Quotes

Dialogue

Col. Mustard: I prefer Kipling myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." Do you like Kipling, Miss Scarlet? Miss Scarlet: Sure, I'll eat anything.

Dialogue

Col. Mustard: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there's nobody else in this house? Wadsworth: Um... no. Col. Mustard: Then there is someone else in this house? Wadsworth: Sorry, I said "no" meaning "yes." Col. Mustard: "No" meaning "yes?" Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn't there, yes, or no? Wadsworth: No. Col. Mustard: No there is, or no there isn't? Wadsworth: Yes. Mrs. White: [Smashes glass on fireplace] PLEASE! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here! Miss Scarlet: Yeah! Professor Plum: How can we throw him outside in this weather? Miss Scarlet: If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious! Professor Plum: If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious! Col. Mustard: If I were him, I'd be suspicious already! Mrs. Peacock: [hysterical] Oh, who cares? That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then... and there are two de

Dialogue

Wadsworth: I'm merely a humble butler. Col. Mustard: What exactly do you do? Wadsworth: I buttle, sir.

Dialogue

Wadsworth: Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur. Professor Plum: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations. Wadsworth: So I see your work has not changed.

Dialogue

Mrs. Peacock: Yvette, is there a little girls' room in the hall? Yvette: Oui, oui, madame. Mrs. Peacock: No, I just I wanna powder my nose.

Dialogue

Wadsworth: Mrs. White, you've been paying our friend, the blackmailer, ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances? Miss Scarlet: Ah! [laughs] Mrs. White: Why is that funny? Miss Scarlet: I see! That's why he was lying on his back, in his coffin. Mrs. White: I didn't kill him. Col. Mustard: Then why are you paying the blackmailer? Mrs. White: I don't want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. A lunatic. He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public. Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public? Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her. Miss Scarlet: Oh. Was that his final word on the matter? Mrs. White: Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say? Wadsworth: And yet, he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you! Miss Scarlet: What did he do for a living? Mrs. White: He was a scientist. Nuclear physics. Miss Scarlet: What was

Dialogue

Col. Mustard: [indignant] Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?! Wadsworth: [dryly] You don't need any help from me, sir. Col. Mustard: That's right!

Dialogue

Wadsworth: You see, like the Mounties, we always get our man! Mr. Green: Mrs. Peacock was a man?! Wadsworth: Would anyone care for fruit or dessert?

Dialogue

Wadsworth: You were jealous that your husband was schtupping Yvette. That's why you killed him, too. Mrs. White: Yes. Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her, so much...it flames, flames on the side of my face, breathing, heaving breaths, heaving...

Dialogue

Professor Plum: It must've been Mr. Green who shot the singing telegram! Mr. Green: I didn't do it! Col. Mustard: Well, there's nobody else left! Mr. Green: But I didn't do it! The gun is missing! Whoever's got the gun shot the girl! Wadsworth: I shot her. Col. Mustard, Mrs. Peacock, Mrs. White, Ms. Scarlet, Prof. Plum: You?! Mr. Green: So it was you. I was going to expose you. Wadsworth: I know. So I choose to expose myself. Col. Mustard: Please! There are ladies present. Wadsworth: You thought Mr. Boddy was dead, but why? None of you even met him until tonight. Mr. Green: You're Mr. Boddy! Prof. Plum: Wait a minute! So who did I kill? Wadsworth: My butler. Prof. Plum: Oh, shucks. Wadsworth: He was expendable, like all of you. I'm grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers. Saved me a lot of trouble. Now there's no evidence against me. Mrs. White: This all has nothing to do with my disappearing nuclear physicist husband or Colonel Mustard's work on the new

Dialogue

Mrs. White: Are you a cop? Mr. Green: No, I'm a plant. Ms. Scarlet: A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit. Mr. Green: Very funny. [displays a badge in his wallet] FBI. That call from J. Edgar Hoover was for me. [heads to the front door] I told you I didn't do it! Chief: All right, who done it? Mr. Green: They all did it! But if you wanna know who killed Mr. Boddy, I did, in the hall, with the revolver. Okay, Chief, take 'em away. I'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife.