Quotes

Dialogue

Journalist: Do you consider the book to be autobiographical? Jesse: Uh, well, I mean... isn't everything autobiographical? I mean, we all see the world through our own little keyhole. I mean, I always think of Thomas Wolfe. You know, have you ever seen that little one-page 'Note to Reader' in the front of Look Homeward, Angel?...Anyway, he says that we are the sum of all the moments of our lives and that, uh, anybody who sits down to write is gonna use the clay of their own life - that you can't avoid that. So when I look at my own life, you know, I have to admit, right, that I've-I've never been around a bunch of guns or violence, you know, not really. No political intrigue or a helicopter crash, right? But my life, from my own point of view, has been full of drama, right? And uh, so I thought, if I could write a book that, that could capture what it's like to, to really meet somebody, I mean, one of the most exciting things that's ever happened to me is to meet somebody, to make that

Dialogue

Celine: I was fine, until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things, and now it's like, I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night, and I was never able to feel all this again. Like, somehow this night took things away from me and I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me! Jesse: I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that. Celine: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny. Every single of my ex’s, they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and, and that I taught them to care and respect women! Jesse: I think I'm one of those guys. Celine: You know, I want to kill them! Why didn't they ask me to

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Jesse: [describing how she looks different] Skinnier, I think. A little thinner. Celine: Did you think I was fat before? Jesse: [laughing] No! Celine: Yeah, you thought I was a fatty. No, you thought I was a fatty! Yeah, you, you wrote a book about a fat French girl! Jesse: No, listen... Celine: [laughing] Oh, no... Jesse: Seriously, all right, you look beautiful.

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Celine: It's amazing what perverts we've become in the past nine years. Jesse: At least now we don't have to pretend that each new sexual experience is a life-altering event. Celine: I know. By now, you know, you've stuck it in so many places, it's like about to fall off. Jesse: Yeah, you know, and I can't realistically expect that you've become anything but a total ho, at this point. Celine: Yeah, thank you.

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Jesse: I heard this story once about when the Germans were occupying Paris and they had to retreat back. They wired Notre Dame to blow, but they had to leave one guy in charge of hitting the switch. And the guy, the soldier, he couldn't do it. You know, he just sat there, knocked out by how beautiful the place was. And then when the allied troops came in, they found all the explosives just lying there and the switch unturned, and they found the same thing at Sacre Couer, Eiffel Tower. Couple other places I think... Celine: Is that true? Jesse: I don't know. I always liked the story, though.

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Jesse: You want to know why I wrote that stupid book? Celine: Why? Jesse: So that you might come to a reading in Paris and I could walk up to you and ask, "Where the fuck were you?" Celine: [laughing] No - you thought I'd be here today? Jesse: I'm serious. I think I wrote it, in a way, to try to find you. Celine: Okay, that's– I know that's not true, but that's sweet of you to say. Jesse: I think it is true. What do you think were the chances of us ever meeting again? Celine: After that December, I'd say almost zero. But we're not real anyway, right? We're just, uh, characters in that old lady's dream. She's on her deathbed, fantasizing about her youth. So of course we had to meet again.

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Jesse: Oh, God, why weren't you there, in Vienna? Celine: I told you why. Jesse: Well, I know why, I just– I wish you would have been. Our lives might have been so much different. Celine: You think so? Jesse: I actually do. Celine: Maybe not. Maybe, we would have hated each other eventually. Jesse: Oh what, like we hate each other now? Celine: You know, maybe we're– we're only good at brief encounters, walking around in European cities in warm climate.

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Jesse: Oh, God, why didn't we exchange phone numbers and stuff? Why didn't we do that? Celine: Because we were young and stupid. Jesse: Do you think we still are? Celine: I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times. Jesse: And you can screw it up, you know, misconnect.

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Celine: The past is the past. It was meant to be that way. Jesse: What, you really believe that? That everything's fated? Celine: Well, you know, the world might be less free than we think. Jesse: Yeah? Celine: Yeah, when given these exact circumstances, that's what will happen every time: two part hydrogen, one part oxygen, you get water every time. Jesse: No, no, I– I– I mean what if your grandmother had lived a week longer, or, you know, or passed away a week earlier, days even. You know things might have been different. I believe that. Celine: No, you can't think like that, it's... Jesse: No, I mean, I know you shouldn't on most things, but– It's just, on this one it seemed like something was off, you know?

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Celine: Do you think you would have finished your book if you were fucking someone every five minutes? Jesse: I might have welcomed the challenge.

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Celine: So, I want to try something. Jesse: What? Celine: [hugs him] I want to see if you stay together or if you dissolve into molecules. Jesse: How'm I doing? Celine: Still here. Jesse: Good, I like being here.

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Celine: Baby, you are gonna miss that plane. Jesse: I know.

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You know, I think that book that I wrote, in a way, was like building something.

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So that I wouldn't forget the... details of the time that we spent together. You know, like just a reminder that... that once we really did meet! You know, that this was real! That this happened!

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I'm happy you're saying that, because... I mean, I always feel like a freak, because I'm never able to move on like... this! You know.

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People just have an affair, or even entire relationships... they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals!

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I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person have... their own, specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost.

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Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved, because... It hurts too much!

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Even getting laid! I actually don't do that...

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I will miss on the other person the most mundane things.

