Quotes

Pilot

Ephram: We're moving where? Andy: To Everwood, Colorado. Delia: Where's that? Ephram: Colorado, moron. Wh-why, are we moving there? Andy: Someone told me about it once. They said it was the most beautiful place they had ever seen. It's on this hill. Or is it a mountain? Or maybe it's on a hill by a mountain. Anyway, I was thinking last night that we should move there. What do you say? Ephram: I say that's not even a reason. Andy: I know. How great is that? We'll be moving to some place for no reason at all. Ephram: That's not great. That's crazy. That's Harrison Ford in Mosquito Coast crazy. Andy: You say crazy. I say it might be the sanest thing I've ever done. Now, I want this to be a democratic decision so we're going to put it to vote. Everyone who wants to move...and get their own horse, raise your hand. Andy: Well, that decides it. Ephram: Democratic? You bought her vote. Andy: Yeah. That's the American version.

Pilot

Teen #1: Hey freak, what's with your hair, man? Did they run out of green at the store? Teen #2: Hey you, my friend here asked you a question. Where's your manners? Ephram: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't understand. You see, I don't speak dumb-ass. Since obviously you do, maybe you can translate for me.

Pilot

Amy: You were bold out there. Ephram: Oh, it was strategy, really. Amy: Strategy? Ephram: I find it's best when dealing with any unfamiliar bully to strike early with sarcasm. Yeah, it makes them wonder if I have some butt-kicking prowess that they're unable to detect. Amy: Wow. You have really thought this out. Ephram: Yeah, well, spend as much time in a gym locker as me, you'd have a few theories of your own.

Pilot

Amy: What's it like? Having a dad who's famous. Ephram: Oh. It's like this: You're eight years old. He misses your birthday party. You wanna cry about it but he's on TV that night for separating the heads of Siamese twins. You're ten. He's not there to see you in the school play. He is however in the New York Times for restoring the vision of a five-year-old kid. I think he was my dad's excuse for missing my elementary school graduation. You know you want to be mad at him. You wanna hate him. But you can't. He's saving lives.

Pilot

Ephram: He said you were crazy. And you know what? News flash, you are. All right, you quit your job, you grow this ugly ass beard, you look like you wear your clothes to bed and you move us to No-wheres-ville U.S.A.! And why? For what reason? Because someone told you it was pretty once!? And if that's not enough, you talk to Mom like she's still here; I've seen you, and Delia has too. What do I have to say for myself?! What do you have to say for yourself?! Andy: I can't believe you think my beard is ugly. Ephram: Mom would never have done this to us! She never would've moved us here and gone crazy! Andy: Don't be so sure of that! Ephram: I am sure! All right, I knew her. You didn't know her. We all just tolerated you! Andy: Hey, that's pretty good, what else you got?! Ephram: I wish you died instead of her! Andy: Well, I wish I did too, you little bastard! Ephram: I hate you! Andy: Well, I hate you right back! Now get in that house! Ephram: I'm going for a ride! [He grabs his bike] A

The Great Doctor Brown

Andy: [at Gino Chang's, a combination Chinese/Italian restaurant] OK, we'll have one order of the minestrone soup, two orders of the chicken parmesan, one sweet and sour pork and a couple of egg rolls to start. Ephram: I'd like to take a moment and point out that this is... hands down the weirdest restaurant we've ever been to. And we're from New York City where we're regularly served by drag queens named Frank. Delia: I think it's cool!

The Great Doctor Brown

Harold: [about Ephram] Over my dead and decaying corpse you're going to Thaw Fest with that boy! Amy: I am not going with him. I'm just meeting him there. And, since when do you care who I go to Thaw Fest with? Harold: Since you started asking future parolees to attend with you. Amy: You don't know him! This is so unfair. Harold: Well in certain parent-child conflicts, fairness is irrelevant. Amy: Why is it always the parent that always gets to decide the relevancy of fairness? Rose: An excellent question, if I do say so myself. Harold: Hello, dear. Amy: Mom, Dad is being EXCRUCIATING! Harold: Excruciating literally means to feel the pain of crucifixion. While my law may be difficult at times, I think we can both agree that Jesus had it a bit tougher. Amy: He didn't live here.

The Great Doctor Brown

Andy: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, excellent choice, Delia. Ephram: Don't let her watch it. Delia: Be quiet. Andy: Am I missing something? Ephram: Eight years of raising her. She can't watch that movie, it upsets her. Delia: It does not. Ephram: Well, that is if you don't count the screaming and nights on my floor. Andy: Delia? Delia: Well, it used to scare me, but it doesn't anymore. Ephram: Ah, that's what she always says. Like a junkie begging for more smack. Delia: I'm not a junkie, you're a junkie. Andy: Nobody's a junkie in this house.

The Great Doctor Brown

Bright: How goes it.. Bone-lick? Amy: He has to hang with us. Ephram: No offense, Amy, but he's really my least favorite thing about you. Bright: Yeah? Well, you're really my least favorite thing about you. Ephram: Dude, you've really gotta work on the insults.

The Great Doctor Brown

Ephram: So what do people do up here, besides wait for an early demise... and ask really dumb questions Amy: Actually I brought you up here to tell you something very important. Grover. Ephram: Grover? Amy: It's my nickname. I always loved Grover as a kid. I know for most kids, it's all "Winnie the Pooh" or "Hello Kitty", or occasionally, "Strawberry Shortcake" but, for me, life was about a little blue Muppet named Grover. Ephram: Well, Grover was a very underrated Muppet.

Friendly Fire

[About Edna] We went steady in the 5th grade. She introduced me to hickies and shoplifting.

Friendly Fire

Amy: Maybe if you weren't scowling all the time people wouldn't feel the need to disinvite you places. Ephram: You're right maybe I should take up football and cow tipping and then I could the most popular boy in the school.

Friendly Fire

Delia: You should be happy you made a friend. Ephram: What's that supposed to mean? Delia: It's not easy. Everybody in my class has known each other since the nineties.

Friendly Fire

Ephram: Boy, can I clear a hallway or what? Amy: That's Kayla and Paige. They're allergic to anyone who's not at the top-2 popularity percentile. Ephram: I'm only 98 percent short.

Friendly Fire

Amy: My friend Kayla is having a birthday party. Wanna go? Ephram: Do you need somebody to play Happy Birthday? Amy: Come on... you'll be my guest. Ephram: I don't know... me, your friends... lit candles in the same room?

The Kissing Bridge

[voiceover] Legend has it this bridge was constructed by a young man and women who lived on opposite sides of the river the two fell in love and constructed the bridge so they could meet in the middle and share what would be their first kiss. From that day on it would be known appropriately as the kissing bridge and if people had just stuck to the kissing Dr. Brown would have been able to avoid one heck of a crisis.

The Kissing Bridge

Amy: My dad is going to kill me. Ephram: I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him why you went. Amy: That's not the way it works at my house. Ephram: How does it work? Amy: He yells, I apologize, there's a sentencing of some sort, and then I plea bargain with my mother until the sentence gets reduced. Ephram: In my house it's more like, I yell, he yells, we both keep yelling, and eventually someone gets tired.

The Kissing Bridge

Harold: Did I mention I had only three hours of sleep last night? Edna: About a hundred times now. I swear, you yammer on like an old woman. Besides, we're almost there. Harold: Almost where? We're in the middle of forest oblivion. If I didn't know you better mother, I'd think you brought me out here to knock me off. On second thought...

The Kissing Bridge

Ephram: What? What is it? Are you moving us to Zimbabwe or something? What? Andy: No no no, it's nothing like that, I'm just thinking about something. It's funny actually. Well it's not so much funny 'ha ha' is... you see... the thing is, I don't know whether or not you've ever had sex. Ephram: And you never will. Andy: OK then. Good talking to you.

The Kissing Bridge

Andy: Look, Ephram, I think you're being just a little bit melodramatic, it's not like I'm trying to ruin your life. Ephram: You don't have to try, you do it pretty naturally.

Deer God

Andy: What is that out front? Ephram: Doe, a deer. A female deer.

Deer God

Delia: My mom used to talk to God in a Synagogue. Maybe we could go to one? Edna: The nearest Synagogue's two hours away. Maybe we could talk to God someplace local. How about the video store? We can rent The Chosen.

Deer God

Ephram: I'm pretty sure the trail follows the creek, but check the map. Andy: No, left. Ephram: Sure? Andy: I used to navigate people's frontal lobes Ephram, I think I can follow directions.

Deer God

[to Amy] I haven't made anything for myself here... except you.

The Doctor is In

I can't remember the last time someone said no when the great Doctor Brown offered his help, Colin's surgery a done deal.

The Doctor is In

Amy: Doctor Brown is one of the premier brain surgeons in the United States, patients fly halfway around the world for a consultation and we have him--right here and he wants to help us. Mrs. Hart: No. No he doesn't. We agreed that Colin should have the surgery and it was Doctor Brown who changed his mind.

The Doctor is In

[to Dr. Abbott] If you wanna see [Dr. Brown], I gotta have a reason. You could be the Unabomber for all I know.

The Doctor is In

[to Dr. Brown] Because the guy I know would give his left nut to rescue a kid in a coma. You know, be the town hero.

The Doctor is In

[to Dr. Brown] You owe it to this kid to perform whatever miracle you've got up your sleeve. You owe it to Colin, and to his parents, and to my brokenhearted daughter, and to the universe or whoever decided that you would be Leonardo, and I would be… less remarkable. Hell, you owe it to me.

We Hold These Truths

Andy: Clue doesn't come in travel size? Ephram: One of the world's greater atrocities.

We Hold These Truths

Bright: You know, there's a reason men don't wear ruffles. Colin: It's not that bad. If this were 1775, you'd be a total chick magnet.

We Hold These Truths

Ephram: So, what's he like? Colin. Nina: He's a charmer. You know, he's the kind of kid who forgets to mow your lawn for two weeks, then when he finally comes, you end up paying him for three. I think he was All State football. And pretty smart, too. Ephram: So he's basically like God.

We Hold These Truths

Mole: Nice truck, Hart. Too bad it's your Daddy's. Colin: Whatever, McNally. Like I can't drive this whenever I want. Mole: I'm sure you can. Colin: Besides your brother there is still the kid who threw up on the DMV guy during his driving test.

We Hold These Truths

Amy: Ephram, what are you doing here? Ephram: I wanted a Twix. Amy: You came a long way. Ephram: Well, there's two in a pack, and I only wanted one. I needed someone to share with. Amy: I just wanted to touch base with normal for a bit. Ephram: You definitely called the wrong person then.

Till Death Do Us Part

Harold: I am sorry. For being such a jerk about the dance class. Rose: No you're not. You just don't want me mad at you any longer because it's uncomfortable for you. Harold: I'm scared. I don't want to change. I don't want you to change. I like things the way they are. Rose: Everyone changes; we can change together. Harold: That's not always the case. Look at the Keys. She went one way, he went another; now where's either one of them? Rose: We are not the Keys, Harold. Harold: Well I'm sure even the Keys didn't think they were the Keys until they... were.

Till Death Do Us Part

Harold: What respectable practitioner has 15 free hours on his hands? Andy: Me. Harold: I said respectable practitioner.

Till Death Do Us Part

Ephram: If he suddenly wakes up tomorrow, are you and I gonna become total strangers? Amy: Strangers? Ephram, I've shared more with you in the past few months, than I have with anybody in my whole life.

Till Death Do Us Part

You know, when your mother died, a thousand people said a thousand stupid things to me and I just wanted one of them to give me a reason not to die.

Turf Wars

Andy: Do me a favor, you know how you normally behave? Ephram: Distant and miserable? Andy: Yeah. Do the opposite.

Turf Wars

Andy: You don't know my father-in-law. Not only is he one of New York's premiere transplant surgeons...he's also the best dad who ever lived. He somehow managed to perform over 150 liver transplants a year and never missed a single birthday. Oh, and did I mention my children worship him? Edna: He also walks on water? Andy: Oh, jogs on it. Does push-ups on it...One handed push-ups.

Turf Wars

Delia: This is the diner. We eat here a lot. Ruth: What do you mean, a lot? Doesn't your father cook a meal every once in a while? Edna: Only if he's feeling cruel.

