Tales from the Crypt

First thing you got to understand is when it's their time, all these big tough guys go yellow. Crying and hollering and screaming, blubbering, "The Governor's gonna call," and all that. Well, I been here 12 years, and the Governor ain't called yet. People say the damnedest things about electrocutions. They say your eyeballs pop out, they say black blood comes out your mouth. They say you get all foamy like a rabid dog. All that's bullshit. It ain't true at all. Nice thing about electricity is it's clean. Of course, I have seen a few heads smoke after it's all over. A smoking head ain't very pretty.

Tales from the Crypt (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Fucking guys on TV, what do they know? Let me tell you something. If they put executions on TV it would be the fucking highest-rated show of all time. It'd be Nielsens through the roof. The other networks would start killing people just to compete. Pretty soon, Geraldo Rivera would be pulling that switch.

Tales from the Crypt (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

They canned me from my job because they're afraid of me. They're afraid of death. They don't see it's all around them. It's a disease. You eat it, you drink it, you breathe it, you fuck it. We're all pregnant with it. It's growing inside all of us like them over there. You see those two junkies? Pitiful bastards, ain't they? I'll tell you something, though. In a way, I respect them. They're honest. They spend all their money just to shoot a little death into their arms. Just for a thrill. Just to get a little taste of the grave. See, they know death is coming. They tease it. I like that. Of course, at the same time, junkies are shit. Two-bit criminals.

Tales from the Crypt (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

I got nothing special against bikers. Hell, I used to own a hog myself once upon a time. Bikers believe in freedom. They don't want nobody to lean on them and they don't give a good goddamn what polite society thinks of them. They figure they're throwbacks to real Americans. You know, what the country was about before it all went to hell with big-city lawyers and computers, corporations and time clocks and what all. There's a lot to be said for that. Those ain't bad ideas.

Tales from the Crypt (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

It's easy to be successful with dames. Just don't fall in love and you're okay. You give them what they want, you fall in love, they will kill you. They can't stand you no more, they either dump you and move on or if they let you hang around, they'll cut your balls off. Weird, ain't it? Now, as far as strategies for getting into their panties that's easy, too. The old rule you treat whores like queens and queens like whores then you got no problem.

Tales from the Crypt (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

You all know me! I used to work here, for Christ's sake. Come on, I am telling you, the Governor's going to call. He knows what I've done for him. He knows about all the rats and crumbs that I took care of. All the shit they want me to get rid of! You've gotta let me go, you sons of bitches! That phone is going to ring! I'm telling you, he's going to call. He's gonna call.

Tales from the Crypt (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0