Airplane II: The Sequel

[Repeated to different men throughout the movie] I don't mean to sound forward. I mean, I know I don't know you. But I don't think we're gonna live through this. And... I've never been with a man before.

Airplane II: The Sequel, CC BY-SA 4.0

First Woman in Line: Where is the passenger processing lounge for the lunar shuttle? Information Agent: Concourse lounge C, fourth level. First Woman in Line: Thank you. Information Agent: Next? First Woman in Line: How long is my parking permit good for? Information Agent: Two hours. First Woman in Line: Thank you? Information Agent: Yes, next. Next Man: What's the fastest animal on Earth? Information Agent: The cheetah. Next? Female Passenger #3: Should I fake my orgasms? Information Agent: Yes. Female Passenger #3: Thank you. Information Agent: Next?

Airplane II: The Sequel, CC BY-SA 4.0

Jimmy Wilson: I sure am glad they let Scraps ride up here with us, Dad. John Wilson: I bet Scraps is gonna love the moon. Jimmy: Do you think things will be a lot different on the moon, Dad? John: Oh, it's gonna be terrific! A whole new world. New kids to play with! Jimmy: Does that mean no more headlines about the rape trial? John: [angrily while wrapping his knuckles] Not many kids get the chance to live on another planet. Jimmy: No more kids yelling, "Your old man's a psychopathic sex pervert"? John: [angrily grabs Jimmy's jacket and pulls him close] Look, a man can make an honest mistake! Anyway she was asking for it! They're all asking for it all the time! [lets go of Jimmy and sits back looking crazed] Jimmy: [thought] Dad never slaps me around at home. It must be his coffee. Alice Wilson: [thought] No, I've been serving Dad decaf. Hmm. Maybe he's just an asshole.

Airplane II: The Sequel, CC BY-SA 4.0

Clerk: Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God? Witness: Ain't no thing. [jive talk for "I do". slaps the clerk's book and the clerk uses his book to slap the witness's hand as if "giving fives" to each other] Defense Attorney: [approaches the witness as he sits down in the witness stand] Would you describe in your own words, what happened that night? Witness: Yo! Check it, bleed. Bro... was on! Didn't trip. But the folks was freakin', man. Hey, and the pilots were laid to the bone, Home. So Blood hammered out and jammed jet ship. Tightened that bad sucker inside the runaway like a mother. Shit. ["Mr. Striker performed exceptionally. The passengers were very concerned. The pilots were incapacitated. So Mr. Striker took control and landed that plane safely. Golly!"]

Airplane II: The Sequel, CC BY-SA 4.0

News 14 Buffalo Anchorman: Our top story tonight: Four alarm fire rages through Downtown Buffalo. Also in the news, Lunar Shuttle heads for the Sun, and certain disaster. Tokyo 4 Anchorman: Our top story tonight: Four alarm fire rages through Downtown Tokyo. Also in the news, American lunar mission locked in death struggle. [on the screen behind the anchorman is a clip of Godzilla clenching a Lunar Shuttle in between his teeth] Moscow Anchorman: [being held at gunpoint] A four-alarm fire in Downtown Moscow clears way for a glorious new tractor factory. And on the lighter side of the news: Hundreds of Capitalists are soon to perish in Shuttle disaster. [a gunshot is heard as next scene cuts in]

Airplane II: The Sequel, CC BY-SA 4.0

Ted Striker: We're going to have to blow the computer! Elaine Dickinson: Blow ROC? Art Fleming: All right, Contestant #38. Contestant #38: Art, I'll take Air Shuttle Disasters for $40. Art Fleming: The answer is... [The $40 display rotates to reveal the answer] the Mayflower!

Airplane II: The Sequel, CC BY-SA 4.0