Turf Wars

Andy: Are you drunk? Ephram: Not enough, but hey...we can fix that. Toss me a Heineken! Andy: You think this is funny? It's bad enough that you're drunk, and don't think we're not gonna talk about that, but you had to pick this weekend to become a teenager? You haven't been to a party since we've been here and now, all of a sudden, you're getting plastered and arrested? If you wanted to embarrass me in front of your grandparents, you're doing one hell of a job. Ephram: Oh, right...I forgot. this is all about you. I got myself arrested, just to make you feel bad about yourself. Andy: That's not what I meant, and you know it. Ephram: [Sarcastically] Hey, look at me...I'm super dad. Let's fish and make waffles. I've got news for you, they're not buying it. But don't worry...If you promise to raise my allowance, I'll promise to give you a hug...right in front of Grandpa.

Turf Wars

Getting what you want is easy. Knowing what you want -- that's the challenge.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

[voiceover] No matter how old you are, it's hard not to get excited when snow starts to fall. Because, so long as it keeps coming, no one can make you go anywhere or do anything. All life's rules are suspended...The best thing about snow, other than snowballs, is that it has an equalizing effect. Snow can take any object or situation and make it pretty just the same. Couldn't care less what's underneath...It's not just that snow makes the world pretty. Snow gives us all a second chance. Snow cleanses. Hiding the sins of all with no prejudices, favor or blame. Everything gets to be pure again. If only for a little while. Which might be all you need.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

Ephram: Like it or not, you tend to have an effect on my moods. Amy: I've seen your moods. That's a lot of pressure. Ephram: [To Amy] It's nothing you do on purpose, but... it's like when you're nice to me, there's nothing I can't do. And when you're mad at me, it's all I can think about, you know? Then you say things like: 'maybe you should move on' and it sticks with me for a little while, you know? You're in my head.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

Andy: You had a phone call from New York. You know someone named Skuz? Ephram: He was only over at our house every day. Andy: Well, Rachel Laquer is having a mondo roof top party before winter term. And let me see if I got this right: 'she's totally hot for you're ass'.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

Amy: I got in a fight with Colin, and he ended up in a coma. I bitched at Bright, and his appendix ruptured. I sort of needlessly bit your head off the other day and haven't apologized yet and I don't want you to end up in the hospital before you go. Call me superstitious, but... Ephram: You have got to be without a doubt the strangest girl I have ever met.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

Ephram: Remember last week it was really cold. You tried on some of your old sweaters. Delia: I got too big for them. Ephram: Yeah. Delia: I couldn't move my arms. Ephram: That's kind of how I feel about Everwood. Make sense? Delia: I think so, except you're not too big; you fit here.

A Thanksgiving Tale

Bright: [about Dr. Abbott being nice to everyone] Mom what's dad doing? Rose: He's having a mid-life crisis dear.

A Thanksgiving Tale

Harold: Mother, I want to ask you and Irv if you would do me the honor of joining us for a Thanksgiving meal? Edna: Come again? Harold: It would mean the world to Rose and the kids and of course, myself. Edna: Is this one of those hidden camera shows?

A Thanksgiving Tale

Edna: [about Harold] Well, I guess it finally fell out. Irv: What? Edna: That stick up his ass.

A Thanksgiving Tale

Ephram: You're going to have to stop doing that, you know. Amy: What? Ephram: Saying stuff that makes me want to kiss you. Amy: You too.

Vegetative State

Nina: I hear you're working narcotics, Detective Friday. Andy: You know, the speed at which news travels around here defies the space-time continuum. Nina: Well, I'm friends with Irma's daughter, Lily, and she is freaking out. Andy: Well, I would be too if I found out my mother was growing more weed than Cheech and Chong combined.

Vegetative State

Ephram: [seeing Andy standing in his bedroom doorway] Why are you doing that lingering thing you do? Andy: Well, I don't want to force a conversation. Ephram: That'd be a first.

Vegetative State

Andy: You know, you may need to be there for Amy. Ephram: Well, Amy and I aren't exactly talking much. Andy: Really? When did that happen? Ephram: A while ago. Andy: How'd I miss that? Ephram: You were busy being clueless. Andy: That's my job. So what happened? Did you two kiss or something? [Ephram gives him a startled look] I'm not that clueless. Ephram: I don't know what happened. One day she's kissing me, then I make the mistake in giving her this stupid mix CD and now its like I'm the Okumo and she's Shiva the Destroyer. [Andy looks at him, puzzled] Manga reference.

Vegetative State

Nina: [about her son] How was he? Andy: Well, I'd say he was a little angel, but there were too many witnesses. Nina: Oh boy! Andy: Well, I learned how to make a cape, how to unclog a toilet and how to remove a chewy cookie from a VCR.

Vegetative State

Amy: How come you're so smart? Ephram: I'm not, believe me. If I was, I'd be wearing a warmer jacket right now… and I wouldn't be telling you to go back to your boyfriend.

The Price of Fame

Bright: I've always been fond of you. I'm just, you know…shy. Ephram: Name one thing you like about me. Bright: One thing, how ‘bout a thousand. You're sensitive. You're extremely clean…

The Price of Fame

Colin: Bright told me about you. Ephram: Look, I don't know what Bright told you but he's running on empty as far as brain cells are concerned.

The Price of Fame

Andy: [about Colin] You two friends now? Ephram: Kind of. It turns out we have some things in common. Andy: You mean Amy? Ephram: Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with Amy. Andy: So, why aren't you sitting with him? Ephram: Because of Amy.

The Price of Fame

Amy: What's going on between you and Colin. I mean...why are you being all buddy-buddy with him? Ephram: I'm not being buddy-buddy with anyone, alright. He approached me. Amy: He did!. . .I mean, he did? Why? Ephram: I don't know. Maybe he thinks I'm pretty.

The Price of Fame

Wendell: Dude, what are you doing? The popular table beckons. Ephram: So? Wendell: So? You can't say no. That's like saying no to free comics. Or saying no to making out with Gwyneth Paltrow. Such things just aren't done.

Colin the Second

Andy: When will you be home? Ephram: Usual time. Unless the schoolyard pusher has some good stuff.

Colin the Second

Ephram: Why can't you go look for him? Bright: Because I'm on the team. Ephram: Is that what they call this wooden plank? Bright: Look just go find him, nutsack.

Colin the Second

Harold: Carl used to be Everwood's version of Tom Cruise. I suppose that appeals to a certain woman, you know the type. Rugged...athletic...young. Andy: Why don't you ask him out, Harold?

Colin the Second

Andy: [At the basketball game] Why is the Abbott kid waving at you? Ephram: I don't know. Probably needs help counting the points.

Snow Job

Andy: Are you dilated yet? Rev. Keyes: I'm not sure, but everything has a rainbow halo around it. You look like Jesus. Andy: I get that a lot.

Snow Job

Gemma: I like hanging out with your brother. He doesn't have a lot of facial hair so I can kiss him for a long time without breaking out. Amy: Yeah I saw.

Snow Job

Bright: [about the ski trip] I gotta go! It's...it's a church thing...to cleanse my soul. Harold: Oh please! I delivered a baby that was the product of last year's bacchanal. It's just an excuse for your friends to drink and exchange hickeys. It does more damage to the Catholic church's reputation than the crusades.

Snow Job

Amy: I didn't know you were going on the ski trip. Bright: Well Gemma's goin'. And I go where the booty goes [Imitates whip cracking] Amy: Later in my life, when I am in therapy you'll be able to take most of the credit.

Snow Job

Colin: Where do you think Bright and Gemma are? Amy: Probably groping each other somewhere on a gondola.

My Funny Valentine

[in a letter to Julia] Dear Valentine, come away with me. If I had a day with you and you only, I would enjoy the simple things. The things that, in the end, when time steals the rest away, are the only things we'll remember. I would paddle you across a still lake in a rowboat and read poetry to you until you fall asleep and I would never think about the hours. Dear Valentine, if I had one day with you and you only... I would admire every line of your face, every strand of your hair... Every graceful movement of your hands or your eyes or your body. If I had one perfect day... Don't you see? My heart beats only for you. Dear Valentine, these are the things I remember of my love. A warm hand, a warm breath. Your warm mouth. Your arms around mine... I remember feeling safe, cease-less. Like one person. The two of us still, at rest, entwined... I remember how I felt the first time I kissed you. It felt like the high dive. What do you remember? How will I ever know what was inside your hea

My Funny Valentine

Laynie: Okay, I challenge you. To an "I Hate Everwood" contest. I'll go first. I hate the fact that the egg rolls at Gino Chang's smell like lasagna. Ephram: I hate that everything here is a 'fest'. Thaw Fest, Fly Fest, Pie Fest. What does that all mean? And what's so festive about catching some fish or watching some guy melt? Laynie: I hate that they call it 'Main' Street. It's the only street in town. They should just call it 'Street'. Ephram: Do you have a subway map of another city covering one wall of your room? Laynie: Do you choose colleges based on how far they are from here? Ephram: Have you ever had a dream that you were trapped underground in a sewer full of mice and woke up disappointed to discover that you were still in Everwood? Laynie: Do you have a packed bag and a plane ticket in your room? Ephram: C'mon. Laynie: If you don't believe me I'll show it to you. Ephram: No, I believe you. I still have the bag packed...I just haven't bought the ticket yet.

My Funny Valentine

Amy: Ephram? What are you doing here. Laynie: I found him after school at the post office hanging around the outbound mail box. I think someone was trying to return him. Ephram: I wish.

My Funny Valentine

Amy: Laynie's cool, isn't she? Ephram: Huh? Amy: Laynie. The two of you looked like you were getting along the other day. That's... that's so great. Ephram: Well, I'm glad you approve. Why are you so interested in me and Laynie anyway? Amy: I don't know. She's my friend... you're my friend. Ephram: Well, we did receive mail together. To which I went back to her place where I believe we shared a beverage or two. At which point I obviously felt it was time to ask for her hand in marriage.

My Funny Valentine

Amy: What is it you like about him? Laynie: He's that guy that you'd want to hang out with even if you weren't dating him, and he's cute in that kinda way that's sorta like... you know in the movies that guy you want the girl to end up with that everybody pretends isn't cute, but really is.

Everwood, Confidential

Laynie: Nightmare, isn't it? Ephram: What's going on, except my exact version of 'hell on earth'? Laynie: Spoils of war. The result of a commercially financed assault against the unattached individual. Ephram: Valentine's Day? Laynie: Week after is always the hardest. These newbie couples have the lifespan of a monarch butterfly. By Friday, the halls will be littered with their crispy corpses.

Everwood, Confidential

Laynie: Okay, number one... how'd you get us in here. Two, how did you find this place. And three... how'd you get us in here? Ephram: I have connections. Laynie: Mob ties? Ephram: I'm all kinds of dangerous.

Everwood, Confidential

Laynie: I don't know how to break this to you... Ephram: You're married? Laynie: No. Ephram: You're leaving the country? Laynie: "Stop! Ephram: You're marrying Bright, then leaving the country?

Everwood, Confidential

Matt: So, where's this date taking place? Ephram: I don't know. I'm still working on it. Matt: Okay, not a problem. So what are your options? Ephram: I live in Everwood. Its either the $1.50 movie theater or the $3.00 movie theater, both of which are currently playing Lilo and Stitch. Matt: Ever hear of Ezekiel's? Ephram: No, but it sounds religious which doesn't exactly spell out 'action' in my mind.

Everwood, Confidential

Laynie: You looked so uncomfortable the other day. Like I embarrassed you or something. Ephram: Look, I'm gonna mess up because that's just what I do. But at least give me a chance to mess up. I mean, I'm capable of such stupidity that you'd be wasting my talent by ending this now.

The Unveiling

Ephram: [about Dr. Brown] Why don't you just leave him? We don't need him, he-he doesn't do anything. We could move away from here. I could help take care of Delia. Julia: We do need him. I need him, Ephram. I know you don't understand but I love your father very much. I couldn't imagine my life without him. And I'm telling you, this family wouldn't work without him.

The Unveiling

Harold: I was worried about your friend. Amy: My boyfriend! Boy-friend!! God, I can't believe I didn't see this sooner! It's so obvious what you're doing. Harold: Wh-what are you talking about? Amy: Oh please, you're trying to keep Colin and me apart. You're not worried about Colin's health. The only thing you're worried about is that I might be growing up too fast and you don't like it. Well, that's just too damn bad! Isn't it?

