The Ladykillers

The Sergeant: Mrs. Wilberforce, wait! Just a moment! (holding out the umbrella) You forgot it, mum. Mrs. Louisa Wilberforce: (Reaches for it, then changes her mind) Oh. Oh, no I don't think I want it. I never liked it. Now I can buy a dozen new ones. Louis: (Aside to Harry) Excuse me, Major Courtney, I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea? Mrs. Wilberforce: I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea, Major Courtney? Professor Marcus: Well, where is he? Where is the Major? Is he up there still? Harry: No, no, he, uh, he come down. Professor Marcus: Well bring him here! Harry: He come down... with the chimney-pot. Professor Marcus: With the chimney- ?(chuckles) Is he hurt? Louis: I shouldn't think he felt a thing.

The Ladykillers, CC BY-SA 4.0

One-Round: I said nobody was to do her! Mrs. Wilberforce: Mr. Harvey! One-Round: I said - I said nobody was to do Mrs. Lopsided! Mrs. Wilberforce: Stop that! Mrs. Wilberforce: What "are" you doing? Mrs. Wilberforce: And who is 'Mrs. Lopsided,' may I ask? Where is Mr. Robinson? One-Round: He's, uh, he's outside. Mrs. Wilberforce: Somebody took the key. The cello case is gone! One-Round: It's, uh, out there too. Mrs. Wilberforce: Well... bring it in. Mrs. Wilberforce: I fell asleep. Somebody took the key out of my pocket. I'm *very* angry! Professor Marcus: As you have every right to be. It's disgraceful, Mrs. Wilberforce, shameful! Mr. Robinson will answer for it. Mrs. Wilberforce: (One-Round brings in the cello case] I'll take that, thank you. Professor Marcus, this is another black mark against you. I shall certainly tell the police. Professor Marcus: (as she shuts the door) What happened? One-Round: I thought they'd, uh, done 'er in. I thought, uh, I thought Harry done 'er. Professor

The Ladykillers, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mrs. Wilberforce: It won't do any harm to tell you now that Major Courtney has gone to the police. They'll be here shortly. Mrs. Wilberforce: Oh! Whatever is that? Harry: I expect something fell off the roof, mum. Mrs. Wilberforce: The roof? Harry: Probably a... chimney-pot. Mrs. Wilberforce: A chimney-pot? Professor Marcus: See who it is, Harry.

The Ladykillers, CC BY-SA 4.0

One-Round: (looking blankly at his cello) Are we supposed to make noises with these things? What kind o' noises? Louis: Who is she? Professor Marcus: Not 'noises,' One-Round, "music"! Louis: I said what does she mean, you...

The Ladykillers, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mrs. Wilberforce: May I ask you where you studied? One-Round: ...Well, I didn't really study any place, Lady... I just sort of... picked it up. Mrs. Wilberforce: You know, I was so surprised when I heard what you were playing. It brought back something that, really, I'd completely forgotten all about: my 21st birthday party. You see, my father had engaged a string quintet to come in and play in the evening; and while they were playing Boccherini, someone came in and said the old queen had passed away. And everyone went home. And that was the end of my party, all that time ago, in Pangbourne. (silence) Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll run and make the tea. The kettle "must" be nearly on the boil. (She leaves) One-Round: Who's she talkin' about? Old queen who?

The Ladykillers, CC BY-SA 4.0