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Quotes

CSI: Miami, season 3

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Quotes

  • Lost Son (3.01)

    Horatio: Fraud, theft, embezzlement...

    Yelina: Look at the victims, rich men in their 50's and 60's.

    Horatio: Broke their hearts... then broke their bank accounts.

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  • Lost Son (3.01)

    Speed: This car is just a bad investment, I'm just happy I have my bike.

    Horatio: Someday you may need something with doors.

    Speed: Well, I got plenty of time for that.

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  • Lost Son (3.01)

    Calleigh: Alright which one of you stole my crime light?

    Speed: Stole is...is very negative I...I had borrowed it and uh I re...I placed it I put it back.

    Calleigh: Well it would have been nice if you would have charged…

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  • Pro Per (3.02)

    Tripp: Someone was getting busy, must be at least 30 cartridges down there.

    Eric: Yeah, all 9-millimeter, the guy thought he was Tony Montana.

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  • Pro Per (3.02)

    Tripp: You're under arrest, Slick.

    Horatio: Byron, have a nice stay.

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  • Pro Per (3.02)

    [About the speedboat shooting] Drive-by. Miami style.

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    Horatio
  • Under The Influence (3.03)

    Calleigh: You're crazy, you know that?

    Ryan: What? For taking the initiative?

    Calleigh: You could have been gator bait on your first day.

    Ryan: I sacrificed my lunch, please, just...remember that.

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  • Under The Influence (3.03)

    Claudia has a defense, Claudia...is insane. You...are a liar and now a killer. For you that adds up to life, times one...two...And three.

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    Horatio
  • Under The Influence (3.03)

    Claudia: I love him, I'd die for him.

    Horatio: Yes, but...would you kill for him?

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  • Under The Influence (3.03)

    Calleigh: My dad's come to turn himself in, I was thinking Detective Tripp would be best.

    Kenwall Duquesne: My car was involved in an incident last night.

    Horatio: Is the Scotch on your breath related to that incident?…

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  • Under The Influence (3.03)

    We'd have a better chance of finding what isn't broken in this girl. Poor baby, both arms shattered, torso twisted like a corkscrew.

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    Alexx
  • Under The Influence (3.03)

    Calleigh: [After Ryan extracts glass off of her father's jacket.] You didn't tell me there was any broken glass in the car.

    Ryan: What I told you was that I wasn't finished.

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  • Under The Influence (3.03)

    Calleigh: Take another one.

    Kenwall Duquesne: What?! That's what got me here in the first place, Calleigh!

    Calleigh: You came to me for help, I'm offering you help, take another drink!

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  • Murder In A Flash (3.04)

    Alexx: What are the odds, huh? 100 people throw golf balls at the site of the death.

    Horatio: Those odds are very slim, so the question becomes, was the mob sent to draw us to the crime scene or to destroy it?

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  • Murder In A Flash (3.04)

    Horatio: You have an ID on him, Alexx?

    Alexx: No, not yet, I know he died with an empty stomach and a full bladder, strong smell of alcohol.

    Horatio: Respiratory failure.

    Alexx: Wouldn’t be the first one to drink himself…

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  • Murder In A Flash (3.04)

    Yelina: I ran those credit cards, looks like Madonna Arias charged $500 dollars worth of gas since yesterday.

    Horatio: That’s an interesting ability for a dead woman.

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  • Murder In A Flash (3.04)

    Suspect: "You’re a dead man" is just an expression.

    Eric: No, legally, it’s a threat.

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  • Murder In A Flash (3.04)

    Calleigh: Do you think the parents have any idea that they're paying for their kids to have sex with teachers and buy their grades?

    Eric: I don't know, but it makes me realize what an angel I was.

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  • Murder In A Flash (3.04)

    Justin: Stephanie, if I knew it was you, I would have never...

    Stephanie: Yes, you would, that's why I've always liked you, Justin...you're honest.

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  • Murder In A Flash (3.04)

    Yelina: These are guard dogs.

    Horatio: Yup, with feathers.

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  • Murder In A Flash (3.04)

    Brooks: You'd be surprised about how aware these kids are about their rights.

    Horatio: No, I wouldn't.

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  • Murder In A Flash (3.04)

    Calleigh: Martin Gillespie is one of Miami's best defense attorneys.