The Unveiling

Harold: It's an impossible predicament. I mean, they don't want us to treat them like children but then when you try to talk to them like an adult, they act like... Andy: Teenagers.

The Unveiling

Harold: My child won't talk to me anymore. Apparently, I've broken a sacred trust by simply voicing an honest concern. Andy: If it makes you feel any better, Ephram's not talking to me right now, either. Harold: Big deal. He never talks to you. You're used to it.

The Unveiling

Ephram: You know, I've been angry at you. I've been hating you for a long time now. And I was wrong. You never deserved to be treated that way. Sorry. Andy: You know you don't need to apologize, Ephram. I failed you as a father for 15 years. I was never there for you or your mother. That's why sometimes you feel like throwing me off a cliff and that's why your mother did what she did. And I don't blame either of you for it.

The Miracle of Everwood

[voiceover] Forget for a minute what the real world looks like, forget what you know, sometimes you need to believe in what isn't exactly there. A daydream of better nights. A storybook fantasy where life is ordered and consistent and tales get awfully exciting before they wrap up nicely for all involved. Who are we to enforce reality? After all, you never know when the good angel of fortune might bring a page from your book to life and throw a kind of miracle your way.

The Miracle of Everwood

PE teacher: Late again, Brown. Ephram: I got stuck in lab. Still working on my study of why playing sports makes you call people by their last name.

The Miracle of Everwood

Delia: You have to stop following me around, Arnie. Arnie: I can't. I decided. You're my girlfriend. Delia: I am not. Arnie: I decided. Delia: Do I have to do anything? [Arnie shakes his head no] Okay, but only if you do everything I tell you.

The Miracle of Everwood

Andy: Some magazine is sending a guy to interview me. Harold: I wouldn't get too excited. It's hardly rare for some local birdcage liner to want to fill the space between the Friday crossword and the tuna frittata recipe with whatever profile they can muster. So what rag is selling ad space on your dime? Andy: New York Magazine.

The Miracle of Everwood

[to Amy] Let me guess: Colin told you I might try to tell you that he was still sick so you'd doubt him? [Amy nods] Everyone thinks I'm a lot dumber than I am. Why is that? Do I dress dumb?

Moonlight Sonata

[voiceover] Throughout the centuries mankind has been fascinated by the nighttime sky, ancient people believed that the heavens were moved by a pantheon of gods while others thought that the stars were diamonds hanging just out of reach with all the advances of technology of late, modern science offers more opportunities than ever to unravel the mysteries of the night sky. And yet it seems the closer we get to the stars, the less we actually understand them.

Moonlight Sonata

[to Amy] I'm not trying to choose your boyfriends Amy. I'm just trying to keep you from losing too much of yourself while you figure it all out… There's a very fine line between devotion and obsession.

Moonlight Sonata

Kate: Oh, you think I'm naïve. Ephram: If you can't figure out why 28 year-old guys date high school girls, I can't help you.

Moonlight Sonata

Bright: How do you know all this stuff, Miss Honors Science? Amy: God had to do something with the other half of your brain.

Moonlight Sonata

[to Andy] We're just like normal folks. Just got more chainsaws, that's all.

Episode 20

Amy: Is this seat taken? Ephram: I'm afraid you can't sit here. This is a very exclusive outcast table. You have to have a special pass. Amy: I think I have one. Ephram: Well, there have been a lot of fakes going around. Who gave you yours? Amy: Colin Hart. Ephram: Ah, you're probably okay then.

Episode 20

I've chosen you over Ephram about a thousand times, Colin. I've chosen you over everyone else. Already there are all of these people in my life that I care about that I've just treated badly or stepped all over because all I cared about was you. But, they stuck by me. Ephram stuck by me. He sent me back to you when I was discouraged about us, about you never remembering me or caring. He told me to keep going. You're right Colin. I was wrong to be mad at you. It's me I should be mad at for not being a better friend to Ephram because he hasn't just been a good friend to me. He's been a good friend to us.

Episode 20

Oh, it seems to be the way things always go in this community. Men make the mess and the women clean it up.

Episode 20

Bright: Ephram, hey. You know the Spring Formal coming up? Ephram: It's kinda hard to miss. Bright: Do you wanna go? Ephram: With you?

Episode 20

I always thought I was old for my age. I don't want to be this old.

Fear Itself

[voiceover] They say that patience is a virtue, that good things come to those who wait. Of course, they also say, he who hesitates is lost. Unfortunately sometimes what looks like patience on the outside is really fear underneath like so much sheep's clothing wrapped around a very clever wolf.

Fear Itself

Nina: [on the phone] Hello... hello. Stop calling here. Look, I know who this is and don't ever call him again. Do you hear me? He told me all about you. What you had is over. He's home with his family, with his son, with me. He loves me. Do you understand? Man's voice: I'm sorry. Tell him I'm sorry.

Fear Itself

Colin: I can't ask you to stay with me, Amy. Not again. You've been through this before, and I know how much it hurt you. I don't even know what's gonna happen now. I'm not getting better, Amy, and I might get worse. You don't want to deal with that again. Amy: How do you know what I want? Colin: Look, I know you wouldn't leave, if I asked you to stay. You're too good of a person. Amy: Are you kidding me? Colin, I didn't go to that hospital every day because I thought you missed me. I went because I missed you.

Fear Itself

Harold: I could talk to him, if you'd like. Dr. Brown. I wouldn't enjoy it, mind you, but I could do that for you, if you'd like. Amy: I wish I would have told someone when I knew he was getting this sick. I never should have pretended that I didn't see it. I don't know why I did that.

Fear Itself

Andy: My dad used to say there's a thin line between fishing and sitting in a boat getting drunk. Irv: It's a fine line to straddle.

Home

Irv: [voiceover] I wasn't there the day Colin Hart's life changed forever, but you could feel the earth shake a little from quite a ways off... at the end of it, the young boy and all who loved him would never be the same. In an opposite corner of the world another man's tragedy kept time with Colin Hart's... Andy Brown did what any man would do who felt he had lost everything, he disappeared. He fell apart, lost his center, lost his way... the girl took her chance when she saw it. She begged the doctor's son to help her in her cause, and he did because he loved her and could refuse her nothing. And so it came to pass that one man's tragedy and one boy's loss met... and the boy was saved, and the man was saved, at least for a time... although Colin had cheated death, a little death had crept inside. He was not whole. He was not himself. His own changed face frightened him. He pushed those he cared for far away. The good doctor believed that this boy could still be saved, and that he wa

Home

Andy: Do you remember that girl in the dean's office I was trying to sweet talk into getting me out of Douglas's rotation? Well on our first date she gets in my car and she makes a face like she just sat on a cat. Then she drags me here, puts in me in her Volvo, points to the stick shift and says, 'No self-respecting surgeon should be allowed to drive an automatic.' It was around then I decided I wanted a second date. Ephram: Didn't Mom drive a Volvo?

Home

Harold: Is this Colin's idea of pre-operatative preparation? Corrupting other youths into committing vandalism? Amy: Uhm, I don't know what you just said...but we're not going to graffiti anything.

Home

Colin: I know you think it's your fault. Bright: Well, that's like, cause it is. Colin: Listen... the thing is. Ya know, I remember the inflatable swimming pool you had in your front lawn. Ya know, and the frog that we got from the pet store and we killed because we thought he'd like the washing machine. Bright: Sparky. Colin: And the first time I slept over at your house... You're it man. You're my best friend. Whatever it was that happened that night. It's all good between us.

Home

Amy: I thought you'd be in New York already. Ephram: I think I'm gonna skip New York this year. I mean, it's the worst time to go anyway. Amy: Really? I didn't know that. Ephram: Yeah, it's super humid. Maybe for Christmas. Amy: Yea, it'd probably be nice to be home for the holidays. Ephram: Yea, maybe, but... Amy: But what? Ephram: I am home.

The Last of Summer

[voiceover] It's hard to say what happened exactly. For the most part it depends on who you ask. There are as many sides to a story as there are pairs of eyes. It's always been that way; one of those sides must be closer to the truth, but we'll never know which one. I try even now to look back at that time, look past the blame and outrage that made it all so hard to see anything. I try to piece it together; what follows is all I know.

The Last of Summer

Amy: I should've called you Laynie. Laynie: It wasn't your decision. Amy: No, you, you should've been there. Laynie: Some days I'm really mad about it. Sometimes, you know, I'm glad I wasn't there. I got a whole extra day to feel normal again.

The Last of Summer

[voiceover] The funeral for Colin Hart fell on the first warm day of spring. For many who attended, it was the most difficult day they had ever known. But the day was kind enough to pass. I'd like to say it took a while for Everwood to return to business as usual, but it didn't. Bright and Amy went back to their usual summer jobs; Ephram joined them, though his duties were a little less glamorous.

The Last of Summer

[about Dr. Brown] I wish he wasn't your father, Ephram. I wish I didn't have to think of him every time I talked to you.

The Last of Summer

[voiceover] Sometimes it is only with the ending of a season that a storyteller can find the most appropriate ending to his tale. As the last hours of summer crept up on Everwood, it seemed everybody was just about ready for a change. A fresh start, filled with new adventures and new friends, and some old ones, and those somewhere in between. For if death reminds us of anything, it reminds us of just how resilient the human spirit is... when it wants to be. [edit]

Extra Ordinary

Bright: Who is that? Page: Stacy Wilson. It's kinda hard to tell since... Laynie: Since the hooter fairy paid her a visit.

Extra Ordinary

Amy: Too bad you only recognize her now that she's stacked. Bright: It's not my fault I'm shallow. It's how God made me. Blame him.

Extra Ordinary

Delia: Dad, can I wear this shirt? Andy: Sure. Why not? Delia: I can't remember if I wore it yesterday. Andy: I don't think it matters in fourth grade, honey.

Extra Ordinary

Ephram: I guess that's the one advantage of having a father who has no idea what's going on. He's too clueless to become one of the pod-parents. Andy: Ephram! Hey Ephram! Come on down -- Duke's giving away frisbees. Ephram: Oh God. He's become one of them. Amy: Welcome.

Extra Ordinary

Harold: Ask any parent and they'll tell you their child is incredibly brilliant. One in a million of those parents might be right. Just try telling that to the other couple hundred thousand. Andy: [After his cellphone rings to the I Dream of Jeanie theme] You know, that ring takes all the authority out of what you just said.

My Brother's Keeper

Ephram: What do you want? Bright: Nothing, just to enjoy your company. You want my pudding? Ephram: Alright, what's the favor Bright? Bright: What are you talking about, what favor? Ok, it's about Amy. Ephram: No. Bright: You don't even know what I was going to ask. Ephram: It doesn't matter, the answer's no. Bright: Why? Ephram: Because whatever is going on with your sister is your business, not mine. Whenever I try to make it my business, she gets mad.

My Brother's Keeper

Bright: Keep an eye on her. Not all the time. Just... when you're not busy being a loner geek with weird t-shirts. Ephram: You want me to stalk your sister? Bright: You already do.

My Brother's Keeper

[To Ephram] So you know what I was thinking... If there's all these college guys who are like totally hitting on high school girls, then there's probably a whole surplus of neglected college girls who want to hit on high school guys.

My Brother's Keeper

Andy: That was fatherly advice, wasn't it? Ephram: Not bad. Andy: See, I really am getting better. Ephram: Hey, Dad. One more thing... can I go to a frat party tonight? Andy: A frat party? Ephram: Yes, there's going to be drinking, drugs, unprotected sex. I'll probably be the youngest person there. Besides, I don't want to go. I have to. Andy: Why? Ephram: Because you just said that if I know something, I have to do something about it. Andy: And so having said that, I'm all but forced to let you go to a party I never would have agreed to prior. Maybe you're getting better at this.

My Brother's Keeper

Irv: This thing you're doing with the stove. I don't understand. Edna: I'm cooking for my children. Get over yourself. Irv: But you don't cook. You don't even reheat.

East Meets West

Madison: Oh cool, my brother reads comic books too. Ephram: Oh, actually they're not comic books. It's Manga. Big difference. Madison: Anyway, he collects the dolls and all that stuff. Spiderman, The Hulk, he loves Samson Storm from X-men. He's 12, it's really cute. Do you have any? Ephram: No, no dolls. Delia: Yes you do, you have that guy with the red hair that you won't let me play with. Ephram: That's not a doll, Delia. That's a collectible.

