something worn out and gross, that's his problem. Camille: Excuse me?! Logan: Pfft. I was about to dump it anyway. Camille: Oh? Well, if you were going to dump me anyway, maybe I'm glad James and I kissed! Logan: You and James kissed?!? James: Look on the bright side, now you don't need a new toothbrush. (Logan is about to punch him) Bitters: Ooooooh, this is getting good.

Big Time Girlfriends

James: Logan, hey come back man, let's talk! [runs after him] Bitters: Boo! What a rip-off. Katie: No, this is better. See, the rejected male storms off while the backstabbing friend fears for the future of their friendship. Bitters: Hmm. What about Logan and Camille? Katie: Oh, they are toast! Camille: Hello! I'm standing right here.

Big Time Girlfriends

Gustavo: It's simple! Just... DON'T BREAK UP WITH HIM! Sasha: But I just can't keep pretending to be his dream girlfriend for the rest of my life! Gustavo: WHY NOT?!?!

Big Time Girlfriends

Sasha: [crying] Carlos: What's wrong!? Sasha: [through sobbing] I don't know! I just cry all the time and for no reason! Carlos: That's how I know you care.

Big Time Girlfriends

Camille: You forgive me, but you're breaking up with me? Logan: Camille, 96% of all first romances end in breakups. You kissing James give us the perfect opportunity for us to get ours, out of the way now. Camille: And you're not sad about that? Logan: Yes. But, I'm going to mask my pain by buzz-cutting my hair, joining the gym, and nicknaming myself, "The Island". Logan: It is the friendly thing to do. [they share a hug, they both lean in and kiss] Uh, yep. Friends it is. Bitters: So, are they back together? Katie: Hard to say. Must be one of those on-again, off-again things.

Big Time Live

Miles Bainbridge: And a musical performance by the greatest band in the history of the world, Big Time Rush. (Jane Kennedy spits her coffee out) James: (enters the room with the boys) Be in the greatest band in the history of the world? Check.

Big Time Live

Gustavo: (panicked) Okay. The dogs...are clearly gonna get arrested. And not perform. So um, WHAT DO WE DO?!? Kelly: We just have to ace the rest of Griffin's evaluation. Griffin: D! (Gustavo and Kelly turn to him) You just failed my secret test! (his assistant shows an iSlab with a "D" mark) Gustavo: WHAT IS THE SECRET TEST?!? Griffin: If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret.

Big Time Live

Miles: This just in: Big Time Rush... ROCKS!!!!!!! (AM LA's credits roll) Griffin: Yes...Big Time Rush does rock. Gustavo: Boom! Game designers: What about us? Griffin: How about I get you all virtual offices? (an employee tosses them two pairs of 3D glasses) Game designers: SWEET!

Big Time Live

Carlos: (dressed as a cop with a mustache) We gotta cut three more minutes from the show to perform. Kendall: (dressed as Abraham Lincoln) Then "Operation: We Love Ed Begley Jr But We Have To Cut His Segment Short to Perform" is underway. Logan: (dressed as a pharoah) Okay, next time i'm in charge of operation naming! (gets slapped by James) Owwwwwwww...what'd you do that for? James: (dresses as a fisherman) Number eleven: Slap a pharoah. Check. Katie: [in a Ed Bedgely Jr. golf cart] Just when I think I'm out, they pull me right back in! [drives away]

Big Time Halloween

James: [to Carlos and Logan in the crib] The new girl is mine. I am a hot vampire. I will bite you! Logan: Hey, Teen Wolf. Wanna practice our dance moves for tonight? Kendall: Can gotta shave my are and meet up with Jo. James: Ok, but you're going to look like a really idiot when you can't do this.