    Eric: That would explain why his son's answers were so smooth.

    Calleigh: And why our job just got a lot harder!

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Venus: So serious. That's hot.

    Ryan: Open your mouth.

    Venus: Guys usually say please.

    Ryan: What's the name of the Buckeye State?…

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Ryan: Oh, you've got an alibi.

    Ryan: [to Calleigh] He's got an alibi.

    Calleigh: We love alibis.

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Calleigh: There's a morals clause in there that says if you stay clean and sober until you're 21, you get this. [She shows the rich, spoiled suspect a picture of a small island] Breakwater Key.

    Ryan: That's a whole…

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Ryan: I took this criminalist seminar-- Evaluating Evidence-- The visiting lecturer said that the CSI's job is to think outside the box. Sometimes the best tool is the stud attached to your earring, she said... Those are…

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Peters: ...But the drops you saw on her dress: cranberry juice, vodka and some trace of citrus.

    Calleigh: If I'm not mistaken, that's a Cosmopolitan.

    Ryan: Total chick drink.

    Calleigh: There was only one chick on our…

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Eric: There's a lot more than oil on these sheets.

    Horatio: Are you running a prostitution ring here, Tommy?

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Horatio: You know, I'm confused, why did he attack you?

    Suspect: If you find out, let me know.

    Horatio: That'll be easy...Because you're going to be in a holding cell.

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Calleigh: So I hear women and men use the same bathrooms in this place.

    Ryan: Everything but going to the bathrooms; Homicide said there were no less than 8 parties having sex in the stalls.

    Calleigh: What ever happened…

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Hungarian Girl: Good America or bad America?

    Horatio: Good America.

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Horatio: [About the victim, an 18-year-old undercover ABC agent aide.] Aren't there special agents that are designed to supervise these people?

    Ms. Eckhart, from ABC: We are a little understaffed at the moment...budget…

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  • Legal (3.05)

    Venus: Can we do this later? I have a facial.

    Calleigh: We have a murder.

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  • Hell Night (3.06)

    Ryan: Knife missing from this block could be our murder weapon.

    Alexx: [Sarcastically] Nice work, Ryan. Think you may have cracked the case.

    Ryan: Thanks. I have a keen grasp of the obvious.

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  • Hell Night (3.06)

    Ryan: The killer may have been short in stature, well groomed and... possibly Persian... although he may have had a hard time lifting the cleaver with his paws.

    Alexx: Cat hair?

    Ryan: Even killers have pets.

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  • Hell Night (3.06)

    Calleigh: Find anything?

    Horatio: Actually, it’s the absence of something that’s interesting.

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  • Hell Night (3.06)

    Rebecca Nevins: Exonerating evidence? Didn't know you had any...

    Horatio: Stick around. I'm full of surprises.

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  • Hell Night (3.06)

    Tripp: The jury was in one week of deliberations.

    Horatio: No need now. The verdict is in.

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  • Crime Wave (3.07)

    [To Stetler about Yelina]: If you ever touch her again, I'm going to kill you.

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    Horatio
  • Crime Wave (3.07)

    Horatio: Frank, take a look at this bullet, 5.7 28mm, not from this gun.

    Tripp: That’s a monster caliber, it could penetrate up to 48 layers of Kevlar. Something tells me this guy was planning something big.

    Horatio: And…

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  • Crime Wave (3.07)

    Eric: Shooting at his own guy?

    Calleigh: The robbers turned on each other. It's not a team I'd want to be on...

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  • Crime Wave (3.07)

    Horatio: I guess you kill people when they lose their value, hmm?

    Riddick: Law of the jungle, boss!

    Horatio: That's going to come in handy where you're going...

    Eric: Half the millionaires in Latin America probably use…

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  • Speed Kills (3.08)

    (Walking into the ME exam room as Alexx performs a post) Alexx... He doesn't have a head. Where'd the head go?

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    Ryan
  • Speed Kills (3.08)

    Ryan: I've observed autopsies before, once, as a student through the glass.

    Alexx: Then step right up.

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  • Speed Kills (3.08)

    Female Suspect: [About being scratched.] I have a cat, that's how they show affection.