East Meets West

Nina: [about Madison] Who was that? Ephram: Oh you mean Satan? That's Delia's new babysitter. I basically hate her.

East Meets West

Andy: I think I am a pretty good judge of people. Ephram: Yeah? Like that maid you hired back in Manhattan that stole all the silverware?

East Meets West

Madison: Your dad says you have something to say to me. Ephram: I apologize... Madison. Madison: Wow, thank you Ephram. That was very manly, have a carrot stick.

Daddy's Little Girl

[voiceover] They say that from the instant he lays eyes on her, a father adores his daughter. Whomever she grows up to be, she is always to him that little girl in pigtails. She makes him feel like Christmas. In exchange, he makes a secret promise not to see the awkwardness of her teenage years, the mistakes she makes, or the secrets she keeps.

Daddy's Little Girl

[To Delia] I still think picking a hero is overrated. You pick one, you admire them, a week later, they've been arrested.

Daddy's Little Girl

Ephram: So I hear you stick people with needles. Sounds like fun. Linda: It can be, especially when they're annoying. Ephram: Oh, so you must really like working with my dad.

Daddy's Little Girl

Andy: You were right, I was wrong. Linda: It must have caused you some physical pain for you to utter that sentence. Andy: Just some internal bleeding.

Daddy's Little Girl

My hero was born on April 29, 1958, in Wilton, Connecticut. She wore pearl earrings almost every day and wouldn't take them off, even in the shower. She was tall and beautiful and funny and her name was Julia Brown. A year and a half ago, she died, but before that happened, she did a lot of amazing things. I'd like to tell you about some of them today.

Blind Faith

God isn't meant to be understood intellectually. Sometimes he's absent on purpose. He wants us to doubt, it makes us stronger. It opens other doors. And as for tragedy, I'm not dieing you know. I've experienced more with my senses in these past 18 months than I have in my entire life. I can feel Katherine. I can touch her. I can smell her and I can hear every tiny wonderful sound she makes and I love her just the same. Maybe more.

Blind Faith

Ephram: Ya know, I don't know why they call it a driving test. All they really care about is parking. Madison: Well I wouldn't worry about it. Lots of guys ride their bikes to junior prom. Maybe your date can sit on the handlebars.

Blind Faith

Amy: Well I went out with Ephram but it got kinda weird. Bright: You guys finally hooked up? Amy: What?! No. Why would you say something like that? Bright: I dunno. Maybe because he's mad in love with you and has been for over the past year.

Blind Faith

Bright: Guys have pride. And he's not gonna sit around playing mind-games with you forever. Soon he's gonna get tired of that, and he's gonna move on. Amy: I'm just not ready for all the boyfriend-girlfriend stuff and I know with Ephram there'd be no in between. Bright: Maybe not, but you could do a lot worse. People give me crap all the time for hanging out with Ephram. But I dunno, he's just like... Amy: Funny. Bright: Yea! The other day, he's telling me the story about how he's driving a stick for the first time right, and he's like stuck on a hill. Eckleman says: Well what gear were you in? and he says: My jeans and my t-shirt. [they laugh] I didn't even get it at first... and he's also gonna be pulling in some serious jack with his music one day... damn, maybe I should ask him out.

Blind Faith

Amy: You were right Ephram, about everything. I have taken you for granted. But hey, you're a better person than I am. Everybody else sees it, I don't know why you don't. As if you didn't know this already, I'm kinda a giant mess right now. I have been ever since you've known me. I might have been more normal in Junior High, I don't know. The point is, you deserve someone great, Ephram, amazing even. Someone a little less like me and a little more like you. Ephram: For an apology, that sounded an awful lot like a breakup. Amy: I'm sorry I wasted your time and it would kill me to think I wasted any more of it. I want you to promise me something. Ephram: Amy. Amy: Promise me that you won't let me and you get in the way of you and somebody else. Ephram: [after a long pause] I promise.

Three Miners From Everwood

[voiceover] The town of Everwood was built around a silver mine opened in 1857. In 1929, like much of America, the mine closed and a lot of families learned what it meant to go without. It wasn't until another 10 years later that someone started snooping around another part of the mountain and found a kingdom's worth of coal waiting to be unraveled. The mines reopened and that many people didn't have to go hungry anymore. From silver to coal, just like that. A good example of how something you never considered before can become your whole focus and blazing new relief all of a sudden.

Three Miners From Everwood

Bright: I can do this... if you'll help me. If there's any chance you're still available for help. Chris: If you'll tell me the one person you'd like to have dinner with and why. Bright: I don't know. Chris: Think about it. Who's somebody you have questions for? Who do you talk to in your head? Bright: I... I talk to Colin sometimes. Chris: What do you say? Bright: I just... I tell him how much more fun things were when he was here. I tell him I'm a mess, and I've pretty much screwed up all the plans that we ever had. And I wonder what he would do if he was me, 'cause, man, he could handle anything. He was, like, fearless. I... I'd tell him I miss him. Chris: Good. That's your essay.

Three Miners From Everwood

Harold: Oh, my back hurts, my feet hurt, my clothes hurt. Starting tomorrow, I'm giving up fossil fuels. Linda: Ohh! That was some pretty strong work today, Harry. Dr. Abbott: Oh, thanks. Didn't do so bad yourself, using your hoodoo powers of suggestion to bamboozle that poor woman out of her pain. Linda: I am way too tired to take that as anything but a compliment.

Three Miners From Everwood

[voiceover] When it's going right, life changes minute to minute. On a random Tuesday in 1939, coal unexpectedly became important to the entire town of Everwood. On another day some 75 years later, it was a lighthouse suddenly on everyone's mind.

The Burden of Truth

[voiceover] There are moments in life so archetypal, that there's only one proper response, one right thing to say. But as humans, each with our own idiosyncrasies, preferences, and perceptions, we may not always have the response that the universe or, say, our parents want or expect us to have. It is at moments such as these that we realize that the truth has a distinct cost that cant be bargained down. And in these moments we must choose whether to pay the price.

The Burden of Truth

Madison: God, Ephram, you don't even know me. Ephram: I might not know everything about you, but I do know some things. I know that you're the only person who makes my little sister think it's OK to be a girl. I know how you feel when you sing, cause it's how I feel when I play. I know all you really want from this Jay-guy is for him to get you, and he never will because the only thing he's interested in getting is himself. And, I know that all this stuff about me being too young is just you being afraid... because, it's easier for you to say that I'm too young than to risk something that's not what you thought you wanted. And, most of all, I know that, ever since I kissed you at the D.M.V., every time I've seen you, I've wanted to kiss you again. [pause] And I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure you did. And, you have to... Ephram: Yeah... thought so.

The Burden of Truth

[to Andy] You like Linda. Linda likes you. You are both nincompoops who will do nothing about it.

Just Like in the Movies

Bright: You have to keep her guessing. Ephram: And how do I do that? Bright: By ignoring her. Ephram: Ignoring her? That's your plan? Bright: It's perfect. Right now she's expecting you to be all, "sorry for copping a feel." Ephram: I didn't cop a feel!

Just Like in the Movies

Ephram: Madison's sleeping over tonight! Bright: That's awesome! All systems go!?

Just Like in the Movies

Ephram: You know, sometimes you're smarter than you look. Madison: If I get sick, you're in big trouble. Ephram: Don't worry. I'm not that sick. Madison: Well then, get out of bed. Get your ass to high school. I never want to say that sentence again.

Just Like in the Movies

Andy: Hey. Linda: This has to stop. Andy: So you got the balloons? Linda: I did, but I don't want them and I don't want the flowers either. Do you understand? Andy: Not a big fan of presents. Got it. Linda: No, it's not the presents. It's you Andy. I'm not interested in you. I'm sorry, I was hoping that we didn't have to have this whole conversation, but obviously we do. The thing is, ummm, I'm-I'm not attracted to you and I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I don't want to date you and I don't parse anything romantic happening between us. Andy: Oh. Andy: Sure. Okay.

Just Like in the Movies

[To Amy] Well, I was gonna say that I heard you were the prettiest, most popular girl at County High. But you didn't care about any of that anymore. You chucked your tiara at the door the day your boyfriend died, and you've been wandering the halls alone ever since, looking for something, or someone to fill the void and keep all the sadness away.

Unhappy Holidays

[to Madison] You know you said you liked me. You said I made you come 'undone' I am not quite sure what that means exactly but I know it's a good thing.

Unhappy Holidays

[to Harold] You think by keeping me a prisoner in my own home that you're gonna save me? From what, Tommy? You don't even know him. As far as I can see, the only person I need to be saved from anymore is you. I hate this house. I hate my school. I hate my friends, and I hate my entire stupid life. You can ground me Dad, and you can yell at me and you do whatever the hell you want, because honestly, I wish I was dead. I don't feel anything anymore. And you wanna know the best part, I don't even care.

Unhappy Holidays

Ephram: What I want is to be able to have a life, and I wouldn't even mind having to share it with you. But you won't let that happen. You're too busy controlling everything and everyone, that I don't even think you know what you're controlling anymore. What is so wrong with me and Madison? Andy: Many, many things. Ephram: No there's not. I know the age thing freaks you out, but there's more to it than that, I can tell. I just can't figure out what it could be. She's great. She's smart. She loves Delia and she even likes you. What is it that you're trying to stop? Andy: It's just wrong.

Family Dynamics

[To Ephram] Okay, tell me what's bugging you 'cause no amount of pork can distract a guy from a making out session, especially when there's no chance we get caught.

Family Dynamics

Delia: I'm not mad at you Dad, I just don't want her to be mad at me. Andy: Well honey, Linda's not going to be mad at you. Delia: Not Linda--Mom. Andy: What about Mom? Delia: If I like Linda, Mom will know and she'll be mad. Andy: Why would Mom be mad? Delia: Because she'll be jealous. You think Linda's beautiful. She's got red hair and she's a doctor, and Mom wasn't like that. Andy: Honey, there will never be anyone who means as much to me as Mom did. Not anyone. Just like no one could ever take your place or Ephram's. That's the first thing you have to know. Delia: What's the second? Andy: The second thing is that Mom would never be mad at you or me or anyone for liking someone else that wasn't her. Delia: I don't know, she'd be pretty tough.

Family Dynamics

Andy: Delia, when someone we love dies, it's okay to be sad about it for awhile. For as long as you need to be really. But you-you, just can't hang on to all the love that you used to give to that person. Delia: Why not? Andy: Because--love's not worth a whole lot if you just keep it to yourself.

Family Dynamics

[to Ephram] Yeah, but here's the thing. You know, you cannot be okay with it and still support his decision. And if you feel like you can talk to him about it, then you should. But if you can't, then talk to me, 'cuz chances are if you're feeling gloomy, I can do stuff to cheer you up.

Family Dynamics

[to Linda] I fixed things with Delia, so now all you have to worry about is my grating personality and utter lack of charm.

Controlling Interest

And the bubble isn't really that safe either, I mean the bubble could pop... the bubble could burn down... someone could rob the bubble.

Forget Me Not

[to Amy, about Tommy] So how's Rico Suave? Are you guys sharing needles yet?

Forget Me Not

[voiceover of her letter to Dr.Abbott] Dear Dad: I'm sorry I forgot your birthday. It's not like me to do that. You probably think that's just how I am these days. That missing your birthday is just more proof that I've become a different person, someone who forgets her family for a boy or a fight or whatever it was that got between us. That's the thing, I don't even know anymore. I know I've disappointed you more than you ever thought possible. I never thought it was possible either. And now I feel kinda stuck in this pattern of messing stuff up and I don't know how to fix it. I wish we could make everything like it used to be, but I guess I'm old enough to know we can't. I know you won't believe me but I think about you everyday and no matter how bad things get or how far apart we may seem, you'll always be my dad and I'll always be your Amy.

Forget Me Not

Ephram: [to Spanish teacher] Estamos uh... mucho um... embarazada. Amy: You just said: We're very pregnant. Ephram: (To Amy) Well, I'll let you fix this.

Forget Me Not

Andy: Why aren't you with Madison? Ephram: Would you believe we decided our relationship was strong enough that we don't have to spend every waking moment together? Andy: No. Ephram: Then I think we're in a fight.

