Quotes

Dialogue

Skip: Jesus, Ebby, this is your professional debut tonight! A million guys would give their left nut to be in your shoes, and you're leaving your fastball in the locker room in some piece of ass! Millie: Skip, it's me! I'm not some quote, "piece of ass", unquote. Skip: Ah, Millie, sorry, didn't recognize you. And, don't take this personally, Millie, but if I catch you in here again, I'm banning you from the ballpark. Millie: You can't ban me from the ballpark, 'cause my daddy donated that scoreboard, and if you ban me, he just might take that scoreboard away. Skip: Well, what do we need a scoreboard for? We haven't scored any runs all year.

Dialogue

Annie: Millie, you've got to stay out of the clubhouse. It'll just get everybody in trouble. Millie: I got lured. Annie: You did not get "lured". Women never get lured. They're too strong and powerful for that. Now say it - "I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions". Millie: I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions. Annie: That's better.

Dialogue

Millie: What's it say? Annie: It says he's not bending his back enough on his follow-through. Donny? Baby, take this to Ebby Calvin. [Donny takes the note] Right, honey, let's get down to it. How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh? Millie: Well, he fucks like he pitches: Sorta all over the place.

Dialogue

Larry: Who are you? [To Skip] Who's he? Crash: I'm the player to be named later. Skip: Crash Davis? I'm Joe Riggins. [Shakes Crash's hand] Crash: And you, Larry Hockett, should recognize me, cause five years ago in the Texas League, you were pitching for El Paso, I was batting clean-up for Shreveport. You hung a curveball on a 0-2 pitch in a 3-2 game in the bottom of the 8th, and I tattooed it over the Michelin Tire sign and beat you 4-3. Larry: [grins] Yeah, I remember, I should've thrown a slider. Damn, Crash, how you doing? Crash: I'm too old for this shit. Why the hell am I back in A-ball? Skip: 'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. Big club's got a hundred grand in him. Larry: He's got a million-dollar arm, and a five-cent head. Skip: Had a gun on him tonight. The last five pitches he threw were faster than the first five, He has the best young arm I've seen in 30 years. You've been around. You're smart, professional. We want you to mature the kid. We want you to room with him on the roa

Dialogue

Reporter: So, how does it feel to get your first professional win? Nuke: It feels "out there", I mean it's a major rush. [Grabs the reporter's recorder and continues talking into it] I mean, it doesn't just feel "out there", I mean it feels out there, you know? Um, kind of radical in a kind of tubular way, you know? But, most of all, it's out there... Crash: [Watching nearby] This is hopeless. This is utterly fucking hopeless.

Dialogue

Nuke: [After he has challenged Crash to a fight] I don't hit no man first. Crash: All right, then, [throws him a baseball] hit me in the chest with that. Nuke: I'd kill you! Crash: Yeah?! From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat! [the crowd that has gathered laughs] Come on; right here, right in the chest! Nuke: No way! Crash: C'mon, Meat! Throw it! You know you're not gonna hit me, cause you've already started to think about it, eh?! Thinkin' about how embarrassing it would be to miss in front of all these people, how somebody might laugh?! Come on, Meat, show us that million-dollar arm, 'Cause I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours! Crash: Ball four. Nuke: Who the fuck are you, man?! Nuke: Good punch... Crash: I'm Crash Davis; I'm your new catcher, and you just got lesson number one: Don't think. You can only hurt the ball club.

Dialogue

Annie: Well -- you boys stopped fighting yet? Are you pals now? Good. I love a little macho male bonding -- I think it's sweet even if it's probably latent homosexuality being "re-channeled" but I believe in "re-channeling" so who cares, right? [pause] Shall we go to my place? Nuke: Which one of us? Annie: Oh both of you, of course... Annie: These are the ground rules. I hook up with one guy a season. Usually takes me a couple of weeks to pick the guy - kinda my own spring training. And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far, so I just thought we should kinda get to know each other. Crash: Time out. Why do you get to choose? Annie: What? Crash: Why do you get to choose? I mean, why don't I get to choose? Why doesn't he get to choose? Annie: Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it's all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing. Why, there are laws we don't understand that bring us together and

Dialogue

Crash: [walking with Nuke back to the pitcher’s mound] Hey. Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic. Nuke: [to himself as Crash walks away] What's this guy know anyway? If he's so great, how come he's been in the minors for ten years? If he's so hot how come Annie wants me instead of him? Crash: [turns back] Oh, hey, and another thing, Meat. You don't know shit, all right? If you wanna make it to the show, you'll listen to me. Annie only wants you so she can boss you around, got it? So relax! Let's have some fun out here! This game's fun, OK? Fun goddamnit. And don't hold the ball so hard, OK? It's an egg. Hold it like an egg. Nuke: [to himself again] What's he know about fun? I'm young. I know about fun. An old man. He don't know nothin' about fun. Crash: [behind the plate again] All right. Nobody's goin' out there. [Crash calls for a curve ball] Nuke: [to himself] Why's h

