The Dictator

General Aladeen: Hmm. It is too round on the top. It needs to be pointy. Round is not scary. Pointy is scary. This will put a smile on the faces of the enemy. They will think that it is a huge robot dildo flying toward them. Nadal: No, Supreme Leader. The shape of the missile top has nothing to do with aerodynamics. It is about the payload delivery. General Aladeen: No. It sticks in the ground, and then kaboom. Nadal: Supreme Leader, I think perhaps some of your information about bombs is coming from cartoons. Nadal: In this film, just one question, was there a duck who, when the explosion is happens, his bill goes around to the back of his head, and then in order to talk, he has to put it back this way? General Aladeen: There was somebody who suffered a deformity like that. Nadal: I am now 100% sure that you are watching cartoons. General Aladeen: Have you spoken to the experts about this? Have you consulted Professor Bobeye? Nadal: Who? General Aladeen: Professor Bobeye. The one with

The Dictator (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Waiter: What is your name? General Aladeen: Allison Burgers. Waiter: That's a made-up name. What's your real name? General Aladeen: Ladis. General Aladeen: Ladis what? General Aladeen: Ladis Washurum. Waiter: [notices "Ladies washroom" sign] So your name is like the sign "Ladies washroom"? General Aladeen: Oh... Waiter: That's a made-up name. What is your name? I am interested. We are interested. [everyone in the restaurant starts looking at Aladeen] General Aladeen: Emploice. General Aladeen: Emploice what? General Aladeen: Emploice... Muswashans. Waiter: [notices "Employees must wash hands" sign] That is a made-up name. What is your real name? General Aladeen: Max. General Aladeen: Max what? General Aladeen: Imumoocupancyu one-hundred-and-twenty. Waiter: [notices "Maximum occupancy not to exceed 120 persons" sign] There's a number in the name? Who are you?! Aladeen's sympathizer?!

The Dictator (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

General Aladeen: I love being an Americans! America is number one! Oh, I am from U.S.A.! My father also from U.S.A. My great-grandfather fought in the American Civil Jihad. I am very proud to be an American, I am America's number one douche. [Speaking different language] I've fooled them. Job done. Nadal: So, how are things back at the Palace? General Aladeen: Fine, but guess who's still living in my guest house? Nadal: Ooh, Bin Laden? General Aladeen: Yes, Osama. Bin Laden flooding the bathroom every time he showers... And how hard is it to put a bath mat down, Bin Laden? [Both laugh] Hey, do you remember my favorite sports car? Nadal: You mean your Porsche? General Aladeen: Yes... the 911. Nadal: Oh, Nine Eleven, it's the best. General Aladeen: So I was driving my 911 near the palace one day... [Imitating crashing effect] and I totally crashed! [Both laugh] It's ok, I've already ordered a new one. A brand new 911 2012. Nadal: You know, while you are here, you should try to see some o

The Dictator (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

General Aladeen: I've discovered this amazing thing. I have to show you how to do it. It's called self juicing, You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds. Nadal: I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with an adult man. General Aladeen: What do you mean? You knew about this? Nadal: Everybody knows about this. We all know about this from the age of 12, 13. General Aladeen: Why does nobody ever tell me anything? Nadal: Because you have everybody executed who tells you anything.

The Dictator (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Nadal: Are you okay? General Aladeen: My guy has a limp. I fell off me horse at the old Bull & Bush Pub because I'm a cockney. Nadal: Listen, listen, okay? You need to focus up right now and be prepared to deliver a small, subtle performance. General Aladeen: Okay, great, okay. Nadal: Okay, good. General Aladeen: [Pulling eyelids backwards] Okay, so when we go to fly... Nadal: [Slaps Aladeen's hands off] Don't do that with your eyes! You can't be a Chinese person on this thing, okay? General Aladeen: I'm not Chink, I'm Chinese-American! Nadal: No, but you cannot hold your eyes! Nobody is going to think you're Chinese-American because you hold your eyes like that! It's racist, what you're doing! General Aladeen: Do you know it's a fact that they cannot pronounce their R's? They pronounce them as L's. So instead you know what 'rabbit' is in Chinese? Nadal: I don't know how to speak Chinese. General Aladeen: It's 'labbit'. Nadal: It's not 'labbit'! General Aladeen: Yes! 'Who Shot Loger La

The Dictator (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Zoey: [after finding out Allison Burgers is General Aladeen] Oh my god! You lied to me... and you're wanted for war crimes! General Aladeen: Please. That stuff never sticks.

The Dictator (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0