Forget Me Not

Amy: How are you as a cook? Ephram: About as good as I am at speaking Spanish.

No Sure Thing

[voiceover] For many years now, this sliver of dust-covered rock has served as a haven for the hope-filled and hormone-driven youth of our town. You won't find it on any map, but everyone knows exactly where it is. We call it The Point. On this uncharted piece of rock, many of Everwood's young people first discovered their capacity for passion, and sometimes for love. For them, the view from The Point will be forever etched in their hearts and minds -- a reminder of one special moment when everything changed.

No Sure Thing

Andy: I know I'm the last person you want advice from right now, but don't be afraid to make sure that everything's right. You're never going to get this moment back. Amy: I appreciate what you're saying, Dr. Brown, but... I had the right person in my life, and unfortunately, we ran out of time.

No Sure Thing

Bright: [about Madison] Dude, come on! She is signaling the pitch! Ephram: Please don't use sports metaphors... I need to understand what you're saying. Bright: She's achin' for some Brown lovin'. Dish it up and serve it hot my friend.

No Sure Thing

[to Linda] Bad things can happen. And if you don't think I know that after losing my wife, you have no business being my friend, much less anything else. I know things can go wrong, which is exactly why I think it's worth the risk if I can feel this way again. So, no. If you want to break up with me you better find a better reason.

No Sure Thing

Andy: [about Madison] Are you sleeping with her? Answer me! Ephram: No, I'm not sleeping with her. I'm not sleeping with her and I'm gonna be a virgin for the rest of my life, because that's just how my life is! When something is good, it turns bad, and when something's bad it just gets worse. Is that what you wanted to hear?

The L Word

[voiceover] The speed and direction of our path through life are pretty good measures of our age. We race headlong through childhood, never looking back; wanting it to end as quickly as possible. As we get older, we occasionally slow down long enough to look around and savor certain moments: It's a sure sign of growing up. It's only in our twilight years, when our pace is slowed and the long race is nearing the end that we spend most of our time looking backwards, and we wonder why we were ever in such a hurry.

The L Word

Ephram: It's amazing, I, I didn't think things could get any better, or, or I could like her any more, but I do. This is what you were warning me about, huh? You knew I was gonna feel this way. Bright: Well, I don't think I used the word "feel." I might of used the word "feel up." That's totally different.

The L Word

Ephram: I love you. Madison: I gotta go get the iron.

The L Word

Ephram: Do you think we can just maybe rewind the last couple days? Just go back completely? Madison: I don't think it works that way, Ephram. Ephram: Right, the toothpaste, tube. Forget it. [long pause] Do you think we could maybe just pretend? For now, at least? Madison: Yeah, I guess we could do that. Ephram: Okay.

The L Word

[voiceover] Sometimes it's easier to pretend that things are okay, rather than face a difficult truth. So we go through the motions, the rituals of everyday life. We hope the comfortable rhythms of familiarity will hold off the inevitable just a little longer; return things to normal, anything to buy us more time. Playing pretend, make believe, it might be the one thing we never outgrow.

Unspoken Truths

I want you to listen to me, Nina. This is the toughest part, this moment. But if you do this right, you won't spend the rest of your life regretting anything or resenting anyone or kicking yourself. I know you want to move on to the next chapter and you will. But I am not about to let you sign on the dotted line and accept whatever standard, minimum crap he is offering. You deserve much more. Do you understand me?

Unspoken Truths

Amy: It's you. I know you. Colin: Stop following me. Amy: Stop, stop, please. You left me. You left me alone and now you're here and I'm here and you shouldn't be here. Colin: Neither should you. Amy: I loved you. I loved you. I want you to come back. Colin: Stop following me. Just stop. Amy: Why are you being mean? Colin: I want you to leave me alone. Won't you understand? I want you to go. Amy: Go where? Where am I supposed to go? I failed school, Colin. I failed my brother. I failed my parents. I failed you. Where do you want me to go? I don't even know where to start. Colin: You can start by saying goodbye. Amy: No. No, I can't. Colin: Yes you can. Amy: Goodbye. Goodbye.

Unspoken Truths

Bright: [about sunglasses] These are cool. I don't know if they do me justice. I mean, they look good, but do they say I'm a genius? Ephram: No because they don't speak.

Unspoken Truths

Bright: [about Ephram and Madison] Yeah, having sex with a rock goddess tends to have an effect on a guy. Amy: They're sleeping together? Bright: Whad'ya think they were doing this whole time, playing solitaire [pause] or some other two-person card game?

Unspoken Truths

Andy: [to Ephram] I have your report card. Delia: Run for it!

Unfinished Business

[voiceover] Sometimes we don't know our own strength. It can be hard to tell just how much weight you can safely bear, or how much will crush you. I'd like to think you can shoulder as big of burden as you believe you can -- that it's all a matter of will. Certainly a comforting thought. Other times it's hard to remember you had any strength at all. Then you can only hope to have someone to remind you, you were once fierce and able.

Unfinished Business

Mindy: I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think. She really digs you, you know. She talks about you all the time. Ephram: Yeah. Mindy: You kind of love her, don't you? Ephram: Yeah. Mindy: You have that face. I remember when I had the face. Derek Senn. But we called him Demi-God. You know, 'cause he was basically god-like. I met him freshman year, we dated for like six months. It was the most amazing six months of my life. Then he decided he had to bike around South America, so he dropped out. We said goodbye at the airport and I never heard from him again. Pretty much the worst pain I ever felt. Ephram: Why does everyone feel the need to tell me how awful their first loves were? I mean, what's up with that? Mindy: I don't know. I guess because they're always so awful... and amazing... and usually over before they start.

Unfinished Business

Amy: Let me just say that I'm sorry. I know that I kind of disappeared for awhile and that I wasn't the best friend in the world, but I want to change that...Try to work on things, you know? Paige: Wow, you're really desperate, you know? Amy: OK, maybe I shouldn't have come. Paige: Or maybe you shouldn't have ditched us in the first place. Amy: I didn't ditch you Paige. Paige: One day, we're talking on the phone all the time, and the next, Laynie's your new best friend and you won't even wave to me in the halls. Amy: Well I didn't see you calling me. I didn't see any of you, pick up the phone or do one kind thing after Colin died. You just wanted me to keep on doing what I always did: plan all the parties, go to the mall, fight for the best dance costume. Well I couldn't, Paige and I thought you would understand that. Paige: I'm sorry. Were your druggie friends more understanding? Amy: Just trying to get my life back. Paige: Well, you can't have it back.

Unfinished Business

Tommy: It's been two days. Didn't you want to make sure I was okay? Amy: I called the hospital, they said you were released yesterday. Tommy: So were you going to leave a forwarding address or just going for a clean getaway? Amy: I'm just going home. Tommy: It's good. Amy: Yeah. Tommy: Mmm, I'll give you a call later, let you get settled in. Amy: No, don't. Tommy: Look Amy, I screwed up. I never should have taken you to that party, we should never have done all that crap, but this whole thing has been a serious wake-up call for me. Amy: I'm glad, I hope you get the help that you need. Tommy: No Amy, I don't need help, I just...I just need you. Amy: I can't be that person for you anymore Tommy. Tommy: It was just a slip, one slip, one night, that's not who I am. Amy: It wasn't one night, it was three months of lies. Tommy: So what? I'm not good enough for you anymore? What are you gonna do? Gonna go back to Mommy and Daddy? Gonna go back to being little miss perfect, is that it? No you

Unfinished Business

Amy: You're sad. Ephram: A little. Amy: Something happen? Ephram: Madison and I broke up. Amy: What? When? Ephram: About an hour ago. Amy: Oh my God, the other day you said that everything was fine I thought... Ephram: Yeah I know, I lied a little bit. Don't ask me why. Amy: Why? Ephram: I don't know. I guess I thought if I pretended that everything was great, actually it would be great.

Last Looks

Andy: I'm sorry if I have to put my foot down, but I should have done this six months ago. I knew how this was going to end back then. I told you both. I wish someone had listened to me. Ephram: What do you mean, "someone"? Did you talk to Madison behind my back?

Last Looks

Delia: It's just that... I love Ephram, too. And, since he's my brother, and we're related and everything, I have to love him more. Madison: I understand. Delia: And I think that when you're here, it makes him sad... really, really sad. I don't want to see him that sad any more. So, I'm going, going to have to let you go, Madison. Madison: Okay.

Last Looks

Madison: Well maybe in two weeks we could do something, have one of those kick-off friendship lunches, or something. Ephram: No, no, I, ah, I could never do the "friend thing" with you. Let's face it, we were never really friends. We were just-- Madison: In love. Ephram: Yeah.

Last Looks

Andy: What's going on here? Delia: Ephram fired Mrs. Hammerhead. Ephram: Over the phone, this morning. Actually, it went pretty smoothly -- I've had some experience letting sitters go before, you recall... Everybody will be happy. Andy: I'm not happy. Ephram: Oh, you will be.

Last Looks

You changed my life Madison.

Sick

Well contrary to proper belief, I am not interested in poaching their patients. You should be ashamed of yourself. In fact, all of you should. All right, come on, everybody out. Let's go. Everybody out. That's it. All of ya. Jumping ship on a good doctor. You outta be ashamed of yourselves. Go on. Out. Store's closed.

Sick

Linda: That's what you do, Harold. When someone comes after you, you argue. But when someone comes after someone you love, the minute you see blood, you go for the throat. Harold: That's what you do for family. You fight, you go too far.

Sick

There's always something good on TV. It's been my motto since I was a little kid; I'm sticking to it.

Sick

Amy: One thing I do know is whatever is going on in there is going to come out whether you like it or not. So, you might as well just say it on purpose and choose your words. Ephram: You know, it's amazing how you do that. Amy: Do what?

Sick

Bright: [to Amy and Ephram] Hmmm... sit here with the bitter twins or free internet porn. Excuse me. [Leaves] Amy: Hmm, bitter twins. He's getting funnier.

Do or Die

[voiceover] There are things that go without saying and there are things better left unsaid. There are things that should never be uttered out loud and there are things you've got to hear to believe. But the ones that stay with us are the things we long to say, but don't.

Do or Die

Bright: No, you don't get it. My life is about to start to suck. Big time. I'm going to be that weird guy who graduates and never leaves. Like Johnny Richter. Amy: That guy who works at Sal's? Bright: See, he doesn't even work there. You just think he does 'cause he hangs out there so much. C'mon, guys. I need this night to be awesome.

Do or Die

Amy: There has to be some way we can enjoy this. Ephram: Sedated.

Do or Die

Ephram: How does he do it? Amy: What, act like a moron? It comes naturally.

Do or Die

Amy: There's just no point. If Ephram wanted to go with me, he would ask me. Bright: No he wouldn't. Amy: Yes he would. Bright: Do you think he's a glutton for punishment? A total glutton for punishment? You rejected the guy like six-hundred times last year. He's not gonna out on a limb and ask you. Even if he was dying to.

Your Future Awaits

Amy: Ephram, go away! Ephram: No, I'm not going to go away, I don't understand what's going on, why are you crying? Amy: Do you know how hard that was for me? To lay my heart on the line like that? Ephram: Yeah, I think I do. Amy: Maybe it's easy for you but it's not for me. I don't really like feeling this vulnerable. I told you because I trusted you and now I feel like this whole night you've been lying to me. Ephram: I wasn't lying to you, I wasn't sure if it was true or not. Amy: Please, if all you cared about is if it were true you could've just asked me. Instead you created this completely false moment. This whole night, how much of it was a manipulation? Dinner, after dinner, were you faking being nervous at the audition?

Your Future Awaits

Ephram: I wasn't trying to humiliate you, I was trying to get you to tell me how you feel, why is that so wrong? I've told you a thousand times! Amy: You told me because you wanted to, not because I tricked you into it, all calculated. Ephram: How many times have you lied to me? With my dad, with Colin? All last year you knew that I would do anything for you, all you had to do was ask, so you didn't. You would just bat your eyes and cry on my shoulder. You played me! Well tonight I played you!

Your Future Awaits

Andy: What? Nina: Nothing, just... you know how they say 'don't drive angry'? I'm thinking the same thing applies to neurosurgery.

The Day Is Done

[voiceover] Dreams are our world turned upside down. Gravity, logic, time rendered meaningless. The world of dreams is not our world. Although in the dead of night, it tempts and deceives. This is what makes dreams so dangerous.