Dialogue

Skip: [Talking to Crash after another loss] Hell of a shot. Sorry it got wasted. I don't know what to do with these guys; I beg, I plead, I try to be a nice guy. I'm a nice guy- Crash: Scare 'em. Skip: Huh? Crash: They're kids. Scare 'em. That's what I'd do. Skip: Yeah.. [Realizes something and walks away chuckling] Skip: Everybody into the Shower!! Anybody ain't in the shower in ten seconds gonna get fined a hundred dollars! Larry! Larry: [Begins counting to ten as all the players run into the shower area] 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi, 5 Mississippi, 6 Mississippi, 7 Mississippi, 8 Mississippi, 9 Mississippi, 10 Mississippi. Skip: You guys...you lollygag the ball around the infield! You lollygag your way down to first! You lollygag in and out of the dugout! Do you know what that makes you? Larry?! Larry: Lollygaggers! Skip: Lollygaggers! What's our record, Larry? Larry: 8-16. Skip: 8-16...How did we ever win eight? Larry: It's a miracle. Skip: It's a mira

Dialogue

Nuke: How come you don't like me? Crash: Because you don't respect yourself, which is your problem. But you don't respect the game, and that's my problem. You got a gift. Nuke: I got a what? Crash: You got a gift. When you were a baby, the Gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're pissing it away. Nuke: I ain't pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already; a 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt. Crash: Christ, you don't need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt, what you need is a curveball! In the Show, everyone can hit a fastball. Nuke: Well, how would you know? YOU been in the majors? Pft! Crash: ...Yeah, I've been in the majors. [Players mutter in surprise] Player: You were in the Show, man? Crash: Yeah, I was in the Show. I was in the Show for twenty-one days once. The twenty-one greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the Show? Somebody else carries your bags; it's great. You hit white balls for batting p

Dialogue

Crash: [sits next to Nuke] Hey. Hey, wake up. You're awake. You're okay. You were dreaming. You're okay? Nuke: I was playing damn naked. Crash: What? Nuke: I was naked...playing naked. Crash: I know. I know, I have that dream all the time, too.

Dialogue

Nuke: That was great, huh? Crash: Your fastball's up, your curveball's hanging; in the Show, they would've ripped you. Nuke: Can't you even let me enjoy the moment? Crash: The moment's over.

Dialogue

Nuke: I love winning, I fucking love winning! You know what I'm saying? It's, like, better than losing? Teach me something new, man, I need to learn. Teach me something. Crash: Well, you got something to write with? Good, it's time to work on your interviews. Nuke: My interviews? What do I gotta do? Crash: You're gonna have to learn your cliches. You're gonna have to study them, you're gonna have to learn them, you're gonna have to know them. They're your friends. Write this down: "We gotta play 'em one day at a time." Nuke: [writing] "Got to play..." Pretty boring. Crash: Of course it's boring, that's the point. Write it down. Nuke: "One...day...at a time." Crash: Alright, "I'm just happy to be here, hope I can help the ball club." [Nuke looks at him] I know, WRITE IT DOWN. "I just want to give it my best shot and--the Good Lord willing--things will work out." Nuke: [writing] “Good... Lord... willing...” Nuke and Crash: “Things will work out” Crash: How’s Annie? Nuke: She’s getting pr

Dialogue

Nuke: You're playing with my mind. Annie: I'm trying to play with your body. Nuke: I knew it, you're trying to seduce me! Annie: Well of course I'm trying to seduce you, for God's sake, and I'm doing a damn poor job of it... Aren't I pretty? Nuke: God, I think you're real cute. Annie: Cute? Baby ducks are cute, I HATE cute! I want to be exotic, and mysterious! Nuke: You are, you're exotic, and mysterious, and... cute... and... That's why I'd better leave.

Dialogue

Crash: I never told him to stay out of your bed. Annie: You most certainly did. Crash: I never told him to stay out of your bed. Annie: Yes you did. Crash: I told him that a player on a streak has to respect the streak. Annie: Oh fine. Crash: You know why? Because they don't–they don't happen very often. Annie: Right. Crash: If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid, or because you're not getting laid, or because you wear women's underwear, then you are! And you should know that! Crash: Come on, Annie, think of something clever to say, huh? Something full of magic, religion, bullshit. Come on, dazzle me. Annie: I want you.

Dialogue

Larry: Excuse me, but what the hell's going on out here? Crash: Well, Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. We need a live... is it a live rooster? Crash: We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present. [to the players] Is that about right? Crash: We're dealing with a lot of shit. Larry: Okay, well, uh... candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let's get two! Go get 'em.

Dialogue

Radio announcer: I've never seen Crash so angry, and frankly, sports fans, he used a certain word that's a no-no with umpires. Millie: Crash must've called the guy a "cocksucker". Annie: God, he's so romantic.

Dialogue

Annie: I think probably with my love of four-legged creatures and hooves and everything, that in another lifetime I was probably Catherine the Great, or Francis of Assisi. I'm not sure which one. What do you think? Crash: How come in former lifetimes, everybody is someone famous? Crash: [still laughing] I mean, how come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmo? Annie: Because it doesn't work that way, you fool!