    Tripp: Pick up any habits from them?

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  • Speed Kills (3.08)

    Horatio: Hang on, there's a problem. Take a look at that address.

    Calleigh: 1126 Charthouse Drive, it's in the Grove.

    Horatio: Miami Beach Cafe, which is right on the water, is at 1020 Charthouse, right? So 1126 would…

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  • Pirated (3.09)

    [sees spider crawl out of dead man's mouth] Bluh. I'm never eating shellfish again.

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    Tripp
  • Pirated (3.09)

    Maybe dead men do tell tales.

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    Horatio
  • Pirated (3.09)

    Brian: You're crazy! you think this is going to bring Chip back?

    Calleigh: Maybe a part of him?

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  • Pirated (3.09)

    Alexx: So, this is what a pirate looks like?

    Horatio: You were expecting an eye patch?

    Alexx: Maybe a shoulder parrot.

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  • Pirated (3.09)

    Tripp: That's great, we've got one empty case here and 10 full ones out there.

    Horatio: The streets of Miami just got a whole lot more dangerous.

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  • Pirated (3.09)

    Darryl: I've got nothing to say.

    Yelina: Thats very interesting since we haven't asked you any questions yet.

    Horatio: (To Darryl) O.K, let's start with what happened to your eye partner.

    Darryl: I tripped and fell…

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  • Pirated (3.09)

    Eric: We'll start by confiscating your computers: hunting down your E-mail contacts. And then track your credit card purchases, club memberships, magazine subscriptions... Everything we need to do until all of you are…

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  • Pirated (3.09)

    You, my friend, just went from selling cars...to making license plates.

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    Horatio
  • After The Fall (3.10)

    Horatio: You were waiting by the phone, Rick?

    Stetler: Delko's our only witness, I got questions.

    Horatio: Fair enough, but make it quick, Eric has a real job.

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  • After The Fall (3.10)

    Calleigh: Hey, Alexx, I need an unbiased opinion.

    Alexx: Ha! Ha! People only say that when they already know the answer and they're shopping for someone to agree with them.

    Calleigh: You are very smart.

    Alexx: That much…

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  • After The Fall (3.10)

    Alexx: This man didn't fall, someone fell on him.

    Yelina: All right, so where's the guy who crushed him?

    Alexx: You don't fall three stories to get up and run away.

    Horatio: You do if you've got something to hide.

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  • After The Fall (3.10)

    Stetler: Escalating force with an unarmed subject is always questionable...

    Horatio: Yes, especially with a woman. Right, Rick?

    Stetler: There is no woman in this case.

    Horatio: There is always a woman in the case, and…

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  • After The Fall (3.10)

    Ryan: You know, Mathis may have made our jobs easier, he's OCD.

    Eric: [Grins.] Sounds like someone I know. So where would you keep a nitrous oxide canister?

    Ryan: [Thinks for a moment, looks in a shoe box, where he finds…

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  • After The Fall (3.10)

    Calleigh: You know, the truth was there the whole time, if you had bothered to investigate...

    Stetler: You don't know my job.

    Calleigh: Lucky for you, I know mine.

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  • After The Fall (3.10)

    Yes, well, rule number one: never mess with Calleigh Duquesne, Rick!

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    Horatio
  • Addiction (3.11)

    He chose to drink and drive, so you remember Glen Monroe, and deal with your problem before you make it mine.

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    Alexx
  • Addiction (3.11)

    Horatio: What about Sal's tie?

    Ryan: Nope, nothing.

    Horatio: What about inside Sal's tie?

    Ryan: Horatio, I, mmm... didn't know... I don't know what to say.…

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  • Addiction (3.11)

    Suspect: I didn't kill my brother's wife.

    Horatio: Then why do you look so guilty?

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  • Addiction (3.11)

    Calleigh: Guy forces a couple on a ride, crashes the car, kills the woman, leaves the money. That doesn't sound like any car-jacking I've ever heard of.

    Horatio: Join the club.

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  • Addiction (3.11)

    Horatio: You know, even the best of families have bad apples.

    Morgan Coleman: And the rest of us pay...

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  • Addiction (3.11)

    Drunk drivers bend. They don't break...

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    Alexx
  • Shootout (3.12)

    Calleigh: Why would Ana Garcia willingly give us the murder weapon?.