The Day Is Done

Dreams aren't meant to be understood any more than tragedy can be averted. Life happens to us. We learn to be grateful when things are good,and to count our blessings when things are bad. And the only certainty in all of it is that it all just... keeps happening.

The Day Is Done

Amy: Okay. See, the thing is my dad is doing this, this, completely crazy thing, right, because it's like why not. He's got nothing to lose at this point and I just keep thinking that maybe it's the same thing with us. You know, we basically had the worst fight that we could possibly have. Right? Did it, done it, it's over. Ephram: Right. Amy: So I figure why not just be crazy. Start over like you said. And this summer would be the perfect time to do that because there'd be no pressure, no weirdness because of school. You're clique, my clique. Ephram: I don't have a clique. Amy: My clique. But you know what I mean. We'd be able to figure out what we could be without being inside the pressure cooker that is County High. Ephram: Yeah. I mean, that's a good plan. Except for one small problem. Amy: Juilliard. Juilliard. I know and I was thinking about it and I realized your dad's a millionaire so what's a few hundred bucks, right? Ephram: Thousand bucks. Amy: Same difference. It'd be like

The Day Is Done

Amy: Is this supposed to be a sexy picnic? Ephram: Maybe. Not sure yet. Here, have a seat. Amy: You look nervous. Ephram: I-I am nervous. Amy: Why? Ephram: Okay, look. I'm pretty sure we've been down this road before, many, many times. In fact, it's kind of crazy how many times we've been down this road without anything actually ever happening on the road. It seemed like something always messes us up. Lately, that something has been me. I feel like I've been given a second chance and I don't want to blow it. I can't stop thinking about what you said about me staying and us really taking a shot. The thing is, I know what would happen if we did that. It would be exactly the way I thought it would be, perfect. You know, I never really worried much about what would happen if we actually got together. Somehow I always knew that part would work itself out. It's just the getting there that seemed so impossible. I could never imagine both of us being on the same page at the same time. Ephram:

The Day Is Done

Amy: I don't understand. Ephram: I could not go. I could be the guy that says, you know, screw it, it's all about the girl. But let's face it, I already am that guy. I know how to make you a priority. I've done it. I can do it again. If you ever need me, I'll be there. But right now, I need to worry about making myself a priority. And the only way I can do that is to go to New York. I want you to wait for me. Will you?

For Every Action...

Delia: Dad? Andy: What? Delia: Dr. Abbot is outside. Andy: Now!? What does he want? Delia: I don't know, but he's wearing slippers.

For Every Action...

Ephram: I still can't believe my dad let you pick me up instead of him. How did you swing that? Amy: It wasn't that hard actually, we did quite a lot of bonding over the summer. Ephram: Wha... you bonded with my father?! Why? Amy: Well he's a lot funnier than you give him credit for and he's the one person in town that didn't mind me talking about you 24/7. Ephram: This is way too weird to process. I am picturing you and my dad splitting a coke at Mama Joys and it's freaking me out. Amy: One coke. Two straws. Ephram: Stop it.

For Every Action...

Amy: [after she sees Ephram] Oh my God, he's here how weird is that? It's like we're always in the same place, it's like fate or something. Rose: Well, it could be that there's only one Main Street in Everwood but fate is nice too.

For Every Action...

Ephram: Delia was wearing a dress. Andy: Yeah, I know. It's weird.

For Every Action...

Harold: Are you implying that I'm wooden? Andy: Wooden? You are a 2-by-4!

...There is a Reaction

Amy: I just quit yearbook. Ephram: Damn! I just signed up.

...There is a Reaction

Harold! No wait! [The sprinklers turn on, Harold looks at Andy] I was gonna say... go right.

...There is a Reaction

Delia: What's wrong with you? Ephram: Broke up with Amy. Delia: Already?! Ephram: Shut up Delia.

...There is a Reaction

[to Amy] You turned your schedule into something the president couldn't even handle! Not that that's saying much...

...There is a Reaction

[To Andy] Oh please, if I got upset hearing about every guy who cheated on his wife, I'd have to give up my soaps and you know I'd never do that.

Staking Claim

Amy: [After Ephram messes up and stops playing] You know you'd think that since you practice so much you wouldn't suck so bad. Ephram: Yeah, well if you didn't study so much you would know that guys don't care if chicks are smart. [Amy hits him and Ephram blocks]

Staking Claim

Ephram: First of all, even if Hannah did have a crush on me... which I don't think she does... she'd be way too terrified to ever do anything about it. [Long pause] Unlike your friend Katie. Amy: What did Katie do? Ephram: She totally grabbed my ass in gym the other day. Amy: She did what?!

Staking Claim

Amy: What do you think about Brian Cummings? Do you think he's cute? Ephram: Well, I should make something clear right off the bat - I don't do threesomes.

Staking Claim

When you like someone, you try not to let them know, but when you hate someone you try to be nice so they don't know. But when you love someone...

Staking Claim

I've got to go pick up Delia from Brittany's. Apparently, fifth grade sucks. But she's convinced that some hot chocolate syrup and rocky road will help make it better.

The Birds & the Batteries

Harold: You'll never guess who I ran into today. Bright: Paris Hilton. Harold: Who? No.

The Birds & the Batteries

Delia: What are you guys talking about? Andy: Cheese! Uh--cake. Cheesecake.

The Birds & the Batteries

Andy: First of all, her--whosiwhatsit was under her bed. Mrs. Clark: Is this a joke to you!?

The Birds & the Batteries

Nina: I told you from the start that you should talk to her if she brought it up and instead you said 'cheesecake'! Andy: It was a reflex!

Sacrifice

Ephram: My school work doesn't inspire me. Andy: Yeah, but if you give it up, I'll kill ya.

Sacrifice

Ephram: I just thought I could have it all. Andy: Well, you can't. Ephram: You wanna think about that some more before you crush my spirit completely?

Sacrifice

Delia: Nina, if you have all these different clothes, how come you look the same every day? Nina: Don't make me cry Delia. I just put on mascara.

Sacrifice

Delia: You're scarring me for life! Andy: Welcome to the club!

Shoot the Moon

Andy: Can I bug you? Ephram: Mission accomplished.

Shoot the Moon

[to Jake] By the way, next time you're at the dentist, ease off on the bleaching. Hurts my eyes.

Shoot the Moon

[to Andy] I'm not scared of what happens if I fail and don't get into Juilliard. I'm scared of what happens if I do. If I go to Juilliard, then... that's it. One thing. Piano. I'll be just like you were before she died. It took Mom dying to wake you up. I don't wanna have to lose something to keep myself from turning into you.

Shoot the Moon

[to Amy and parents] They're all great schools if you want to be in Boston or New York. There's also a lot of good piano schools in that area.

Shoot the Moon

Doctor Harold: Good to hear it, by the way? Ephram: What is? Doctor Harold: Your playing, it is as good as they say. That was an arrangement from Bash motet, wasn't it? Ephram: Well it is an attempt, at least. My teacher got me taken down the cording structure. He's evil. I didn't know you knew music, do you play? Doctor Harold: I want it too but as with surgeon, I was born with the ear but not the hands. God has a strange sense of humor. I am his favorite channel. Ephram: I am working all night on the avocado. Usually it just comes to me but when I get stuck, it can take a while. Doctor Harold: You are so much like your father. You just described what it is to be gifted and you don’t even know it. The part that you call effortless that would be the life ambition of the less blessed and the part that is a bit more work that is an act that they won’t even be able to follow. Ephram: Well the experts seem to disagree; I have paperwork from very expensive schools to prove it. Doctor Harold

Best Laid Plans

Amy: I'm upset because this whole thing is embarrassing. Edna: Farting in a public restroom is embarrassing.

Best Laid Plans

Amy: I guess it's a good thing I stayed on the pill. Ephram: You are? Since when? Amy: Last year. For Tommy. Ephram: You went on the pill for that creep!?

Best Laid Plans

Harold: [about stopping Amy and Ephram from having sex] This is over, isn't it? Andy: Not necessarily. They're teenagers. There's a chance they may screw up the relationship before they ever get to the sex.

Best Laid Plans

Hannah: It's stupid. Boy stuff. Nina: There is NOTHING stupid about boy stuff.

The Tipping Point

Andy: You know what I miss? I miss the subway. Jake: Ok... random.

The Tipping Point

Andy: It's snowing. Amanda: Yep. Andy: I'm cold. Amanda: Uh huh. Andy: My toes are frozen. Amanda: You live in the mountains, get used to it.

The Tipping Point

Amy: My dad cries every time I beat him at tennis. Ephram: Really? Amy: No.

The Tipping Point

[To Amanda] Music therapy takes time and patience. But if you think it's not working, just tell me. I'm a big boy. I can handle it.

The Reflex

Amy: [To Hannah] I'll just find a way to bring (sex) up in a casual way.... Psh I can be casual. Amy: So why haven't you tried to have sex with me yet? Ephram: Wha... what do you mean I haven't tried? Amy: Well, have you? Ephram: No, I mean I haven't done everything I could do, but it's not like you have given me any indication that you wanted me to. Amy: How am I supposed to indicate that? Ephram: Oh I don't know, maybe not flinching every time my hand grazes your belt buckle. Amy: I don't flinch. Ephram: Uh, yeah you do. Amy: No, I don't! Ephram: Heh, yeah you do. Do you want me to show you right now? 'Cause it's actually pretty funny.

The Reflex

Hannah: Did you and Ephram have a good time at the drive in? Amy: Eh, it was...whatever. Hannah: How was the movie? Amy: I don't know. Hannah: Oh right, you guys were probably... Amy: No. Not even. We played the how long can we kiss before it gets so unbearably boring that I'd actually rather watch someone get eaten by a giant centipede. Hannah: Is that a game? Amy: No Hannah, it's my life.

The Reflex

Amy: So Saturday night? 8:00? Ephram: For sex? 8:00, 9:00, 7:30... Amy: Good, so you bring the condoms and I'll see if I can score us some of my mom's fried chicken for after.

The Reflex

Amy: It's all about how men and women are made to feel inadequate about their bodies. Hannah: They should have just named this chapter: Hannah.

The Reflex

Rose: Just remember. We were only two years older than they are now when we first... Harold: Yes. Yes. And God punished us with Bright.

Need to Know

Andy: Ok, you're right, I am in a bad mood. Harold: Really? Forgive my undropped jaw.

Need to Know

Amy: When are you going to accept my Lord? Ephram: When you stop persecuting my people.

Need to Know

[To Amy] He loved books. Not the insides, but like the covers, the way they smelled. I just like the insides. He said that that made us a perfect fit.

Need to Know

[To Andy] If you talk to me in that crappy I'm a doctor voice one more time I'm gonna knee you in the nuts.

Need to Know

Bright: They stop because they can't help themselves. It's not like they wanna see a bunch of body parts spewed all over the road, you know. Intellectually speaking they know that would make them hurl. But they stop anyways, because they can, because it's there. Ephram: So according to this rationale, seeing Madison's band will make me wanna hurl, so that's a reason to go? Interesting theory.

Complex Guilt

Ephram: I seriously wish I was the one in that hospital bed right now. Andy: Because bleeding ulcers are so fun?

Complex Guilt

Andy: When did you get so smart? Ephram: I'm a senior, dad. It's about time.

Complex Guilt

[when he sees Jake doing Yoga] God, please let this be a hallucination from the drugs.

Giving Up the Girl

Delia: At least they (boys) have control over their bodies. Stuff doesn't just happen to them without them letting it happen. Amy: Well, um, let me put it this way. In a couple years when a boy gets called up to the chalkboard to do a math problem and he brings his textbook with him, just remember this little conversation, okay?

Giving Up the Girl

Ephram: Ya know, this place is so world-renowned, you'd think they'd be able to afford to decorate. Amy: Easy there, Queer Eye, it's not a design center.

Giving Up the Girl

Bright: I'm totally going into medicine. Amy: You might have to start by going to college first.

Giving Up the Girl

Amy: I've wanted to be a ballerina ever since I was a little girl. Harold: Yeah. And you also wanted to be a princess and an astronaut, and, I believe, a carrot at one point.

Giving Up the Girl

Nina: Wow... Jake: Yeah? Nina: I mean, damn. You can kiss.

