Quotes

Dialogue

Vernon: Well, well, here we are. I wanna congratulate you for being on time. Claire: [raises her hand; nervously] Excuse me, sir? I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention, but, um...I don't think I belong in here. Vernon: [checks his watch] It is now 7:06. You have exactly 8 hours and 54 minutes to think about why you're here. Ponder the error of your ways. [John spits and catches saliva, and Claire gasps in disgust] [points at Claire] And you may not talk. [to Brian] You will not move from these seats. And you... [points at John, then snatches the chair from under his feet] ...will not sleep. All right, people, we're gonna try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay... of no less than a thousand words...describing to me who you think you are. John: This a test? Vernon: And when I say "essay", I mean "essay". I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear, Mr. Bender? John: Crystal. Vernon: Good. Maybe you'll learn a little

Dialogue

Andrew: Look, just because you live in here doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass. So knock it off! John: It's a free country. Claire: [to Andrew] He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him. John: Sweets. [Claire turns around to John] You couldn't ignore me if you tried. [she turns back, annoyed] So...So...are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto. Level with me. Do you slip her the hot-beef injection? Claire: GO TO HELL!!! Andrew: ENOUGH!!! Vernon: [from his office] Hey! What's going on in there? [no response] Spoiled little pricks. [gets back to reading.] Andrew: Scumbag.

Dialogue

John: What do you say we close that door? We can't have any kind of party with Vernon checking us out every few seconds. Brian: Well, you know the door's supposed to stay open. John: So what? Andrew: So why don't you just shut up? There's four other people in here, you know. John: God, you can count. See, I knew you had to be smart to be a...a wrestler. Andrew: Who the hell are you to judge anybody, anyway? Claire: Really. Andrew: You know, Bender, you don't even count. I mean if you disappeared forever it wouldn't make any difference. You may as well not even exist at this school. John: Well, I'll just run right out and join the wrestling team. [Claire and Andrew chuckle] Maybe the prep club, too. Student council. Andrew: Nah. They wouldn't take you. John: I'm hurt. Claire: You know why guys like you knock everything? Claire: It's 'cause you're afraid. John: Oh, God. You richies are so smart; that's exactly why I'm not heavy in activities. Claire: You're a big coward. Brian: I'm in th

Dialogue

Andrew: Look, you guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here. I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads. John: Oh and wouldn't that be a bite, huh? Missing a whole wrestling meet! Andrew: Well, you wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! You never competed in your whole life! John: Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor with other guys. Andrew: Ahhh, you'd never make it. You don't have any goals. John: Oh, but I do! Andrew: Yeah? John: I wanna be just...like...you. I figure all I need's a lobotomy and some tights! Brian: You wear tights? Andrew: No, I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform. Brian: Tights. Andrew: Shut up!

Dialogue

Vernon: I expected a little more from a varsity letterman. You're not fooling anybody, Bender. The next screw that falls out is gonna be you. John: [under his breath] Eat my shorts. Vernon: What was that? John: Eat...my...shorts. Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday, Mister. John: I'm "crushed". Vernon: You just bought one more, right there. John: Well, I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm gonna have to check my calendar. Vernon: Good! Because it's gonna be filled. We'll keep goin'. You want another one? Say the word, just say the word. Instead of goin' to prison, you'll come here. Are you through? John: No. Vernon: I'm doin' society a favor. John: So? Vernon: That's another one right now. I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one?! John: Yes. Vernon: You got it! You got another one right there! That's another one, pal! Claire: Cut it out! [mouths] Stop! Vernon: You through? John: Not even close, bu

Dialogue

Claire: What's your name? John: What's yours? Claire: Claire. John: Claire? Claire: Claire. It's a family name. John: No, it's a fat girl's name. Claire: [sarcastically] Oh, thank you. John: You're welcome. Claire: I'm not fat. John: Well, not at present, but I could see you really pushing maximum density. You see, I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people. There's fat people that were born to be fat, and there's fat people that were once thin, but they became fat, so when you look at them you can sort of see that thin person inside. You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh... [imitates vomiting, and Claire gives him the "Fuck you!" middle finger] Oh, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl. Claire: I'm not that pristine. John: Are you a virgin? I'll bet you a million dollars that you are. Let's end the suspense. Is it gonna be a...white weddin'? Claire: Why don't you just shut up? John: Have you ever ki

Dialogue

John: Carl? How does one become a janitor? Carl: You wanna be a janitor? John: No, I just want to know how one becomes a janitor. Because, you see, Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts. Carl: Oh, really? You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant? Serf? Peon? Well, maybe so. But following a broom around after shitheads like you for the last eight years, I've learned a couple of things. I look through your letters. I look through your lockers. I listen to your conversations: you don't know that but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends. [pause] By the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.