    Eric: Either she doesn't know or she's a great actress. She claimed she was just making the bed.

    Calleigh: Well, I guess now she's going to have to lay…

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  • Shootout (3.12)

    Horatio: So you're admitting you killed Calvin?

    Gang Member: You know my homeboy, Hector, he wanted a chance, just got jumped in... he wanted his first. I said go ahead, unfortunately homeboy was a bad shot. I took a…

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  • Shootout (3.12)

    [To a gang member.] ...two dead, four injured, a phone call you made produced quite a hefty body count and, in my world, that's called accessory to felony murder.

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    Horatio
  • Shootout (3.12)

    Yelina: ...collateral damage, gang shoot-outs usually go down in the streets in their own territories. This time, it was in a public place.

    Horatio: So they brought the war to us... now we're going to take it to them.

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  • Shootout (3.12)

    Horatio: Frank, I understand that you and Ramon have some history.

    Tripp: Yeah, I've been arresting this guy since he was about yea-high! You're getting' up there, Ramon. Are you out of your teens yet?

    Ramon Morales…

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  • Shootout (3.12)

    Parts Dealer: A sick dub-deuce like that gets me like ten grand! I'd rather not mess with my client base, if you know what I mean...

    Eric: I imagine most in your "client base" aren’t Boy Scouts...

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  • Cop Killer (3.13)

    Yelina: This is my case. I don't need you to tell me how to run it.

    Rebecca: Yours for now, but it's gonna be mine later. Seems like there's a lot of that going around these days.

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  • Cop Killer (3.13)

    Calleigh: So how does a junior homecoming queen end up robbing mini-marts with a guy like Jojo?

    Ryan: Well, some women are just attracted to bad boys.

    Calleigh: [Smiling] Oh, really? Do tell.

    Ryan: Oh, come on, like…

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  • Cop Killer (3.13)

    Kill a cop in cold blood, steal his gun, that takes some stones.

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    Ryan
  • Cop Killer (3.13)

    Horatio: Mitsubishi, with stolen tags.

    Calleigh: I’m going to put out a broadcast, armed and dangerous.

    Horatio: Yes, and low-profile please.

    Calleigh: How low?…

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  • Cop Killer (3.13)

    Ryan: So what are we going to do with our high-school girl?

    Calleigh: Give her detention.

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  • Cop Killer (3.13)

    Ryan: I think one dead cop is enough anyway.

    Jojo: The day’s still young, anything's possible.

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  • Cop Killer (3.13)

    Ryan: Lingerie... makeup... looks like our Catholic schoolgirl had a dark side!

    Horatio: Yes, and getting darker by the moment...

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  • One Night Stand (3.14)

    Eric: So there was a fight or just bad oral hygiene?

    Alexx: Or just bad oral.

    Eric: No comments.

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  • One Night Stand (3.14)

    Tell me again where you mislaid your wife?

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    Tripp
  • One Night Stand (3.14)

    Elliott: Are you trying to bar us?

    Horatio: Put it this way, I can make things very difficult for you.

    Elliott: I won't forget this.

    Horatio: I'm counting on it.

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  • One Night Stand (3.14)

    Eric: They were counterfeiting their way into the American dream.

    Calleigh: I guess they picked the wrong city, didn't they?

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  • One Night Stand (3.14)

    Know the bomb, know the bomber.

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    Horatio
  • One Night Stand (3.14)

    Calleigh: Miss Lockhart, this is going to sound strange, but most people have somewhat matching wedding bands. You're wearing an heirloom, his is gold.

    Lockhart: We're married... just not to each other.

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  • One Night Stand (3.14)

    Eric: Could death have been accidental?

    Alexx: Maybe, but to leave a woman the way we found her, you've got to be guilty of something.

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  • One Night Stand (3.14)

    Calleigh: Two bodies, one hotel...any connection?

    Tripp: Saturday during cruise season.

    Calleigh: Say no more.

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  • One Night Stand (3.14)

    Tripp: This time of the year, half the hotels on columns are booked through a cruise line, population of Miami goes up up 30,000 a night.

    Horatio: Just like...our list of suspects.

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  • Identity (3.15)

    So our snake was a mule.