Big Time Sneakers

Jo: I can explain! James and Logan: (with their arms crossed) Okay, explain. Kendall: Guys, I can handle this. (to Jo, with his arms crossed) ...Okay, explain! Jo: I can't. They told me that photo was gonna be on a billboard. Logan: (pointing to the magazine along with James) Does this look like a billboard?! Kendall: GUYS! Jo: I'm gonna see the network publicist right now, to get to the bottom of this. James: Yeah, well Kendall's going with ya. Kendall: Guys! I got this. (Turns to Jo) Kendall's going with ya.

Big Time Sneakers

Kendall: Can I hit him now? Jo: Yeah, go ahead. Kendall: (starts to lunge for Jett, but is grabbed by security) Where did they come from?!

Big Time Pranks

Logan: Logan Mitchell is about to witness the rare once-every-three-years mating ritual of the California banana slug. (Logan plays music on a radio and suddenly, he sees a text from Kendall on his phone says "It's time") Gotta go. (Ran off. Cuts to James having a picnic date with some girl) James' Picnic Date: And for dessert, I thought we could... (She and James are going to kiss, suddenly a text from Kendall appears on James' phone, stopping their moment) James: Maybe next time. (Ran off as Logan follows him) Logan: It's time. It's time, James! (Logan frantically steps over her picnic area, the girl became upset after that)

Big Time Pranks

Kelly: The guys are late, and they're not picking up their cell phones! Gustavo: Oh, that's 'cause I gave them the day off for pranking. Kelly: WHAT? We've got a ton of work to do! Gustavo: Kelly...pranks are a rite of passage for the young male. Kelly: Really! I can't wait to not hear any more of this story! Gustavo: FINE. Now, PLEASE be USEFUL, and go get me some sugar...for my coffee! (he taps the lid of his cup. She gives an "ugh" look) A thank you. (Kelly walks over to the cupboard, puts her papers down and opens the door only to have lots of sugar packets falling on her. Gustavo watches in amusement as she falls to the floor) The sugar packet pile-on! A Gustavo Rocque classic. (she stands up and spits out the packets) You got PRANKED! (he points at her and she glares at him)

Big Time Pranks

Logan: AHH! Everything looks pink! Dr. Hollywood: I'm a doctor! I can fix this! (takes eyedrops out of pocket and gives them to Logan) Logan: Ahhhh, now everything looks blue! Dr. Hollywood: Well, what color do you want? Logan: Oh, I don't know, ALL OF THEM?!?!?!

Big Time Pranks

Gustavo: (laughs at Kelly mocking him) THAT IS THE WORST SONG...I HAVE EVER HEARD...IN MY LIFE! AH, HA HA HA- (Kelly punches him) Oof! Kelly: And you can't punch back, because I'm a girl! Gustavo: (stands up) No you're not...you're Gustavo. Kelly: Right...AHHHH! Justin Bieber! (points forward) Gustavo: Hm?!? (he, Griffin and the secretary look behind eachother. Kelly runs, and Gustavo turns to see Kelly gone. He holds his fist up) ...Bieber!

Big Time Pranks

Gustavo: DOGS! I am Kelly today. Long story. So uh... studio! NOW! Kendall, James and Carlos: HUMAN SHIELD! (they grab Gustavo and drag him around, making the girls pie him and not them) James: Hey! Thanks for the day off for pranking, Gustavo. Gustavo: (incoherently) I'm Kelly... (faints)

Big Time Pranks

Gustavo: Let's end it now, while it's even. Kelly: Agreed. (they shake hands) Griffin: Here at our CMCBT GlobalNet Samuoid, we have a strict..."no pranking" policy. (Gustavo tries to talk, but his mouth is taped shut) I can't understand you, Gustavo, because your mouth is taped shut. (Gustavo mumbles again) Which is why I'm going to stay here, and help you stop your pranking ways.

