Quotes

Dialogue

Police Inspector: So your daddy dances in front of you, does he? Nathan: When he's rehearsing.

Dialogue

Gaz: Y'know Dave, it's a thought... Gerald: Ha! I could just see Little and Large prancing around Sheffield with their widgers hanging out. Now that would be worth 10 quid! Gaz: Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying... Gerald: [teases by mimicking binoculars] Widgers on parade! Bring your own microscopes! Dave: I don't see why the chuff not, Gerald. Gerald: Because you're fat and he's thin, and you're both fucking ugly!

Dialogue

Dave: I mean, what if next Friday 400 women turn 'round and say "He's too fat, he's too old and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser"? What happens then, eh? Horse: They wouldn't say that, would they? Dave: Why not? He's just said her tits are too big. Lomper: That's different. We're... blokes. Dave: Yeah, and... Gerald: I think she's got nice tits, actually. Lomper: I never said nowt about her personality, like. I mean, she's probably quite nice if you get to know her. Dave: No. And they won't say nowt about your personality neither, which is good 'cause you're basically a bastard. Bollocks to your personality — this is what they're looking at, right? And I'll tell you summat, mate. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none.

Dialogue

Dave: I've been dieting. I do try. Seems like I spent most of me fuckin' life on a diet. The less I eat, the fatter I get. Lomper: So, stuff yourself and get thin.

Dialogue

Gerald: Fat, David, is a feminist issue. Dave: Well, what's that supposed to mean when it's at home? Gerald: I don't bloody know, do I? But it is.

Dialogue

Gaz: You don't sing? Guy: No. Gaz: You don't dance? Guy: No. Gaz: Hope you don't mind me being nosy, but what do you do? Guy: Well, there is this...[strips down pants and underwear] Gaz: [coughs smoke, then long pause] Gentlemen, the lunchbox has landed.

Dialogue

Dave: [discussing possible means of suicide] I know. You could stand in middle of road and have a mate run smack into you right fast. Lomper: Haven't got any mates. Gaz: Listen to you. We just saved your fucking life. So don't tell us we're not your mates, all right? Lomper: Really? Gaz: Yeah. Lomper: Thanks. Thanks a lot. Dave: Yeah, me an'all, I'd run into ya as soon as look at ya. Lomper: Cheers.