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    Eric
  • Identity (3.15)

    Eric: A quarantine exception makes it easy to pass anything past customs.

    Horatio: And by anything, Mr. Delko means drugs.

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  • Identity (3.15)

    Tripp: [Talking about the killer snake.] So we know how it found her. How do we find it?

    Eric: Well, unlike humans, snakes don't go far from the scene of a crime.

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  • Identity (3.15)

    Tripp: Delko, what the hell are you doing?

    Eric: [Catching a giant Boa hidden under a sun bed.] Apprehending the suspect.

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  • Nothing To Lose (3.16)

    Tripp: Where's your wristband?

    Cyrus Everton: I lost it.

    Tripp: Do I have "stupid" written all over my bald head?

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  • Money Plane (3.17)

    Calleigh: Excuse me, Calleigh Duquesne with the Crime Lab. What's in the bags, Mr. Walsh?

    Sean: What else, checks.

    Calleigh: No bodies this time?

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  • Money Plane (3.17)

    Mrs. Townsend, your daughter's charity was for runaway girls... your models are wearing bikinis.

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    Ryan
  • Money Plane (3.17)

    Alexx: A Virt-topsy?

    Horatio: Yes, a virtual autopsy is not covered in the injunction.

    Alexx: Ha! Any excuse to try something new.

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  • Money Plane (3.17)

    Ryan: What was that about?

    Calleigh: Complicated, he's been I.O.D.

    Ryan: I.O.D. What was the problem?

    Calleigh: I don't know, something about a bad back.…

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  • Money Plane (3.17)

    Horatio: You going somewhere, Nick?

    Nick: I'm taking a couple of days off, I thought I'd head out to the Keys.

    Horatio: I think you mean a hop to a Caribbean country with no extradition laws.

    Nick: You just don't quit…

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  • Money Plane (3.17)

    Nick: I created Caitlin Townsend.

    Horatio: Didn't give you the right to destroy her.

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  • Game Over (3.18)

    Game Tester: This job gives me a lot of tension, sometimes I, mmm... self-medicate. Ron's got the best weed, I snagged a blunt while he was in the men's room.

    Ryan: That's an interesting defense.

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  • Game Over (3.18)

    Alexx: Lots of old injuries, scarring, queloids...

    Eric: Childhood abuse?

    Alexx: Could be, or could just be part of the "Jackass Generation."

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  • Game Over (3.18)

    Eric: Did you get a T.O.D., or do we need the foot for that too?

    Alexx: Liver temp at the scene puts the boy's death at about 1 am...and if you don't get out of here, you're going to be next...and find me that foot!

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  • Game Over (3.18)

    Horatio: Eric, how fast was the vehicle going when it hit the boat?

    Yelina: The guy towing the boat said it was going at least 40.

    Eric: Well, I don't see anything jammed against the accelerator.

    Yelina: Then how did the…

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  • Game Over (3.18)

    Alexx: Hello, Maxine. Maxine?

    Valera: Oh, Dr. Woods!

    Alexx: Hi.

    Valera: Hi. Uh, sorry. No one here ever calls me by my first name. Almost forgot I had one.

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  • Sex & Taxes (3.19)

    Horatio: Mrs. Boone, does your supervisor know that the check you shredded caused a young man to kill somebody?

    IRS Agent Boone: Mmm... No.

    Horatio: Surprising... I have your supervisor on speed dial. Do you want to call…

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  • Sex & Taxes (3.19)

    Ryan: Ok, I've got semen on the back seat.

    Calleigh: Along with the heels on the ceiling, it stands to reason.

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  • Sex & Taxes (3.19)

    CSI Accounting Tech: You aware that Al Capone was brought down by an accountant.

    Calleigh: You bragging or d'you have something for me?

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  • Sex & Taxes (3.19)

    Calleigh: Can you think of anyone who might have especially hated Simon?

    IRS Agent Boone: We're tax collectors, everyone hates us.

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  • Sex & Taxes (3.19)

    Ryan: There's a lot of blood.

    Calleigh: Two holes in the chest will do that to you.

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  • Sex & Taxes (3.19)

    Father: [About the Authorities.] You think they even care about "the people" anymore?

    Horatio: Some of us do.

