Hogan's Heroes

Master Sergeant Hans Schultz: [Seeing Newkirk in a Gestapo uniform] What a relief, if the Gestapo...Colonel Hogan...what is he doing in a uniform! Colonel Hogan please, oohhh you went too far. I must report this, it would be worth my life if I do not report this. Colonel Robert E. Hogan: It's only until tomorrow, then he's gonna take it off again. Schultz: Aahhh. Col. Robert E. Hogan: After he steals the tank. Schultz: Ohh... Col. Robert E. Hogan: From the panzer division. Schultz: Oohhh... Col. Robert E. Hogan: And brings it here into the barracks. Schultz: Oh, I see nothing! I was not here! I did not even get up this morning!

Hogan's Heroes, CC BY-SA 4.0

Schultz: Eine, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben...acht...neun...zehn... Col. Robert E. Hogan: Elf is next, eleven, Schultz. Schultz: I know how to count. Col. Robert E. Hogan: So do many of the young guards, I think it's how they're taught.

Hogan's Heroes, CC BY-SA 4.0

Colonel Wilhelm Klink: What an honor to have you here — General Hofstader: Where is my tank, Klink? Colonel Klink: Hasn't it come back yet? General Hofstader: No. Klink, I released a tank to you to put down a riot by prisoners. I see no riot, I see no tank! All I see is a Colonel about to become Corporal! Colonel Klink: Please, General — it will turn up! I have searched the barracks, the surrounding areas, the prisoners— General Hofstader: [sarcastically] The prisoners? Nobody had it in his pocket?! We are talking about a Tiger tank, Klink! Not a toy dump truck!

Hogan's Heroes, CC BY-SA 4.0

Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Steal a German tank?! Col. Robert E. Hogan: We'll give it back... after we take it apart and make blueprints of it. Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Well, how do we get ahold of it? Cpl. Louis LeBeau: How do we get it in here? Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Where are we going to hide a tank? Sgt. Andrew Carter: Where do we take it apart? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Look, I got the idea of stealing it, right? The rest is detail.

Hogan's Heroes, CC BY-SA 4.0

Col. Klink: Tell me, Schultz, which colonel is running this camp, Hogan or me? I sometimes wonder. Schultz: Me, too, Herr Komman… Col. Klink: I am the colonel who will sign your transfer for the Russian front. Schultz: Boy, are you running the camp! Klink: You said "aimed at England," yeah? Hogan: Mm-hmm Klink: For your information, half of the airfield of Hamburg is missing, destroyed! I must see Major Hauser at once. Maybe he has a better lie than yours. [grabs his hat and storms out of the room] Hogan: Another day, another rocket. Schultz: So, England, they made a big hole in Hamburg. [clicks tongue] Naughty naughty. Hogan: What could I do, Schultz? My aim is terrible when I'm in a hurry. [feeds him a grape]

Hogan's Heroes, CC BY-SA 4.0

Klink: I am well aware, Colonel Hogan, there is nothing you and your men would not do to try to undermine my position, even to have me replaced. Hogan: Replace you, are you kidding? We'd do anything to keep you here.

Hogan's Heroes, CC BY-SA 4.0