The Court Jester

King Roderick: The Duke. What did the Duke do? Hubert Hawkins: Eh... the Duke do? King: Yes. And what about the Doge? Hawkins: Oh, the Doge! King: Eh. Well what did the Doge do? Hawkins: The Doge do? King: Yes, the Doge do. Hawkins: Well, uh, the Doge did what the Doge does. Eh, uh, when the Doge does his duty to the Duke, that is. King: What? What's that? Hawkins: Oh, it's very simple, sire. When the Doge did his duty and the Duke didn't, that's when the Duchess did the dirt to the Duke with the Doge. King: Who did what to what? Hawkins: Oh, they all did, sire. There they were in the dark; the Duke with his dagger, the Doge with his dart, Duchess with her dirk. King: Duchess with her dirk? Hawkins: Yes! The Duchess dove at the Duke just when the Duke dove at the Doge. Now the Duke ducked, the Doge dodged, and the Duchess didn't. So the Duke got the Duchess, the Duchess got the Doge, and the Doge got the Duke! King: Curious. I... I... hm? What? What's that? All I heard was that the Duc

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King Roderick: You spent some time in the Italian court? Hawkins: Why, yes. What better place to court Italians?

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Griselda: Listen. I have put a pellet of poison in one of the vessels. Hawkins: Which one? Griselda: The one with the figure of a pestle. Hawkins: The vessel with the pestle? Griselda: Yes. But you don't want the vessel with the pestle, you want the chalice from the palace! Hawkins: I don't want the vessel with the pestle, I want the chalice from... the what? Jean: The chalice from the palace! Hawkins: Hmmm? Griselda: It's a little crystal chalice with a figure of a palace. Hawkins: The chalice from the palace has the pellet with the poison? Griselda: No, the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle. Hawkins: Oh, oh, the pestle with the vessel. Jean: The vessel with the pestle. Hawkins: What about the palace from the chalice? Griselda: Not the palace from the chalice! The chalice from the palace! Hawkins: Where's the pellet with the poison? Griselda: In the vessel with the pestle. The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. Jean: Don't you see? The pellet with

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Hubert Hawkins: I’ve got it! I’ve got it! The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right? Griselda: Right, but there’s been a change. They broke the chalice from the palace. Hawkins: They broke the chalice from the palace?! Griselda: And replaced it with a flagon. Hawkins: A flagon? Griselda: With the figure of a dragon. Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon. Griselda: Right. Hawkins: But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle? Griselda: No! The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true! Hawkins: The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true. Griselda: Just remember that.

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Hawkins: [disguised as an old man] Have you seen a group in the forest? Hawkins: She says, "No." Captain of the Guard: What took her so long? Hawkins: Stutters.

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Hawkins: I'd like to get in, get on with it, get it over with, and get out. Get it? Ravenhurst: Got it. Hawkins: Good.

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