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  • Sex & Taxes (3.19)

    Russell Edge: She's a liar!

    Tripp: Yeah, well, they all are after we divorce 'em.

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  • Sex & Taxes (3.19)

    Horatio: That's two in one day.

    Tripp: IRS agents.

    Horatio: That's correct.

    Tripp: Think there's any connection?…

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  • Killer Date (3.20)

    Alexx: All these sheers and no one saw the murder?

    Horatio: In a place like this, sex and murder might be indistinguishable.

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  • Killer Date (3.20)

    Horatio: Ok, but you've done nothing wrong.

    Eric: Then how come I feel like I'm going to slit my own throat?

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  • Killer Date (3.20)

    Kayle: Look, I heard about your badge, but I'm not jeopardizing my job helping you find some girl, Delko.

    Eric: Listen, we think the badge could've been used in a murder today.

    Kayle: Like I said, I'll get right on…

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  • Killer Date (3.20)

    Ryan: Biological?

    Calleigh: [Rubbing the substance.] Salty.

    Ryan: I'm not going to say anything.

    Calleigh: Margarita salty.

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  • Killer Date (3.20)

    Calleigh: Actually, we want you to do it.

    Tripp: You got a broken arm again?

    Ryan: It's, uh, a sticky situation and we need to be above reproach.

    Tripp: All right, but I'm gonna warn you, I hunt and I peck, I don't want…

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  • Recoil (3.21)

    Tripp: I ran into you this morning, literally... then you show up at our little shootout with this.

    Suspect: I have a skin condition, sun's harmful.

    Tripp: So is video surveillance when you're trying to kill someone.

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  • Recoil (3.21)

    Tripp: Dispatch, we have a code 18, hit and run.

    Dispatcher: Code 18, any victims?

    Tripp: Yeah, there's a victim, me!

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  • Recoil (3.21)

    This guy, he took the expressway--16 stories down.

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    Eric
  • Vengeance (3.22)

    [assessing a crime scene at a high-school reunion] We have someone who arrived as "Big Man on Campus," and ended up "Dead on Arrival."

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    Horatio
  • Vengeance (3.22)

    Horatio: Why, Luis, are you alive and Julio's dead?

    Luis: Hey, I'm cagey, man.

    Horatio: Not cagey, meaningless.

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  • Vengeance (3.22)

    People don't plan to fail, but they do fail to plan.

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    Dan
  • Vengeance (3.22)

    Eric: Luis, you've got to change your routine, man.

    Luis: I've done nothing wrong.

    Eric: Yeah, you wake up and you're already wrong. Take him away.

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  • Vengeance (3.22)

    Horatio: Is my brother, Raymond, still alive?

    Agent: If you keep digging, he won't be.

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  • Vengeance (3.22)

    Yelena: What are we going to do, Horatio?

    Horatio: Everything we can.

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  • Whacked (3.23)

    Horatio: Just because he had help that doesn't mean he's innocent.

    Kramer's Lawyer: Could be enough to move him off Death Row.

    Horatio: Yes...and it could also mean he's about to get company.

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  • Whacked (3.23)

    Larry Hargrove: My cousin's not the only tough guy.

    Tripp: There's nothing tough about murder.

    Larry Hargrove: You done it?

    Tripp: Shut up!

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  • Whacked (3.23)

    Horatio: You'd better not have hurt her!

    Stetler: It'd take a magician! Seems she can take care of herself!

    Horatio: Walk, Rick, and don't come back!

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  • Whacked (3.23)

    Horatio: So, it looks like you didn't need me after all!

    Yelina: Horatio, you know that's not true!

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  • Whacked (3.23)

    Well Ray, you've got good judgement.

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    Horatio
  • 10-7 (3.24)

    How does a man allow his wife and son to believe he’s dead, Raymond?

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    Horatio
  • 10-7 (3.24)

    Horatio: This is going to get messy, you deserve to walk away clean... so walk away.

    Hagen: Brother, I’ll never be clean.

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  • 10-7 (3.24)

    Calleigh: I would really love to be friends with you, John.

    Hagen: [Sighs.] The harshest thing a woman can say to a man.

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  • 10-7 (3.24)

    I always wanted to be someone's hero.

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    Hagen