Big Time Pranks

Griffin: Because you have no respect for each others' jobs, I'm recommending the "role reversal" method. The classy corporate exercise that teaches mutual respect. Kelly: So all I have to do all day is write songs with the word "girl" in it and scream a lot? Gustavo: Oh yeah, well I don't even know what she does! Kelly: I do THIS! (slaps Gustavo in the head and the two have a slap fight) Griffin: Mandatory! The role reversal is now...mandatory. Gustavo: Fine. (takes a binder and talks like Kelly) "Oh, Gustavo! Griffin wants his demos now! And blah, bluh, blah bluh bluh- Kelly: (takes Gustavo's sunglasses and puts them on, then imitates him) KELLY! Go get the DOGS! I've got WORK to do! UHAHHHHHHHHH! (the two make babbling noises at each other) Griffin: See? Isn't this better?

Big Time Pranks

Guitar Dude: OH, HO! (starts playing, to the Jennifers) You got PRANKED, you got PRANKED, you got P-R-A-N-(scene cuts to the doctor's office where his guitar is through his head) Doctor: I think I can solve this problem. (moves the tuner on the guitar and strums) Perfectly tuned. Guitar Dude: Oh, ha ha! (walks out)

Big Time Pranks

Logan: When the guys return at noon, they'll seek refreshment. They'll see my free smoothies, but what they don't know is in each smoothie is a hidden balloon (puts one in a cup), filled with 120 pounds of pure nitrous oxide pressure. (pours the juice into the cup and laughs lightly) Then, they'll pick up the needle sharpened straw (cuts off the bottom of the straw with scissors), push the straw down into the smoothie then BOOM! The crown will be mine. (he moves the straw down into the smoothie, but the balloon explodes in his face) AHHHH! (Mrs. Knight arrived, as she sees Logan splattered himself with the smoothie) Mrs. Knight: Is this about that stupid crown you guys made in middle school? Logan: I can't see! I can't see! I can't see! I can't see! Mrs. Knight: Come on. I'll take you to the doctor.

Big Time Pranks

Mr. Bitters: What's going on here? I want answers NOW. Jett: I'm not telling you... I'm bound by Lord Prankerton's code of silence. Mr. Bitters: I'll give you priority command of reservations and VIP parking. Jett: It was all Kendall's fault! He's the Lord High King and he forced us all into a prank war! And they'll keep pranking until only one is left. (Bitters shoves him, making him set off a whoopee cushion. He stands up and takes it) ...You pranked me. I'm out! Mr. Bitters: Nobody messes up my Palm Woods, and nobody messes with me. (takes off his glasses and puts on sunglasses)

Big Time Christmas

Woman in Front: Is this your first 5am super sale? The Boys: Yes. Woman Behind Them: Good luck. The Boys: (confused) Logan: "Good luck?" What does that mean? Kendall: It's for my mom! (fighting over a sweater with another woman) Jo: Baby's first birthday frame.. Kendall: No. (puts a ribbon on the frame) It's our first Christmas frame! Well it will be when you put a picture of us in it! Jennifer #1: Oh, what the heck. Jennifers: It's Christmas! (they all kiss Carlos and leave) Katie: Tomorrow is Christmas, with toys and snow AND TOYS. Mrs. Knight: Christmas is not about toys! It's about giving, and being with the people you love. Kendall, Carlos, Logan and Katie: No, it's about toys. James: (walks in having been attacked by many girls) Mistletoe... BAD!! (falls to the ground) Griffin: Now, since it's Christmas Eve, I'm off to the office to fire some people. Kelly: Actually, you wrote Yard Squirrel Christmas in five minutes and it's still your biggest selling single. (screen close-ups to

