Workaholics

Adam: I would fight them, dude, but they've probably got old man strength. And I can't handle that. Not now. I'm tipsy right now. Anders: Dude, I said 20 point and they didn't even flinch. Phelps changed everything.

Workaholics, CC BY-SA 4.0

[to Blake] I need you, my best friend in the whole world who I truly care about on some real levels, to go to Montez's and get those tickets. For me. Your best friend.

Workaholics, CC BY-SA 4.0

Adam: Did you get the tickets? Blake: I don't want to talk about it. Adam: What happened? Blake: Look, I didn't get the tickets, okay? Adam: Look at me. Jesus. You saw dick, didn't you? Didn't you?! Blake: Yeah. It was Montez's. And he saw me. And there was a lot of screaming and running and I just- Adam: Shhh. It's okay. It's okay, bro. Who cares? Get in here. [they hug] We've all seen penises we weren't supposed to see, right? When I was in the boy scouts, I accidently saw Ryan Coe's penis on a canoeing trip. Blake: Really? Adam: Yeah. I couldn't look at him. He couldn't look at me. We were best friends, bro. And we couldn't even be in the same room together. You know why? Blake: Why? Adam: 'Cause there was an imbalance in our relationship. Blake: So what'd you do? Adam: I found a balance, dude. I showed that kid my penis and restored order to the universe. It's called the boy scout rule of "D"s. And it always works.

Workaholics, CC BY-SA 4.0

Blake: [after not getting the Clippers tickets] So do you guys want to hitchhike? 'Cause personally, I think it's worth the risk. Adam: Shut up, Blake. You ruined my life and now you're no longer my best friend. Ders, you're in. Can you handle this? Anders: Yeah. Adam: Oh, and by the way, Blake, Global Guts destroys Double Dare. Blake: Okay, you're just saying that to hurt me. Adam: Mike O'malley would kick Marc Summers' ass, dude. Blake: I double dare you to say that again! Adam: Mike O'Malley would kick Marc Summers' ass. Anders: Guys, guys, come on. Just- We've all had a rough day. Adam: Ders is right. Blake, you're my best friend again. Ders, you're out. Sorry.

Workaholics, CC BY-SA 4.0

Blake: [talking about their house being fumigated] Come on, guys, this is our chance to take that camping trip we've never talked about. Adam: Yeah, let's buckle up for some high-speed bro bondage. Blake: Yeah, it's free, it's fun, and you just might learn something.

Workaholics, CC BY-SA 4.0

IT guy: Excuse me, could you move this box so I can get to the outlet? Adam: No prob, Bob. IT guy: It's Bret. Adam: No sweat, Bret. [looking through the box] Look at this. Finally found a t-shirt that's gonna house those bodacious "C" cups of yours, Ders. Come on, give me a little shake, baby. Come on, mama. Shake it for us. [Anders shakes his chest] Yeah! Blake: How does he do that? Adam: Uh, magnificent. And let's give one to Bret here. It's a parting gift. Thanks, buddy. IT guy: Thank you. Adam: You earned it. Montez: Oh, that's how it's gonna be, huh? This nerd show up for one day to do my job, I'm here every day- Y'all never gave me a t-shirt. Anders: Montez, that's because you're not an I.T. guy. Montez: Okay, I'm not an I.T. guy. All right, who took that porando off his computer? Hmm? Who Sent y'all all them dope web videos? Remember that chocolate rain, huh? What about that GIF where the penguin fell through the ice? Anders: Yeah! Montez: Remember that one? And that Leroy Jenki

Workaholics, CC BY-SA 4.0