Dialogue

John: PB&J with the crusts cut off. Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch; all the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry, Mr. Rogers? Brian: Uh, no. Mr. Johnson. John: Ah. Here's my impression of life at Big Bri's house: "Son?" "Yeah, Dad?" "How was your day, pal?" "Great, Dad! How's yours?" "Super! Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, Dad! But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son! You can do it on the boat!" "Gee!" "Dear, isn't our son swell?" "Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?" [kiss, then mimes punching] Andrew: All right, what about your family? John: My family? Oh, that's easy. "Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamned, free loading son-of-a-bitch! Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all asshole jerk!" "You forgot ugly, lazy, and disrespectful." "Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie!" "What about you, Dad?" "Fuck you!" "No, Dad, what about you?" "Fuck you!" "No, Dad, what about you?!" "Fuck you!" [mimes punching] Brian: Is that for real? John: You w

Dialogue

John: [crawling on the ceiling] A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm...and a two-foot salami under the other. [chuckles] She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." Naked lady says- [the ceiling breaks, and he falls through] OHHH, SHI-I-I-IT! Vernon: [hearing the crash] Jesus Christ Almighty! John: [to students] Forgot my pencil. Vernon: Goddamn it! [enters the library, and John hides under Claire's desk] What in God's name is goin' on in here? What was that ruckus? Andrew: Uh, what ruckus? Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus. Brian: Could you describe the ruckus, sir? Vernon: Watch your tongue, young man, watch it. [John bangs his hand under Claire's desk, and Andrew bangs "Shave and a Haircut"] What is this? [Andrew imitates a zipper sound] What is that? What-What is that-What is that noise? Andrew: What noise? Claire: Really, sir, there wasn't any noise. [moans and crushes John's hand, and makes

Dialogue

Allison: Have you ever done it with a normal person? Claire: Didn't we already cover this? John: You never answered the question. Claire: Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers. Allison: It's kind of a double edged sword, isn't it? Claire: A what? Allison: Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have, you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do, you wish you didn't, right? Claire: Wrong. Allison: Or are you a tease? Andrew: She's a tease. Claire: I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it. Andrew: Oh, you're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases. John: She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot. Claire: I don't do anything. Allison: That's why you're a tease. Claire: Okay, let me ask you a few questions. Allison: I already told you everything. Claire: No. Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean, don't you want any respect? Allison: I don't screw to get respect. That's the

Dialogue

Andrew: What's bizarre? I mean, we're all pretty bizarre! Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all. Claire: How are you bizarre? Allison: He can't think for himself. Andrew: She's right...do you guys know what uh, what I did to get in here? [Claire shakes her head no] I taped Larry Lester's buns together. :[Claire laughs] Brian: That was you?! Andrew: Yeah, you know him? Brian: Yeah, I know him. Claire: [softly] Oh my god. Andrew: The bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man...I tortured this poor kid, because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about, you know, when he was in school, all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right? So, I'm...I'm sitting in the locker room, and I'm taping up my knee. And Larry's undressing a couple lockers down from me. Yeah...he's kinda...he's kinda skinny, weak. And I started thinking about my father, and his attitude about weakness.

Dialogue

John: [after Claire performs her lipstick trick, claps sarcastically] Wow, Claire. That was great. My image of you is totally blown. Allison: You're a shit. Don't do that to her, you swore to God you wouldn't laugh. John: Am I laughing? Andrew: You fuckin' prick! John: What do you care what I think anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference. I might as well not even exist at this school, remember? [turns to Claire] And you...don't like me anyway. Claire: You know, I have just as, many feelings as you do and it hurts so much when someone steps all over them. John: God! You're so pathetic. Don't you ever, ever compare yourself to me, okay. You got everything, and I got shit. Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably fuckin' shut down if you didn't show up. Queenie isn't here. I like those earrings, Claire. Claire: Shut up. John: Are those real diamonds Claire? Claire: Shut up. John: I bet they are. Did you work for the money for

Dialogue

Brian: Um, I was just thinking, I mean. I know it's kind of a weird time, but I was just wondering, um, what is gonna happen to us on Monday? When we're all together again? I mean I consider you guys my friends, I'm not wrong, am I? Andrew: No. Brian: So, so on Monday...what happens? Claire: Are we still friends, you mean? If we're friends now, that is? Brian: Yeah. Claire: Do you want the truth? Brian: Yeah, I want the truth. Claire: I don't think so. Allison: Well, do you mean all of us or just John? Claire: With all of you. Andrew: That's a real nice attitude, Claire! Claire: Oh, be honest, Andy...if Brian came walking up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? I mean picture this, you're there with all the sports. I know exactly what you'd do, you'd say hi to him and when he left you'd cut him all up so your friends wouldn't think you really liked him! Andrew: No way! Allison: 'Kay, what if I came up to you? Claire: Same exact thing! John: YOU ARE A BITCH! Claire: Why? 'Ca

Dialogue

Brian: Then I assume that Allison and I are better people than you guys, huh? Us weirdos... [to Allison] Do you, would you do that to me? Allison: I don't have any friends. Brian: Well, if you did? Allison: No...I don't think the kind of friends I'd have would mind. Brian: I just wanna tell each of you that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't and I will not! 'Cause I think that's real shitty. Claire: Your friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us. Brian: You're so conceited, Claire. You're so conceited. You're so, like, full of yourself; why are you like that? Claire: [about to cry] I'm not saying that to be conceited! I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say! Brian: Well, then why do you do it? Claire: I don't know, I don't-You don't understand...you don't. You're not friends with the same kind of people that Andy and I are friends with! You know, you just don't understand the pressure that they can put on you! Brian: I don't understand what? You think I

Dialogue

Brian: [voiceover] Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are and you see us as you want to see us: In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain... Andrew: [voiceover] ...and an athlete... Allison: [voiceover] ...and a basket case... Claire: [voiceover] ...a princess... John: [voiceover] ...and a criminal. Brian: [voiceover] Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.