Big Time Guru

Gustavo: Dogs. You've come a long way, but you have a longer way to go...before you go multi-platinum, and start selling out 50,000 seat stadiums. [to James] James is still too self centered, and only cares about himself. James: James and I still disagree. [looks in a mirror] Gustavo: QUIET, you two! [goes to Carlos] Carlos still lacks direction. Carlos: [turning away from Gustavo] I do not! Gustavo: Turn around. Carlos: [spins around and still not facing Gustavo] Gustavo: [goes to Logan] Logan still lacks swagger. Logan: Yes but if you ever need a color pencil, who are you gonna call? [gives Gustavo a color pencil] Gustavo: [breaks the color pencil] Logan: [screams] Gustavo: [goes to Kendall] And Kendall needs to stop talking back to me after everything I say. Kendall: And Gustavo needs to tak- Gustavo: Don't say it! Not one...more...word. Kendall: [turns to Logan, Carlos and James who are shaking their heads] Gustavo: Good. Kendall: Chill pill. Gustavo: [his face turns tense and beco

Big Time Guru

Gustavo: [singing with Buddha Bob] There's a rainbow made of love, floating in the new day sky, candy castle up above, this must be New Town High! Kendall: [looks at Kelly, shakes his head in disbelief and slaps himself] Kelly: [presses a button, fake smiling and gives a thumbs up to Gustavo] The producer is coming over tomorrow and he's going to HATE THIS SONG! Kendall: [fakes smiling and gives Gustavo a thumbs up also] I know. James: [wearing a lab coat and glasses] If Logan is going to steal my swagger then I'll steal his smart brain....stuff things. [starts writing a really long equation] Camille: Well? James: Yeah, here's the problem: I'm not bright. Camille: Then what's all that? James: I think it's a recipe for toast. Logan: [dancing past James and Camille with other kids] James: [becomes depressed again and somehow ends up changing clothes] Camille: [looks at James and becomes shocked] James: WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?! [falls to the ground] James: [weakly] As you grow stronger,

Big Time Crush

[to Kendall's pick of date at the theatre] Hey, no hard feelings, Megan?

Big Time Crush

[whispers] This is Candy!

Big Time Beach Party

Griffin: How long do they do this? Kelly: It's hard to say. Gustavo: They once did it for three hours.

Big Time Beach Party

Today is Ukulele Dude. [strums the ukulele]

Big Time Beach Party

James: All aboard the Malibu Beach Party Party Bus! Logan: You said "party" twice. James: ...You bet I did.

Big Time Beach Party

She's got sunblock!

Big Time Beach Party

Hello, tasty waves. I'm James Diamond. I'll be riding you today.

Big Time Beach Party

Mrs. Knight, lovely to see you. And uh, DANCE PARTY! [turns on the music]

Big Time Beach Party

Oh no, a mermaid's kiss! (falls on the sand and starts rolling) The transformation is upon me!

Big Time Songwriters

James: Aren't they the ones who fight a lot? Songwriter 1: The song's called "Wings of a Dove"! [kicks Songwriter 2] Songwriter 2: No, it's called "Love From Above" [punches Songwriter 1] Songwriter 1: It needs more guitar!! [whacks the other songwriter with the acoustic guitar] Songwriter 2: You need your morning coffee!!! Everyone: OH!! Kendall: Could you stop that please? Carlos: [turns to him] What, breathing? Kendall: Just for a few minutes.. Carlos: [takes a deep breath in and holds it for a few seconds] Say anything you want, I turn the music up, 'cause baby we ain't going oh oh oh oh! Kendall: THAT'S IT!!!! [Excited]

Big Time Reality

I'm not crazy about doing reality show right now because, technically, I'm IN MY UNDERWEAR!

Big Time Reality

James: I like singing, I like pie. That's about it. Kendall: Yeah, I was taking a swim, my pants fell down, and the camera got a shot of THAT. *points at butt*

Big Time Reality

Kendall: And thank you Katie for saving my butt. Katie: Literally.

Big Time Girl Group

But the dogs have always stuck with me and I have to do the same with them. No matter how STUPID THEY ARE!

