Quotes

Mexican Slayride, Part 1 and 2 [1.1 - 1.2]

B.A. Baracus: [about Hannibal] You learn to love him, Mama. But it takes a long time. Amy: That's the same thing he said about you.

Mexican Slayride, Part 1 and 2 [1.1 - 1.2]

Face: I got us a Gulfstream. Can you fly it? Murdock: Hey, brother. If it's got wings, I can fly it. Face: Great. Murdock: Hey, Face, what's a Gulfstream?

Mexican Slayride, Part 1 and 2 [1.1 - 1.2]

Amy: Excuse me, but what are you doing? Hannibal: We're tying him up so he won't kill us if he comes-to. Amy: [looking puzzled] I see. Excuse me again, but isn't he one of you, I mean isn't he on the team? Amy: So then why do you have to drug him? Hannibal: He hates the pilot. Amy: Hates the pilot? Why? Face: Because our pilot is insane. Amy: [pointing at the cockpit] So he's up there now, flying us? Face: Yes. Face: What a kidder! Amy: I'm not sure you are exactly what I bargained for. Hannibal: Let's get something straight right now. You want your friend back. The authorities shined you on, so you went out and hired a bunch of gun-fighters. Now, if you wanted someone with good manners, you should've hired an English butler. Amy: The pilot's really insane? Hannibal: We think so. Amy: Are you still being chased by the government? Hannibal: That's right. Amy: What I don't understand, is why you're not living in Switzerland, where it's safe? Hannibal: Because we're not Swiss. We're Ameri

Mexican Slayride, Part 1 and 2 [1.1 - 1.2]

Hannibal: The sleeping giant awakes. Hannibal: How fast can you bring us down? Murdock: You just landed, brother.

Mexican Slayride, Part 1 and 2 [1.1 - 1.2]

Amy: Why'd he [B.A.] hit you? Hannibal: Hit me? If he hit me, I'd be in the hospital.

Children of Jamestown [1.3]

Martin James: The Lord shall test them! They shall walk through the valley of his wrath. Hannibal: Now you're beginning to walk through the valley of my wrath, Preacher.

Children of Jamestown [1.3]

Hannibal: [holds up three fingers] How many fingers am I holding up? Face: Blue.

Children of Jamestown [1.3]

We're comin' in, Jack! Now get the First Aid Kit, before you have to use it on yourself!!

Pros and Cons, [1.4]

We vote because I say we vote!

Pros and Cons, [1.4]

Murdock: Tractor. Psychiatrist: You don't really see a tractor, do you, Murdock? Murdock: [smiles] You're right. I was just guessing. Psychiatrist: Well, don't guess. What does it look like? Murdock: Ink. It looks like ink. See, I have done this most of my life off and on and I don't see nothin', so I just guess. Psychiatrist: It looks like a butterfly, don't it? See, there's the wings and there's the head. Murdock: Hey, yeah. Yeah! I see that. Yeah, it's a butterfly! Psychiatrist: Good. Butterfly. Now what is this? Murdock: Garbage bag. Empty garbage bag. Murdock: I'd like a trash bag, please, if you have one. I really could use a trash bag.

Pros and Cons, [1.4]

Murdock: [from inside padded cell] TRAAAAASH BAGS! I want TRAAAAASH BAGS! I want 'em! I want 'em!! Psychiatrist: [To guard] Do we have any trashbags? Maybe he'll put his head inside and suffocate.

Pros and Cons, [1.4]

Murdock: TRAAAAAASH BAGS! I want TRAAAAAASH BAGS! [gets one and stops shouting] Psychiatrist: We give him one, and he shuts up for a couple of hours. Face: Hmmm. Interesting. If I could talk to him, I might be able to determine if it's a genuine neurotic fixation or if our boy is trying to section eight his way into the soft walls of a prison psych ward. Psychiatrist: I sure would appreciate that. None of us can get any sleep around here.

Pros and Cons, [1.4]

Hannibal: Murdock, how'd I let you talk me into this? Murdock: I don't know, I have intermittent memory loss!

A Small and Deadly War [1.5]

[while being confronted by Captain Stark and his men] Cops? You’re not cops. You’re killers. You’re murderers killing for money.

A Small and Deadly War [1.5]

I've been a cop too long to let this one go by. There are 8,000 good guys on the force in this town. And I'm not going to let one crud like Stark muck it up for the rest of them.

A Small and Deadly War [1.5]

B.A.: We're offline Hannibal, all four mics are dead! Hannibal: [from behind a newspaper] Looks like they found them. Face: Great, that means we've lost the edge. Up against guys like these that, that doesn't make me feel too good. B.A.: Shut up, Murdock! Shut up!... I told you this plan stinks!

A Small and Deadly War [1.5]

[sings] Did you ever see a hearse go by and think that someday you'd surely die. They put you in a little box and cover you over with dirt and rocks.

Bad Day At Black Rock [1.6]

Cop: 'Course you realize when we run these prints through we are gonna find out who you guys are. Hannibal: I told you before, we're ballet dancers. Face: That guy over at Doc's is our choreographer. Hannibal: Yeah, we had a nasty audience. I don't think they liked our "pas de deux". Opened up on us from the first row with a .50-caliber machine gun.

The Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas [1.7]

It's always darkest just before it goes totally black.

