Desperado

Pick-up guy: This reminds me of a joke. This guy, he comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender and says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you 300 dollars that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single solitary drop." The bartender says—now, one more time, this glass is like a good ten feet away—he says, "Now, wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You're trying to tell me you're gonna bet me 300 dollars that you can piss, standing over here, waaay over there, into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" The guy looks up smiling and says, "That's right." The bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet!" The guy says, "Okay, here we go, here we go." He pulls out his thang. He's looking at the glass, man, he's thinking about the glass, he's thinking about the glass, he thinks, "Glass," he's thinking of the glass, thinks, "Glass," thinking about his dick. Dick, glass. Dick, glass. Dick, glass. Be the glass. Dick, glass. Dick, glass. Dick, glass. And

Desperado (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

El Mariachi: Carolina, did I thank you? Carolina: No. El Mariachi: I will.

Desperado (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Priest: Would you like confession? El Mariachi: Maybe later. Where I'm going, I would just have to come straight back.

Desperado (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Carolina: Where are you going? El Mariachi: The church... Carolina: And what for? El Mariachi: Confess my sins, I'm a sinner. Carolina: I know.

Desperado (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Short Bartender: Fuck you, man! That's the cleanest one I got! Buscemi: Oh, this is damn good! Say, this is the best beer I've ever had. Actually, I'm just glad to be alive right now. I was up a few towns away... you know Saragosa? I was visiting a bar there, not unlike this one. They serve beer. Not quite as good as this, but close. And I saw something you wouldn't believe. I'm sitting there, see, small table all by myself, at this bar. It's full of real lowlifes! I mean, not like this place here. No, I mean bad. Like they were up to no good. Anyway, I'm by myself... I like it that way. Meanwhile, things are going on... under-the-table kinds of things. Not too obvious, but not too secret either. So, I'm sitting there. And in walks the biggest Mexican I have ever seen. Big as shit. Just walks right in like he owns the place. And nobody knew quite what to make of him... or quite what to think. There he was, and in he walked. He was dark too. I don't mean dark-skinned. No, this was diffe

Desperado (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Buscemi: [after telling about a rogue gunslinger shooting up a bar] The stranger shot him, walked over to the bartender, paid, and left. Short Bartender: So the bartender lived? [laughing] The bartender never gets killed! Buscemi: But as the stranger neared the door... Buscemi: No, man. The bartender got it worse than anybody.

Desperado (film), CC BY-SA 4.0