Big Time Girl Group

Kat: And what about our poster? Gustavo: What about your poster? Boy#1 from BIA: Kick it! (BIA dances) Big Time Rush: They're making a comeback. Gustavo: I've heard. Kat: You're not gonna stop being stupid, are you? Kendall: (takes a folder) You've seen the research, haven't you? Logan: Check it! (raps) Don't wanna get nasty, but this is how it rocks. This is Big Time Rush's house, not a kitty litter box. You got posters on the wall, but it ain't no thing. Cause we're gonna rock this out...(sounding uncertain) and put posters on the wall... Eventually... Chicka chicka, WHAT?! James: OH they're sassy, we're not good with sassy. Kendall: OH! WE ARE VERY GOOD WITH SASSY!! Kat's Crew: You can't hit us ! Gustavo: Dogs, I'm glad you're here. Sit down. James: (whispers) This is not look good. Gustavo: I have something I have to say to all of you. I love both bands at this table but I will not go through what I went through back into 90's. now, Kat's Crew is extremely talented and dance and si

Green Time Rush

James: HOW COULD WE LOSE A COW?! Carlos: I DON'T KNOW! Carlos and James: (inside an elevator) 4th floor. You did not see a cow. YOU DID NOT SEE A COW! Jett: You know when you think about it the whole thing was my idea. So why shoul I talk to the governor ans stand behind me from the photo laws. (A kid kicks Kendall's seat while playing video game) You, know, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Kendall: Help!

Big Time Moms

Kelly: Kiss your mother, Hortense! Kendall: Hey, Mrs. Diamond. Me, Carlos and Hortense are here to see James. Brooke: I don't like the name Hortense. Call him Logan from now on. Logan: She was right about my name. Brooke: Snowboarding lessons are too dangerous. You will all take ballet lessons instead. Boys: Alright. Carlos: I'll learn how to pirouette. Gustavo: Just tell her no. Boys: (shocked) James: You don't tell my mom no. Logan: You just don't do it. Mrs. Knight: I'm sorry guys. The guys: (inside the bouncy house) Help us! Mrs. Knight: I can't go up against Brooke, she scares me! But James can. James: No James can't. Mrs. Diamond: That's the best mother's day gift I ever got!!(crying) James: So you'll let me stay? Mrs. Diamond: No. Kelly: But you're crying! Mrs. Diamond: Oh, I put cosmetics eye cream on this morning! The burning means it's working!

Big Time Break Up

Carlos: It'd be AWFUL if they didn't hire you. Others: Carlos. (Jo looks worried) Carlos: I mean, you get this close to the role of a lifetime and NOT get it? Others: CARLOS!

Big Time Break Up

Jo: Hello? ... Uh huh... I got the part? !(the boys shoot confetti) It's a three-movie deal?! (the boys shoot confetti) It's shooting in New Zealand for three years? (the boys shoot confetti, Kendall looks worried) They want me to leave this week? (Jo and Kendall look worried at each other) Carlos: Aw, YESSS! Carlos: Oh... (turns to Kendall)

Big Time Break Up

Carlos: You go to New Zealand for three years and your relationship is (makes raspberry sound with his mouth) Kendall and Jo: CARLOS!

Big Time Break Up

Logan: He's gonna need us this week. James: He's also going to need my list of girls who weren't hot enough for me but perfect for you. Carlos: And hugs! [James, Logan and Carlos open their arms.] Kendall: She might not be leaving.

Big Time Break Up

I'm the boy right?

Big Time Break Up

Yep.

Big Time Break Up

Now put little miss Muppet back on her tuppet cause your causing a scene! FORK CHOP!!!

Big Time Break Up

Kendall: This opportunity only comes ONCE in a lifetime. Jo: Maybe you only come once in a lifetime... Kendall: You are gonna be amazing. Jo: I forget about you. (Kendall rubes Jo, but he likes Jo) it's time to do the movie?

Big Time Single

James: Not even a smile! Logan: I really thought the puppet show would work. Carlos: I liked it. Logan: Thanks. At least somebody appreciates my ART!

Big Time Single

James: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Carlos: Another puppet show? James: No... Logan: Oh...

Big Time Single

Let's get our hearts broken!!

