Quotes

Others

Andrew: You married your cousin? Pearl: How many times does your only daughter get married? [awkward pause] Well, other than the other time.

Dialogue

Young Melanie: What do you wanna marry me for anyhow? Young Jake: So I can kiss you anytime I want.

Dialogue

Melanie: [on her cell phone] I can't. I'm in Alabama. Tabatha Wadmore-Smith: [in New York] Oh... my God.

Dialogue

Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you? Melanie: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce. Jake: You're shittin' me, right? Melanie: I've never actually understood that expression, but no, I am not shitting you.

Dialogue

Jake: Well, how about "Hey there Jake, lookin' good. How's the family?" Melanie: You expect me to say that you look good? What'd they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?

Dialogue

Melanie: And don't even pretend like you missed me. Jake: Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.

Dialogue

Jake: [opens the fridge to discover Melanie replaced his beer with Bud Light] What the hell is this? Chick food? Melanie: Light beer. Less calories.

Dialogue

Melanie: What are you doing? Jake: Leavin’, you done it, you should recognize the gesture.

Dialogue

Jake: Whatever blows your dress up, darlin'. You go right ahead and spend your money. Melanie: Oh, but darlin', I thought you said we should think of it as "our money." [Jake stops cold] Just a guess: The words joint checking are flashing in your head right now.

Dialogue

Stella: You know, for someone who’s been holdin’ onto somethin’ for so long, you're pretty quick to let it go. Jake: I can't control her, any more than I can control the weather.

Dialogue

Bobby Ray: Now, what'd I ever do to you? Melanie: [drunk] Oh, you didn't do anything to me, darlin'... or any other girl in town!

Dialogue

Lurlynn: You know he went up there? Melanie: Who? Jake? Lurlynn: I'm not supposed to know, but Clinton let it slip once. Melanie: When? Lurlynn: About a year after you left. He told Clinton he'd never seen anything like it. He knew that it would take more than an apology to get you back. He'd have to conquer the world first. He's been trying ever since. Melanie: [realizing] That's why he kept sending the papers back.

Dialogue

Lurlynn: It's funny how things don't turn out... Melanie: ...It's funny how they do.

Dialogue

Melanie: Bobby Ray, it's not like that. Bobby Ray: [visibly hurt] No, I'll tell you what it's not like. It's not like Jake's the only one you run out on.

Dialogue

Jake: Anybody think of anything in here that, uh, might bother Bobby Ray? Wade: Uh, Clinton's breath. Jake: You still the same Bobby Ray from last night? Bobby Ray: Last time I checked, yeah. Jake: [puts arm on shoulder] Well, then, let me buy you a drink. Bobby Ray: Well, you're really not my type... [laughter]

Dialogue

Jake: C'mon, I wanna show you somethin’. Melanie: I can't. Jake: Can't? Or won't? Melanie: Both. Jake: The girl I knew used to be fearless. Melanie: The girl you knew didn't have a life. Jake: Guess you better get on with it then.

Dialogue

Mayor Kate Hennings: [after finding out Melanie is not marrying Andrew] You're just gonna let her humiliate you... with some bullshit about an old husband?! Andrew: Yeah, I think I am. Excuse me.

Dialogue

Melanie: Now what kind of wife would I be if I didn't pick up after my husband? Jake: The kind that don't live here.