Arsenic and Old Lace

Dr. Einstein: At least people in plays act like they've got sense. Mortimer: Oh, you think so? Did you ever see anybody in a play act like they got any intelligence? Dr. Einstein: [agonizing] How can anybody be so stupid!

Arsenic and Old Lace, CC BY-SA 4.0

Elaine: But Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too. Mortimer: One thing at a time!

Arsenic and Old Lace, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mortimer: Yeah, yeah, I know that bromide. Something borrowed, something blue - old, new! Rice and old shoes, carry you over the threshold, Niagara Falls — all the silly tripe I've made fun of for years. Is this what I've come to? I can't go through with it. I won't marry you and that's that! Elaine: [adoring] Yes, Mortimer. Mortimer: What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? Aren't you going to make a scene? Elaine: [adoring] No, Mortimer. Mortimer: And don't "No, Mortimer" me either! Don't... Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it... It's old-fashioned, it's... I... Ohhhh...

Arsenic and Old Lace, CC BY-SA 4.0

Teddy Brewster: I must be catching cold. Abby Brewster: No, dear, it was Reverend Harper who sneezed.

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Rev. Harper: Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt? Abby: Oh, no. Martha Brewster: Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt. Abby: Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it would be a change for him, and we suggested it. Martha: And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.

Arsenic and Old Lace, CC BY-SA 4.0

Dr. Einstein: You got twelve, they got twelve. Jonathan Brewster: I've got thirteen! Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny, twelve — don't brag. Jonathan: Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona... Dr. Einstein: Phoenix? Jonathan: The filling station... Dr. Einstein: Filling station? Oh! Dr. Einstein: Yes. Jonathan: Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. Dr. Einstein: You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia! Jonathan: He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him! Dr. Einstein: No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!

Arsenic and Old Lace, CC BY-SA 4.0