Big Time Single

Kendall: Hey, guys, I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier- Logan: See what you started?!<hr width="50%"> Kendall: Yeah! The boys are back! Logan: This is how we roll! Kendall: Yeah this is going to be harder than I thought. Logan: Yep.

Big Time Single

Jennifer 2: Your plan was stupid. James: You're stupid! Jennifer 2: See, this is why I broke up with him! James: Ah, you!

Big Time Single

[sadly] I'll never forget you leather jacket!

Big Time Wedding

James: Although, she is beautiful, and I would make an AMAZING prince. Logan: Ok, Stop it, STOP IT NOW! James: HE LOCKED ME IN THE TOWER! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Time Rocker

Logan: Okay, we need a plan. We can't live in a dumpster forever. Camille: Hey! I worked really hard to make this dumpster nice. Logan: And it's very nice; but the Palmwoods is full with these cops! Camille: How about we take the stolen money, buy passage to Peru, and start a new life raising alpacas?

Big Time Rocker

Kendall: (reading Lucy's album track titles) Cut it off and... *gasps* Lucy: Yeah that last one shocks a lot of people

Big Time Strike

Kendall: Gustavo, we both know that I'm wearing a tie. [the boys all point at Kendall's tie] And we also know that Griffin wants a song from Big Time Rush, tomorrow. James: And we're Big Time Rush. Which means, where's my hair salon!?

Big Time Strike

Logan: What do we want?! James: An ice cream sundae bar, a personal hair salon, a petting zoo, brunch with Wayne Gretzky, a hot tub, a second hot tub- You know what, we need a shorter chant! Logan: (Opens his mouth to respond, when he notices James' sign. Which says, "Hi, I'm James") Have you been holding that sign the whole time? James: Uh, yeah. Logan: What does that have to do with striking? James: Uh, I'm striking.

Big Time Strike

Gustavo: I say, we try setting five. James: I don't like setting number five. Logan: I cant believe Gustavo beat us when we held all the cards. Carlos: AND NOW WE'RE NOT GONNA SING ON OUR SECOND ALBUM! (Breaks a table) Kendall: Awww, NOW you get all muscle-y! Carlos: You know I can't control it!

Big Time Contest

Verona: (pinching Logan's cheek) Look at him! He's like a boy man Carlos: I'm gonna be right back. I'm gonna destroy someone. James: My IQ has gone up 20 points. Go ahead, ask me anything.

Big Time Contest

Ok. Who was the first-

Big Time Contest

Alexander Hamillton *raises eyebrow*

Big Time Superheroes

James: We won't be there; but he will. Kelly: How does he do that? Kendall: We're not sure. Logan: So Bandana Man is going to defeat Hawk and his hawkmen all by himself? James: No. The Super Tastic Super Six will. Carlos: Who's the Super Tastic Super Six? James: I'm looking at them. Gustavo: So you want us to disguise ourselves as superheroes, pull a surprise raid at Hawk Records, and take our hard drive back by force? James: Does anybody have a better idea? [everybody raised their hands] I didn't think so. Kelly: Okay. [throwing sink] This is everything we got in the studio. [tiredly] Kendall: I can't believe we're doing this. James: Supertastic Super Six, suit up! Logan: You said "super" twice. James: You bet I did.

Big Time Move

Kendall: Fine! Walk out on a lifetime of friendship because of one bad week. Carlos: I smell speech! Logan: *sniffs* I hate that smell. James: I hate you! Kendall: Who's place is this!? James: Does it matter? Kendall: It might! James: Here's what matters, moving out of the crib and into here was my best move ever! I clap and things happen (James claps) (Music turns on)(Kendall looks weirdly around in questionable face) (Kendall grabs for candy and James slaps Kendall's hand out of the way) ANDDD i don't have to share my hard candies with anyone!(takes a candy and eats it awkwardly) Kendall: ANDD you have no friends here. James: Wrong again. (Takes senior alert thing out of his pocket and presses the blue button) Senior Alert Guy: Senior Alert is everything ok? James: Oh yeah everything is good today, How about you? Senior Alert Guy: Oh uhhhhh I'm good, uhh thanks. (James presses blue button) Kendall: ok... oK! I don't know why we're fighting so much. We've been friends forever, and we

Big Time Move

Carlos: (pulls laptop out of pants) Here's your laptop back. Logan: You know what, keep it.