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Like I'm obsessed with little things.

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Maybe I'm crazy, but... when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or... ants crossing the road, the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk... Little things.

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I think it's the same with people.

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I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and... will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.

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Like I remember the way, your beard has a bit of red in it. And how the sun was making it glow, that... that morning, right before you left. I remember that, and... I missed it!

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I'm really crazy, right?

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I was thinking... for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.

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Is that why you're in a relationship with, somebody who's... never around?

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Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship.

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Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him... but at least I'm not dying inside!

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When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!

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No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...

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Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster!

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I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone... it's better than... sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely.

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It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times, you... you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life.

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That's not even true! I haven't been... screwed over, I've just had too many... blah relationships. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but... they were no real... connection, or excitement! At least, not from my side.

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God, I'm sorry, is it... is it really that bad? It's not, right?

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You know... It's not even that, I was... I was fine, until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit out of me, you know? It reminded me how... genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and... now it's like... I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore!

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In a way... I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like... somehow this night took things away from me and... I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

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I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.

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You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me.

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It's funny... Every single of my ex-es... they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and... that I taught them to care and respect women!

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I think I'm one of those guys.

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You know, I want to kill them! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would have said "No!", but at least they could have asked!!! But it's my fault, I know that it's my fault, because... I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person is... EVIL! Right?!

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Can I talk?

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You know, I guess I've been heart broken too many times, and then I recovered. So now, you know, from the start, I make no effort. Because I know it's not going to work out, I know it's not going to work out...

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You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't live your life trying to avoid pain, at the expense of the...

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Ok, you know what?! Those are words! I've gotta... I've gotta get away from you... Stop the car, I want to get out!

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No, no, no, no, don't... don't... don't... don't get out...

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No, it's... You know, it's being around you...

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Keep talking...

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Don't touch me! You know, I wanna get on a cab...

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(directed to the taxi driver): Monsieur...

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No, listen, I'm just so happy...

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All right! Look, I'm just so happy, all right... to be with you. I am! I'm so glad you didn’t' forget about me. Okay?

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No, I didn't... and it pisses me off, ok? You come here to Paris, all romantic, and married. Ok? Fuck you!

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Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get you, or anything. I mean, all I need is a married man! There's been so much water under the bridge, it's... it's not even about you anymore, it's about that time, that moment in time, that is forever gone. I don't know!

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You... you say all that, but you didn't even remember having sex. So...

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Of course I remember it...

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You did?

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Yes! Women pretend things like that, I don't know...

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They do?

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Yeah, what was I supposed to say? That I remember the wine in the park, and... us looking about the stars fading away, as the sun came up! We had sex twice, you idiot!

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All right, you know what? I'm just... happy to see you, even if... you've become an angry, maniac depressive activist. I still like you, I still enjoy being around you!

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Ahhh I feel the same.

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I'm... I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. I just... I had to let it all out. I...

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Don't worry about it.

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I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship. I always act as... like... you know, I'm detached, but I'm... I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb. I don't feel pain, or excitement... I'm not even bitter, I'm just a...

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You think you're the one dying inside...

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My life, is 24/7... BAD!

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I'm sorry...

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No, no, no... I mean, the only happiness I get is when I'm out with my son. I've been to marriage counseling, I've done things I never thought I would have to do. I lit candles, bought self-help books, lingerie...

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Did the candles help?

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Hell, no! All right, I don't love her the way she needs to be loved, and... I don't even see a future for us. But then I look at... at my little boy, sitting at the table across from me, and I think I'd suffer any torture to be with him for all the minutes of his life. You know, I don't wanna miss out on one. But then, then... there's no joy, or laughter, in my home. You know, and I don't want him growing up in that!

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Oh, no laughter? That's terrible, my parents have been together for 35 years and even when they have a bad fight, they end up laughing like crazy...

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I just... I don't wanna be one of those people who are... getting divorced at 52, and falling down into tears, admitting that they never really loved their spouse, and they feel that their life has been... sucked up into a vacuum cleaner! You know, I want a great life. I want her to have a great life. She deserves that! All right. But we're just living in a pretense of a marriage, responsibility, and all these... just... ideas of how people are suppose to live. Then I... I have these dreams...

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What dreams?

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I have these dreams, you know, that... I'm standing on a platform, and... you keep going by on a train, and... you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know? And then I have this other dream, oh... where you're... pregnant, in bed, beside me, naked, and I want so badly to touch you, but you tell me not to, and then you look away. And... and I... I... I touch you anyway,right on your ankle, and your skin is so soft, that I wake up in sobs, all right? And my wife is sitting there, looking at me, and I feel like I'm a million miles from her and I know that there's something... wrong! You know, that I ca... that I can't keep living like this, that there's gotta be something more to love than commitment... But then I think that... I might have given up... on the whole idea of romantic love. That I... I might have put it to bed, that... that day when you weren't there.

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You know, I think I might have done that.

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Why are you telling me all this?

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I'm sorry. I don't know, I'm... I... I should... I... I shouldn't have.

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You know, it's so weird... people think they are the only ones going through tough times. I mean, when I read the article, I thought... your life was perfect. A wife, a kid, a published author!

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Your personal life was more of a mess than mine...!

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I'm sorry!

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Well... I'm glad it's... good for something.