Quotes

Dialogue

Grandpa Seth: These evil creatures can transform themselves into flesh-and-blood people whenever and however they want. Joshua: You're making a mistake Grandpa. Who said they can? You should of said they could or what kind of fairy tale is it? Grandpa Seth: They can! They CAN! Goblins still exist! Your Grandpa Seth is telling you!

Dialogue

Michael: [carrying Joshua to his room and explains the doors' signs] Do you see this writing...? Do you know what it means...? Hospitality. [he goes into Joshua's bedroom and drops him down on the bed] And you can't piss on hospitality! I WON'T ALLOW IT! [he starts to adjust his belt] Joshua: [fearfully] What are you going to do to me, Daddy? Michael: Tightening my belt, by one loop, so I don't feel hunger pains and your sister and mother will have to do likewise. Okay, Joshua, you wanna get rough with me? You wanna show me that you don't like the choice of this house for our vacation by going on a hunger strike? Well, I'll accept the challenge. But, just remember, when I was your age, I really did suffer from hunger. We'll see who gets through this, but, just remember, I've got more practice than you. I'll see you tomorrow.

Dialogue

Holly: Elliott! What kind of idiotic joke is this? You scared the shit out of me! Elliott: I'm the victim of a nocturnal rapture. I have to release my lowest instincts with a woman. Holly: [Punches Elliott in the groin] Release your instincts in the bathroom. Elliott: Are you nuts? You trying to turn me into a homo? Holly: Wouldn't be too hard. If my father discovers you here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them. He can't stand you.

Dialogue

Joshua: A double-decker bologna sandwich! Creedence: Aaahhh! Think about the cholesterol! Think about... THE TOXINS...!

Dialogue

Drew: Coffee. Drugstore Owner: There's no coffee in Nilbog. It's the devil's drink. Drew: Eggs. Drugstore Owner: Bleah! Drew: Bacon. Drugstore Owner: Are you crazy, boy? We're vegetarians here in Nilbog. Didn't you know that? Here's some Nilbog milk. Special milk. High in vitamin content. Here, it's free. Drew: Free? Drugstore Owner: Of course it's free. We love tourists here in Nilbog. Try some, boy, and have some of your friends drink some also.

Dialogue

Joshua: We NEED Grandpa Seth here! Holly: But how do we get him to come? By having a seance maybe? Joshua: You're genius big sister!

Dialogue

Joshua: Don't tell me they ate him, Grandpa! Grandpa Seth: That's exactly what happened... with a voracity than has no equal on Earth!

Dialogue

Arnold: [confronting a group of goblins chasing a girl] Let me give you some helpful advice, you... dwarves. Get out of here... or you will be in a lot of trouble. [winks at girl] Arnold: And remember... Goblin: Kill him! [throws a spear at Arnold] Arnold: Arrgghh! Arrgghh!

Dialogue

Sheriff Freak: There're sandwiches for tonight in here! It'll go easier on you if you eat'em. It'll make our work easy. Otherwise, we'll be forced to kill you VIOLENTLY! [Throws bag at front door] Drugstore Owner: It would be a shame! The blood would mix with the meat, and we'd have to leave it in vinegar for the whole night!

Dialogue

Arnold: [after his female companion sips the broth and starts immediately getting sick] What's wrong, what's wrong with her? Creedence: Quit worrying about her and drink your broth.

Dialogue

Joshua: Grandpa! Are you really in Hell? Grandpa Seth: No! But I know a trick that a friend of mine who went there taught me!

Dialogue

Joshua: They're eating my mom! Goblin: Do you want some, Joshua? Joshua: AHHHHH!