The Perfect Day

Bright: Truth is, Ephram, there is a silver lining. You just fail to see it. I think that's part of your problem. Ephram: Thank you, Dr. Phil. Bright: No, seriously. You came here on your first day and you met Amy. Because you're all wiggy in love with her, it takes your mind off what probably would've been a pretty nightmare year. Ephram: I was not wiggy.

The Perfect Day

Amy: Jealousy is such a pointless emotion, just a complete total waste of energy. Hannah: Really. So you never feel jealous of Madison? Amy: That's different. She's an ex.

The Perfect Day

Ephram: Isn't fraternizing with a coworker, like, illegal? Bright: [Laughs] I don't know what you just said, man, but it's not like we're frat brothers.

The Perfect Day

Ephram: Well it's a new order of the tracks. If I pick Bach, it says I'm ambitious. If I pick Chopin, it says I'm traditional. Andy: Which one says you're OCD?

The Perfect Day

Ephram: It's like tragedy's the only thing we have in common. It's practically the reason we're friends. Bright: So, you know, at least we all found each other. We are friends. Ephram: But the point is, we got screwed. We're like way older than it says on our driver's licenses.

Since You've Been Gone

Hannah: Are we getting beamed somewhere? Bright: How cool would that be!

Since You've Been Gone

Amy: You are such an ass. Ephram: [to Bright] One of us is in trouble. Amy: You are completely ruining her [Hannnah's] life, did you know that? Ephram: Well, that rules me out.

Surprise

Ephram: Well, you could be a gigolo. Bright: Dude, you're forgetting I'm like, twice your size. Ephram: No, seriously, go pro 'man whore.' Combine all your natural talents. Plus, no tie, flexible hours. Bright: Maybe I should just join a convent. Ephram: That's nuns! Bright: I know.

Surprise

Wow! Sounds like the plot of a bad indie film. Maybe we could get Zach Braff to direct it.

A Moment in Manhattan

[voiceover] People came from far to the mountain towns, I came from the North to find purpose but Doctor came from a city to escape regret. Fate had other plans for both of us. You could argue its better to be neglected by fate than well attended. When it marks you for favor, you can bet your life will change, rarely for the better, though always deeper. The most costly casualty is always the heart; nothing hurts so much as that. Like sacrificing your queen, you can still play, only you can’t help feel that the gain is already lost. But strangely, cruelly, a distraught heart keeps beating no matter how much you wish it would stop. So you take another breath. Another step. You wake again to the unsympathetic sun. You go through the motions, pretending for all the world to be a warm-bloody creature. The doctor and I, we both knew a lot about that, we both came a long way only to find that purpose doesn’t last… And regret can burn a hole through any happiness. And that, just when you thin

A Moment in Manhattan

[to Amy, walking in with package from Ephram] The guy has been in New York for like 30 minutes and he's already sent you a care package. Will that guy ever run out of ways to be your bitch?

Fate Accomplis

Madison: E.C.C. was just starting to feel like a stall. Taking classes didn't really matter. People who didn't want to do much with themselves just wasn't my lifestyle anymore. Ephram: You outgrew your beer bottle.

Fallout

Andy: You have to understand something, honey - that fair doesn't always mean equal. Ephram's older and it's very different. And I promise you that when you become a teenager, you'll get the same exact treatment. Delia: So I'll get an ugly car too. Andy: Well, you gotta take the bad with the good.

Fallout

Bright: Hannah, if you say 'thank you' or 'sorry' one more time, I think I'm gonna have to kill myself. Hannah: Sorry.

Fallout

Bright: Problems? Hannah: Just a little frustrated with God right now. I mean, He talks to Joan of Arcadia, like, five times a week. Tells her to go out for cheerleading. My problem is way bigger, and I can't even get His attention.

Fallout

Andy: I mean, I could wallow in self pity but what would be the point of that? Nina: Oh, you don't need a point to wallow, that's the beauty of the wallow.

Fallout

Amy: Do you remember saying about him that he loved you of course, that he grow up in Long Island, graduated from Juilliard but didn't like touring so he got into teaching. Ephram: Do you remember everything I say, because that's a little scary?

Acceptance

Hannah: And I'll always be happy to take care of your kids for you when you and Ephram need a little nookie time. Amy: Hannah! Hannah: What? I've heard the stories about your grandparents. Amy: OK, you've officially lost your maid of honor status.

Acceptance

[to Jake] Pin an ear back now and then. Do a little lipo. . . . You could buy a Lexus just starting with the chicks I saw last night in a bar. They were actually watching wrestling on TV, swear to God!

Acceptance

Hannah: I just think you and Ephram should start off with more of a bang. Amy: Yes, but we're not technically starting. It's more like, we almost got cancelled and then everyone decided that they loved us, so we got picked up for another season.

Acceptance

Amy: You know what it is? It's that this whole time, you've been thinking about me. Always making sure that I'm okay, no matter what. Ephram: Is that…is that wrong? Amy: No, no. It's just that I was always thinking about us.

He Who Hesitates

[to Hannah] Just enjoy it, okay. Sometimes you forget to appreciate these moments and then suddenly you're back into your normal life trying to remember what it felt like.

He Who Hesitates

Bright: Boyfriend? Topher's not Hannah's boyfriend. Ephram: They've gone on three dates; he took her to prom. What else would you call him? Bright: Personally, I'd call him an asshat!

He Who Hesitates

May we please order some food? I'm starving and Bright is threatening to cook.

He Who Hesitates

Bright: You're cooking? Hannah: Don't worry, you don't have to eat it if it's bad. Bright: No, it's not that... Hannah: I had to learn early, you know? I'm just giving you the heads up in case you want to order pizza. Bright: No, it's just, you've been doing this for your family for like, ever, it just doesn't seem right that you have to do it for mine too. Hannah: It feels right to me.

Oh The Places You'll Go

Jake: It's going to be okay, all right? [starts breathing in and out] Nina: Please don't go all yoga on me right now.

Where the Heart Is

[to Amy] I will smother you with my ass cheeks if I have to!

Where the Heart Is

[to Nina] That life I want, I can't have it without you.

Where the Heart Is

Harrold: May I come in? Andy: I don't know, are you going to hit me?

A Kiss to Build a Dream On

It's tough trying to make new best friends after a certain point in your life; it's like, how do you catch them up on everything they already missed?

A Kiss to Build a Dream On

Amy: You're not the only one in the room Narcissus. Bright: I thought we agreed that you were going to stop insulting me in Spanish.

A Kiss to Build a Dream On

Amy: Grandma's wedding doesn't count as a date, loser. Bright: I'm in a tux! It's a date. Amy: You're an idiot.

A Kiss to Build a Dream On

Amy: Oh my God Bright, you have to let Reid be your new roommate. Bright: Why? So you can stalk him outside the hospital? Amy: I am not stalking him, I'm admiring him. Those are two very different verbs.

A Kiss to Build a Dream On

Delia: Am I allowed to wear white? Andy: Normally no, but in this case I think we can make an exception. Delia: Interesting. Am I allowed to wear black? Andy: Not until you're 30.

The Next Step

Edna: Three months farting around in Europe and not a tattoo to show for it...that's my boy. Ephram: Well I was sporting a goatee for a while but that was just to fit in, those people in France have a real thing for body hair.

The Next Step

I think sometimes that ignoring something gives it too much power... pretty soon all that we can remember is what it is we were trying to forget.

The Next Step

[to Hannah] I've never wanted a fourth date... until now.

The Next Step

[to Ephram] So let me get this straight, you flew half way across the planet to see Irv and my grandma renew their vows? Dude, I almost didn't go because of a Smurfs marathon.

Put On A Happy Face

Ephram: I love parties. Bright: Since when? You're a social black hole, all light goes into you and dies. Ephram: Alright, first of all, it's not certain that light is conscious, so it can't die.

Put On A Happy Face

[to Ephram] So, you don't go to a party when you have a girlfriend. It's like taking Ben & Jerry's to 31 Flavors.

Put On A Happy Face

Hannah, Ephram moved in with Bright and you meant to tell me? That's like Paul Revere, get-on-your-horse-and-ride type information.

Put On A Happy Face

[to Bright] Look, it's obvious, you're embarrassed because I'm still in high school and I wear bad glasses and I dress like Laura from Little House on the Prairie.

Put On A Happy Face

[to Hannah] It's a bacchanal. It's in honor of the Greek god, B.A. Baracus. He's the god of beer and chicken and stuff.

Put On A Happy Face

Nina: Are all men twelve years old? Andy: In the inside, yes.

Pieces of Me

Rose: But I'm not Lance Armstrong... Bright: No. You're better. You're my mom.

Pieces of Me

Father Patrick: Hi gentlemen, I am Father Patrick. Bright: Hi Father, sorry about the hell thing. Father Patrick: It's not a problem. Have either of you ever thought about... Bright: Oh, don't waste your breath, Padre. [Points at Ephram] Jewish. [Points at himself] Lost cause. Ready to go?

Pieces of Me

Ephram: Where is Delia? Bright: [looking around] I don't know. I bet she's got a job by now. Ephram: You're supposed to watch her, right? She is just a little kid. You can't let her walk ... Bright: Sorry! Sometimes I forget how young she is. She's got the Dakota Fanning thing going on, she acts like a 40 year old. She freaks me out.

Connect Four

We are cities boys, the only thing we do agree on is that nature sucks.

Connect Four

Bright: So um... what do you mean by not believing in premarital sex? Hannah: Well, anything with the word 'sex' in it, I'm not comfortable. Bright: How about the word 'job'?

Connect Four

Andy: Why'd you come back to Everwood? Ephram: [exhales] I am still in love with Amy.

Connect Four

Bright: She's not going to have premarital sex until she's married. Ephram: That's uh... nevermind.

Connect Four

Bright: Do you have the padres with you? Ephram: No I don't know where they are. They're probably making out.

Connect Four

[to Hannah] He's learning to save lives... I barely have a life!

Connect Four

Andy: I will more hands off, I won't talk to him, I won't pressure him into doing anything he doesn't wanna do. And if I do have to engage with him, I'll just get in quick and get out quicker. Delia: This family needs so much help

Connect Four

Doctor Abbot: So, why exactly are you here? This trip was suppose to be about bounding with your son. Thus far you have spend all of ten minutes with him since we pulled into the parking lot. Doctor Brown: Not true, we had dinner, I told a joke about the nuns, he laughed, it was great. Doctor Abbot: Waw, I'm offering you an opportunity for the ultimate father-son experience here, so get up and have your son and start establishing some traditions. Doctor Brown: We have established traditions, it's called not fighting for 24 hours. And so far, it rocks.

Free Fall

Nina: Yeah, but he's a plastic surgeon from L.A. People think Jake is going to make them look like Jessica Simpson. Jake: Aw, that's sweet of you, babe. Sam: I like Linsday Lohan better.

Free Fall

[To Andy, referring to the cookies in the kitchen] Wow, it looks like you and Mrs. Fields hooked up and threw a rager.

Pro Choice

Ephram: [about Reid grinding coffee] Is there a law against doing that before noon? Reid: I'm sorry man. My morning coffee's the key to my whole day. It's Kona... and serious. That's why it costs like, 20 bucks a bean. Ephram: Is that why you can't afford a shirt?

Pro Choice

Bright: I know you don't want to have sex because of the Bible, but I was thinking like, I'm not sure that there's anything in there that says you can't take your girlfriend's bra off. Hannah: Well... it's not about the Bible... it's, it's, it's about timing. It's just not bra removal time. Bright: Oh yeah... out of curiosity, when exactly would you say would be bra removal time?

Pro Choice

Ephram: Every time you left my garage last summer it was like Pig-Pen had just been there. Sometimes when I think about you, I envision this, like, uh, dust cloud over your head. Amy: I guess that makes you the obsessive Peanut who's always banging away on his piano. Ephram: Well, chicks love Schroeder.

Pro Choice

Jake, I don't care. My best friend lost her husband, Hannah is freaking out, and based on Sam's favorite new word, I'm pretty sure he's been sneaking episodes of Deadwood.

So Long, Farewell...

Hannah: I'm serious, Amy. You've got to get out there and meet some new people. Amy: Yeah, I tried that. And you know what? New people suck!

So Long, Farewell...