Big Time Move

Mrs. Knight: Are you guys fighting again, 'cause if you are, I swear I'll take that game away from you! Kendall: You know what, take it, just take it.

Backstage Rush

Gustavo: Yeah. That's the Fresh-Beat-Look! Kendall: UNBELIEVABLE! Logan: QUIET! Okay?! Kendall: Yeaaah. We can beat NSYNC's record. James: Yes, but not by reading word pages. Logan: They're called books, James, and they are the answers to everything.

Big Time Returns

Kendall: Lucy is the love of your life? James: Well, she's smart and hot, so yeah! Katie: But if you knock on her door, isn't that you making the first move? Logan: Don't question love science! Logan: Probably just gonna tackle some chores around the crib, maybe play some tackle football, and then after that maybe do some fishing...with a tackle box! Well, I'll see you guys later. Tackle. Logan: Why are you telling Camille to avoid me, huh? I want some answers, NOW! Buddha Bob: Well, clearly you have commitment issues and you'll never be a steady boyfriend until you conquer your insecurities and your fear of rejection. Logan: Not those answers! James: So you don't wanna go out with Kendall either? Lucy: Let's just say, KENDALL IS UNDIBSED! James: Well, glad there's no more confusion. Kendall: (to James) Is it dusty out here? James: (confused) No. Carlos: And Gustavo and Griffin are gonna kill me if I don't pick their favorite song to play for JoJo on the radio. Kendall: That's simple,

Big Time Double Date

Maybe you should date science then!

Big Time Double Date

So I guess she is going to date someone else.

Big Time Double Date

James: Dude, Camille just agreed to... Logan: LALALALALALA. Kendall: He is taking this well

Big Time Double Date

OHH! HIS WATCH IS GONNA BLOW!

Big Time Double Date

Logan: Is this too weird? Kendall: Completely. Mrs. Knight: But impressive.

Big Time Double Date

Kendall: OH MY GOD! Lucy: Leave me alone. Kendall: No way! Lucy: And the guys are here? Kendall: Just Logan and Carlos. Kendall: And James, the mustached waiter. James: Hey, who's the... (gasps). Lucy: Say one word and you'll die. Camille: You realize you're dating yourself, right? Logan & Logan's Date: No, we're not. Wait. Ohhhh. Camille: Does recent data show that opposites attract? Logan: Don't know, don't care. Lucy: Kendall, you saved my wig! Kendall: Yeah. Lucy': I'm not kissing you. Kendall: I know that. Logan: Why do you think we break up so much? Camille: Probably because we like making up so much.

Big Time Merchandise

Kendall: I'm Kendall. Be cool, everybody! [Carlos puts his head down in shame.] Carlos: "Be cool"?! [imitating Kendall] "Hey, I'm Kendall. Be cool, everybody!" Kendall: It's a lot better than "pew pew pew"! Carlos: Are you kidding me?! Be cool is STUPID! Kendall: Oh yeah, well you're stupid! Carlos: No, YOU'RE stupid! [The boys yell insults at each other.] Gustavo: SHUT IT, SHUT IT FOREVER!!!!! [he enters the booth and starts yelling with them until Kelly enters and shuts them up. They all leave the booth] ...Okay, let's try that again. Mr. Bitters: Ah, here come our future karate champs. GO TEAM!! [giggling until the karate kids punch the sign] NO KARATE IN THE LOBBY!"

Big Time Dreams

Just Gustavo? Have you forgotten? I'm amazing. NOW DANCE!