Holiday In The Hills [1.9]

Face: [after their left wing started releasing smoke and the plane's altitude reader, fuel indicator, compass, and other things started messing up] Murdock, what's gonna happen? Murdock: Looks like we're gonna crash. Face: No, c'mon, really. What's gonna happen? Murdock: [Their right engine stops] Looks like we're gonna crash... And die.

West Coast Turnaround [1.10]

Hannibal: Murdock, B.A., take the right. Face, stay with me. Face: Uh, Hannibal, if we're gonna fight, I'd really prefer to be teamed with B.A. Murdock: Me too. Hannibal: Are you guys saying you don't want to team up with me? Face and Murdock: Yes! Hannibal: Why? B.A.: I'll tell you why. Because when you're on the jazz, man, you're dangerous!

West Coast Turnaround [1.10]

Amy: [To B.A. after discovering her car is totaled] A couple of bolts and some new paint? B.A.: [Indignant] Look, lady. I was with you, remember?

Till Death Do Us Part [1.12]

Murdock: Oh wow! You went to Hamburger Heaven! Home of Captain Bellybuster, America's Hero. Did ya get me a Bellybustin' Surprise Pack Hannibal, didja didja didja? Hannibal: Ah, sorry Murdock. But...with 6 Tummy Tingler malts, look what you get free! Murdock: A Captain Bellybuster cap! Out of the Blue I'm coming at you. Super Nutritious and Super Delicious!

Bad Time On The Border [2.4]

Face: You don't have a plan, do you? Hannibal: Of course I have a plan. But it's a secret.

Bad Time On The Border [2.4]

[to Prince] If you don't take your hand off of me, your family will wear black.

Bad Time On The Border [2.4]

[referring to Face who pretends to be a guy called Jerry] Jones, Garcia, why don't you show Jerry here what a nice street we got outside? Just make sure when he lands he don't hit my new car.

The Taxicab Wars [2.6]

Murdock: Hi, I'm Dr. Vern, veterinarian. And this [holds his hand up where is a sock] is my talking dog, Socki. Wuff! B.A.: And this is my talkin' fist. Its name is Knock-Out. Do you wanna hear Knock-Out speak? Murdock: No.

There's Always A Catch [2.8]

If you lean on the Mayers once more you're gonna be shopping for some new kneecaps.

In Plane sight [2.14]

Carrie Hicks: “Abnormal Psychology”? Are you a psychologist, Mr. Murdock? Murdock: Eh, no, ma'am, I'm insane.

Chopping Spree [2.19]

B.A.: Hey, man, he's taking my van! Murdock: B.A., will you stop acting like a crybaby? ... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. The little guy's in the van. They've got my plant! He's been plantnapped. Oh, they'll probably cut off a leaf and send it to me to prove they've got him.

Trouble on Wheels [3.7]

Hannibal: Face, there's been a change in plan, I'm staying here. Face: What did you tell them? Hannibal: What else, I've got a crazy boss. Face: Oh great, and you're not gonna be there to give the performance. Who are we gonna use? Hannibal: Well, I told them he was crazy. Murdock: I am Crazy Willie. Beano. Beano, y'know, rhymes with Dino? What's the matter, you don't understand English? Dino, everybody loves some... (Sees Williams trying to reach for a gun in his waistband) What's the matter, you think I'm wearing a piece? (Pats his underarms) I'm clean! I'm running a business here, not a shooting gallery! Plummer: Alright, we're gonna make this nice and simple: we either get our truck back or we bury you underneath the store! Murdock: Forgive me for not laughing, but I always find the baby's first step to be a very serious thing. Nobody comes in here and threatens me under my own roof. Especially when I'm eating a tuna-fish sandwich. Williams: Smith said this guy was looney-tunes. Mu

Sheriffs of Rivertown [3.10]

Face: (Drops his badge on the table next to the other two) Ah, sheriffs of Rivertown, I'm gonna miss this job. Nikki: Hey, if it weren't for you guys, there wouldn't even be a Rivertown. Craig: There wouldn't be a Craig Monroe either. Nikki: So, if you ever come to Oklahoma, you should look us up. I'll fix you one of my special home-cooked meals. Just... do me a favor and promise not to make any fists? Face: Yeah, well actually, fighting's not really my strong suit, I'm much more adapted to romantic endeavors. (They kiss) Hannibal: If you don't wanna miss the plane, then you better get a move on. Sonny: Yeah. (Picks up the suitcases) You ready, sis? Nikki: Yeah. Sonny: Thanks again. Hannibal: Good luck. Murdock: Adios amigos. (The Monroes leave) B.A.: Speaking of planes, Hannibal. (Rises, grabs a stick; Hannibal, Face and Murdock back into a jail cell) Murdock: B.A., you're not mad just because we flew you down here, are you? Face: Now wait a minute, remember your oath as a deputy, not

The Bells of St. Mary's [3.11]

Face: But Hannibal, rules are made to be broken! Hannibal: Noses are also made to be broken, right, Face?

The Bells of St. Mary's [3.11]

Face: The bigger they are, The harder they fall. B.A: The bigger they are, the harder they hit!

The Grey Team [5.12]

[to Hannibal] No, you tell me right now, you tell me right to my face, you tell me that you don’t have a plan.