Bright: My chest hurts and I just want to sleep all the time. Rose: Here, let me see if you have a fever. [feels Bright's head] Nope, you don't feel warm to me. Bright: I feel warm to me. Rose: That's because you just pulled your head out of the laundry. What you have is a heartache. Bright: Can't I just have whooping cough or something?

So Long, Farewell...

Harold: Here's to hurling ourselves out of an airplane. Andy: Here's to hurling in general! [high fives with Harold] Harold: Owww! [holding his arm out and wincing] Andy: Problem is you're holding your hand up too high. Harold: You don't have to slap so hard next time!

So Long, Farewell...

Harold: Shall we consult; share our suggested feats of derring-do? Andy: You go first. Harold: Alright. Don't be alarmed by the criminal nature of the suggested. After all, it's mealy a misdemeanor…I propose that we shoplift chewing gum from Herb's general store.

So Long, Farewell...

Ephram: Are you sure I can't interest you in a peanut butter jelly sandwich dipped in cold tomato soup? Amy: It's the dipping that freaks people out Ephram; why must you dip?

Ghosts

Hannah: [answering her cell] Hey, Amy. Amy: Are you sitting down? Hannah: Yeah, why? Amy: I need to talk to you. Bright: [answering his cell] The boy is back in town, how was New York, man? Ephram: Fine. I need to ask you something. Hannah: What's the matter? Ephram: Say you ran into an old girlfriend. Amy: Are you sure you're sitting down? Bright: Don't tell me you saw Madison? Hannah: [to Bright] He saw Madison?…! Ephram: No, not Madison. Amy: So, I went over to Ephram's last week. Ephram: And you weren't planning on anything happening… Amy: And we were just supposed to study… Ephram: And things got a little heated… Amy: And there was no one there… Ephram: And then something kinda… Amy: And we totally had sex. Hannah: You and Ephram slept together?!! Bright: [to Hannah] What?! No way! Ephram: "No way" what? Amy: I've been meaning to tell you. Ephram: Hello, you there? Amy: I just felt so weird. Bright: Dude, did you and my sister get back together? Amy: And I don't know what it means

Ghosts

Andy: Go to your room!! Delia: I'm going! Andy: Well...go faster!!

Ghosts

Andy: Does your sister know you're using her computer? Ephram: Do I care? Andy: Have you seen her lately? She'd kick your skinny white ass.

Lost and Found

Bright: Aw yeah, B plus. Career high. Who puts the stud in American Studies? Bright Abbott does, ladies and gentlemen. I could do this professionally. Ephram: You want to be a Historian? Bright: God, is that what it would make me? Never mind.

Lost and Found

[To Reid] My dad always said that medical school was like the fifth ring of hell... or maybe it was the seventh. I can't remember, I always tuned him out anyway.

Lost and Found

Nurse: Well, Edna, you did not have a heart attack. Andy: Thank God. Edna: Ah, thank Lipitor.

Lost and Found

[To Amy] I live for students like you. Most kids just want to get an A and go home and watch Laguna Beach. A show, by the way, which is scarily instructive about gender roles.

Lost and Found

[To Ephram] If Jennifer can get over the Brad, you can get over my sister.

You're a Good Man, Andy Brown

Ephram: So, is everything all right? Kyle: Have you been watching Lifetime or something?

You're a Good Man, Andy Brown

Andy: [Referring to online dating] Look, no one is more depressed about this than I am, but this is how people meet these days. I mean, Diane Lane's doing it, how bad can it be? Ephram: That was a movie. Andy: Yes, but it was a movie she agreed to do, so she must have found the character plausible.

An Ounce of Prevention

Ephram: Don't you have to at least kiss a girl to know that you're gay? Reid: I don't know. Do you have to kiss a guy to know that you're straight?

An Ounce of Prevention

Andy: What if he's gay? Ephram: Isn't he a little young to know if he's gay?

An Ounce of Prevention

Hannah: I think you should shut your piehole Bright Abbott before I come over there and shut it for you! Bright: Bring it on Splotchy!

Across the Lines

Jake: Everwood is not going to like this. Andy: Nope. But it's been kind of quiet around here anyway. It's time to shake things up a bit.

Across the Lines

Jake: What is this? Some kind of Andy Brown neurosurgeon mind game? Andy: Yes, I'm going to bring you down by agreeing with you.

Across the Lines

Amy: [to Hanna] Wow, you're actually expressing a feeling. And it's negative. Maybe we should throw a party. Bright: She doesn't like parties.

Across the Lines

Harold: [after finding Bill and Rose smoking pot] I trust you're not driving home in your condition. Bill: No, I can drive with cancer... [laughter from him and Rose].

Across the Lines

Rose: Really Harold, I took one hit. Harold: Hit, so now you know the lingo. I suppose next you'll be listening to Pink Floyd over dinner.

The Land of Confusion

Ada: Well, you know what they say. If the sex is good it's five percent of the relationship. If the sex is bad, it's ninety five percent. Bright: Well, what do they say if there's no sex at all?

The Land of Confusion

Kyle: Any words of advice? Ephram: Yeah... don't suck.

The Land of Confusion

Andy: You would sell your soul for a toaster? Ephram: It's a kick-ass toaster.

The Land of Confusion

Does it look like a florist threw up in here to you?

Truth...

Ephram: What would you do? Would you have forgiven me? Amy: Probably not, but you would never have done what Bright did. Ephram: Yeah true, only because I know you would have come after me with a knife.

Truth...

Amy: [walks into the room as Ephram is playing the piano] When are you gonna start playing stuff that I can sing along to? Ephram: Well, if you can't sing along to Rachmaninoff, then I don't think I can help you.

Truth...

[to adoption agency worker] Harold is an extraordinary husband and father. I am constantly going to him for parenting advice. He could be the next Dr. Phil.

Truth...

[to Bright] Okay, yeah, that doesn't count when you're talking about Ada. That's like having a crush on Heidi Klum; you can't get in trouble for that.

All The Lonely People

Harold: You're not a bad person, Bright. Your impulses may not always be the best, but they are always honest. You have a good heart. At the end of the day that's all I could ask for. Bright: So, is that all the stuff mom told you to say? Harold: No. It is true she has always understood you better than I, always knows what to do. I've been at a loss more times than I care to admit. The fact is I'm a little jealous of you... Bright: Now I know you're messing with me. Harold: No, God no, not at all. Your ability to make friends at the drop of a hat: something I've never mastered. You approach life with an ease and natural social grace and I've always been hindered in that department. I've been waiting for a moment like this between the two of us. Bright: Really? Harold: I've always hoped that I would have something of use to say when you would need me, I guess. Of course after our camping debacle last fall, I'm thinking that maybe that time has past and you don't need me any more. And I

All The Lonely People

[to Hannah] I just started at the art museum over in Colorado Springs. It's very little money involved, but I do get to look at Cézanne all day, which does wonders for the spirit.

Enjoy The Ride

[to Bright] I just really need to figure out how to move on with my life right now... [pause] without you.

Enjoy The Ride

Thalia: I'm talking about that loser, Ashlee Simpson, backing out of my party. Delia: She did? Thalia: My mom's getting Jessica now, which is way better anyway.

Enjoy The Ride

Reid: I really feel like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz right now. Ephram: And you wonder why we always think you're gay.

Reckoning

Andy: Don't tell me you were just talking to that man there. Ephram: Yeah, why? Do you know him? Andy: He's my father.

Reckoning

[Drunk] Did you happen to know almost all hookers strip, but nearly no strippers hook? That's not a word, is it? Yeah it is... Hook! Captain Hook!

Reckoning

Hannah: [as Bright lies unconscious in the hospital] Please don't die. [Puts her head down on his bed and starts to cry] Please don't die. Bright: [Coming around] Okay.

Reckoning

Ephram: You're not working on any plan. I came in here yesterday and you were watching the Lifetime channel. Bright: That was all in the spirit of research, my friend, okay? Besides, Meredith Baxter Birney? Total MILF.

Goodbye Love

[rapping] B Abbott, I'm funny like a rabbit or bunny and I don't have a job, which means I ain't got no money.

Goodbye Love

[to Ephram] So, yeah, I thought about it, but more in the way I thought about marrying Big Bird when I was six.

Goodbye Love

[to Ephram] Are you kidding? Patience is my middle name. I am all about maintaining the zen of my motorcycle, or whatever that book says.

Foreverwood (1)

Stephanie: I had this Physics professor that looked like Johnny Depp. Made calculating stuff a lot more interesting. Ephram: You know, I've been told that I have a Depp-like quality. Stephanie: You were lied to.

Foreverwood (2)

Ephram: I mean, everybody's got that picture in their mind. The one of, you know, how they think their life's supposed to be. Andy: Well, the thing about the picture is... how do you look in it? It's not about who you're standing next to, or what's in the background... it's are you smiling? Are you happy? Are you good with the choices that you've made? Because if you are, it doesn't matter where you're standing or who you're standing next to... it's... it's a good picture.

Foreverwood (2)

Rose: Amy, you haven't moved for over two hours. Are you sick, sweetheart? Amy: No, I'm stupid. I had the thing, mom. I had the thing that everybody wants and I threw it away. And now Ephram has become Stephram and you can't just walk up to Stephram and be like, Hi, I'm in love with you again. Especially 'cause she's buying him jackets. Rose: Ok. Amy: She's worked back from the inside. She has home-court advantage. I thought I could work the old-school angle, but now I'm realizing that I have no angle. All I have is how I feel and I can't even describe how I feel because it's just, it's so... Rose: Much. Amy: Yes, exactly. Rose: You love Ephram. Amy: Mom, yes. Keep up. Rose: But why aren't your feelings enough, sweetheart? Considering the history you two have, it could maybe amount to more than a jacket. And if you could express your feelings to Ephram in a slightly less anxiety provoking way than you just expressed them to me, well... Amy: It won't be enough. Saying the words doesn't

Foreverwood (2)

Bright: So you come any closer to making a decision? About school, you know? Hannah: Ugh. No. It's getting ridiculous since my registrations is due like tomorrow. Bright: I think you should go to Notre Dame, Hannah. Hannah: What? Bright: It's not because I don't love you, I really do love you, but this is... it's the right thing to do. Hannah: I don't understand. Why... Bright: I was all ready to tell you to not go to Notre Dame, I had a whole pitch all planned out, and knowing my charm it probably would've worked out. But I was doing it for me. Okay, because I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing you every day, and because part of me was hoping that maybe we could get back together, or something. But I was being selfish. I mean, come on, if there's anything you taught me, when you love someone you gotta put them first. You worked your ass off to go to Notre Dame and you should go. You deserve to go. Hannah: Yeah, but I... Bright: The only reason you wouldn't go is cause you're afra

Foreverwood (2)

Andy: Come on, I want to ask you something. Nina: I don't have any shoes on. Andy: Doesn't matter, you won't need them. Andy: This is where we met. You were pregnant with another man's baby and I was fighting with my son. It wasn't a great beginning but it was our beginning. Anyway, you were working on the yard in this exact spot which I thought was very odd because there was still snow everywhere. Nina: And I remember. Andy: The next time I saw you, you invited me into your house. We drank coffee and we talked, and I remember thinking when I left that it wasn't just a coincidence that I ended up buying that house. It was fate. Someone was trying to tell us something. You know how I feel about you, Nina. I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time and I can't imagine anyone else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with. So... [He gets the engagement ring] I know you've seen it already. Nina: No, I haven't. I never looked at it, I promise. Andy: Oh. This makes this part more fun.

Foreverwood (2)

Amy: Don't say anything yet. I wanna go first, and since I brought the Ferris wheel I figured you'd let me. Okay, um. Four years ago, you came to my little town, and you changed my life. I never thought that one person could do that to another, but you did. And from the moment I met you and each moment after that, somehow everything that happened to me, kept coming back to you. I don't know if the Ferris wheel reminds you of anything... Ephram: Are you kidding me? How could I forget our first Thawfest? It's when you first told me your nickname was Grover. Amy: I can't believe you remember that. Ephram: I remember everything about us, Amy. Amy: Me, too. See, that's the thing. Every time I try to forget the feelings that I have for you, they just... they just keep coming back, and now they're back, and I don't want to push them down anymore. I don't wanna run away from us. Because I never want to lose you again, I just want to be with you, next to you, wherever you are. And I'm sorry tha